A/N: Well, here it is! Finally! I'm sorry it takes me so long to update, work is a bitch and inspiration comes short at times. I hope you enjoy, I hope you think it was worth the wait. Angsty. Thank you for reading! Please R&R.

(Since I was in a hurry to post it, it ain't checked. All mistakes are mine.)


"I- I don't know what to do anymore"

They were sitting opposite each other inside a small café they found nearby. Kurt ordered an espresso with foam and Rachel a "Tropical Fruits" hot tea and was currently doing circular movements with her spoon in it, trying to focus on something other than her emotions.

"I feel her slipping away Kurt, like she's drifting from me and I don't know how to stop it. At first I thought I was just imagining it and after a little while I thought it was like, a phase; you know how she's always been, she gets this moments where she locks herself inside her own little world only to snap out of it and she always talks to me. But she hasn't, she hasn't said a thing about it and, it's been a while. I mean, we both know she has never been the communicative type but we've been together for so long and she should've talked to me by now."

Kurt didn't know what else to do than to take a small sip of his coffee and nod, he was confused, he was definitely not expecting that. As far as he was concerned the girls were as in love with each other as they had always been. Quinn had always doted and adored Rachel and she had never been able to hide it. He couldn't wrap his head around Quinn being like Rachel was describing at the moment.

"Usually I am able to read her, there's always something that gives her away but now? Nothing. There's nothing Kurt. Either she hasn't noticed or she just doesn't care. And I refuse to believe either!"

Even though she was trying to hide it, her voice broke on that last statement and Kurt noticed it. He noticed her shift from pure sadness to frustration when she dropped her head in her hands and stomped her foot, actually she stomped her foot so hard she hit the table and almost knocked over their beverages.

"Ouch! Dammit"

The way her voice sounded it was impossible to deny she was crying now and Kurt's heart ached for her friend.

"Rachel, sweetie. Look at me."

His voice was soft, soothing and a bit sad as well.

"Come on Rachel. Please, look at me"

But she didn't move, and he noticed the subtle movement of her shoulders as she tried to hide the fact that she was crying. Contrary to popular belief Rachel didn't like to make a scene, not anymore, over the years she had learned that scenes were meant to be done on stage with an audience, but not in public. She hated crying, like really crying; tears streaming, breath hitching, sobbing, being unable to talk and trembling. She hated it, and she hated when she was unable to control herself. Kurt was aware of this, and he knew what she was trying to do, so he scooted closer to her until their shoulders were touching, he pulled her closer to him and shook her gently.

"Honey, there's no need for you to hold back. I'm here and no one else is paying attention, the place is basically empty. Besides, you should really take advantage of the fact that you can still do this sort of things without having paparazzi surrounding you."

She chuckled lightly at that and Kurt knew he had gotten through to her.

"I just miss her so much Kurt"

He put his arm around her and she allowed him, resting her head in his shoulder as silent tears now made their way from her eyes, to her cheeks, to his shirt.

"Sssh, honey. It will be ok. Everything will be ok. Just breathe, alright?"

/*/*/

"Well, are you going to answer that or not?"

Rachel was still holding on to the phone but hadn't pressed answer on the screen, she was not sure she wanted to talk to her, she wasn't even sure if she could at the moment, she hasn't talked to Quinn since earlier that day and, boy, that didn't go well at all. She wasn't sure she would be able to focus on the show if she took that call.

The phone stopped buzzing only to restart a couple of seconds after. She clutched the phone tight in her hand and, with a long sigh, she put it down and inside a drawer, closing her eyes as she closed it.

"Well, well…. Honey moon phase is finally over, huh?"

Rachel shot him a warning gaze throught the mirror, she definitely was not in the mood for that at the moment.

"What? It took you guys a while, you've been together since the beginning of time, it was only a matter of time for-"

"Don't you have someplace else to be Andrew? Other than here, in my dressing room, being annoying? For example, your own dressing room? Practicing? I am not carrying you out there tonight, and we both know you need to practice your high notes. So why don't you just go away now?"

She turned around so she was facing him istead of his reflection in the mirror and she pointed him to the door, he seemed shocked at her reaction.

"Ah come on Rachel, I was just joking. There's no need for you to react that way, seriously."

"Just leave Andrew, now."

After a small staring contest, and noticing Rachel wasn't backing out of what she said, he stood up and left her dressing room with only a quick glance back at her before closing the door.

There was a lump in her throat and she knew tears would soon follow, she couldn't rub her eyes because she could ruin her make up and she didn't have time to retouch it again, she still needed to get her costume and warm up before the show. She just looked up to the ceiling, asking for a little bit more strength.

"Everything will be ok. Just breathe"

She thought to her self before shaking all those feelings off and walking out and heading to the wardrobe room.

/*/*/

"How do you know that Kurt? How can you be so sure we are going to be ok? We are worlds apart! I don't… I can't even know what she's thinking half the time and she won't say anything. How are we going to be ok Kurt? Please, tell me because I honestly have no idea."

Rachel lifted up from her safety within his arms to look at him, and he almost felt like crying too, she looked just to sad, vulnerable and honestly clueless. She was lost and he couldn't acually do anything to help her.

"I can't answer that swettie, all I know is that I've never seen anyone more inlove than you two, you even beat Brittany and Santana and they are nauseating."

Rachel smiles a little at that, but her smile is contrasted by the tears still making their way down her cheeks, Kurt hands her a napkin.

"You managed to break into Quinn Fabray's walls, even if she's still a mystery to the rest of the world, you managed to break through. And she's the only one who can stop you from talking yourself into anxiety attacks over small things. We've all seen it and stuff like that, it doesn't just go away over night."

Rachel is cleaning the remains of tears off of her face but she smiles sadly at the sweet words her friend is giving her. She wants to believe in those words, she needs to but she's not sure she does anymore.

"I want to believe you Kurt, I want to so desperately… But I can't, I don't know, I just… I am not sure. It has been known to happen, marriages of decades suddenly ending, "perfect couples" breaking up out of the blue. And we all know Quinn and I are not the definition of a perfect couple."

"Well, you know what they say. Opposites attract, and you are opposites. You are unperfectly perfect for each other."

"Thanks but, I don't know. I just wish I knew what to do or what to say to get her to at least open up to me. Even if it would mean us breaking up, I just want her to talk to me. I even spent the whole day yesterday doing things she liked, cooking her breakfast, making an early dinner, buying movies. Everything! And even that backfired!"

She was getting angry and frustrated again and she needed to calm down, she was going to wear herself down and she still had to perform that day, so she tried taking a deep breath.

"Well Rachel, you can't expect it to be ok in just a day you know? Maybe you just need to try a little harder, maybe take another day-"

"Why should I be the one trying Kurt? Why should I be the one making the effort and wooing? Why me when she's the one pulling away?!"

Rachel's mood had finally settled in one emotion; anger.

Why should she be the one straining herself, doing over the top gestures, when it wasn't her the one throwing everything away? Why was it always her the first one to give in?

"Why does it have to be me Kurt? Why does it have to be me the one who always cares the most? She should be the one trying! She should be the one wooing me again! Not me."

Kurt is left speechles and Rachel feels exhaustment falling over her, suddenly she can't muster anything but a whisper to come out.

"Not me Kurt. Why doesn't she care anymore?"

Kurt takes the strands of hair of Rachel's eyes and gently strokes her hair, he honestly doesn't know what to say to make it better. All he knows is that she is right, if Quinn is the one pulling away then she should be the one making the biggest effort.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Rachel becomes aware of the time and realizes she needs to be in the theatre in an hour and a half and she still needs to go back to her place to pick up her stuff.

"I have to go Kurt, thank you for always listening to me"

She gives him a small kiss on the temple and turns away.

"Hey! Rachel! There's nothing to thank, we're friends."

She throws a little smile at him and mouths "I love you" which he mouths back as he watches her walk away, he notices how tired she looks and he feels bad he can't do anything else to help her.

/*/*/

Rachel was trapped inside the whirlwind that is backstage, between getting her hair done and getting her costume she had managed to finally free herself from conflicting emotions. Performing was the only thing that could completely take her to another place and make her forget, if only for a little while. Maybe that's why she loves it so much.

Suddenly she was getting her curtain call and as soon as she was in place and the curtains rose everything else other than that moment was let go of.. or at least they were pushed back until later.

By the end of the first act Rachel was feeling a little bit more energized, maybe she really was like Tinkerbell, she didn't just need applause to live but also it gave her energy. The lights went out, the curtains fell and Rachel was full of adrenaline, how she loved being on stage!

"Ok everyone! 15 minutes for the second act! 15 minutes!"

15 minutes was basically all the time it took to retouch hair and make up, get into the second act costume and drink some water. Almost time measured, it was exactly the time it took Rachel to be ready.

The second act, even if it was shorter, was always the most intense, first act consisting on the main characters falling in love, discovering each other, setting the plot for the villain and building opportunities but the second act is where it all seems to be crashing down around them, a moment of hopelesness was coming and Rachel feared she wasn't going to be able to deliver. Not that it had any resemblance to what she was going through at the moment but the feelings remain the same and her heart is very sensitive and her emotions are overflowing her and if she's always been good at something is channeling her own feelings into the songs and dialogues she delivers, which has always been a advantage for her… but at that moment it felt as if it was going to backfire.

The notes began, the melody rose and she knew the moment was coming up, the sad song follows suit and her heart stuttered… but she didn't. She didn't choke, she didn't falter, she didn't fall. It came out extraordinarily heartbreaking and natural and she got a standing ovation, it's a little ironic, she thought, because for the first time she was not aiming for the applause.

Last scene, everything is alright again, the main characters valiantly fought for their love and prevailed. The lights went out and she fell out of character, but the lights came back on as they received the rest of their applause before the curtain falling definitely marking the end of the show and Rachel suddenly felt tired. She waved goodbye to her castmates, sharing kind words as she walked back to her dressing room. Got out of her costume, let her hair down and sat infront of the mirror to remove her make up. Once she is freed of everything she finally recongnizes the person staring back at her, she finally felt as she looked, tired. All she wants to do is get home.

When Rachel got back home she found Quinn sitting on the couch, head on her hands systematically rubbing her temples, evidently her headache was still there.

She leanded into the door frame watching intently at Quinn, she looked exhausted just like she felt and Rachel felt her heart letting go of the anger and replacing it with sadness, she left her stuff on the kitchen counter and went to sit besides Quinn.

"Hey"

Her voice was low because she didn't have strenght to talk any louder.

"Are you ok?"

There was no spoken response, only a quivering exhalation and she felt her shoulders drop.

"I take it that your headache has not gone away, has it?"

"No, not really"

Quinn's voice was raspy and low and at that moment Rachel decided no good would come of trying to talk things at that moment. It didn't matter how angry she was at the moment with Quinn, she would always want her to be alright and to take care of her. Maybe she did love too much, but that was the way she was, that was the way she loved.

Quinn hid her face further into her hands, her hair fell to her face and when Rachel placed it behind her ear she noticed a couple of tears rolling down Quinn's face and surrendered completely, at least for the night.

"Hey, lets go to bedroom ok? I'll get the water running and we'll each take a hot shower and then go to sleep, alright?"

"Yeah, that sounds perfect actually"

Rachel stood up and gave Quinn a quick kiss on the side of her head and extended her hand for Quinn to take.

"Come on, lets go"

Her hand closed around Quinn's as she stood up too, their eyes were about to meet when a buzzing on the coffee table stopped them, Quinn's phone was the only option since Rachel's was still inside her purse, only it wasn't. When Rachel looked over at the table she saw a phone she didn't recognize.

"Quinn? Whose phone is that?"

"Its … Uhm… Its mine."

"… Oh, ok then."

They stared at each other, Rachel wanted to say something but she was cut off by the phone buzzing again and Quinn grunted.

"Let me just… Let me just answer that."

She let go of Rachel's hand and her posture was suddenly tense as she reached for the buzzing phone.

"Hey. Yeah, no, yeah, I'm fine. Yes. I'm gonna go now ok? Yeah she's here. Yeah I know. Ok, thanks. You too, bye"

With a heavy sigh, she let down the phone slowly and turned to look at an obviously confused, and slightly upset, Rachel.

"Rach…"

"Where did that phone come from Quinn?"

Quinn sat down on the couch once again, rubbing her hands against the jeans she was wearing before running them through her hair.

"Hey, why don't you sit down too Rach? Please."

"No, Quinn. I will not sit down. Why do you have another phone?"

"Rachel, just, come here. Please, I'll explain"

Rachel's arms were now folded against her chest as she visibly started to get angry.

"Explain what? Why do you have …. Wait, but you called me earlier from your old number, how? How did… Are you cheating on me Quinn?"

"What!? Where did that come from?"

"DON'T!… Don't play with me Quinn. Just answer me."

At this point, Quinn was on her feet again trying to get close to Rachel who only kept on walking further away with every step.

"Rachel, where is this coming from?"

"Well, just to start, it has been a long time since you've been yourself, since you've been yourself with me to the extend that I had yesterday planned down to the second so that we could spend some real time together! Then here I am thinking that we had a great day, you even got me flowers which you hadn't in a while, only to have you disappear all morning refusing to tell me what where you doing! And now you have another phone that I had never seen before Quinn, yet you called me from your old one? Why do you have two different phones? Why? And who was that who just called you? Don't touch me Quinn! Just answer me! Who was that on the phone? Why do you have two different phones!?"

Brown eyes were filling with tears and Quinn finally stoped chasing after her, they were no more that 5 steps away from each other but at the moment they might as well have been on different countries. Rachel's arms still folded infront of her chest, tears filling her eyes as she tried to control her breathing. Quinn's left arm had fallen to her side and her right one was rubbing at her neck as she tried to maintain eye contact, her voice low and clear.

"It is not what you think Rachel, I would never cheat on you! I just-"

"You what Quinn? Because, you're saying something but it really doesn't look like it."

Quinn closed her eyes and the hand on her neck made its way to her temple, her headache was getting worse and she was trying to stay calm.

"If you could just let me explain Rachel, let me talk."

Quinn searched for Rachel's eyes to make eye contact and waited until Rachel looked back at her to continue talking.

"I'm sorry I made you think that, ok? But please be sure that is not the case, I have never, nor would I ever cheat on you. I just, I didn't say anything earlier because I didn't want you to worry ok? I-"

"You what!? You what Quinn? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND JUST TALK ALREADY!"

"I GOT ROBBED OK!?"

Rachel's eyes suddenly grew and her jaw slackened a little as the shock hit her.

"That's it! I got fucking robbed and I had to get a new phone! And I have the same fucking number because I annoyed the store personel until they gave me it!"

/*/*/

When Rachel got back to the apartment, she saw Quinn sitting on the couch, her back completely pressed against the back cushions and her fingers rubbing circles at her her temple, she obviously had a bad heachache. Rachel hated it when Quinn got headaches because they could stay there for days at a time, but still the anger from earlier didn't quite leave her.

"Hello Quinn"

The blond girl sitting on the couch just hummed in response, just to let Rachel know she heard her. Rachel walked towards the kitchen, opening a couple of cabinets until she found some aspirins and got a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Here, take these, maybe they will help a little bit"

She put the pills and the bottle of water on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen to fetch a bottle for herself. Slowly, Quinn sat up straight and reached blindly for the pills, her eyes were closed as the light was bothering her quite a lot.

Rachel watched her from the kitchen and wondered what could've caused such a heachache on her.

"I've been worried sick about you Quinn. You didn't answer my messages and you didn't answer your phone, and you never called me back. Where were you?"

"I'm sorry Rach, I didn't mean to worry you. I was… caught up."

The hoarsness in the woman's tone was evident, the tiredness and headache were imprinted all over her voice. Rachel studied her, trying to decide whether to push it or not, she saw Quinn's eyes were still closed and decided to let her be, for the time being, deciding on taking a shower instead. She stood up and passed by the place where they hung up their purses and bags and noticed Quinn's wasn't there. She eye searched the space for any sign of Quinn's belongings, failing to find them.

"Where is your stuff Quinn?"

She did a 360 turn in her spot, eyeing every spot carefully, trying to find them.

"Your bag, and your coat?"

Quinn's eyes were still closed and there were no words being spoken on her side. Finally, she spotted a golden key on the coffee table, next to where Quinn had laid down her water. A key without a keychain.. It must've been teir spare key. But, why did Quinn needed the spare key?

"Quinn, did you use the spare key to get in?"

Rachel stepped closer and grabbed the key to better look at it.

"Well, it is obvious you did, why else would it be here? But, why? Where is all your stuff Quinn?"

"Rachel. Not now, please."

"What do you mean 'not now' Quinn? You've been MIA all morning while I was torn betweet being extremely angry and inmensely worried, I come home and I find you like this, and all you have to say is 'not now'?"

Rachel's voice had gotten louder and a little bit hysterical, her eyes fixed on Quinn as if she was trying to look right through her. But Quinn hadn't opened her eyes nor had she moved at all, making Rachel just that more upset. If there was one thing Rachel hated when she was trying to communicate with someone, it was being ignored.

"I am talking Quinn, you should at least have the decency to look me in the eyes."

"Rachel, please."

Quinn's voice was an exhausted plea, and where it had been any other day Rachel would have obliged. But not that day, if she was honest, she had been building up for a long time and this was the result.

"No Quinn, I want answers. I deserve answers. What is going on? Where have you been? Why didn't you answer or called or sent smoke signs or something? Where are your things? What the hell is going on Quin!?"

She didn't even realize she was yelling until the echo of her voice bounced all over the silent apartment, her cheast rising up and down quickly as her breathing became more shallow, tears stinging in her eyes.

Quinn let her hands fall and got up from the couch, finally making eye contact with Rachel, hazel eyes were dull with tiredness.

Rachel's breathing started to normalize and she spoke louder, softer.

"What happened Quinn? Where were you? Talk to me, don't shut me out anymore."

By the end of the sentence Rachel's words where barely something louder than a whisper, but Quinn didn't cave, she didn't move, and her voice was low but final.

"No Rachel, I said not now."

Silence.

There was nothing but silence for a few minutes, just the two of them looking at each other, both unwilling to yield, but both wanting the other one to.

Finally Rachel gave up, throwing her hands in the air.

"Fine Quinn. Whatever."

She quickly grabbed what she needed to take to the theatre and left without even a second glance at Quinn.

/*/*/

After half a second of being quiet Quinn realizes what she just said and covers her mouth with her hand as Rachel's arms fall to her sides. Neither can speak and it feels as if the room has run out of air, suddenly it feels constricting, as if the walls are closing in on them. It is obvious that Rachel is struggling with conflicting emotions at the moment and Quinn wishes she could redo those last minutes all over again.

After what seemed an eternity Quinn can't take the silence anymore, exhaling loudly through her nose she attempts to come close to Rachel once again, only to have the girl walk away from her.

"Rach…"

"Wait, Quinn. You were robbed? Robbed? How? When? Did they hurt you?"

"I'm fine. Rach-"

"When?"

"Rachel, does that even matter?"

Rachel's eyes were harsh on Quinn, she was right on the edge of losing her temper.

"When? Quinn"

"This morning, after classes, on the way here."

Quinn's head fell to the side and she diverted her gaze from Rachel's, now glossy, eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me, Quinn?"

"I didn't want you to worry Rachel"

Quinn looked tired and defeated and Rachel snorted and crossed her arms again.

"Yeah! Well, you did a wonderful job at that huh? That was definitely the right choice to make. Because I obviously did not worry at all! I mean, being here all morning, waiting to hear from you and receiving nothing but silence as I texted you over and over again… Yeah Quinn, I did not worry at all. You should give yourself a pat in the back for that marvelous decision."

Rachel's eyes were all but flodded with tears, but she wouldn't cry again. She was angry at Quinn, just as she was worried, but she was more hurt than anything. Quinn had been robbed, she could've been hurt, she could've been killed. Why didn't Quinn say anything?

"Why didn't you say anything Quinn?"

"I am fine, nothing happened."

"I deserved to know Quinn."

Shinny brown eyes fixed on tired hazel one, as they measured each other. Both pairs were being slowly floded by tears. Rachel swallowed hard, trying not to let her voice tremble, and failing.

"You should have told me Quinn."

Finally, a single tear ran down.

"What for Rachel? What was the point of telling you? It's not like there was anything you could've done, it's not like you could've helped or fixed it. I'm fine, nothing happened. There's nothing to worry about."

Well if Rachel had been trying not to lose it, her battle had just been lost. She felt a lot of different emotions all at once, worry, anger, reject, disbelief, sadness, hurt.

"I suppose just being with you, maybe not to talk and definitely not to fix it. But just trying to comfort you, means nothing then. Maybe I mean nothing then."

Quinn's eyes grew as soon as she realized the implications of her words. She hadn't meant it like that, but it was obvious why Rachel had thought so.

"Come on Rachel! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Then what did you mean Quinn? What on earth did you mean!? Because from where I am standing that is exactly what you wanted to say."

She was full on crying now, her arms no longer crossed infront of her but both her palms pressed against her chest. The situation was too much like earlier that day and it kept summing up with all of the other feelings she had been trying to hide.

"By all means, tell me Quinn. What did you mean?"

Quinn was desperate, she kept opening and closing her mouth trying to say something, trying to reassure Rachel but nothing came out. She kept trying to think of something to say but seeing and hearing the girl infront of her, she couldn't, she couldn't say anything, she couldn't think.

"You've been distant, you've been forgetfull, you've been quiet around me and now you've been hiding things from me? What is it Quinn? Do you not love me anymore? Is that it? Because if it is that then you should just come out and say it because this is worse, this is more painful than you actually saying it."

"Rachel, don't be silly. Of course I…"

"NO! Don't… Don't say you love me Quinn. Because it doesn't feel like it, it doesn't seem like it."

"Rach, come on. Don't you think, maybe you're overreacting a little bit?"

Full stop. As soon as the words left her mouth, Quinn realized she had just messed things up even more.

"Rach, I didn't mean… I'm sorry. I just, I don't understand! I'm sorry I kept it from you, it was wrong and it was selfish but I just didn't want you to be thinking about it all day, I didn't want you to get scared or worried over something that can't be undone. I'm ok, nothing happened. I don't understand where all this is coming from. I'm Sorry Rachel, I am."

Rachel had closed her eyes, too tight perhaps, her breathing was quick and shallow and Quin fear she might hyperventilate she was shaking so hard.

"But, that hardly means I don't love you Rachel. Why are you saying that? I don't understand."

"I know."

The voice was strained, tired, too low. There was obvious hurt in it and Quinn felt suddenly cold.

"I know you don't understand Quinn, and maybe that makes it even worse. You haven't even realized, you don't notice anymore."

Taking the advantage that Rachel's eyes were still closed, Quinn walked up to the girl until she could feel her fast breaths. She caressed the distraught girl's cheek with her hand and almost cried when she leaned to the touch, biting her lip trying not to cry. It was the second time in two days she had made her cry without knowing why.

"Rachel,please don't cry. Please."

Quinn could feel Rachel's tears on her hand and she took the other side of her face with her free hand, trying to get the girl to look at her, trying to see those big brown eyes and maybe understand what was Rachel feeling. Tears of her own escaping, making her voice tremble, making it hard to speak.

"Talk to me. Make me understand, let me fix this. What am I missing? What am I not seeing sweetie?"

Sweetie

Rachel broke, she let out a sob and, to Quinn's surprise, she leaned in and kissed her. A wet kiss from all the tears that were being shed, a desperate kiss with a desperate hold on the blond girl's hair. A sad kiss that broke Quinn too.

Contrary to the unexpected way the kiss started, its end was marked. It started quickly and sudden but ended slowly and painfully. Rachel slowly opened her eyes and looked deep into Quinn's teary ones.

"Me, Quinn. You're not seeing me."

Rachel let her hands roam until they fell unceremonously at her sides, and walked past Quinn and into the bedroom. Quinn froze, she couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. It took her half a minute ro regain her functions, by then Rachel was almost inside their bedroom and she ran to catch her.

"Rachel, I -"

"Not now Quinn. Not now."

There was a fraction of second of eye contact before Rachel entered the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Leaving Quinn standing alone for the second time that day.