I feel so dizzy, like, like some grotesque metaphor-like dizzy. I...I...-blargh-...dammit, no vomit! Where's the vomit? Oh, right. Geez, am I dead? But, but I don't want to be dead! Please God/Buddha/Shiva/Odin/Zeus/Cthulhu/whatever the real afterlife deity is, all those times I said I wanted to die was an act! Mostly! Just let me live! I don't deserve to die! What's this? A LIGHT! NOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE, NOT THE L-Oh wait, it's just my vision. Thank you merciful God(s)! I can see! I CAN SEE! I CAN-NOOOOOOOOOO! It's that obsessive nerd with a bad, puzzling hairdo and that green alien dork whose brain might as well be ham! Wait, if I died, I would've been with Tak! Curse you cruel God(s)! What, OH MY GOD(S)! I see her! It's a miracle! She's alive! And...and, she's much smaller. They're all smaller...
~Earlier That Day~
"Dib! Gaz has told me that you plan on going into space to chase your imaginary sci-fi demons again!"
The yell came from a floating monitor with an image of Dib's father. Image, not video. Due to the busy nature of Membrane's current project only audio was available, but he sent a still image to make up for it, not like Dib cared much anyway. He was in the middle of packing his stuff for his intergalactic quest while Zim and Tak were putting on the finishing touches of the Dibship.
"They're called aliens, dad."
"What do foreigners have to do with this, Dib? And that still doesn't change the subject, I need an answer young man!"
"I'm a...getting into the field of Astronomy."
"Good son! You've finally taken an interest in real science. Don't worry, daughter, your brother is only going to study giant flaming balls of gas, nothing to worry about. Now if you'll excuse me kids, I have to discover a deadly new virus, cure it, then add another wing to the science institute in memory to those who died of it. Have fun now. Oh, remember to put some bread in the toaster!"
"Why are you even helping Zim?" Gaz started, "What happened to hating him for five years?"
"Oh trust me, Gaz, I still hate him, a lot, but I've been given a chance here. Finally, I'll get surefire proof of alien life forms. No one will call me crazy anymore! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Yeah, too bad you'll never get to go."
"Maybe. Zim said he had something prepared for you."
"Something?"
"I dunno, he didn't tell me. Got me kind of worried though, something that could force you has got to be scary."
"He can't hurt me."
"I don't think it's some sort of physical torture, maybe a bribe, or worse blackmail, but your secrets seem like the type that are better left unsaid."
"I don't have any secrets."
"But you keep a diary, don't you?"
"It's not a diary, it's a Vendetta List, so I can keep track of all the people I need to hurt, and how many times I need to do it."
"But you still write daily events in it, don't you?"
"Yea-wait, how do you even know I had something like a diary?"
"Uh, brother's intuition?"
"Dib, you looked at it, didn't you?!"
"Please, Gaz, it was an accident! I was only looking for my Mysterious Mysteries DVD!"
Outside, a tired green Irken had finally finished the Dibship's "upgrade". His plan to invade Irk was finally coming into fruition. Now all he had to do was wait for his new, hated ally, Dib.
"Boy, was that tiring. Skoodge, I require amusement! Go hurt Dib or something."
"Yes, sir!" answered Skoodge.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the very audible scream had come from inside. It was undeniably Dib's scream.
"Good work, Skoodge. I am pleased with you actions."
"Thank you, Zim," Skoodge replied despite not doing anything.
"I love you too, Skoodge!" shouted Gir, "You remind me of a piggy. I love piggies."
"Thank you, Si-"
"Just like a piggy."
"Th-"
"A PIGGY!" The crazed robot started inching towards Skoodge, much to his confusion.
"Um, Sir unit?"
"PIGGEH!" Gir tackled the little green Irken. He was toying with Skoodge as if it were his other rubber piggies.
"Oh right," Zim said, "Gir gets like that sometimes when he's deprived of his pig for a few days."
"OW-How do we get him to stop?!" Skoodge asked.
"Usually I just drop him off at Bloaty's for the day."
"How can we-ARGH!-stop this"
"I dunno, I never watch him. I just come back later. Of course, there's always a mushroom cloud whenever I come back, but I blame that on the filthy nourishment served there."
"This hurts, Zim!"
"Suck it up, Invader, you are Irken! You are strong!"
"Yes sir! I will cease my cries of pain!"
"Tak! Are you done in there?" The female Irken had been inside the Dibship for hours, mostly to put away all the supplies and work on interior construction. She poked her head out with Mimi by her side.
"Shut up! Do you realize the complexity of making an Irken ship of this size! The fact that we made one in this short amount of time is a wonder itself! Especially factoring in your stu-"
"Blah, blah, blah, just make sure everything works."
"Someday I'll vaporize you, Zim."
"Not if I vaporize myself first!"
"...Idiot."
The door to the house burst open to reveal a broken and battered Dib, his shirt was torn, his jacket had slash marks, his body littered with bruises and scratches, his face had some blood spots, and half of his ponytail thing was ripped off. He threw his bag of supplies forward and then collapsed on the ground.
Zim stared for a moment before remarking, "You did a really good job, Skoodge."
"Thank you, Sir," Skoodge said while still undergoing Gir's torture.
"Hey, it's the hippo boy!" Gir screamed, "And he's got fruit punch!"
"Zim," Dib said weakly, "Gaz is a fierce hell spawn sent by Hades, I hope...I hope whatever you have planned for her works cause otherwise...you're dead...ten times over."
"Ha! Rest assured you fat-headed monkey filth, my plans always work!"
"Again with the...name...calling...my head is not that big..."
"Dib, just because you repeat something doesn't make it true. Now marvel at the glory that is the Dibship 2.0D!"
"I can see it, Zim, it's as big as...my house, how could...I miss it? And what's the 'D' for?"
"DOOM! That's how you strike fear into your opponents, Dib. By naming everything Doom! Tak! Get out here!"
"What do you want now, Zim?" she replied.
"We will now commence the testing of stealth!"
"You mean that stupid cloaking unit you installed?"
"Stupid cloaking unit of brilliance! Now activate the power." Tak took out a device containing several buttons and pressed the big green button in the center. The ship slowly lit up, then a loading screen with a monkey eating berries appeared on the front of the Dibship.
"MONKEY!" Gir shouted, he then ran to hug the screen, leaving an unconscious Skoodge.
"What's with the monkey?" Dib asked.
"For some reason this keeps appearing on all my stuff. It's entrancing for some reason, I would ignore it but I can't stop staring," Zim answered. After an uncountable amount of minutes, the monkey had disappeared and the screen flash 100%.
"Do you think he'll notice the size difference?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Dibship had uttered his first word since his upgrade.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"What have you done with me?! I'm a monster, a horrible monster! My head, I never thought it could get any bigger! My nightmare is real and has begun! Now I have more emo material to write about. I must write a poem now!" The Dibship made grunts and attempted to move only to discover a new upgrade to himself, "I can't move!"
"Of course," Zim said, "I can't have you fly away before we begin our space travel, so I essentially disabled you."
"So now I'm obese and a paraplegic? It's like my emo factor got cranked up to 11! I can't even cut my own wires! At least I got to see the face of my beloved one more time."
"What a disgusting piece of metal," Tak replied.
"No barriers of disgust can deny our love, my beloved!"
"I don't get why you didn't replace the personality," Dib asked.
"Oh we wanted to, Dib," Zim said, "but me and Tak couldn't agree on whose personality to download onto it."
"I'd kill you then myself before I listen to two versions of you," Tak said.
"Silence, just activate the cloaking device." Tak pressed another button on the device. Almost instantly the Dibship was transformed into its masterful disguise.
"A GIANT SMILEY FACE?! MY DISGUISE IS A GIANT 32-BIT SMILEY FACE?!" screamed the Dibship. "WHAT HAPPENED TO INVISIBILITY OR SOMETHING?!"
"Everyone expects an invisible ship," Zim said, "But no one would ever suspect a smiley face to be a HARBINGER OF DOOM!"
"I. HATE. MY. LIFE."
"Mhm, of course you do. Is this your stuff, Dib-worm? This small amount for an intergalactic journey?"
"It was all I could fit into that bag," Dib said.
"This is where my superior intellect will glow, Dib. Tak! Activate the giant sucking tube!"
"Ay ay, moronic captain," she answered. She pressed a button and a giant, snake-like tube jetted out and plugged itself into the window of Dib's house.
"It's a new feature I added, it will suck up any substance! It's quite versatile too, so it can do ANYTHING!"
"Hey Zim," Dib said, "About that room..."
What Dib had said was still lingering in Gaz's mind. It wasn't so much as this item Zim prepared to force her with that she was thinking about, but rather that Zim had the balls to threaten or blackmail her, even after what she had done to him. She considered that one of Zim's better qualities, one of the very, very few, but still, NO ONE THREATENS OR BLACKMAILS HER. At least, not if they don't want to die so badly that even their soul would shatter. However, she was still curious as to what it was Zim was planning. She wasn't worried about threats, she would make sure she lived long enough to payback Zim if it was, but blackmail was a different story.
Despite common belief, Gaz was still a human girl, so she had her share of secrets too. She did keep a dia-er-Vendetta List that record daily events, it was true that she used it to keep track of who to payback and how hard, but she usually just records her daily events, so it wasn't used for its main purpose a lot. She also wrote down some of her inner, personal thoughts on the side.
It couldn't be, she thought, I don't write anything down on the list that would be used for blackmail, at least, I don't think there's anything. If Zim did take it...
Gaz would rather have been safe than sorry. She rushed to her room, locked the door and opened the drawer that contained her list. It wasn't there. She tore apart her room in a frantic search to make sure she just didn't misplace it. She couldn't believe that Zim would've been able to take it.
Suddenly, a giant tube came through an open window and started sucking up everything inside. Gaz hung onto her bed to avoid getting sucked in, but she watched helplessly as her clothes, books, stuffed animal drones get sucked up by the large hose.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT WAS HER ROOM?!" Zim shook Dib violently.
"WELL, SOMEONE NEVER BOTHERED TO ASK WHETHER THAT WAS MY ROOM!" Dib shouted.
"TAK! SHUT IT OFF NOW!"
Tak was watching the predicament taking place before her with a feeling of glee. Nothing puts a smile on that Irken face of her's like a frantic Zim.
"Yeah, okay." She slowly turned the hose off. It retracted and Gaz popped out the window.
"ZIM, YOU'RE DEAD!" She screamed in furious anger.
"QUICK," Zim yelled frantically, "UNLOCK THE SHIP SO WE CAN LEAVE!" He didn't care anymore if Gaz didn't want him to go, he did not want to face a pissed off Gaz again. He would rather face her later than now.
Tak did not want to miss a chance of seeing Zim horribly brutalized, so she stalled for time by slowly pressing the buttons to unlock the ship.
"Anything you say, Captain." One by one she would press the buttons, to Zim it was like one minute had passed by with each button press, cause one minute really did go by as each button was pressed. "Oh darn, I inputted the wrong code."
"FOR THE LOVE OF MY IRKEN SKIN, ENTER THE CODE! GIR DEFENSIVE MODE!" Hoping Gir would finally actually activate its defensive mode, the robot gave a salute and turned red, before deactivating. It was too late anyway, the front door slammed open showing a very angry Gaz with a metal bat in hand. She slowly approached Zim. He froze as he watched his life flash before his eyes. Tak even left the ship to get a closer look.
Gaz lifted the bat, poised in position to strike before Zim suddenly yelled "PEACE OFFERING! PEACE OFFERING!" He waved a purple and green GameSlave in Gaz's face, stunned by what it was, she dropped the bat and grabbed it.
"Is this what I think it is?" She asked.
"If you think it is an embodiment of Irken genius, then YES!" Zim said while regaining composure. "I thought if I fixed the reason you were angry at me in the first place, I would null the contract and I would leave."
"No, it wouldn't."
"But it's even better than what if was before! Gaze at the device now known as Ultra GameSlave 3: Irken Doom Version! It works with all the other games you have and I put some games in the storage unit in the back."
He was right, she had pressed the button in the back that held the game cartridges to reveal several game titles: Vampire Piggy Slayer IV, Myth of Telza: A Bond to the Future, Lokemon, Hyper Venny World, Demons Could Weep, Angel Wings, Hyper Road Brawler IV, etc. Pretty much every title she ever had a desire to play was there. Gaz was in disbelief, she never got presents she actually liked from other people, well technically Zim wasn't a person so she still didn't, she would usually have to buy things herself. Everyone else avoided her, which she wanted, but this surprise was still...nice.
"Thanks," She mumbled.
"Since I was planning to leave, I used every remaining amount of your human paper I had for it. So can I go?"
"Sure," Gaz was still looking at all the games that were there. Zim then handed her a bag that contained more.
"All right, everyone, to the ship!" Zim walked away with a smile knowing nothing would stop his departure. Skoodge carried a deactivated Gir into the ship. Dib followed, with a look of disbelief after witnessing his sister say "Thanks" to Zim.
"That's it?" Tak yelled, "All that build-up and not even one injury? You humans are such mushy flesh-bags."
"Reminds me of our love, Tak," said the Dibship.
"I'll make sure to vaporize you too," Tak then walked into the ship with Mimi.
The crewmen had gathered and Zim had activated the thrusters that would take him to space. He set the course on auto-lock towards the first fueling station in space to make sure the Dibship wouldn't change its course. Dib watched Zim's motions, hoping to learn about interplanetary flight from watching him. Dib had asked Zim to keep the cockpit open so he could get one last good look at Earth before he left for a while. Zim, however kept it open for other plans. The ship rose slowly. Meanwhile, Tak was on the opposite side of the ship, looking out at the wasteland of a rock called Earth, smiling happily as she wouldn't be stranded there any longer.
"Soon, it will happen. HAHAHAHAHAHA-"
Dib whispered to Zim, "Are we really bring her along?"
"You see, Dib, this is all part of my master plan," he replied.
"HAHAHAHAHA-AHHHHHHH-" Tak was laughing maniacally when an object struck her and caused her to be launched out the ship. The object turned out to be Skoodge, who smiled at the thought of being useful to Zim. Seeing this, Mimi turned around only to collide with a flying Gir, launching Mimi out of the ship as well.
"Good shot, Dib-worm." The duo had smiles on there faces, knowing they won't have to bear with Tak for a long time. For once the two laughed with each other.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LOVE!" Yelled the Dibship.
"Cease your screams, at least I gave you more stuff to be emo about."
"Can I write a poem at the next stop."
"Yeah, whatever."
Meanwhile, Gaz had broken out of the trance-like state of amazement after looking at her new game system. She then pressed the on button, waiting to be immersed into her games, however the screen remained black. She was confused, then she checked the back.
"That idiot forgot the batteries!" She said, now ticked because Zim was leaving at this very moment.
Tak had landed face first on the ground, she was still conscious and got up, very pissed.
"FOOLS!" She yelled, "I'll just use my grappling hook to get back on the shi-" Tak was beamed by Mimi who fell from the ship after her. This time, she was knocked unconscious. Gaz saw her chance, she had seen Tak's grappling hook in action before, so she ripped it from Tak's arm and used it. The hook had caught on to the inside of the ship and Gaz started climbing up. Dib and Zim were shocked by the hook, thinking it was Tak, Zim ordered the cockpit to be closed.
"Wait," said Dib, "It's Gaz!"
"That's worse than Tak! Maybe!" Zim said.
Gaz climbed into the ship, grabbing Zim and said, "You stupid idiot, Zim, you forgot the batteries."
"I did? Oh right," Zim reached into his fake hair and pulled out two double As. Dib and Gaz stared at Zim for pulling stuff out of his wig. "What, it functions as a containment unit too."
Gaz placed the batteries into the system and turned it on. "Alright, now take me back to earth."
"I can't," Zim said. "Auto-lock is set so no one, not even the pilot, can change its course. I did this to make sure Gir wouldn't do anything stupid as usual."
"Wait, so I'm stuck here?"
"You're stuck here?!"
In unison, Gaz and Zim yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as the ship's cockpit closed and flew into space. Thus beginning the interplanetary adventure.
Hours later, Tak had regained consciousness. She grabbed Mimi who was lying next to her and opened her Sir unit's head. A screened popped out showing a figure bathe in shadows. No features could have been made out, as his shadow was just a cape, but with eyes.
"I'm sorry, sir," Tak said, "I was kicked off the ship."
The figure spoke in a smooth, velvety voice that was like chocolate to the ears and with a Spanish accent.
"It matters not, Tak, did you place el bicho on la ship?"
"You mean the bug, right?"
"Yes."
"I did, sir."
"Then la plan will still continue. I'll send for your pick-up."
"Huh, what, sorry, I was distracted by your voice. It's hard to get used to."
"I get that a lot, but focus, do you have el diario?"
"I have it right here." Tak took out a notebook from her pocket. It was purple and black and was heavily locked. The cover only had one word: Vendetta.
