BETA NOTES:
Hey! Were you picking on me with that 'crazy pairing'/'random humor' slight?
And yeah… her flatmate should be Dil or Suzie. After all, O.Cs this late in a fic, suck.
Great chapter by the way… really love the dynamics between them… the catching up… so easy to read.
Will be waiting on edge for the next one.
AUTHOR NOTES:
SOOO!
You all seemed to like the last CTHM update, despite cheesy soap-opera cliff-hanger dramatics.
Sorry about that…I'm still in my 'cliff-hanger' writing stage. Be glad I aint gone into some 'crazy pairing' or 'random humour' writing stage.
So…yea. I dunno…I feel this is going to end up really typical or something. I bet you can see the ending a mile off. Yup.
If you review, I want you to tell me what you think is going to happen.
Ok…so…off I go then.
I own nothing 'cept your soul.
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Chuckie's eye twitched. The world suddenly slowed until a second became a minute. All sense of external feeling vanished. He found that he couldn't speak. He could only look at the woman on the floor, into her eyes, at the truth that lay there.
"Excuse me?" He heard his voice echo.
Kimi slowly, shakily, began climbing to her feet. She was trying to keep her eyes away from Chukie, but she couldn't. The look in his eyes…it was like she'd answered a question he'd spent years asking, yet, he was weary, as if now that he had the chance at the answer, he was hesitant to really know.
"You're…you're Chuckie Finster and I'm Kimi Finster. Our parents got married when we were just babies." She got to her feet, refusing to look over at the counter and still holding her hands to her chest in some subconscious form of protection. "Don't you…don't you remember?"
Chuckie's eyes narrowed in though and confusion, he looked down, trying to think. His last name was Finster? He had always known it started with an F, but he could never fully recall it. But Finster did sound familiar, so did the name Kimi. He had some flashes of memory in his mind, but they seemed…far away, parts missing, no sound, static picture, like a bad film.
Chuckie slowly raised a hand to his hair, running it bit by bit though his messy red locks. "I…I think I know you. We…went somewhere…the Eiffel Tower." He frowned at this odd part of his memory, but it was defiantly a memory.
Kimi could feel a smile twitch at her lips and her eyes widen. "Yes! Yes we did, we went on holiday there a few times!"
Chuckie's eyes closed, the memories were becoming blurrier and blurrier as he'd aged in his mind. He groaned and his placed his palms over his eyelids.
"Chuckie?" Kimi braved, even taking a small step forward, "Are you…ok?"
Chuckie looked up, staring into the eyes of his apparent step-sister. "We need to talk…more."
Kimi suddenly felt the creeping sense of dread moving up her spine. "Erm…I…don't know about that…"
"What? Why not?" Chuckie teeth came together in a growl of rage. The answers to the questions he'd been asking suddenly didn't want to talk to him? This was so damn typical of his life, always being taken to the edge of happiness, but then being ripped away.
Kimi noticed this sudden change in Chuckie's mood and began to very slowly back away from him. "Well, you…you caused a lot of damage to a lot of lives Chuckie, I don't know whether it'd be a good idea if you came back…"
Chuckie's eye twitched as he began to walk forward, his boots clicking on the floor in a slow, terrifyingly rhythmic manner. "Do you know how long I've been looking for this?" He gritted out. "How long I've wondered about who I am? How I got into this whole bloody, shitty mess?" He threw his arms up as Kimi stumbled back around the corner of the chips aisle.
"I've done things to people only read about in horror comics! I've torn out eyes with rusty spoons! I've disembowelled people with freekin' salad tongs!"
"P-p-please Chuckie." Kimi said, still backing away from the approaching maniac, "D-Don't come any closer."
"Or what?" Chuckie snarled; the murderer within him was raising its ugly head. "I'm the psychopath here, not you."
Kimi put
an arm out in front of her protectively; her mind was running, trying
to come up with something to stop her step-brother from killing her.
"If-if you come any closer I'll…I'll…" She was running
out of ideas…good ideas anyway.
Suddenly, something came
into her mind. "I'll never tell you about your past!" Her eyes
widened in nervous anticipation. She hoped to God that Chuckie would
buy that.
The murderer stopped, his expression slowly changed from anger to something akin to deep thought. Kimi could see Chuckie considering what she'd said, weighing the pro's and con's:
'I should trust her, she's my step sister after all… but for all I know she could be lying… but she did know my name…' His eyes narrowed, 'She's the only link I have to who I was… but, she said I'd ruined lives…'
Chuckie relaxed and looked down, that all too familiar sinking feeling beginning to infect his body. "I'm not even sure I even want to know anymore." He placed a hand over his closed eyes. "Maybe I should just…go." And he turned around to act on his statement.
"No!" Kimi yelped, "Please…don't leave…"
"But don't get any closer?" Chuckie replied, not hiding the anger in his voice or turning around, "You're a person of contradictions."
"Look," Kimi said, trying to dampen the shake in her voice, "We should to go somewhere where we can talk, somewhere where I can tell you about…you."
It sounded weird to her. She would have to tell Chuckie about his whole life, about how their parents got together, and when they bought the Java Lava, or when they when on that trip to that cowboy ranch, or when he'd gone to watch his first concert.
She almost smiled at these memories. The comfort of the Chuckie she once knew gave her the confidence to sallow down her fear and take a step forward. Hopefully, that old Chuckie still existed, somewhere inside this new Chuckie. She knew that her step-brother was beyond repair, no matter what she said he could never come back to the life he once had, but…she hoped that somehow, she could…talk with him. He wanted some questions answered, but so did she.
Chuckie turned around slowly. "I…kind of know a place we could go. It's peaceful and quiet."
Kimi nodded. "Alright then, I have my car, we could go together, just tell me where it is."
---
Kimi sighed. "It's so pretty when you're looking down on it."
Chuckie nodded. "Yes, it is. It's an amazing illusion."
Chuckie was sitting on the front of Kimi's car; she was sitting on the roof with her legs going down over the front window.
They had driven, by Chuckie's directions, to a secluded hilltop overlooking the entire city. A small, old and rotting, wooden fence was all that protected them from a huge drop over the cliffside. The wind was cold, but not bitingly cold, just enough to make one shiver slightly when it blew, making the trees mutter lightly to the other foliage around them and the grass dance in an easy motion beneath them. The moon shone down on them through a crowd of dull grey clouds, as it shone down on all the people in the city that night.
They had been sitting here, looking down upon the city for an hour almost. They had said very little to each other. Kimi was still nervous around Chuckie; after all, he was a murderer. But he was also her brother; one she thought had died long ago. On the outside, she was calm, if a little jumpy around him, but inside she was struggling with different emotions. She hated him because of what he was, because of what he had done, because of what he still did. But she loved him because…he was Chuckie. He was her brother who had protected her and stood by her and grown up with her. They had been so close before…
She sighed again and looked back across the city. "What do you mean?" She was making small talk, and they both knew it, but they both played along.
"All these people," Chuckie said, his eyes still looking over the city, "All that filth and waste they make, and not just physical but mental and emotional. It's all there in that city, yet, when you take a step back to look at it, it doesn't seem so, a pretty illusion hiding the festering filth living within."
Kimi looked down to her step-brother, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "Not everyone is like that…"
"But a lot of them are," Chuckie quickly added, "They torture each others existence, making emotional waste," he paused before carrying on in a slightly quieter voice, "And it all stores in me."
"What do you mean?" Kimi asked, keeping her calm and reminding herself that Chuckie was insane, which was a horrible fact to admit to herself while she was so close to him.
Chuckie pulled his feet onto the bumper of the car and linked his hands around his knees, but he didn't turn to look at Kimi. "I'm what's known as a waste-lock, Kimi. All that mental waste, all those hateful acts and thoughts, all the emotional waste of the human race collects up, and it stores itself in me. If it didn't, then…well, I don't know, but I assume it would be bad."
"Like world war three? Mass anarchy in the streets?" Kimi humoured him.
She heard the man chuckle, "Actually I was thinking something along the lines of the final episode of Paranoia Agent."
She chuckled; some things about him stayed the same then. She looked out over the city again, feeling a bit more comfortable around Chuckie. That joke had proven that the old Chuckie was still in there, maybe even alive and well.
"So…" She trailed, finally deciding to ask something more relevant, "Where have you been all this time?"
Chuckie bowed his head. "Please…don't ask me that…"
"Why?" Kimi inquired, "Don't you think I deserve to know?" She was surprised at the malice in the statement; some of that hatred was creeping out.
Chuckie turned his head to look at her. "If you don't know…then you won't be hurt."
"Hurt?" Kimi said quickly, "I'm pretty sure you can't hurt me much more then you already have."
Chuckie's eyes narrowed, but he said nothing and averted his gaze.
Kimi continued, feeling herself beginning to lose control on her inner fury. "You killed all my friends, all our friends, and then you kill my boyfriend, who was also your best friend. Why Chuckie? Were they bad people? Did they really deserve to die like that? Did you ever think on anyone else when you decided to abandon our family and go on four year long killing spree?"
"Look, Kimi-"
"NO!" Kimi cut him off, slamming her hands down on the roof of her car, letting her legs slide forward slightly while she leaned forward and glared at her step-brother, "I was fucking traumatized Chuckie! Do you have any idea what its like to be traumatized?"
Chuckie remained silent and still did not meet with Kimi's angry gaze.
Kimi continued, letting her anger just flow out of her. "I would wake up screaming about it! I was so terrified that I couldn't even sleep properly! I didn't leave the house for six months straight! And I mean not even for God damn school! I had to go to a psychiatrist for fourteen months because of you! And it wasn't just me Chuckie, oh no, Suzy lost her faith, Dil started cutting himself and was almost hospitalized, not to mention our parents almost splitting up and who knows how you affected the other kids who survived your little massacre."
She finally stopped breathing in heavy, angry breaths; all the while Chuckie sat there and took it, never looking her in the face. "So any little apology you may have, any shitty little excuse you may think up won't make any difference because you've caused far too much damage to be repaired with a simple sorry."
Chuckie turned around, so his back was once again to Kimi. She wanted to stay angry at him, but when she heard his voice, her anger wavered slightly.
"I know…" It was so quiet, so self pitying, so simple.
He turned back to face her and she gasped. He was actually crying his eyes contained an amount of self hate and sorrow she'd never seen before. "I'm unredeemable, a murderer, an insane psychopath, I know…If I could stop it I would, but there's no way out. I can't be caught, I can't die, I'm trapped…trapped to this cycle of murder and regret."
Kimi found that she had no answer, no comment, nothing. She just bowed her head and looked away. He was a murderer who had almost ruined her life, yet…she found herself feeling sorry for him.
'This is so wrong.' She thought to herself. 'I hate him, but I feel pity for him. I can't forgive him for what he did, but I don't want to accept him as a monster…'
Chuckie looked away, towards the city. "I don't ever expect to be forgiven. I know what I did was selfish and wrong. I have no illusions of being some hero fighting evil, or thinking I'm blessed by God to do as I please. I'm the evil one, I should be locked up and forgotten about forever, but I can't, the thing won't let it happen."
Kimi looked up. "Thing?"
"The monster behind the wall," Chuckie explained simply, "I have to feed it blood or it'll break through and destroy reality, but it'll also destroy me. However, as long as I feed it blood then it won't break out, but it also means it won't let me be caught or harmed, it's a double edged sword."
Kimi sighed. "Chuckie…that can't be real. Monsters don't exist-"
Chuckie spun around, his eyes still wrapped with tears, but that didn't stop his expression from being one of fury. "Oh? Well tell me why, in four years of killing I've never been caught? Or how every time I try to shoot myself there just so happens to be no bullets in the gun? Or why I've got little talking toy animals following me around?"
Kimi looked shocked. She really didn't have any answers to those questions, but then again, could anyone?
She dropped her head. "Look, Chuckie, you know you're insane. And while I know you can't be redeemed for the acts you committed, but that doesn't mean you can't stop yourself now. I think you have schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and a sociopathic nature."
"What are you, a shrink?" Chuckie half growled half joked.
Kimi smiled knowingly, but also sadly, and looked up to meet her step brother's eyes, "Well, not yet I'm not, but I will be once I earn my degree."
Chuckie frowned, "What?"
Kimi just nodded. "I'm at university Chuckie, earning my masters in psychology. After fourteen months of therapy I decided that I wanted to be a psychiatrist and help people. That and…" She drifted off.
Chuckie, who had been wiping the tearstains from his face and eye's narrowed his eyes at her, but not angrily. "And? Come on Kimi, tell me."
"…And I wanted to figure you out, Chuckie," She said simply, trying to gauge Chuckie's reaction. "I wanted to know why you did what you did."
"Oh." Chuckie looked down.
A silence grew into one that seemed longer then it really was, even worse, it was one of those uncomfortable silences. Both step-siblings looked away, each lost in their own thoughts for a moment.
Finally Kimi looked out over the city again. "You're right you know. It is an amazing illusion."
Chuckie looked out over the city, following Kimi's example. He nodded once, slowly. "Yea…"
Kimi sighed and looked down then back to Chuckie. "Look, Chuckie, I've…I've got to go."
"What?" The man jumped off the bonnet of the car, turning around to face his step-sister, "You can't leave! We've only just began to get to know each other again!"
Kimi made a small smile. Secretly, she wanted to leave. She needed to think this over, come up with some plans on how to handle this properly, and what this could mean for everyone else.
"Look," She said helpfully, "Maybe we could…exchange numbers?"
"No," Chuckie said quickly, surprising Kimi. "Its best I only give you my number, if you give me yours the others will know, and if they know then you'll be in danger."
Kimi nodded, accepting Chuckie's insane excuse; if he wanted to protect her, even by his distorted view of reality then she would let him. It showed, at least to her, that he wasn't going to hurt her, at least not on purpose. A tiny spark of hope bounced inside her.
'Maybe…maybe he can be helped,' She though as she climbed down from the roof to get some papers from the backseat of the car. She opened the door, and momentarily crawled inside to find a spare piece and a pen. When she crawled back out she stopped and looked at Chuckie, who was leaning back onto the car, looking out over the city again.
For a moment, she felt a huge pang of sadness. That was her step-brother, her poor insane step-brother. She hated him for what he had done to her life, to all those people's lives. But…she hadn't given up on him. He could be helped, and she could help him. She could stop him from doing any more harm to any more people. She could find a place were he could be ok, safe from others...and himself. If he had never been caught, like he said, there was a chance she could get him in an asylum where he could be free to overcome his problems on his own, without the oppression of prison.
She sighed and walked over to him, holding out the pen and paper which flapped slightly in the cliff top wind.
"Here," She said, handing them over.
"Thanks," He quietly replied as he began to write his phone number down.
He wondered what this could mean to him. Would finding his family really be the answer to his problems? He knew he couldn't ever leave his 'job', he was trapped for life. But in a way…he didn't want to stop, at least not yet. He just wanted to know what he used to be like, what drove him to be the man he was now, and if, just maybe, there were people out their who still…cared about him, a family that still remembered him for how he was, not what he had become.
He handed the paper and the pen back with a small smile. "Here. Now, don't be offended if when you ring, I don't pick up the phone."
Kimi frowned. "Why not?"
Chuckie looked down, not wishing to show Kimi the evil grin he couldn't help forming. "I'm…very busy most of the time."
Kimi nodded slowly. "Uh-huh."
He looked up, after safely getting rid of the grin and instead adopting a more serious expression. "And I may not remember you right away. I think the thing did something to my memory. It kind of…deletes anything to do with my past."
Kimi nodded again. "I'll keep that in mind."
She walked back towards the driver's side of the car and opened the door, but she paused, leaning on it. "Want a lift?" She raised her eyebrows hopefully, "You could show me were you live?"
Chuckie took himself off the bonnet shaking his head and putting his hands into his trench coat pockets. "If you come to the house then they might see you, I don't want that happening." He finished quietly, as if he suspected them of listening in right now.
Kimi sighed. "Alright then."
This felt weird…she knew she shouldn't be leaving him like this. She should be giving him a room, or maybe the couch, in her tiny student flat on the university campus, which thankfully was only a half hours drive from the main city. But she knew the risk was too big. She'd said herself he was a manic depressive, and judging by the way he acted in the twenty-four seven, he could flip from calm to psycho at the slightest hinge.
"I'll…see you as soon as I can, ok?" She hoped she sounded like she had no worries about meeting again; it was a hard thing to mask.
"Ok," Chuckie nodded and smiled comfortingly. He had picked up on what Kimi was trying hard to hide, but he, for once, didn't mind. He understood that he was a maniac, and she was a psychology student. It was hardly the most looked-forward-to of meetings.
She got in the car, and started it up. Chuckie blinked as the headlights came on, but otherwise kept up his smile and motionless stance.
She waved. He waved back. Just like a normal step-brother and sister who lived normal lives.
Then she drove away, not eagerly, but hardly slowly, leaving Chuckie to stand and listen to the sound of the car rumbling off down the hill until he couldn't hear it anymore.
He sighed and looked down. 'I should be jumping for joy,' he thought sadly, 'But why do I get the feeling that this is going to end badly…'
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WOW! Finally got this all finished up and shit, at exactly 1 in the morning too!
I started this chapter doing bits and pieces, the odd sentence or paragraph, but didn't really get far. Then I got basically a whole day off (apart from an early Media lesson) and found myself in the mood to write it all out.
So I did.
Odd what one can do in a day, eh?
Some JTHM fans may recognise the whole 'clifftop' scene, especially the eerily chose choice of words…
Anyways, I got some scenes all planned out for this. So, keep an eye out for the predicable hospital scene (come on guys and galls, you all know that was going to happen) and a visit to the Dillster (again, predicable!) but then I'm gonna make it all unpredictable and stuff with plot twists and the like. I know that while the other two scenes are predicable, there that nice kind of predicable, were you kinda want to write them because you know how great those kinds of scenes are.
Btw, just wanted to know, do you guys want Kimi to have a flatmate? I can write her one or not, it makes no difference to me. But, as I'm kind, I'm gonna let you guys decide!
Tell me in your reviews! Oh, and PLEASE review! I neeeeeds them to liiiive.
