Chapter 9

CPOV

"Nothing makes us as lonely as our secrets." - Paul Tournier

Pure fury coursed through my veins as I drove the black haired menace away from Bella. A satisfying grunt of pain left his lips as I slammed his back against the wall with much more force than I intended. My fingers clenched against his throat and I knew if I just pushed a little harder his neck would give a gratifying snap beneath my grasp. It took every ounce of my self-control not to end this filthy animal's existence right then and there. Flashes of what I had witnessed almost a century ago in Rochester only fueled my rage, and I couldn't hold back the hiss that left my lips as I glared down at the pathetic excuse for a man. I could smell the terror radiating off of him in waves and felt immense satisfaction knowing he feared what might happen next.

"Carlisle?" Her voice danced around my body and at the sound of my name my head immediately snapped around to face her.

'Bella.'

The color had completely drained from her face and her brown eyes were filled with pure shock as she took in what was happening. Her voice had brought me back to earth and I realized suddenly that her attacker was struggling to breath beneath the pressure I was putting on his windpipe. I reluctantly loosened my grip ever so slightly but did not release him completely. His eyes never left mine as I pinned him with my gaze against the wall.

"What exactly is it that you think you're doing?" My voice came out in a deadly whisper.

"I wasn't doing anything, I swear! Bella, tell him! Tell him, it was all just a joke." The emerald eyed boy directed my gaze briefly over to Bella, who only stared callously at him shaking her head in disgust.

"Liar!" I growled. In a flash, I spun the boy around and pinned him face first into the bricks of the wall, twisting his arm behind his back torturously. He let out another satisfying squeak of pain and my lip twitched in twisted pleasure. "You will apologize for your barbaric behavior and then you will leave. Do you understand me?" My voice was a threatening whisper and I gave one last meaningful twist of his arm to get my point across.

"Ok, ok! I'm sorry! I'll do what you said, please let me go." I immediately released him at his pitiful cry for mercy. I took a breath to steady myself and put a few feet purposefully between me and the attacker. If I wasn't careful I might end up doing something I regretted. The anger I felt towards this threat still raced through my body like electricity and I knew it would be some time before I was able to fully calm down.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are_"

"Leave now, Andrew. I don't ever want to see you again." Bella's words were as cold as I had ever heard them before. I did notice that Andrew's eyes narrowed angrily at Bella and I felt a low growl building deep within my chest. A huff of annoyance left his lips as he rubbed his bruised neck tenderly.

"Fine, whatever." Andrew threw up his hands in miffed indifference and disappeared into the night. I watched and listened carefully to make sure the threat hanging over us had truly vanished. As the sound of his heart beat faded away I became very much aware of the staccato like rhythm a few feet from me.

I anxiously turned my gaze toward the young woman standing before me. She looked very much like the Bella I had left three years ago in Forks and I was strangely comforted by this. Her hair was still that lovely dark mahogany brown, her eyes the color of warm chocolate, and she smelled just as sweet as I remembered. I was happy to see that some things hadn't changed. But whereas that Bella was a young girl, this Bella was now a beautiful young woman. Gone was the round youthfulness of her face and the air of innocence that accompanied it. Pain and experience now marred her features, and I tried to ignore the sting of guilt I felt as I looked deep into her eyes.

'We have caused that. I have caused that.'

Despite those things she was still exquisite.

Over ten feet of space separated us as we observed each other for what felt like an eternity. Neither of us was brave enough to make the first move for fear that we might scare the other off. I finally opened my mouth to speak only for Bella to beat me to it.

"What are you doing here?" Bella's voice was shaking slightly, and I wasn't sure if it was from the adrenalin or from the shock of seeing me. Her eyes were furious and they regarded me with great suspicion.

Her anger began to radiate off of her and seep into me and I found myself wishing for Jasper. If he were present he'd be able to help me sort through all that I was sensing from her. I had to tread carefully, and I found myself rubbing my fingers through my hair awkwardly trying to find the right words, "It's a long story. I'm just glad I made it in time." A feeling of relief washed over me as I realized I had been able to protect her. The anger that hummed through me subsided little by little and I was finally able to relax knowing the threat was no longer present.

'She's safe.'

"That's it? That's the only explanation I get?" Bella's fists were clenched tightly at her sides as she glared at me with what can only be described as intense hatred.

"Bella, I_"

"I haven't seen you or heard from you in three years and all I get is, 'It's a long story'." She let out a humorless laugh as she took a step back increasing the gap between us. "Typical. I shouldn't expect anything less from a Cullen." The pain in my chest increased as I looked into her eyes and saw the hurt that I had caused.

I took a step closer to her, "Bella, please. Let me explain." The desperation was evident in my voice and I prayed it was obvious on my face.

"Explain what?" Her eyes narrowed at me in disbelief. "How you and your family abandoned me in Forks? How you made me feel like I meant nothing to any of you? How I never got an explanation for you and your family leaving me?" I winced at her words. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut and the wind was completely knocked out of me. "There is no explanation needed, Carlisle. Your message was received loud and clear." I had anticipated Bella being upset by my return, but I had never dreamed she would be so angry. I shouldn't have been so surprised. My actions were inexcusable and I should never have let it happen.

Venom filled my eyes as I looked at her, "I am so sorry for everything that happened, Isabella. Truly, I am." I began to slowly walk toward her. Her scent was flooding my senses and creating goose bumps across my skin. It summoned this uncontrollable desire in me to touch her and to comfort her. I was about a stride away when she coolly cut off my advancement.

"Stop." Bella held her hand up indicating she didn't want me coming any closer. "Don't come near me. Just leave, you're good at that." She quickly turned on her heels and headed inside her apartment building. Panic shot through me and I knew I had to follow her. I caught the door just as it was about to close and followed her inside. She was determined to lose me and if I were human there would be no chance of me catching her before she locked me out completely.

"Bella! Wait!" I shouted up at her. "Just listen to me, please." I was a flight of steps behind her as I raced to stop her from running away from me. I had to talk to her. I had to make her listen. As we reached the landing on the third floor, Bella suddenly spun around to confront me.

"Why should I give you even a second more of my time!" There were tears threatening to fall from her eyes now as she shouted at me. Another wave of guilt rocked through me as she shoved me away from her. "You can't just pop up out of the blue and expect me to welcome you back into my life!"

"Isabella…" I reached up to touch her and she slapped my hand away instantly.

"Don't touch me! I have a life now. A life that doesn't include lies and deceit. I'm finally happy. Why can't you just let me be happy?" A few tears trailed down her cheeks as she looked at me from across the hall.

"Of course I want you to be happy." The idea that I would desire anything but joy for her life seemed absolutely absurd to me. "Your happiness and your safety are of the utmost importance to me." Bella scoffed at my words as she wiped her tears away.

"Bullshit. Don't lie to me, Carlisle." She said my name as if it were poison and began to unlock her door. "I've had enough of that from your kind to last me a lifetime." She quickly stepped inside and began to shut her door. Almost on instinct I sped over and caught it just before it closed, opening it just enough that we were now nose to nose.

My jaw clenched in exasperation, "I would never lie to you Bella, nor have I ever lied to you. You would sense it if I did." Her accusations were starting to test my patience and irritation was very evident in my voice.

I noticed a spark of realization dawn on her face at my words but it was quickly replaced with a scowl. "Go away, Carlisle." She tried to shut the door once more but I held firmly against it with my foot.

"No, not until you agree to speak with me." I was practically begging at this point and I felt ridiculous arguing through a cracked door. "Just ten minutes of your time and after that.." A stab of pain rang through my core at the promise I had to make. "You don't ever have to see me again if you don't wish to."

Her face held a neutral expression as she contemplated my words. "I honestly don't care to hear what you have to say." Her voice sounded agitated as she let the door fall open so that we now stood face to face once again. "Maybe three years ago I would have been more than willing to hear you out but now I'd rather not know. I don't want to dwell on the past anymore, it's too painful."

"I understand why you are upset_"

"You have no idea why I am upset!" My words had shattered her cool exterior and her eyes were wide in fury as she encroached on my personal space pushing me further and further away from her door with each word. "Don't you dare pretend to understand what I've been through. You ran away! You chose not to care! You don't understand the pain I went through leaving my father again in Forks. You don't understand the many sleepless nights I had reliving Edward abandoning me in the forest. You don't understand the time it took to come to terms with the guilt I felt at what happened between_"

"Is everything ok?" Bella immediately stopped herself and we both turned to see Angela Webber poking her head out into the hallway. "Dr. Cullen?" Angela's eyes were wide in surprise as she recognized me.

"Yes, everything's perfect. Carlisle was just leaving." Bella's cool indifference was back as she quickly collected herself and was again retreating to the safety of her home. Her tear stained eyes never left mine as she made to close the door.

"Yes, I best get back home. Early morning and all at the hospital. It was nice seeing you Ms. Webber." I smiled politely at Angela who continued to stare at me in disbelief in her pajama pants. I guess she wasn't the only one who found my return to be shocking. Before I turned to take my leave I chanced a glance back at Bella. "I really hope we can have a chance to speak. There's a lot going on that I think you need to hear. Have a good evening Isabella."

The rain from earlier in the day had decided to make a reappearance as I exited her building. I found myself rubbing my hands angrily through my hair and a frustrated growl escaped me.

'That did not go according to plan.'

I had nowhere to be for several hours and began walking aimlessly around the city in an effort to shake myself of the wretched feeling that was left in my chest from my meeting with Bella.

I never would have anticipated Bella being as angry at me as she was. The way she looked at me with such loathing, as if my presence in her life was disruptive enough to warrant the amount of rage she reflected at me. I wasn't naive however and I hadn't expected her to greet me with a warm welcoming embrace either. While her words and emotions had been angry, her eyes had told me a different story.

'Such pain and sadness as she looked at me.'

"Bella…" Her name came out as a remorseful sigh and my chest ached sorrowfully.

I had never intended our leaving Forks to have such a devastating impact on her, nor did I ever intend on creating this mysterious bond between us. My intentions were always to do what was best for my family and for Bella.

'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

Everything had changed the night of Bella's birthday. The rest of the family hadn't come home till the following morning due to Jasper needing time to hunt and regain his control. Much to my dismay, I was left to pace around my office replaying the events of the night in my head. Bella and I always had a lot in common but something had drastically shifted between us that night. It didn't matter how much I analyzed it or how much I scrutinized my actions, the truth was I was inexplicably drawn to her. Her blood sang to me and her scent pulled me in to the point of where it compelled me to break hundreds of years of control. It was like something had possessed me and caused me to throw all my inhibitions out the window. As ridiculous as it sounded, being around her made me think with my emotions and discount all logic. With her it was all instinctual and I had never experienced anything like it.

The following morning the rest of my coven returned to the house each holding expressions of apprehension and uneasiness. None of them would look me in the eye and Jasper moved silently to the other room without so much as a greeting. I saw him sit still as a statue in an arm chair facing the fireplace. His arms rested on his knees and he held a defeated hunched over position. My heart went out to him and I hoped he could feel the love and trust I still held for him regardless of what had happened.

Edward was the first to approach me, his face was set with firm determination. "I have spoken with the rest of the family and they have all agreed that we must leave Forks." A jolt of shock ran through my body at his words. "It's too dangerous for us to be here and our mere presence puts Bella's life at risk. We need to leave now so that she has a chance at a normal life."

"Edward, do you really think that's wise?" Panic was sweeping through me at the idea of leaving Forks, and turned quickly to anger at the idea of leaving Bella.

'Stop yourself.' I took a deep relaxing breath to steady myself. I had to calm down before my thoughts betrayed me. As long as I remained calm I could conceal my thoughts from Edward. I chanced a glance at Alice, who stood with her jaw clenched glaring at Edward. The last time we spoke was when Bella was in my office and her call had interrupted our intense discussion. She had told me they would be gone for a while due to Jasper needing to regain his composure. She hadn't said anything that would indicate that she knew what had occurred between Bella and I. Alice looked upset at what Edward was saying and in this moment she gave me no inkling that she suspected anything.

"It wasn't a unanimous decision, Edward!" Alice was practically shouting at her brother, who refused to look at her. Edward's fists were clenched down at his sides as he studied the floor in front of him.

"This is a democracy as you well know and I have the majority. It's for the best, Alice. Just do as I wish." From the tone in Edward's voice I knew they had had this argument multiple times already. Both of them were too stubborn to compromise.

"You are making the biggest mistake of your life! You will regret this, I promise you." Chills ran over me at Alice's warning. I knew better than to bet against her.

"I can live with that. What I can't live with is knowing that she is unsafe being near us. Bella will move on from this, from us, and so will we." The coolness in Edward's tone sent anger raging through me. I couldn't believe he would just dismiss her so casually.

"Do you hear yourself, Edward? Are you actually suggesting we just abandon the life we have created here? Just leave Isabella?" The level of my voice rose with each word and I knew if I didn't calm down I would start shouting at him along with Alice.

Edward narrowed his eyes at me in surprised irritation. He evidently thought I would be on his side, and he was most definitely mistaken. "Bella, will be fine." He made sure to emphasize her name as he corrected me. "She's human. She will forget about us soon enough. We leave this afternoon." Edward turned on his heels and began to head for the stairs. All I could see was red as I watched Edward running once again from his problems. I was about to speed to stand in front and confront him when a cool hand on my shoulder held me back.

"Jasper?" Warm waves of calm cascaded over me as the honey blond vampire stared at me with immense concern. I felt the rage from earlier leaving me suddenly and with a blink of my eyes my temper cooled. I gave Jasper a nod of thanks and turned to see Esme running up the stairs after Edward. I glared at her retreating form with disapproval. She had always sided with Edward, and given in to his brash emotional tantrums. I shouldn't have been surprised that she agreed with his call for us to leave Forks.

"Carlisle, can I speak with you?" Jasper's voice brought me back to the present and I shook my head affirmatively.

We walked casually at a human pace toward the back door and then took off at vampire speed. I followed Jasper's lead as he led me deeper and deeper into the forest. I could only suspect that he wanted privacy and needed to make sure we were out of earshot of the others. Nervousness began to creep into my system and I briefly contemplated racing back to the house. I might be able to hide my thoughts from Edward, but hiding my feelings from Jasper was an impossible challenge. People might be able to lie to themselves but that was all psychological. Your true emotions were always there just buried deep beneath the surface. With one glance, Jasper was able to dig through layers of emotional baggage and sift through each strand to find what he was looking for. It was a remarkable gift, a blessing that I normally admired but at this time it felt like a curse. I loathed his gift that night out of fear of what he might uncover.

Jasper eventually came to a stop in a clearing that I was familiar with. It was a regular meeting point for our family for when we were out on hunting trips. We had all spent a great deal of time resting in the sun together and playing games in the clearing. The place brought back nothing but happy memories. Guilt and sadness fought for dominance within me as I realized we would no longer be gathering here together much longer.

"I am very sorry for what has happened." Jasper's apology brought me out of my wallowing.

"It's not your fault_"

"Yes it is. Putting such trust and faith in me was a mistake, Carlisle. When I smelled her blood I couldn't think of anything else other than feeding. I couldn't control myself and it's utterly infuriating! I thought I was past this." I felt nothing but sympathy for Jasper. He had been doing so well and his control was growing. All it took was one drop of blood to break the many years of practice and dedication. I knew what losing that control felt like.

'Her blood tasted like nothing I have ever encountered before. When it hit my lips I felt nothing but sheer pleasure and I welcomed the fire it caused to course through my veins.' I could feel the fire building again within my chest. I welcomed the pleasant burning sensation that traveled slowly from the bottoms of my feet to the crown of my head. My body began to buzz from the feeling and I closed my eyes in an attempt to control the sudden surge of emotion.

"Carlisle?" Jasper's brow was raised in considerable interest as he looked at me. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, of course." I answered too quickly.

"You're lying." Jasper said with certainty. "Your emotions have been all over the place. One moment you're swimming in sadness, the next you're exuding pleasure. And I'm scared to think that if I hadn't stepped in earlier you would've tried to rip Edward's head off. I've never felt so much anger from you before. What's going on?"

"Ripping his head off seems a tad dramatic. Maybe a finger or two." I tried deflecting with humor but instead of a smile all I received was a put-off expression. I was about to respond when I was instantly overwhelmed with waves of great distress and fear.

A low hiss abruptly left my lips as something invisible pulled at my chest calling me to it.

'Something is wrong.'

Almost on instinct I took off into the trees to find the source, the red haze clouding my vision once more. I had to find it, I had to protect it. I was running on autopilot and the only thing I knew was that I had to get there as swiftly as I could. I had to protect what was mine.

Before I knew it I was pinned to the ground and my face was pressed roughly into the cold wet dirt. I was furious at being detained, at being prevented from going where I was called. The pull on my chest was painful at this point and I spun around so that my arms were free to swing at my detainer. As much as I clawed, bit, twisted, and pushed I couldn't break free from my captor. Why would someone stop me, I had to protect her, I had to get to Bella.

'Bella…'

The thought was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over me. The red haze slowly lifted and I looked up into the onyx eyes of Jasper. He had me pinned to the ground and I noticed his shirt was ripped in a couple places and his teeth were still bared at me just in case I snapped again.

"Jasper, I_"

"You marked her. Didn't you?" His tone wasn't accusatory but it was cold and straight to the point.

"Yes." I confessed remorsefully.

"Jesus Christ, Carlisle!" Jasper released me with a look of disbelief, his eyes returning to their normal gold. Jasper studied me carefully to make sure I was sober and moved to sit next to me. "What were you thinking?" He mumbled lowly shaking his head.

"I honestly haven't a clue. It wasn't premeditated I can assure you. Something just came over me." I couldn't bring myself to look at Jasper as I sat upon the wet forest floor. I ran my hands through my hair in irritation and let out a frustrated groan. "I can't explain it." I felt so much shame and embarrassment for my lack of self-control.

"Well, try." Jasper sent out a wave of support and I gave him a small smile of thanks.

I quickly recounted what had happened between Bella and I that night in my office. I told him about the indescribable pull I felt toward her and how she seemed to feel it too. I glossed over the more intimate details and I'm sure if I had been human my cheeks might have taken on a rosy shade. Jasper shifted uncomfortably as I did so, and I was sure he could sense what had happened. It was impossible to disguise my emotions as I talked with Jasper. It was like I was reliving it as the words left my lips. Everything felt so raw, so fresh. I also told him how guilty I felt about betraying Edward's and Esme's trust. How I didn't understand how I could do such a thing when I loved both of them as dearly as I did. Jasper nodded in understanding as he listened to every word and filtered through every emotion I experienced. I bared my soul to him and he sat there that day in the forest and listened to me without judgement. What I had needed was a friend and Jasper was more than willing to be my confidant. I will never be able to repay him for that.

"It's all so strange. In all my years living with the newborn army in the south, I never heard of any of them marking a human by accident." Jasper seemed about as puzzled as I felt.

"I have only ever heard or read about the concept. During my time with the Volturi they tried banning it but it's too difficult to monitor. The Volturi frown upon marking humans and made it quite clear that it intensifies the risk of exposing our secret. They decided at the time that all humans that are marked must either be changed or disposed of as soon as possible." A shudder of fear ran up my spine. What if the Volturi found out? Have I unintentionally sentenced Bella to die?

"I wouldn't be too concerned about them. I don't think any of us will be going to Italy anytime soon." Jasper answered, practically reading my thoughts. I relaxed a bit at his assurance. "How much do you know about the concept of marking?"

"Very little. I didn't bother to learn about it when I lived with the Volturi. I figured it was something I didn't need to fret over." A bitter laugh left my lips at my past inactions. How wrong I had been.

"I never marked a human myself but a few of the vampires I lived with did. It was an easy guarantee of food and kept them from having to take the time to hunt. They treated the humans they marked like property and I remember it made them extremely possessive. If another vampire so much as looked the wrong way at the one they marked a fight would erupt. I spent a great deal of time breaking up those fights."

Jasper had become completely still as he was lost in his memories. "A few of the older vampires who marked humans had very different experiences. They had more self-control and were able to interact with humans differently than the younger lot. They would never admit it but they grew to care about their humans. I could feel it. There was a trust that built between the two of them the longer the human was marked. I noticed that the greater the trust, the greater and more powerful the bond became between them."

"Tell me about this bond that is formed." I found myself completely enthralled at what Jasper was telling me.

"You're experiencing it right now." My eyes shot open in surprise as Jasper continued. "That pull you felt earlier. That unexplainable need to get by her side. That's the bond. It was Bella subconsciously calling you to her. You're most likely feeling her emotions and that's what made you take off like that. Also, depending on how strong the bond is she might be feeling yours as well." My eyebrows shot up in surprise at this revelation. It explained a lot of what I'd been feeling through the night and my sudden outburst.

"How can you tell how strong the bond is?" I asked, somewhat fearful of the answer.

Jasper paused and closed his eyes as he processed my question. "Well, it depends. With my other experiences the creation of the bond was all very one sided. Those vampires sought out the best smelling human and marked them because they were hungry. With bonds like that, they dissipate in a couple of months." Jasper rubbed his chin as he contemplated his next words, "I've never heard of a marking occurring where it was mutual. Love is a powerful thing and if I had to guess from what you're feeling, your bond is more secure than any I've been in contact with."

"Love? I am not in love with her." I said with complete bewilderment. How could Jasper think something like that? The idea of it was just ridiculous and I began to shake my head smiling at the ludicrous notion.

Jasper raised his brow at me questioningly and my smile immediately faltered. He was serious. I glared back at him in warning and I could have sworn I saw a twinkle of laughter in his eyes.

"My mistake then." He shrugged nonchalantly and dropped the topic. He perched himself casually against a tree and his usual mask of stoicism fell over his face.

I cared for Bella, we all did. She had become a part of our family and what I felt for her was nothing more than friendship. After what happened between us I couldn't say I wasn't attracted to her, but lust and love were two very different animals.

'Maybe that's what Jasper feels. He feels my lust for her. That must be why he is confused.' I tried to reassure myself that what he was saying was just absurd and that Jasper was seriously mistaken.

'What if he isn't?' I found myself rubbing a stone nervously between my fingers.

"Do you regret what happened?" Jasper asked softly.

I sat silently for a long time and mulled over his question. Did I regret hurting my family and jeopardizing my relationships with each one of them? Yes, absolutely. Did I regret betraying my wife, the love of my life, my lifelong companion? Yes, I most certainly did.

But did I regret what happened with Bella? Did I regret letting it escalate to the level that it did? As I thought about what happened between us the scent of freesias and strawberries flooded my senses and small flames danced pleasantly across my skin. Could I ever regret tasting her?

'No.'

"I don't know." I admitted reluctantly and rubbed my hands angrily over my face. "I know I should but I can't say for certain that I do. God forgive me." My head tilted up toward the sky in a silent prayer for forgiveness.

"None of them know, Carlisle." Jasper murmured from his place against the tree. I let out a sigh of relief I wasn't aware that I'd been holding.

"Is it wrong that I hope none of them find out?" I asked, my voice hollow.

"No, you love all of us so deeply. Your main instinct is to protect us from any pain, whether it's emotional or physical. It's just your nature." Sorrow was evident on Jasper's face as he spoke.

"I feel like I've ruined everything. What am I supposed to do?" Venom pooled in my eyes and the stone I'd been rolling in my hands suddenly became powder. "Tell me what to do Jazz, because I haven't got the slightest damn clue as to what the right thing to do is." I slammed my fist roughly into the ground my sadness transforming into frustration. The forest floor trembled beneath my fist and birds flew in fear from the trees.

"I can't tell you what to do. You know that." Jasper answered slightly stunned by my outburst.

"Then tell me how to break this bond!" I shot back at him. Jasper's eye shot open in surprise.

"You want to break it?" He asked, floored.

I could only nod curtly in response. A pain was beginning to grow in my chest at the thought of severing this tie.

'It's the only way'

"I don't think you realize what you're asking." Jasper removed himself from the tree and now stood in front of me. "This connection you have isn't your typical marking."

"I realize that." I answered.

"It is stronger than most which means breaking it will be that much more painful. And I don't just mean pain for you." A shot of uneasiness rocked through me at this unveiling. Could I put Bella through this without telling her? "It would also mean we have to do as Edward says and leave Forks. Distance is key to breaking it." His eyes seized mine as he studied my reaction to what he was saying.

I desired what was best for my family and what was best for Bella. I wanted the best chance to save my marriage and my family from destruction. If this is what it took to keep us all together and give Bella the opportunity to move on with her life, I was willing to do just that.

"I would walk through fire for my family. If pain is the price I have to pay for my actions, I am willing to accept my punishment." I was resigned to do whatever it took to make things right. Even if that meant leaving my Bella.

Jasper gave me a long look and then shook his head in defeat. "I don't think this is the best course of action but I don't see another option. I worry though, what if…"

'What if it doesn't work' A thrill ran through me at the thought and then it quickly turned to terror. 'I could be putting Bella through so much pain for nothing.'

"It has to work." My voice was resolute.

"I will stay with you through this Carlisle, but it is going to be difficult. It will be near impossible to hide your thoughts and your outbursts. She will call to you, whether it's intentional or not. And you mustn't call to her if you want this to work. Are you sure this is the road you want to take?" Jasper was deadly serious as he looked down at me. I hadn't moved from my position on the forest floor since we arrived. The rain began to fall softly all around us and I knew the moment I stood would be my last in the forests of Forks for some time. It would also bring an end to a chapter of my life I wasn't yet ready to say goodbye to.

"Yes." I whispered.

'No!' My subconscious screamed in protest and I immediately silenced my thoughts as we made our way back to the house.

The house and all of its belongings were completely packed by the time Jasper and I arrived. Rosalie and Emmett had managed to get moving trucks at the last minute and were carefully piling the last of our possessions into the beds of the trucks. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. The whole family was silent as they each said their goodbyes to the town that had become our home.

As we drove through Montana, I prayed that I had made the right decision. I didn't want to leave Forks, but I knew if I put up any type of resistance that it would only lead to more trouble between Edward and myself. I also believed that the right thing to do was to try and keep my family together. Alice and Jasper were silent the entire drive to New York. Alice was fuming in the back seat, and refused to acknowledge Edward's existence when we had to stop to refuel. I hated seeing my children fight and I wondered greatly what it was that Alice had seen happening by us leaving. I caught a glimpse of her trying to see into the future many times through the rear view mirror as we put more and more miles between us and Forks. Each time she opened her eyes I noticed she bit her lip in concern and began to fidget in her seat.

"Alice?" My curiosity finally got the best of me and I wondered if everything was alright.

"I just don't know, Carlisle. It all feels so wrong." Worry was evident as her caramel eyes met mine in the mirror and I could only offer a small smile of understanding.

'I am in full agreement, Alice. Something feels very wrong about this.' My body was tense and I sensed that something was amiss in the air. The saying, 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' sprang to mind as we flew down the interstate.

My foot pushed harder against the accelerator as we passed a sign that read, 'Welcome to Ithaca!'. I felt anything but welcomed. The only desire I held was turning the car around and returning to Forks. I had felt a slight tugging sensation against my chest as we drove further and further from Washington. The sensation had only increased the greater the distance became, and only through Jasper's calming presence was I able to continue onward. I was very thankful that he had kept his word and stuck close by me during this trying time. Little did I know that my trial had only just begun.

The next few months were some of the worst of my immortal existence. Only a day after we had arrived Edward decided he needed to take some time for himself, and told us he felt compelled to travel alone for an extended period of time. Alice was the only one who hadn't seemed surprised by this development. As he entered the living room to speak with us she let out a huff of annoyance and stormed out of the house.

The rest of the family had reacted in about the same manner as Alice. Emmett and Rosalie had been stunned, but said they understood that Edward needed his space to come to terms with what had happened in Forks. Jasper had been furious and gave Edward a cold stare as he exited the house to go retrieve his wife who had disappeared into the woods. Esme had been horribly upset. Edward was the closest thing to a son she had and having him leave while he was as sorrowful as he was didn't sit well with her motherly instincts. In the end, she told him she supported whatever it was that he felt was the right thing to do.

I was a tornado of emotion. I had thought in my heart of hearts that moving would give everyone a fresh start, and I had hoped against hope that we could pick up where we had left off before everything had happened.

'What a fool I have been.'

I had approached Edward as calmly as I could and pulled him into a tight, yet awkward embrace. "We will miss you terribly." I told him honestly. As I pulled away Edward looked at me quizzically and nodded in understanding.

'Please be safe and return to us soon.' Edward's eyes softened at the thought.

"I promise." And just like that my family began to fracture at the seams.

Emmett and Rosalie were the next to follow Edward out the door. The couple had decided they wanted to go on another extended honeymoon after two months of living in Ithaca. Rosalie was restless and didn't feel like repeating high school or college once again. I also suspected that the recent experience had left a bad taste in her mouth. She had never done well amongst humans and I didn't blame her for wanting a change of scenery. Emmett loved Rosalie and was willing to do whatever it took to make his wife happy. He also needed to be in an environment that was alive with energy. His goofy and jovial personality was withering living amongst us. The house in Ithaca was anything but alive. I had poured myself into working at a new hospital and was barely home. Alice and Jasper had enrolled in a local college and spent the majority of time together alone roaming through the forests. Esme like me had busied herself with remodelling homes in the area. The only time I had seen her or any of my family was when I was passing them as I left to go to work. After celebrating a rather depressing Christmas, Rosalie and Emmett said their goodbyes. While it had been hard to say goodbye to Edward, it was even more difficult to say farewell to Rosalie. Our relationship was very much that of a brother and sister. We would argue like cats and dogs but at the end of the day we cared very deeply for each other. There was an understanding between the two of us that couldn't be replicated with anyone else.

"Carlisle," She said as she pulled away from our embrace. "You know you can speak with me about anything, right?" Rosalie's head was cocked to the side in concern as she looked at me. She usually wore a mask of indifference and her sudden observation worried me. "You might get away with fooling the others, except maybe Jasper, but something is bothering you."

"Rose, I_"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just know I'm only a phone call away. We'll make it through this, Carlisle." She gave my hand one last squeeze and then she was gone.

The house was eerily silent without Emmett's booming laughter and the quiet playing of Edward's piano keys. My life felt empty without Rosalie's challenging discussions and the contented feeling I felt as I held Esme in my arms. I was numb. The only time I felt anything was at night.

It had been building for some time but night after night pain seized my chest and I found myself crouching over in agony. "What is happening?" I was barely able to get the words out. I had never experienced such torment. My chest was burning and pulsing beneath my marble exterior. The red haze I had experienced before would cloud my vision, and without the help of Jasper I would have answered her call. Jasper had been right. This was the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. Not going to her was like telling a human not to breathe. It felt unnatural and it was painful.

The pain went on for months, and I became more and more distant from my remaining family members. I should have seen it coming. The warning signs were there, but I was so wrapped up in my own misery and attempt to salvage what I had left that I lost what I had been striving to save all along.

'Esme.'

Even now, three years later her name leaves me swimming in guilt.

I had come home from a double shift at the hospital one night in May to find a letter waiting for me on the kitchen counter. I still wonder if she hadn't left that letter how long it would've taken for me to notice she was gone.

My Dearest Carlisle,

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I so wish that things were different and that we were able to return to the happier times we experienced years ago. I have tried countless times to speak with you but you have been so distant that I don't even recognize the man you have become. The happy, loving, husband I once knew is a shell of his former self. And I worry that he is lost forever. You are so tormented, over what I'm not quite sure, that you have shut out everyone who has tried to help you. Many times I've tried speaking with you only for you to walk right past me without a second glance. It physically hurts to see you like this and I worried for some time that I was the cause. I realize now that it had nothing to do with me and is something that only you can help yourself with. I hope that you are able to find yourself once again but I can't stay to finish this journey with you. A part of me will always care very deeply for you and I will always cherish the time we had together.

Love,

Esme Platt

I stood completely still for what felt like an eternity reading that letter over and over. I expected to be flooded with grief or sadness but I was just as numb as I had been for the past several months. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything.

"She's gone." I whispered to what I thought was an empty room.

"Did you honestly think she would stay?" I turned to see Alice staring at me with such angered conviction in her caramel eyes.

'She knows.'

No words, no explanation was needed, she knew everything. I felt so defeated, everything I had tried to prevent occurred regardless of my efforts. I had fought against fate and lost thoroughly.

I moved almost subconsciously towards the back door. "I need to be alone, Alice." Instantly I was flying through the forest, the trees melding together into a sea of green. The warm spring air was refreshing against my face. I wasn't sure where I was going or how long I would be gone but I knew I needed a distraction. I hunted for a few hours but soon the novelty wore off and my mind began to wander.

'How could this have happened. I've lost everything.'

"Carlisle…" My eyes sprung open at the familiar voice and without a second thought I took off at breakneck speed in its direction. The smell of freesias, strawberries, and something uniquely her flooded my nose.

"Bella." I called back zooming between trees faster than I ever have before. I could feel her moving toward me and I somehow managed to make my body accelerate even more.

"Isabella!" I had to reach her, fighting this pull was becoming unbearable and all I wanted was to give into my desires. The familiar burning tug against my chest increased and I realized that she was moving further away.

'No!'

"Isabella, please." My voice was a strangled plea.

"I can't." Bella sounded as broken as I was. My heart hurt for her and everything that I had put her through.

I continued to run and could feel an invisible barrier coming down around me, making her voice and presence harder to sense. I began to slow my pace when I could no longer identify where she was calling me from.

"Bella!" My shout went without response as I searched high and low for any sign of her.

'What is happening?' I had come to a complete stop, the trees looking the same in every direction. I could no longer smell or sense her at all. I cursed silently that I did not understand how to control this bond we shared.

The burning sensation in my chest was giving off faint pulses that resembled that of a heartbeat. This had never happened before and I held my hand against the spot feeling the heat against my ice like hands. Then suddenly, it stopped completely. The only noise I could hear as I made my way home was the night music of the forest.

I had tried describing to Jasper what had occurred that night but he was as puzzled as I was. I no longer felt the oppressive pulling sensation in my chest and the burning feeling had vanished completely. I had thought the bond between Bella and I had been severed. I was torn between feeling glad that something had come out the way I had intended it and feeling complete despair.

I had been able to give Bella a chance at a normal life. One free from the vampire realm and its never ending dangers. I had never meant to mark her, or for her to suffer from the fallout of my truly capricious actions. Her life was better off without us...without me. I had to believe that. If I didn't then everything would be for naught.

I continued to lie to myself day after day hoping I would be able to continue on somewhat at peace. Sadly, all I felt was an emptiness within me. There was a hole in my chest. Like something was missing.

The next few years passed by in a blur of monotonous torture. I threw myself into work once again, and if I wasn't at the hospital I spent it roaming the forests of upstate New York. I couldn't sit still. Sitting still meant that I had to think, it meant I had to be alone with my thoughts, which was very dangerous.

The first question Bella had asked me was what I was doing back in Washington. She had clearly misconstrued my intentions and prevented me from explaining the importance of my reappearance. Alice was very careful about not keeping an eye on Bella once we left Forks. For Alice, it was too painful to see Bella and she also felt that it created a clean break. I had sworn to myself that I would not interfere with her life and hearing about her journey only made the hollowness in my chest more pronounced. It was by mere chance that one summer afternoon Alice had received an onslaught of disturbing visions involving attacks in the Pacific Northwest. It didn't take Jasper's military expertise to realize that it was vampires that were responsible for them. My family hadn't decided to become involved until one evening when Alice had a vision that was so powerful it brought her to her knees. The vision involved Bella, and the outcome was something I never wanted to imagine. If it hadn't been for Jasper holding me back I would have ran the two thousand miles to Seattle immediately. After a lengthy discussion and a chance for me to calm down, we had all agreed that we should wait and see if the vision altered in any way. We really needed to consider if taking such drastic measures over something that could change so easily was the appropriate response.

The next few days were spent living in limbo. Alice sat in the living room meditating, watching, and waiting. She barely moved a muscle the entire time and I couldn't bring myself to disturb her. Jasper and I had been in an intense discussion when Alice finally emerged from her trance like state.

"It isn't changing." Alice sounded extremely nervous as she took a seat across the table from me. There was a fluttering in my stomach and my nerves came alive for the first time in years.

"So, we go back?" Jasper asked, carefully leaning back further in his chair.

"There isn't another option. The only way it changes is if we go back. If we don't, she will_" Alice couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence and she clenched her fists in frustration. "I won't let anything else bad happen to her. She's been through enough." Alice met my eyes with an icy cold stare.

"Alice_" I started.

"We don't resume contact with her." Alice ordered. "We watch and follow but that is all. Once we take care of whoever is causing this we leave, understood?" Alice stood quickly, her eyes sad and angry.

"Don't you think we should tell her what's going on? I think we owe her that much." Jasper hesitated as he drew Alice's gaze away from mine.

"No." Alice answered. "It's better if we don't." Her voice was cold and emotionless.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I contemplated my words carefully, "Alice, I think Jasper has a point. She deserves to know that her life is in danger." I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible but it did me no good. Alice slammed her hand angrily against the table, her eyes black with fury.

"Enough, Carlisle! I think you've had enough of a say when it comes to Bella, don't you? It's because of your salacious actions that we're in this mess to begin with." I felt like I had been slapped. I stared at Alice in shock, in all my years of knowing her she had never spoken to me in such a way.

"Alice." Jasper's voice held a warning to it as he stood and placed a calming hand on his wife's shoulder.

Alice shook it off, her eyes never leaving mine.

"We leave in the morning." She sounded both angry and exhausted as she marched out of the room.

I had kept my end of the bargain and for the first five months I did not make contact with Bella. When I wasn't working at the hospital in Seattle, I was switching shifts with either Jasper or Alice. One of us was always close enough to see what was going on, yet far enough away that she never knew we were there. Out of the three of us I had the least amount of time watching Bella. I suspected Alice had a lot to do with it as she still did not trust me enough to control myself with Bella in such close proximity. This both hurt and infuriated me.

'She wasn't wrong though. Was she?'

While doing my rounds at the hospital this morning, a sudden sharp tugging sensation had pulled on my chest igniting tiny flames all across my skin. I hadn't felt anything like this since that night in the forest when Bella had severed the bond. Or so I thought. A sense of foreboding and excitement swirled around me the rest of the day. I was constantly vigilant and felt more alive than I had in years. Something was wrong, I could feel it. I wasn't sure why remnants of the connection between Bella and I still remained or why it had suddenly reconnected but I wanted to find out. I should have contacted Jasper immediately and left the city if I wanted to keep my promise to Alice. Unfortunately, I was too stubborn and broke my vow.

My phone buzzed incessantly in my pocket bringing my thoughts crashing back to the present. The rain had continued to fall as I walked through the streets of Seattle, my clothes soaked and clinging to my marble skin. I let out a long sigh as I pulled out my cell phone. I had over a dozen missed calls from that bothersome little pixie and two text messages.

The first one read, 'What the hell were you thinking! Call me!'

I quickly shoved my phone back forcefully in my pocket and altered my route to lead me toward our Seattle residence. There was no running away now.

The burning in my chest had started again and it had continued to pulse pleasantly since I left Bella's apartment. I wasn't sure why the bond had resumed its connection once again but I was certain that speaking with Bella was the only way I would get answers. I just hoped she would be willing to do so.

My pocket continued to vibrate and I sent up a silent prayer that she would leave me be. There was no such luck as the buzzing became endless. I knew there was no avoiding her and reluctantly pulled out my cellphone once again. What I read made my stomach drop and the pull on my chest increased at my panic.

'Your actions have changed everything.'

Author's Note: Thanks again to all who have reviewed, followed, or favorited this story. Y'all are amazing! Never thought this story would get such interest. Keep it up!

I know having a chapter from Carlisle's POV was highly requested and I hope I did not disappoint. Maybe down the line I will do another if thats something you are interested in reading. Let me know! Next chapter is back to Bella's POV and will be out as soon as possible. Also, I am in the process of moving so the next few chapters might take a bit of time to get out. I thought I'd let everyone know so that you will not worry that this story is being abandoned. It isn't so do not fear! Thanks again to Goldielover for editing, helping, and just listening to me ramble about fictional characters. You're the best!