This chapter is slightly longer.
Trigger Warning: Self-harm (almost at the end of the chapter, if any of you want to skip that part). I tried not to get into much detail of it just in case for any one who can't handle reading about it. I will put the warning again before and after she starts cutting.
Marina hesitantly stepped in the building and glanced around. There was a bit more people than when Olivia and she came by. She already knew what floor the agent was so she made her way to the elevator. Once inside, Marina pushed the fifth button and felt the elevator go up. She was relief that she was the only one in the elevator.
She was a bit nervous to see the Danielle. Would the blonde inform Olivia that she stopped by to talk to her? Would Danielle even help her give her what she came for? The elevator stopped moving and seconds later the doors opened. The teen stepped out of the elevator and walked to where she knew Danielle's office was located. She could feel the stares some of the people working there on her but she ignored them.
The teen let out a shaky breath when she stood in front of the agent's office. She swiftly knocked three times against the wooden door and waited for a response.
"Come in."
Marina opened the door and noticed that the agent was sitting behind the desk. The blonde was writing on a document that she didn't bothered to glanced up on who just walked in her office. Marina cleared her throat and said, "Um, ma'am?"
The agent quickly glanced up and her eyes widen she saw the teen standing there. She quickly stood up, dropping her pen on top of her papers. "Marina! What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you about something, if that's okay with you."
Danielle gestured to one of the chairs across from hers. "Does Detective Benson know that you are here?"
"No, she doesn't," Marina closed the door behind her and went to sit on one of the chairs. She put her backpack on her lap and slightly leaned forward on the chair. "And I would rather her not knowing that I was ever here."
The agent frowned in confusion but nodded. "Okay. This will stay between us."
"Good."
"So what is it that you need to talk about?"
Marina shifted in her seat. Her eyes never left the agent's. "About my father."
"Did you have fun with Jack?" Olivia asked, glancing up from the salad bowl when she heard the front door opened. She turned to look at the teen and smiled at her. "I'm barely starting on dinner so you didn't arrive late."
Marina chuckled and closed the door. She walked to the fridge and opened its door and bent down to see if there was anything good to drink. "Yeah. Went to the park and then to get some smoothies. And then he drove me home." Marina felt a bit guilty lying to Olivia but she couldn't tell her that she went to see Danielle. She just couldn't.
The teen didn't notice the small smiles appearing on Olivia's face when she said the word 'home'. Marina clutched one of the water bottles and stood up right, closing the fridge's door. Olivia cleared her throat and glanced back down at the mixing bowl. "Why don't you get cleaned up while I finish making some dinner?"
"Can I help?" Marina happily asked.
Olivia had noticed that the teen was always eager to help her cook. The detective concluded that Marina never had the chance to do this with her mother. Somehow the activity made the teen talk more. Liv nodded at the teen. "Of course."
"I'll just leave my backpack in my room quick," Marina grinned.
She dashed to her room and placed her backpack near the bed. She reached in one of the pockets of her jeans and took out small yellow folded paper that Danielle gave her. She clutched it in her hand and looked around the room to see where she would hide it. She went to the closet and grabbed one of her shoes. She put the small paper in there and carefully settled it back on the floor. She made sure that the piece of paper was hidden from view before walking out of her room.
"Hey, thanks for meeting me in such short notice," Marina smiled at Jack. She got in his car and turned to look at him. "But I need a favor to ask you."
"You are one of the very but very few people I will wake up at almost eight in the morning. On a Saturday nonetheless," Jack grinned at her. "You owe me one, thought."
"Of course."
"Does Olivia know that you are sneaking out?"
Marina shook her head. "She got called in last night after dinner. She might be back in a couple of hours maybe sooner...I don't know."
"Okay so let's hurry," Jack nodded. "What do you need my help for?"
"We are going to see my dad."
Jack sat there and stared at his friend. "You serious?"
"As a heart attack," Marina said. She took out the piece of paper that Danielle gave her yesterday. "I have his address. He lives less than an hour away."
"How did you get his address?"
"Danielle, the Social worker, gave it to me. I convinced her that I just wanted to talk to him before the judge made a decision."
Jack took the paper from her and he frowned. "He lives in Garfield?"
"Yeah. From the looks of it."
"Ok," Jack turned on his car. "Let's get going."
Marina pecked her friend's cheek. "Thank you!"
"What are friends for," he grinned.
Jack could sense that Marina was nervous as they drove to New Jersey. He glanced at her briefly before turning his attention back to the road. "Do you even know what you are going to say to him? Like at all?"
"I'm scared that I might lash out at him and not give an explanation on why he left," Marina tapped her fingers on her knees. "The question is would he even want to see or talk to me after all this years? What if he forgot about me?"
"But what if he didn't?"
"I hate all the 'what if' questions," Marina groaned.
Jack snorted. "Well, you will get your questions answered soon enough."
The rest thirty minute drive was spent in silence and Marina was grateful for that. She needed to have a clear head for when she meets her father all this years. She was still mad at him for leaving her behind but she was more curious now. Her nervousness escalated when she noticed that they were almost closed, according to the GPS on her phone.
"It says turn right at the end of this street," Marina glanced up from her phone. "He lives in the upcoming street."
Jack nodded. "Gottcha."
He took the turn just like Marina said and he looked at her. "Tell me when to stop."
Marina kept her eyes on the dot for their final destination. Almost halfway of the street she spoke again, "Stop."
Jack pulled up close to the sidewalk and parked the car. He turned off the engine and turned to look at his friend. He then looked at the tan house on their right. "Is this where he lives?"
"No," Mariana pointed over his shoulder to the other side of the street. He turned to look where she was pointing. It was a light yellow house and a dark car was parked in the driveway. Indicating that Marina's father was in the house. Hopefully.
He looked at Marina and grasped her hand. "Are you ready?"
"Not really. But I have to be," Marina squeezed his hand before opening the door. "Let's go."
She is about to get of the car when she sees feels Jack's hand grasping her arm. She turned to look at him in confusion. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out when she noticed what he was staring at. The front door of the house had opened and a man was walking down the small steps from the porch. Marina's breath hitched when she recognized who it was.
"Dad…" She whispered.
Jake turned to look at his friend. "Holy shit!" He whispered to her. "You look more like him than your mom. We definitely got the right address."
She smiled at him and glanced back to where her dad was walking to car in the driveway. "I should prob—"
"Daddy!"
A small boy with dirty blonde hair ran from the house. Marina's smile vanished from her face when she saw her father turning around and grinning to the small child. He opened his arms, waiting for the boy to run into them. When he did, her father picked him up and spins him slowly up in air. He used to do that to her when she was five.
She felt her stomach dropped when she saw a woman with the same color of hair as boy walking out of the house with a toddler on her hip. The baby had the same color as her father. She observed the happy couple sharing a moment before she looked away.
That's why her father left her behind with her mother. Because he wanted to start a new family and she would just get in the way. Hell, he even changed his goddam name so she wasn't able to track him down. Marina closed the car's door and glanced at the happy family again one last time.
"Drive," Marina whispered, looking away from the family.
Jack turned to look at his friend. "Are you sure? You haven't—"
"Just drive."
Seeing the crushed expression on Marina's face, Jack did was he was told. The family didn't notice them driving away. Jack wanted to say something to her but didn't know what. As he drove them back to New York he wondered whether he should inform Detective Benson of what happened.
When they arrived at the apartment, Marina turned to glanced at him. The hurt was still in her eyes and her voice sounded hollow, "Thanks for the ride, Jack. Although it was just a waste of time."
"I can stay with you until Olivia comes back," Jack offered. "You know that I don't mind."
"Just need to be alone right now. But thanks for the offer," Marina faintly smiled at him. "I'll text you later."
He quickly grasped her hand before she got out of the car. "Don't do anything stupid."
"I won't."
"You better not."
Marina nodded and got out of the car. As she walked in the building she didn't noticed Jack dialing a number on his phone while he drove away.
She quickly climbed the stairs to where their apartment was. She was thankful that she didn't bump into one of the neighbors as she walked down the hallway. When she got inside the apartment she sighed in relief when she noticed that Olivia wasn't back yet.
The quietness of the apartment made the images come back to her mind. The way her father smiled at the little boy made her heart clenched. She grasped the wall before she could fall on the floor. No anger came to her. Distraught and betrayal was all she was feeling right now. She needed to release it. And she had to do it now.
She ran to her room as fast as she could. She swung the door close but didn't paid attention to it. If she did she would have noticed that it didn't close all the way. Her mind was too preoccupied to find what she needed to find. She walked to the wooden nightstand and opened the bottom drawer. She grabbed the small book that was there and opened it. She had cut a square in the middle of book, just like she had seen on the internet. She saw the three razor blades in the small hollow square.
**TRIGER WARNING!**
She carefully clutched one of the sharp objects and sat down on the floor. She closed the book and hide it under the bed. It felt cold in her hand as she stared at it. She felt tears on her face and wiped them away from her cheeks before pulling the sleeves from both arms. Marina could see her fainted scars and it made her recoil from her past cuts. None of them were made too deep to cause her to go to the hospital.
Marina was already in pain since she saw how happy her father was with his family. But she needed to feel a different kind of pain. She needed to feel it not only emotionally but physically as well. She wants to feel the coolness of the razor against her flesh, the sharp sting of her skin breaking. How the pain will multiply whenever she took a shower afterwards. The dull throbbing of her cuts against the wrapped bandages or her sleeves.
She rested the edge of the razor on her left forearm. Her heart was speeding quickly as she felt the urge pump through her veins. She needed it. No. She wanted it. She gritted her teeth when she slid the razor across her skin. A little red line started to appear. The tears stopped rolling down her face. Red line started to appear across her forearm. She was careful as she continued to cut. Marina didn't want to cut an artery by mistake.
Several red lines were across her left forearm. She decided that it was time her right forearm needed red lines too. She tried to push out the guilt of breaking her promise to her friend but she couldn't stop. She didn't want to. Every line she made was like a relief somehow. Her father smiling at the family that he had now just fueled her even more to continue cutting.
She cut another line and sighed heavily. 'Just a few more and—'
**END OF TRIGGER WARNING!**
"Marina no!"
The teen was startled that the razor on her hang dropped on the floor with a clang. She raised her head and saw Olivia starring at her in horror from the doorway.
Next chapter will be up soon (probably by Sunday)
Review!
