AN: Sorry about the late update, my internet was being wonky yesterday so I couldn't upload anything. This was a fun chapter to write so I hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 9: Captain's Day Out
"Live for the present, huh?" he asked her finally and she nodded in reply. "What if I can't?"
"Well, then I guess I'll stick around and lecture you on another bench in New York."
Anna POV
Steve had returned from Shield at least physically, but something was keeping his mind elsewhere. If it was even possible, he isolated himself all the more. Anna began mentally tallying his hours in the gym versus his other activities. It appeared that Steve would train in the morning with Vincent for one to two hours, then go to the gym. After which he would train some more with Vincent and Thor combined, join them for lunch, and then leave for the gym until dinner. Unless there was a meeting at Shield (which he had lately taken great interests in) or a 'team bonding night' as it became known, Steve would retreat to his own floor doing heaven knows what.
Anna would never tell Steve that she knew his story by heart-that she had read all his comics, marveling at his dedication to principle and the heroic people he encountered. She was surprised, in fact, at how different he was. It was as though she had met the Captain before he truly fulfilled the persona of the hero in the comics-like he was still fighting some sort of battle within himself, or rather against himself. The Captain America she knew wouldn't dwell in the past, but actively lived in the present. How much had he gone out and seen after his suspended animation? By the looks of it, he seemed to never stray too far from the tower. That had to end. She knew that Steve was not yet adjusted to the new time he lived in, but he deserved more than the cold four walls of the gym. And so commenced operation CDO, otherwise known as 'the Captain's Day Out.' She knew that Steve would leave if she asked him, she just needed a time when he had nothing to do.
That is where the Black Widow came in. If you're ever in need of information about Shield's activities, there are really 3 people you can go to: Director Fury, which was completely out of the question, Tony Stark, who could hack into every secure file until the cows come home, and a certain defected spy whom very few agents could ever follow or trace. Natasha got the information they needed, and with a little tinkering here and there, it was settled. The upcoming Saturday, Steve Rogers had nothing to do and nowhere to be. Unless the world was ending, he had no excuse or way to back out-it was time. Captain Rogers, Anna thought to herself as she bounded to the dining room for breakfast, meet the world. World meet Steve Rogers.
The Saturday breakfast was looking dull in comparison to the last few weekend brunches; between Tony's Rube Goldberg contraption and Thor's Poptart smorgasbord the week before, Clint's cereal-serving skills lacked the trademarked spark. Anna was sure that it wouldn't last for long, so she initiated the first step of the plan. Sitting across from Steve, Anna let out an audibly loud sigh and innocently starred off into space behind him. Steve set down the newspaper and curiously looked around him. Before Steve could ask what was going on, Tony sauntered over with a bowl of fruit loops.
"What's wrong birdy?" Tony asked. Vincent had a knack for encouraging the prolonged use of nicknames amongst the members. Usually, Anna would correct him, but today she was on a mission.
"Just restless, I guess," she admitted wistfully, leaning back in her chair. "I have never been to New York City before-I've always wanted to but never had a chance. Now that I am here, it's kind of sad that I haven't been able to really get out and see it, you know what I mean?"
"What's there to see?" Clint asked peeling a banana. "Just another big city; trust me kid, you're not missing much."
"I don't know…what about the Statue of Liberty? And MOMA or the Met? I've always wanted to see Times Square in person," Anna tried to convince Clint, but he remained unimpressed as he devoured his banana.
"Come on Hawkeye, you don't like to be caged in and birdy just wants to leave the nest for a bit," Tony explained.
"Are you suggesting we push her off the roof then? See if her wings can support her?" Clint asked. Anna's eyes widened.
"We could. I've always been interested in base jumps," Tony mused.
"Wait-wait. You're not pushing her off the roof Tony," Steve began. He turned to Anna. "I think you deserve to get out for a bit-just as long as someone goes with you."
"About that," she glanced towards the Captain. "I was wondering if you're busy today? Who better to tour New York with than someone who grew up in Brooklyn?"
"Well a lot has changed since I grew up," he deflected.
"Still, I think you would be a great guide-at least you wouldn't try to push me off any roofs," Anna added with a glare towards Clint and Tony.
"I guess you're right. I'm just not sure I'm ready to see it all again," Steve admitted.
"I understand. I was just hoping that you would go with me, but I don't want to push you into something you don't want to do."
"I never said that," said Steve. After a moment, he rose from the table and grabbed his bowl. "It's a good day for an outing. I'll meet you down here after I get dressed." Anna watched Steve leave the table and hurry off to his floor.
"One for the Oracle," she muttered under her breath. She looked up to see Tony and Clint snickering in their cereal. "What's up with you two?"
"Who? Us?" Tony asked.
"We're more interested in the two of you," Clint added. Anna just smiled and shook her head. She dropped her bowl in the sink and turned back to them.
"He needs this. I can't force him to rejoin the world, but I can be there for moral support," she explained. "Call me crazy, but I thought that's what friends do?"
"Friends, teammates, couples, yep they all do that," Tony observed. "Whoa wait. You're the sandwich girl."
"Say again?" Tony didn't pay any attention to Anna.
"Remember when I told you about the Cap getting all flustered about a new recruit?" Tony asked Clint.
"Oh," he replied as they both fixed a humorous glance on her.
"Okay, now I'm lost. How does that make me a sandwich girl and what does that have to do with asking Steve out?" Anna stopped cold.
"I mean, asking Steve to accompany me out, not out as in 'on a date,' but out as in 'mutual goings-together'…"she quickly covered.
"Smooth," Clint teased.
"You know what? Snicker all you want. I don't really need to know the rumors you guys trade in the bathroom," Anna stalked out of the room, leaving the two to once again exchange glances.
"In denial?"
"Obviously."
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It didn't take too long for the captain to meet her in the common area. Dressed in his usual khakis, button-up shirt, and leather jacket, it was obvious that Tony couldn't convince Steve to change his old-fashioned style, much to Anna's relief. They both entered the elevator and, for the first time in a while, exited the tower. For a split moment, Anna was giddy. She had never been out of the tower and left to her own devices! A sharp intake of breath from the Captain brought Anna out of her merriment. She had to remind herself, this wasn't just for her. It was for him. It was at that point that Anna felt immensely guilty-she was clearly horrible at playing innocent. As they began walking away from the tower, Anna turned to Steve.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" she asked.
"Yes. I've been needing to get out in the world, or so I'm told," he replied.
"You would tell me if it wasn't though, right?"
"Usually I'm pretty up front about things, which reminds me," he turned to her with a smirk. "You're more than welcome to just ask me to go somewhere-no need to conspire. Although I kind of enjoyed the melodramatic sighing…"
"What?" she exclaimed with mock surprise. "You could see through this poker face?!"
"That and suddenly my schedule was miraculously cleared," he mused. "If it's any consolation, I thought Coulson was up to something at first."
"Well I suppose I still have some chance at becoming a truly diabolical villain," she joked.
"I don't think you should be telling me this," Steve said. "Besides I doubt that you could be that diabolical." Anna stopped and gave him a challenging look.
"Having doubts in my dubious skills, are we?"
"Not doubts," he corrected. "More like hope for the good of humanity?"
"Nice save," she grinned.
"It's what I do," he motioned for her to go ahead of him. As they crossed the intersection, Anna looked over to him again.
"I'm sorry about the charade," she said.
"Super villains don't apologize, Anna."
"I guess I'm not that diabolical. Really, though, I'm glad you agreed to come with me. It's not just about getting you in the world. I was kind of hoping to cheer you up." He looked confusedly toward her.
"Lately," she started "You've been very withdrawn. I was starting to worry about you."
"I've just had a lot of things on my mind lately," he replied, but before Anna inquire further he changed the subject. "So, where do you want to go first?" Overlooking the Captain's segue, Anna sheepishly smiled.
"Would it be too tourist-y of me to see the Statue of Liberty?"
"To Ellis Island!" Steve exclaimed.
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The two toured New York's landmarks, as well as Steve's own personal sites of distinction. As they visited Ellis Island, Steve told her about his parents, first generation Americans whose families fled Ireland in 1895, after the horrors of the Great Famine. His parents met during the Great War, after the 101st had been subjected to the brutalities of mustard gas. His mother, an army nurse, tended to him, helping him to recover. They fell in love and married. Despite all of his father's health problems and his mother's many miscarriages, Steve was born in 1922 on July 4th. Anna listened attentively to Steve's stories of his childhood as they boarded the ferry.
"That's when I met Bucky. He thought I was bonkers, but I wasn't going to just let that guy get away with it. I guess you could say that Bucky always had my back from day one," he told Anna. "We were constantly getting into shenanigans. He'd pull the smooth tricks, I'd stand up and get in a fight, he'd get me out of the fight and then we'd go get a soda."
"It sounds like you two were really close," Anna smiled.
"We were, even though we were as different as two people could be, and I don't mean just physically. Bucky was always better at making passes with the dolls…I mean ladies. He always had a date, I kid you not, and he would always take her to do the jitterbug, but me I was just a dead hoofer…" Steve continued telling stories of his friendship with Bucky, even after they were both sent off to war.
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Mostly the two walked throughout the city without any planned destination. When there was something interesting, they would stop.
Anna was particularly interested in hearing Steve point out different places that existed during his childhood. He was painting her a picture of Pre-World War II New York, and she was a glad observer. Steve just enjoyed having someone listen to him; he always felt so outdated, it was nice to have someone take what he had to offer seriously. The two drifted away from the small row of townhouses and began to run into the large intersections of Times Square and Broadway. Anna gave a small gasp, feeling somewhat overwhelmed at all the activity. She kept turning around trying to take everything in. Steve smiled; the last time he had walked these streets he was overwhelmed himself, but he was less willing to take it all in. Anna, on the other hand, was absorbing it, wide eyes trying to catch everything in her vision. Despite his earlier worries, Steve was enjoying his outing with Anna and wasn't as depressed as he expected to be, until they got to that statue.
"Goodness!" she said walking a ways in front of him. They stopped before a monstrous sculpture of two figures in an ever-lasting romantic kiss. Steve had not seen these figures before, but the man was clearly a sailor of some sort and the lady was wearing a nurse's uniform. As Anna stood in awe, Steve moved closer to read the plaque: "Unconditional Surrender." He backed up and looked at the pair, trying to understand the significance of the statue. He was suddenly aware of Anna standing next to him. She was watching him curiously, almost worriedly. He smiled at her.
"Well I guess they'll make statues of anything these days, huh?" he asked her. "Do you know what this is for?" Anna hesitated. She was surprised that no one had shown Steve the iconic photograph, and part of her didn't want to mention it.
"It's a statue honoring an iconic photo, entitled 'The Kiss'," she explained. Pausing for a moment, she waited to see his reaction.
"The nurse's uniform, it looks like…"he trailed off and then began to circle the circumference of the statue. Anna followed him closely.
"Hey son!" someone called. Anna and Steve turned to a man with a camera. "Do you want me to take a picture of you and your girlfriend by the statue?"
"Uh, no that won't be necessary," Anna began.
"Oh come on. This is one of the most romantic poses in history!" the man exclaimed. Anna had never wanted to sock someone before in her life as much as she wanted to then.
"Two strangers brought together in a moment's passion to celebrate the Allies' victory," the man recited, obviously having done this before. "And, for only five dollars you can reenact the very kiss that signified the end of World War II and the beginning of a brighter future." No, Anna thought fervently. No, no, no. NO! He wasn't supposed to deal with this right now, and he shouldn't have learned from some random guy trying to make some fast cash. Mustering the best glare she could give, she shot it at the man, who looked completely dumbfounded.
"You're telling me that you don't know about VJ day?" the man asked as Steve stood as still as the statues themselves.
"You know what? He knows it better than you do, so why don't you take this," Anna shoved some money in the man's hand "and go harangue someone else for a while!" The man clearly getting the message, and thrilled to be paid, heeded the young woman's order and scurried away. Steve had already begun walking away from the man and the statue. Anna followed after him. He staggered part-way down the street, as Anna called to him.
"Steve," she called. "Steve, wait." He stopped at a bench and sat down. He held both hands in his lap and did not look at her. Anna slipped onto the bench next to him and waited for the man to speak.
"I'm okay, really," he reassured her. "I have some mixed feelings about seeing it. That's all." Anna said nothing.
"You know," Steve began again. "I did hear about VJ day. I heard that people were cheering and dancing in the streets. After all the war brought us, we really did have something to dance about. I'm glad they did dance, after all we lost. It's just that, a part of me...takes issue with it." He looked down to his hands, guiltily.
"I'm not saying that I wasn't proud to serve my country," he defended "I'm not saying that I would make a different choice. But, how many people will ever know that I wanted to be there, when it was all over? That, that sailor there should have been a Sargent sweeping a nurse off her feet and then jiving with her. I would've given anything to see all of my comrades there, cheering and dancing. I would've given anything to have taken her dancing right there in Times Square. It's funny that this one moment means so much to me, that even though I got a second chance, I can never live through that moment." Steve lifted his eyes to meet Anna's.
"Now I'm here, and all that's left of that moment is a few people who remember it, a statue, a photograph and a captain who didn't even get to experience it but should have been put to pasture long ago," Steve lamented. "The world is so different Anna. That bright future? Did anyone get it? I didn't. The more I learn about the recent history, the more I wonder about whether or not it's all a running joke." He starred out ahead.
"But still, I'm here. Captain America, the relic. To be paraded about in stars and stripes to the tune of John Phillips Sousa," Steve stood up. "I don't know if this world even wants a Captain America, nonetheless needs it. With everything that is happening I wonder if people will ever know what it was really like back then, what it really meant. Sure, you have all your pictures and statues, but did you know how we felt? Out there on the front lines? It's all so glamorous until you have to make that choice for the better and brighter future! Then you get iced for a few decades and you get to see what came about because of your sacrifice and you wonder, does anyone care? Has anyone learned the lessons we had to know back then?" Steve sat down, nearly out of breath. "In the end, I'm just the man out of time…hmmm..out of time, and everyday I'm constantly reminded of how everything I believed in before has changed. How I have changed, but still don't belong. I still don't know what I should fight for now. America? Shield? Midgard? Then you walked in my life and suddenly there are dimensions of people out there, should I fight for them? It doesn't matter, because no one ever learns…no one will ever remember…I'm just a re-run that people will watch if I follow the script, but I'm not sure I want to anymore. I'm not sure I'm what this world needs. I'm just a memory and nothing more." It was this point that Anna stood up and towered over the Captain.
"Now listen up Mr. Captain America," she began. "I know that we've made plenty of mistakes-God knows what we have done to our own citizens should be enough to make anyone question what the hell we're doing. So I can't tell you that your sacrifice brought about a better future, and if you're asking me to lie and tell you it did, then you would know all too well that it was a sham. The fact is, for all my supposed omniscience, there are many things I do not know. I could not know your sacrifice or what it is you experienced. I can never know the lessons that you had to learn by experience. But I'll tell you something I know for damned sure. We may not need Captain America, but we sure as hell need more Steve Rogers in this world!" Anna continued to stare down at the shocked man, refusing to relent.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe Captain America is supposed to be just another propaganda device-a poster boy who validates our every move with a charming and reassuring smile. But maybe you shouldn't care about the people who will try to use you that way, because they obviously don't know who you are. Do you think that someone had a suit hanging around while they waited to find the perfect person to be their icon? Okay, well they probably did-but that's not the point! You might have been destined to be Captain America, but Steve Rogers made the captain who he is today." Anna sat down and lowered her voice.
"You were chosen to receive the serum, not because of where you came from, or that you were the perfect soldier, or that you would one day be Captain America. You were chosen because of who you are, because of Steve Rogers. Captain America would have been nothing without that man, who was so idealistic and stubborn that he wanted to change the way society perceived him," Anna continued. "So burn your uniform. Put down your shield. We'll always have big and strong people out there, but what we need is someone who doesn't give up. Who isn't content with the way the world is. We need an idealist. We need a Steve Rogers… We need you. We'll always need you... I just hope you realize that who are you is more than any one uniform could make you." Anna shook her head.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," she admitted. "But as much as I wish, I can't reassure you of any future. Oracles don't have that ability. I can tell you now though, that if you only look at yourself as the captain, then you're missing the most important part of yourself." Through the entirety of Anna's rant, Steve remained quietly, listening attentively. He was shocked by her outburst, and at the same time, touched.
"I wish you could tell me the future," he finally told her. "It'd give something to hold onto, instead of the past."
"I think the future is over-rated," Anna responded. "You fall into the trap of waiting for a moment that may never come and becoming very disappointed when it doesn't. Look what happened to Gatsby."
"True."
"Maybe you should just hold on to the present," she continued. "Carpe diem." He raised his eyebrows in her direction.
"Okay, that's it. We're watching Dead Poet's Society," she concluded. "It means 'seize the day'. You can't change the past, and you don't know the future, so you work with what you have-the present."
"Gather ye rosebuds while you may, old time is a flying, and this flower that blooms today, tomorrow will be a-dying," Steve recited.
"Robert Herrick fan? We are definitely watching the Dead Poets movie, then," she laughed. She looked into his eyes and gave a reassuring smile. His blue eyes struck her as they always did, since that day on the helicarrier, since he held her above the waves. He kept her afloat through the ordeal, and now she would return the favor. He just needed to be anchored into the present.
"I can't promise you," he said "that I won't feel this way, but I'm glad you at least want me around."
"Well, we reckless idealists need to stick together," she smiled. "Who else can I count on to dive into potentially life-threatening oceans with?"
"To be fair, you did throw my shield down first," he gave her an impish look.
"I see…the truth comes out," she joked. "It's always about your precious shield."
"You didn't keep your promise," he responded. "You said you'd bring it back…birdy." Anna gave him a sideways glance and nudged him with her shoulder.
"Live for the present, huh?" he asked her finally and she nodded in reply. "What if I can't?"
"Well, then I guess I'll stick around and lecture you on another bench in New York."
Steve POV:
Steve entered his apartment, a smile still on his face. It was rather late in the evening, after being convinced to watch a movie with Anna, they had spent several hours discussing it on the roof. She was right. The movie was very good. As he walked into the kitchen, he couldn't help but start quoting some of the lines:
"I sound my barbaric yawp," he laughed, not entirely sure what a yawp was, but the memory of Anna trying to demonstrate one would never leave his mind.
"You just…yawp," she tried to explain to him as they stood on the roof with a half-eaten bag of popcorn.
"Yawp."
"No-no. Not 'yawp,' come with me" she stood up and grabbed his hand pulling him to the side of the railing. She gestured her hands out in front of her. "Go on, yawp. I'm the only one who is going to hear you…"
"Anna, I don't think I can yawp."
"Seriously, anyone can yawp."
"Fine, you do it," he motioned for her to stand in front of him. She nodded and walked to the edge and closed her eyes. Steve began to mutter, when Anna hushed him. "Shhh…I'm thinking about what I should yawp about…" For a few moments she held the pose, and suddenly:
"YAWP!" Steve stood aghast as Anna bellowed a sound that was much louder and lower in tone than he ever expected her capable of. She had her hands above her head and then turned on her heel to face him. She bowed as Steve clapped.
"What did you yawp about?"
"I'm not telling. Okay your turn."
"But why? I need a reason-something yawp-worthy."
"Steve, we're not leaving this roof until I hear your yawp." He looked at her helplessly. "I want to hear your yawp, you heard mine." He smiled nervously and stepped toward the ledge. He kept glancing behind him and Anna just motioned for him to go on. He closed his eyes. Anna sneakily came up behind him. Standing on her tip toes, she placed both hands on his shoulders, and leaned toward him.
"I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world," she whispered in his ear.
"YAWPPP!"
"Carpe Diem!"
"Carpe Diem!" The two yelled and cheered, only disturbed upon the slamming of a metal door.
"Do you two think you can go yawp somewhere else?" they turned to see a rather disgruntled looking Tony Stark in his boxer shorts and an incredible Hulk t-shirt. "I think Asgard can you hear you!"
Steve laughed out loud. The look on Tony's face was priceless. Oh gosh, he thought, who knew yawping could be so fun. His eyes fell on a manila folder resting on his counter. The single object brought him crashing back to reality. It was a daunting thing- a reminder that one of his dearest friends was out there and needed him.
Steve tried to as discreetly as possible visit Shield multiple times under the guise of attending significant Shield meetings. These so-called meetings were scheduled rendezvouses with Coulson about his trading card collection and information about his former comrades. Just catching up, he would tell Coulson.
Unfortunately, his clever tactic of being in the right place at the right time wasn't cutting it, and Steve realized that he would eventually need to be more proactive if he was ever to get the information he needed. The question was how? Or better yet, who could he trust to help him in this mission? Obviously he couldn't trust the director; he was too closely tied with those placing a death penalty on Bucky. His only other two options were Stark and Romanov. Coulson would probably get the information for him, but Steve felt too perturbed about endangering the man's career, especially when he knew that Coulson would readily do anything for Captain America. So it was the man of snark himself or the eerily quiet assassin. He preferred his chances with the red-head. He would have a talk with her later, and then there would be nothing stopping him from taking the mission-well save for one person.
Training with Vincent was going extremely well; the young man had natural instincts and reflexes that gave him the upper edge in any battle. Thor agreed with Steve: the only thing they needed to work on was Vincent's attitude and ability as a leader. Frankly, Steve felt that Vincent would only truly gain this with experience, so his trainee could easily survive without his being there. The captain didn't have much interaction with Icarus, and the only thing that concerned him in the arrangement of the wizard's tutelage was the tutor. Loki seemed to be behaving well enough and with Thor around, did Steve have much to worry about? Especially with Anna's unbreakable vow gambit? That's where he hit the nail on the head. Steve had one person standing in his way and she was a foot shorter than him.
He was pleasantly surprised when she asked him to spend the Saturday with her. He came home from that Saturday, soaring far above the tower. She was surely something special. He had avoided going through the streets of New York since the Chituari attack. So much damage was still evident, and so much of what remained of the old New York was lost. He felt like he had lost his home all over again, but then he saw the spark in her eyes, the quiet reverence, the childlike astonishment, and the overwhelming feeling of warmth shed off her in waves. She felt like hope. The feeling of better things to come and the desire to rebuild communities that were broken. Then, when he felt like he was once again lost to the sea, she clung to him, refusing to let him go down without a fight. His heart fluttered: she wanted-needed him, not Captain America, but him, Steve Rogers. How could this one person have so much passion at any given time? At that moment, Steve was her selected charge, as she consistently focused her feelings of rejuvenation on him. She was truly, unbelievably-Steve set his glass down. He didn't have words to explain it, and so that night he started to express the feeling in the form he could communicate anything. He spread the paper before him, feeling the texture under his hands. He would start with her eyes, which he could see even after leaving her hours later. Yes, he thought as he began sketching contour lines, she's my one road block. He couldn't leave her, not yet, but he knew the time was coming when he would have to trust her to be on her own.
