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Disclaimer: I don't own them Ron Moore and Sci-fi do.
The president let her eyes wonder to the large clock hanging above Sarah Porter's head. Only twenty minutes had passed since the delegates started the informal meeting aboard Galactica. She was 'a bored' aboard Galactica, she thought to herself with amusement. Looking down at her paper she saw her immaculate doodles in the margins and was actually quite pleased with her sketch of Bill.
With a smooth movement she brought her hand to rest of the paper and suddenly worried that someone might see the paper. Focus Laura, she scolded herself, only a few more minutes and this torture will be over. Much to her satisfaction the meeting seemed to be drawing to a close.
Colonial One was still out of commission and she had a lot of people to meet with today. She had already received a phone call from Lt. Agathon this morning, informing her they were bringing in a suspect. Helo had been stingy with the details but in a bit of brighter news he mentioned she could return to her own ship tomorrow. She was excited to go 'home' but it meant leaving Bill with things unresolved.
Zarek's voice forced Laura back into the present. Kobol bless him for closing the meeting. The last half hour was not only boring but unproductive as well. Most of the delegates were still too obsessed with the subject of her cancer to focus on other important matters. When they finally relented on that subject they turned to their concern for her life encouraged by what happened on Colonial One.
For a moment during the dull debate, Laura thought Sarah Porter was going to offer to be her own private body guard. The one comfort she took was the fact the delegates felt uncomfortable in the large open conference room, while she was completely at home. The meeting was cut a little short because of their discomfort at being on board the Admiral's ship. Finally, after twenty minutes of eternity, the whining political children started to leave.
Once the conference room was nearly deserted Zarek approached Laura with a smirk on his face. She ignored him and started gathering the notes and papers she had doodled on during the meeting. He waited until they were alone and then stepped a little closer into her personal space than she would have liked.
"They're concerned about you Laura, you can't fault them for that," he said, with that charming smile of his dripping from his lips like so much honey.
She took of her glasses and turned to face him. She was a little surprised by just how close he was standing to her.
"They have bigger things to worry about right now," Laura replied.
"Always the selfless martyr," Zarek replied, teasingly.
Roslin knew he was only half joking and her response was a smirk. She knew he suspected what happened to her on New Caprica, though he never spoke of it. She was pretty sure the same thing happened to him for standing against Baltar.
"How much time do you have?" Zarek asked, softly, as he put a hand on her shoulder.
The action bothered her but she let him get away with it for the moment.
"Enough," Laura said with deliberate hostility in her voice.
Frankly, that was between herself and Dr. Cottle. She was going to keep it a secret for as long as she could.
"In that case…" Tom said and unlike the other morning in her office, he did lean down and kiss her.
She let him get away with it simply because he already knew her heart belonged to someone else. Besides, he was a very good kisser. Part of her, which she loathed, actually enjoyed the long forgotten sensation of simply kissing someone. With Bill there had been too much history, too much concern for the future to truly enjoy the moment. When Tom parted from her he was grinning like a fox.
"Sorry," he apologized, "I just wanted to do that once before…enough."
Laura smiled and folded her arms across her chest.
"Mr. Zarek," she said, just as he was about to leave, "If you ever do that again I will throw you out the airlock."
"Well, if it's anything like when you threw me down in the dirt on New Caprica, I'm all for it," he replied with a smile and left the conference room.
Laura continued to smile until she saw Bill enter the room as Zarek was leaving. They passed each other in the doorway and for a moment Laura thought Bill might really take a swing at Tom. He hadn't seen them, had he? Suddenly she felt trapped inside the conference room. No, he couldn't have, she said to herself trying to maintain a clam exterior.
If Bill had seen them, surely he wouldn't be looking as...well, he did look irritated. She briefly sent her eyes skyward and wondered what she had done in her past life to earn such punishment here.
"Madame President," Bill greeted from the doorway but made no attempt to move any closer.
"Admiral," she replied, matching his slightly cold tone.
He was mad at her, but for what she had absolutely no idea, unless of course he had just seen her making out with another man. Note to self: no more making out with other men in front of Bill, Laura thought with a smirk. The most ironic thing was she hadn't even gone to see the cylon today simply because she was waiting to discuss it with Bill. If he was going to continue to sulk then he could just forget her asking for approval. It's not like she needed his approval. Why did he have to act like such a…man?!
"We need to talk," he simply said, some of the cold sting melting away.
She smiled and tilted her head encouraging him to continue.
"Not here. My quarters," he said and with an extended hand pointed down the corridor.
To say Laura was alarmed would not do justice to precisely how fast her heart started pounding or how all color drained from her face. His quarters? What on Kobol did they have to discuss in his quarters that couldn't be said here? Had he come to a decision about their relationship? If he had, did meeting in his quarters mean...? Laura swallowed hard and walked passed him and out of the conference room.
The walk down the corridor was spent in silence. Usually Bill walked side by side with her but today he was slightly behind her. The signals she was getting from him where impossible to read. He seemed angry so, perhaps, he had decided against a relationship. On the other hand, his quarters were a good distance away from the conference rooms and he deliberately wanted her there. But then again, he had addressed her as the president so maybe what he had to say involved the possible assassination attempt. Helo had told her they were bringing in a suspect.
As she hurried her pace down the hallway there was one thing she knew for sure, the questions swarming around in her brain were giving her a headache. When they finally reached his quarters Bill opened the hatch and allowed her to step inside first. Always the gentleman, she thought, so maybe this means something is going to happen. Like what? He's going to ravish you in his quarters? Laura didn't think Bill was the type, however, with the mood she was in currently he might just get away with it.
She took a few more steps to the middle of the room and turned to face him with her arms folded. Her expression told him he better start explaining himself or she was going to lose her cool.
"Sorry for the secrecy," he said, his eyes filled with guilt, "I just didn't want this overheard."
Laura was now completely at wits end. She shook her head in confusion.
"I've been reading an interesting piece of writing," Bill began.
Laura's breath hitched ever so slightly. So, this was about them. Until this moment she hadn't fully realized how desperately she wanted Bill to decide in favor of 'them.' It was insane, true...but her heart hadn't been touched in so long and the mere thought of opening up to someone special filled her with excitement and hope; hope she needed for herself and for the fleet. If Bill loved her she was sure she could face her cancer, lead the people to Earth, and find some happiness before she died.
"Did you like the ending?" Laura questioned, proud of how even her voice sounded as compared to her wavering knees.
Bill looked surprised.
"Ending?" He replied.
If this was some kind of new signal Laura wasn't sure how to read it.
"The novel..." she trailed off and saw comprehension seep into Bill's face.
"Oh, no, I…I haven't finished the book yet," he replied.
Even though there was still hope, even though Bill's words weren't meant to crush or destroy, they went straight to Laura heart like a knife.
"Oh," was all she could say.
Shame and embarrassment flooded her being and she knew her face was flushing. She turned her head to the side to try and hide her disappointment.
"I meant this," Bill said moving passed her and picking up a notebook from his desk.
He flipped through the pages and after finding what he wanted he handed the notebook to her. Grateful for the excuse to look away from him, she read the words on the page.
"When they came to get him they dropped off Laura Roslin. She was in pretty bad shape--"
Laura immediately threw the book back on the desk not bothering to read more. She didn't have to read any further to put together what was happening. With a frustrated sigh she paced to the opposite side of the room and turned to face Bill her arms folded more tightly now.
"Care to explain?" Bill asked, there was gentleness but also force in his tone.
Laura had to take a few deep breaths in order to gain control of her emotions. She was beyond pissed that Bill found out about New Caprica. As far as she was concerned, it was behind her. No doubt he would give her a line of crap about it affecting her judgment and ability to lead the fleet. Or maybe he wanted to blame himself for what happened to her, as he had a tendency to do. Kobol help the Admiral if he brought up Baltar.
"It happened. We kept it quite. End of story," she stated.
"Cottle said you kept it more than quite. No one knows what happened," Bill replied.
Laura put her hands on her hips and marched across the room again.
"Is my life an open book?" she snapped, refusing to look at Bill.
How dare Dr. Cottle betray her?! How dare Bill ask Cottle to betray her?! At the present moment she didn't know who she hated more.
"No, Laura," Bill began his tone lifting in volume, "You're life is a mystery even to me. I would say, as it is, I know you pretty well, better than anyone in this fleet. But even I don't know that much about you."
Bill drew in a breath and seemed to calm himself down a little but Laura still kept her gaze averted.
"...Cottle didn't tell the Admiral what happened to you, he told Bill."
Laura heart did soften with the last statement but she was still in a rage. Bill continued to talk, not letting her get a word in.
"Why do I always have to pry information out of you? You say we have to trust each other but you don't tell me about your dreams. You say you want to have a relationship but you hold back a part of yourself," Bill said.
His voice was soft and full of truth and power that was not lost on Laura.
"You'll let Zarek kiss you and won't demand anything from him because he won't get too close, but me you keep at arm's length. What are you afraid of, Laura?" Bill questioned.
Damn, he had seen Zarek kiss her.
"I never said I wanted a relationship," she replied, coolly.
Bill looked shocked. She knew it was below the belt but he was getting a little too close to the mark and she wanted to make him back off.
"Answer the question," Bill shot back.
Laura was a little shocked herself. Usually her tactics to dissuade people from asking too many questions worked. Apparently, Bill wasn't going to give up. That warmed her more than she cared to admit.
"This is really about me not divulging everything about New Caprica, isn't it?" Laura mused, finally daring to look Bill in the eyes.
"No, this is about us having a relationship outside of the professional," Bill answered.
Normally Bill avoided such direct answers and the fact he was giving them now meant something was about to change, for better or worse.
"This is about you trusting me with more than just the best interests of the fleet," he continued.
"I don't know if I can do that Bill," Laura jeered, clasping her hands behind her back.
Bill took off his glasses and leaned against the side of his desk.
"I want to make it clear, what we are talking about here. When you said we have to decide how much this means to us; when we talk about having a relationship, to me that means till death do us part. If I am going to put in jeopardy everything I've worked for from the time I was twenty then I have to know you are committed.
"Carolann and I went wrong because we started keeping secrets from each other. When two people commit they become one. One mind, one body, one heart. You will have to trust me with all three if you want this Laura. Giving away your heart means it can be broken. There is a cost, there is a risk, but, like you said, we have to decide how much this means to us," Bill explained.
His low voice was soothing to her ears but his words stirred emotions within her she couldn't remember ever having. No man had ever asked for her heart before. Did he really say till death? What exactly did he mean by that? Was he expecting marriage? There were too many consequences and possibilities for her to think about. This was far more complicated than she initially realized.
"To be honest, I never looked at it that way," she told him truthfully. "I just know that when we're together, like on New Caprica, I feel good. The idea you might love me appealed to me very much but, perhaps, I was a bit hasty in forcing the subject. The only relationships I've ever been in were secrets, Bill. You're right to say secrets complicate but I don't see how we can enter into anything that isn't a secret. And, as far as telling you everything, giving you my whole heart..." Laura trailed off and she could feel her face contort with anxiety.
"While I'm the president I don't think I can," she finished.
Suddenly, it seemed that the choice of whether or not to embark into a relationship was up to her and not him.
"Fair enough," Bill replied, his expression stone.
Only yesterday the possibility of being with Bill seemed to have a real chance. But now, in light of the brutal honesty between them, things seemed hopeless. Laura would never tell him all of her secrets. If he couldn't live with that then she was a fool to think they could be more than friends and allies.
She smiled, but it was a smile of despair. What she wanted most in the world was slipping into oblivion.
"Now," Bill said, looking more depressed than she had ever seen him, "We need to get down to the brig. Helo brought in our suspect."
