Note: You people are sadists... everyone is dying to see Johanna (and the rest of the AX gang) get into trouble, ranging from having Petros show up to find out what happened, to having FRANCESCO show up to find out what happened.

But that's okay... because I'm a sadist, too, I suppose. Hence this chapter.


Unexpected Results, Part IX

Father Havel: "Johanna, please tell me you were joking that the guards are going to be arriving soon."

Guard: "All of you, hands in the air and don't move!"

Abel: "I guess not."

WWW: "Now, gentlemen, let's be reasonable about this."

Guard: "Quiet! Now, which one of you tried to break into the Vatican's computer?"

Father Havel: "No one tried to 'break in,' as you so crudely put it."

Guard: "Don't bother lying, we saw an unauthorized user on the system and traced it to this location!"

Me: "Oh, not again!"

WWW: "Sister Johanna?"

Me: "Father Abel, I can't believe you forgot!"

Abel: "ME?!"

Me: "I'm so sorry, I just joined the AX, and this is the second time that Father Nightroad was supposed to arrange for me to have security access on the computer system. Honestly, Father Nightroad, this is embarrassing!"

Abel: "But I-"

Guard: "So you were trying to break into the Vatican network?"

Me: "Do I look like some sort of malicious, unscrupulous computer hacker?!"

Guard: "I'm sorry, Sister, I meant no offense-"

Me: "The Fathers were helping me get a better idea of how the Vatican was organized, so I showed them how to find the user directory of the Vatican so they could tell me who was who. After all, there's nothing so humiliating as meeting a high-ranking official and having no idea who he or she is!"

Guard: "So you're saying that-"

Me: "Besides, how can it possibly be construed as breaking in when someone with no access can see it?"

Guard: "Well-"

Me: "To be honest, I was surprised I got that far. Small wonder that her Eminence wants me to work on updating computer security for the AX, if it took you that long to stop me..."

WWW: "That's not strictly accurate-"

Me: "You're right, Father Wordsworth, I wasn't implying that I would be the one making the changes, that's Security's job, of course. But someone has to be able to tell them what needs to be done!"

Guard: "I'm surprised that her Eminence didn't say something to us sooner."

Me: "If Father Nightroad was supposed to be the one telling you?"

Guard: "Good point."

Me: "It was bad enough that when I first arrived here, Father Nightroad was supposed to have updated my records with the Vatican to be listed as authorized personnel. But first there was the problem with not being issued an ID card, and now this!"

Guard: "Well, I should have known that Father Nightroad was behind this one."

Abel: "What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

Me: "Well, honestly, it wasn't all Father Nightroad's fault."

Abel: "Thank you, Sister."

Me: "It's partially Father Wordsworth's responsibility, too."

WWW: "ME?! How is any of this my fault?"

Guard: "When is something technologically going wrong around here NOT your fault?"

WWW: "Well, I-"

Me: "Anyway, I'm sorry to have caused any trouble. Father Havel was only trying to explain to me the Vatican hierarchy, and I'm sure he NEVER would have been training me using the computer system if he'd KNOWN that Father Nightroad and Father Wordsworth hadn't already made the necessary arrangements."

Guard: "I see..."

Me: "Actually, to keep something like this happening again, do you mind if I just come down to Security so we can get all of this straightened out at the proper level?"

Guard: "An excellent suggestion, Sister."

Abel: "Now hang on a min-"

Me: "I hope, Father Nightroad, that you DID manage to get my personnel files FINALLY taken care of? I'd hate to inconvenience Security even more than I already have."

Abel: "O-of course, Sister. Cardinal Caterina oversaw it personally."

Me: "This is just so embarrassing..."

Guard: "It's all right, it's not the first time that Father Nightroad and Father Wordsworth have had a run-in with security."

WWW: "Now, really, isn't that-"

Guard: "You should have seen the security system after his bio-electric detection apparatus went haywire. We were replacing circuits for a week."

Me: "And um, do you mind escorting me down to Security? I'm still trying to find my way around here, this place is just huge."

Guard: "Of course, Sister. Once you're done, if you'd like, I'll bring you back here. That is, if you gentlemen don't mind waiting..."

Me: "Will it take long? I'm supposed to be submitting a report to her Eminence later today, and this is just so going to mess up my schedule."

Guard: "Not at all, Sister. We'll have everything taken care in less than an hour."

Me: "Thank you so much. Shall we? Oh... do you mind if either Father Nightroad or Father Wordsworth comes with me? Her Eminence did say that I was supposed to be escorted at all times by one of these two."

Guard: "Certainly..."

Abel: "Y-yes, of course. Professor... Father Havel... if you'll excuse me. Us."

Me: "This is just so embarrassing..."

To be continued...