I smiled and waved Hirako goodbye as he went through the Senkaimon with Hyiori. They had to inspect an area with really high reiatsu activity, possibly full of hollows. I had a really bad feeling about their mission, but I did my best to ignore it. I used to have bad feelings all the time. Sometimes they came true, sometimes they didn't, but hey! It wasn't anything reliable. The gates closed and I was still looking at them. Damn, I had gotten attached.
It was the first time Hirako had a mission since I came to Soul Society and I was worried about him. 'Why do I care so much? He's just my teacher, dammit!' He was more, I knew it. He was more like a brother. I had always wanted an older brother but I was an only child. Did I actually consider him my Nee-sama? I sighed.
"Separation anxiety?" Lisa asked with a knowing smirk. I hadn't really noticed her there.
I shrugged. "Not really. I just... Don't really have much to do."
She rolled her eyes. "You can start by helping me drag my Taicho's sorry ass back to his office. He's got a lot of papers to do. I was on my way to the bar. Then we'll see."
I nodded. It wasn't like I had any other options. Lisa led me a little away from Sereitei, into Rukongai. I shivered as I left the security of the gates. I had never been out without Hirako. I felt like a small defenseless puppy with its small fangs falling and the strong ones not yet grown. I was... So weak.
Lisa walked at a military pace. I gulped, struggling to keep up with her. We finally reached a bar, which looked like it was about to collapse. However, there was light inside and I could hear laughter and glasses being knocked. We walked in, receiving strange glances, and I did my best to follow Lisa in the sea of people. I was starting to appreciate Hirako more and more. He used to hold my hand (at first my arm, (but I had deserved rough treatment the first time, gotta admit) pretty much dragging me after him, but it had soon gotten softer) to keep me close and prevent me from getting lost. Lisa didn't care. She looked behind once to check on me, but why would she look after me? I had followed her on my own accord. A man grabbed my ass and I slapped his hand away. I didn't bother look at him. I simply ran, catching up with Lisa as she was entering a private room.
I smiled warmly, relaxing as I saw so many familiar faces. "And then he..." Kyoraku hadn't noticed us and kept talking. Lisa promptly interrupted him by smacking him with her book. Hehe, that thing was like her zanpakutou. Always with her. She glared at him as they started their antics. Love grinned at me as Rose politely invited me to sit next to him. I gladly accepted. He was such a romantic that I knew he'd look after me. Yoruichi started laughing at something Urahara had said. "You seem lost." Rose remarked.
I shrugged. "I bet she misses Shinji. Lucky bastard, why did we put her in his care again?" Love asked.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not that. I just... I feel like there's nothing for me to do without him around."
Rose nodded. "True. You spend your whole day with him."
"Not that he'd give you a choice." Love remarked. "He's like a mother hen."
I gulped. Yoruichi grinned from the other side of the table. "Oh, really? I knew he had a thing for younger women! He keeps denying it, but it's gotta be true!"
"It's not like that at all!" I defended.
"Course not. He's got a girlfriend, that Hilda girl. And I know for a fact that he ain't no cheater." Urahara commented.
Love nodded. "They don't love each other, though. He uses her for sex. She uses him for small favors. When the sex won't be good enough, it's over."
I blushed. I knew that was why he sometimes left me alone, or told me to deliver papers, or why he'd sometimes leave in the evening... "It's his problem." I muttered.
Rose heard me. "Indeed, it is. But we're just worried that if he has a serious issue, she won't be there for him." he whispered.
My eyes widened. Weren't they his friends? I guessed they were, since they worried. But did he trust them? Maybe not. Love had Rose. Urahara had Yoruichi. Kensei had Mashiro. Lisa had Kyoraku. And Hirako? Well, I guess he had Hiyori. And she had Hikifune... Sure, they were a pretty interesting couple... He had her. Definitely. "What about Hiyori?" I whispered. I was trying to convince myself of the truth my thoughts held.
Rose shook his head. "It's complicated."
I nodded, silenced by his words. The conversation then went to less serious topics, but I couldn't take my mind off Rose's words. What was so complicated? Things were simple. I looked down, feeling weird. I was confused, yet, at the same time, I felt an undeniable loneliness. I had nobody. I was alone... Hirako was the only one I was close to, and he didn't even need me.
I went home late, when the others finally decided to call it a night. The happy group led me home and left, chatting animatedly. I went to bed on my own. The other bed was empty and neatly made, as if it was new. I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest. 'Master, you have me. You are never alone.'
I smiled at Arashi's words. It was true. Shinigamis are never alone. "Thanks, Arashi." I whispered. I went under the covers and made myself comfortable for a few moments. Then the bad feeling from the separation returned, even stronger. I pulled the blanket closer. 'Hirako, get back here already!' I thought as I fell asleep.
When I woke up the following morning, I had very little motivation to do anything. I lazily got dressed and walked out, hoping I'd find something to do. I walked to the Senkaimon, drawn by an uncommon ruckus. I stopped a man and asked what was going on. "Have you not heard? Hirako-Taicho got severely wounded during his mission. Aikawa-Taicho and Muguruma-Taicho are off to bring them back." he instantly ran off.
I palled, my eyes widening as the gates opened and Kensei came in, carrying Hirako. I gasped. I had never seen so much blood... Too much blood. His clothes were soaked and, as they passed me, I saw the three lines that had ripped his clothes and flesh. I thought I even saw bones in a place. Claws from a hollow. I ran after Kensei, drowning in worry.
The muscled man had stopped, many shinigami rushing in to give first-aid medical treatment. Hirako was down as Kensei stepped backwards. "Why not go straight to the 4th?" I asked, my voice trembling. I thought I'd faint.
He didn't even look at me. "Emergency treatment. We've wasted too much time already." he scanned my face as I stepped forward, trying to get another look at Hirako. "Don't..." I didn't listen to Kensei to the end.
Hirako's face was pale and completely calm, as if he was dead. He had a little blood on a cheek. I gathered my courage and looked at his wounds once more. The middle gash was longer and maybe deeper. They were trying to stop the bleeding... The lower one was through his stomach, a mere scratch compared to the others. I heard someone yell for more bandages. What would I do without him? The top slice was on his ribs. It had cut clean through them, wounded his lungs and ... I stepped back and recomposed myself. I felt weak and close to tears. Kensei looked ready to catch me if I passed out. I took a few moments to regain my voice, whilst the medics took the wounded away. "How did this happen?" I finally asked. My voice hesitated a little at the beginning, but obeyed me nonetheless.
Kensei scanned me appreciatively. He was probably impressed that I hadn't passed out or anything. He thought so little of me... "He protected Hiyori. Ask her."
My fists clenched as my reiatsu surged in anger. I slowly calmed down. "Fine." I finally said.
I found her rather quickly. She was with Hikifune, whose eyes widened for a moment as she saw me. Then her look softened. "Koizumi, it'll be alright."
I nodded distantly, my eyes on Hiyori. She barely had a scratch, while he was... "How did it happen?" I asked angrily.
Hiyori seemed taken aback by my voice, bur her daily feisty frown quickly appeared. "It's not my fault the damn baldy thinks I need to be babysitted." she growled.
"Well, he did a good job with that." I countered. "You seem fucking fine."
She jumped up. "Are you blaming me for coming back alright?"
"Yes, since there's no way he was lethally wounded and you're completely fine!" I hissed.
"Well, news flash, he chose to fight till the others got there, got it? We were facing a fucking Arrancar and damn princess was too lazy to use his Shikai from the beginning. He got sliced before he knew it."
I was still angry, although I at least knew what had happened. "Where the fuck were you? I know you hate him, but still, you were together in that mission."
Oh, damn. I had really touched a nerve with that. Hiyori tried to punch me, but Hikifune held her. She started squirming angrily. "You don't know shit! Stop trying to act like you do, bitch! You think I liked having his blood all over me? You think I liked having this fucking proof that I am weaker than him? Do you?"
I bit my bottom lip, looking down, then bowed. "I'm sorry." Those were the last words I said before leaving.
I ran. Far, far, away. I shunpoed a few times, ending next to the gates. Jidanbo was there, but I didn't want to talk about what I had just done, how stupid I had been. I stood in a nearby tree and let my tears spill. I had mastered the art of silent crying so long ago that I couldn't remember. No sobs, no shaking shoulders, no nothing. Only tears. I had been stupid and reckless. I had put the blame on Hiyori without any reason. Damn, I was so pathethic. Hirako was sure to be upset about that... when he woke up. I knew he would, eventually, but my weak half was just too strong. I wiped my cheeks with my sleeves, hating my weakness. My ration was protesting vehemently. Stop crying, it said. Arashi slowly whispered kind words, calming me down. My zanpakutou was my strength. He was all I ever wanted to be. He was my support. I looked up, pressing my hands over my eyes to dry them completely. 'Master, I told you. Control your reiatsu.'
I nodded, but the clouds gathered around Sereitei emptied anyway. It was a gentle rain, though. I smiled as I got wet. Rain always made me feel better. Just a calm, gentle rain, no wind, no thunder. It was the best. I went to Jidanbo, smiling. He seemed a little surprised to see me there, but he was available for a little chit-chat.
I soon left Jidanbo, because I was getting cold due to my wet clothes. I went home to get changed, then decided to go see Hirako. I knew he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon, but a tiny part of me felt that it was my duty. After all, in full health, he had looked after me. Now it was my turn. Right? I wasn't too worried anyway... Ok, that's a lie. I was dead worried and, as I neared the hospital, I feared that someone would pass by and tell me he was dead. I shook my head to empty it of negative thoughts. 'No, he's fine, he'll be up and about in no time at all and we'll resume training before I know it. Yes, he's fine.'
Yeah... Well, he was alive... I stood down in a nearby chair, wondering why there were no perfusions or complicated machines. *'Kido.'* Arashi said simply. 'True.'
Hirako's face was deadly pale and calm. Too damn calm. A blanket covered him from neck downwards. I gulped, running my hand through his soft, messy hair. 'Damn, he doesn't look too well.'
"And what do you think you're doing, bitch?" I flinched at the high-pitched voice and took in its owner. It was a tall blonde woman, like 25 years old, with blue eyes and a curvy body. Her face would have been pretty had she not been glaring angrily at me. Her uniform was shorter than standard, only to mid-thigh length, showing her gratious, unmarred legs (I had a dark birthmark below my knee, on my right leg). She had one hand on her hips, which were cocked sideways in an obvious offensive posture.
I looked away. "Ano... I came here to visit Hirako-san."
Her left eye twitched angrily. "Why? What the fuck are you to him?"
I shrugged. "His job. He's supposed to babysit me."
The glare vanished and she opened her mouth with a surprised "Oh". Then she smiled fakely. "You're Koizumi."
I nodded. "And you must be... Hilda?"
She nodded and we shook hands. 'I don't like her.' Arashi said simply.
'Why?'
'She's faking every action.'
"Are you sure you're just his protegee?" she pressed. "Nothing more?"
I gulped, feeling intimidated. She was a seated officer. Her reiatsu alone was enough to scare me. "Yes. Nothing more."
She pressed her hand against the wall, right next to my head. My eyes widened. "Don't you dare lie to me, girl! I know you two are doing something behind my back! It's just so obvious! How could you be basically living together and..."
I cut her. "It's not like that at all! He didn't even see me naked! Ever!" Only in underwear didn't count!
She brought her face closer to mine and I looked into her eyes. I had never seen so much hatred before, but I instantly recognized the familiar glare. Hatred and jealousy. So much of both that I knew she wanted me out of her way immediately. I shrieked in fear. "He's always talking about you. Always! How can you lie to me like this?" Her zanpakutou came out of its sheath and she aimed for me. I barely dodged, and she followed me as I (slowly and uncomfortably) rolled away. Suddenly, she froze. There was a sword at her neck. My eyes widened. I instantly recognized the size and shape of the sword. I had seen it way too many times. The hand holding it was also familiar, though now it was shaking in weakness. It could still take a life, especially when the difference in reiatsu was so great. "H-Hirako..."
Hilda was trembling.
"I guess ya know we're done, right, love?" he mocked. He was panting lightly. It was obviously far too soon for him to be up. She nodded in fear, then fell on her knees from his reiatsu. "I told you, over and over again... I ain't no cheater. You didn't listen... Too bad..."
Hilda dashed out as soon as he realeased her. Hirako sheathed his sword, which he threw next to his bed, then slowly sat down. I rushed to his side to help him. "Hirako!"
He was tense, shaking slightly as he tried not to cause any more pain in his tightly bandaged wounds which had probably reopened. I held him, trying to make him lay down slowly. He closed his eyes for a few moments. "Hirako, are you..."
He cut my worried berate. "You can call me Shinji, y'know? I'm fine. I'll live."
I looked into his eyes, then nodded. "Ok. Shinji, I'm sorry about the whole thing." I placed my hand over his bandaged chest. 'Wish I knew some healing kido...'
He brushed me off. "No need. Had to break up with her sometime soon anyway."
I nodded absent-mindedly. "You had to save my ass once again..."
"It's my job to do that." he said simply.
I ran my hand through his hair. His forehead was sweaty from the effort. "Maybe, but you need to rest every once in a while."
He smiled tiredly. His eyes were slowly sliding shut as his shallow breathing was getting even. "Then you look after me today, kid." he muttered.
I nodded. "Okay, old man."
He chuckled weakly.
I didn't leave Shinji's side until he woke up again. Some of the others came to check up on him, including Hiyori. She just frowned at me, then left. I knew I totally deserved that. I had been really mean to her. I hoped that Shinji would help me make it up to her.
The next time he woke up, he asked me to bring him water. When I returned, he was up, apparently much better. Unohana checked his health and said he could leave, so we both went home. "You recovered quite fast."
Shinji grinned. "Perks of being a Taicho. My reiatsu helps me recover faster than most."
I smiled. "Great."
