Chapter 9 – Clarity

'You were all so lucky…'


Gordon opened his eyes and realized where they were headed. As the train began to slow down, he whistled reassuringly to Erika. The previously optimistic Daylight came to a stop and shut her eyes. Sam leant out of her cab and tried to calm her. However, Erika stayed put.

"…Just… just give me a minute…" she said quietly, taking a few deep breaths.

At the other end of the train, Gordon was becoming increasingly worried. He assumed she was going through the same thing he went through that morning. He whistled again, letting her know he was still there. However, Gordon's whistle quickly turned the broken one from the wreck then into Elena's terrified whistle. The two incidents merged together to make one fully fledged nightmare in Erika's mind and she suddenly jerked backwards in fear, nearly giving her crew, and probably everyone on board, whip-lash.

He called out to her as he felt the coaches bump him, "Erika?!"

She didn't hear him, completely locked in the nightmare now. All she could hear were Elena's screams and the cries of agony as her tender smashed into Gordon's face. Elena's faceless form became the gaping hole where Gordon's left eye should have been. She jerked backwards again, more violently than last time.

"Erika!"

The Daylight's blue eyes fluttered opened, darting around frantically before finally settling. "I… I can't do this," she said finally.

"You can do this!" her driver reassured her.

"I can't… I just can't! Get Emily to do it, take me home!"

"Come on, Erika." Gordon muttered to himself, "You can do this…" he slowly pushed against the coaches trying to push her forward. "I'm going to be feeling this in the morning…"

Despite his best efforts, Erika barely moved. She was significantly heavier than he was and, with fifteen coaches between them, they weren't going anywhere until Erika decided to move... if she decided to move.

Sam tried to reason with her again, "Erika, what would your sister…"

"She's dead!" Erika snapped.

There was a moment of silence between the two before Sam spoke again. "Gordon isn't." The blue engine whistled again, still pushing her. "See, he's still with you, even though Elena isn't. That should mean something to you, right?"

Erika sat there for a long, long time, contemplating what Sam had said. Finally, she whistled back at Gordon. He smiled and eased off as the train began moving again. The victory was short-lived. She slowed again as soon as she neared the tracks that derailed her.

"It's OK, Erika. Just…" Her driver wasn't able to finish. Erika jerked forward suddenly, speeding up again and dragging Gordon along with her who thought she was going to stop. The blue engine groaned and closed his eyes again, feeling even sicker from the sudden increase of speed. Erika made her way through the crash scene with ease, leaving it in the dust as she headed for Cronk. She whistled proudly as she entered the station and came to a stop.

She called to Gordon, "How ya doin' back there, baby!?" She only got a loud groan in response. "Good!" She whistled again and pulled out of the station. Gordon groaned again and screwed his eyes closed as tightly as he could, trying to think of something other than how sick he felt. Erika's confidence continued to grow as she approached Gordon's Hill. She scaled the hill in such a way that only an engine that spent its life going up and down hills could. "You see that, Gordon?!" she called to him again. "This hill is nothing!"

"Aleeeeex... I want to get off!" the blue engine whined to his driver. He only got a laugh from his crew in response.

"We're halfway there," Alex said after calming down a little. "Calm your pistons, Fatty!"

"Only halfway?! Ooooh…" Gordon made a rather unpleasant sound, deciding that talking was a bad idea.

"Poor guy," Mark said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Alex waved him off, "He's fine."

"He doesn't sound fine."

Eventually, they reached Tidmouth. A chorus of cheers greeted Erika as she pulled in, the other engines whistling to congratulate her. She returned it with a whistle of her own.

"Well done, Erika. Welcome back!" Henry said as he approached her.

She smiled at him, "Thank you, Henry. It's good to be back."

Henry made his way towards Gordon to congratulate him as well but stopped when he saw how utterly sick his friend looked. "…What's wrong with you?"

"He's so happy I'm back, he's made himself sick!"

Gordon opened his eyes slowly, squinting at Henry for a moment before answering. "Backwards... all the way from Vicarstown... Such a long way going backwards..."

The Daylight scoffed at him, "Bah, you're fine!"

The A0 groaned quietly, "Tell that to my boiler…"

"You're fine." Alex chimed in, rolling his eyes. "Steam engines don't vomit… I hope."

"I, for one, am not eager to find out." Mark added.

That night when she was sure he recovered from his nausea, Erika took Gordon to their secret spot, the spot in Tidmouth's yards where the lights couldn't quite reach, where it was nice a quiet. The moon was high in the sky and the stars twinkled as a gentle breeze blew.

Erika gazed at the blue engine in front of her. "Feeling better, Big Boy?" she asked softly.

"Much." Gordon answered. "Though next time please let me turn around first?"

She pouted slightly as she inched closer to him, "But there wasn't any time…" She came to a stop once her forehead came into contact with his. "You're warm…"

He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the closeness, "So are you."

"Thank you for being there... I don't think I could have done it otherwise."

"I'm sure you could have." Gordon sighed quietly at the fact that the darkness made it even harder for him to see her.

Erika heard him, "What's wrong?"

"It's just… I miss being able to see you."

"Oh…" she stayed quiet for a while, wondering what she could do to cheer him up. "Would being in the light help?"

"Probably not that much…"

She decided to change the subject, "They're a nice color, by the way."

Gordon looked at her, "What are?"

"Your eyes. They're pretty."

He smiled at her, "I don't know what they look like. Mark tried to show me but… I couldn't see…"

"They're like snow! With a hint of blue; they're beautiful." Gordon kissed her softly and she willingly returned it. She was just happy to be with him again. "Maybe... maybe one day you'll get your sight back. But if not, that's OK. I'm just happy you're alive, and that's all I really care about…"

"Maybe, though I'm learning to cope without it. The only real problem I have is people sneaking up on me, other engines aren't so bad but Mark's scared the living daylights out of me… several times…"

Erika giggled, "Don't worry. I'll protect you, Fatty."

"But humans are so small! It's far too easy for them to sneak around!" Gordon grinned and nipped at her lip gently. "And I'm not fat."

"But you're my fatty; my big, fat, blue sausage on rails."

He chuckled, "I love you."

"I love you too, always will."

"Always and always, no matter what."

"Exactly... Now, shut up and kiss me."

The blue engine grinned again and he did what he was told. Not too far off, Mark was planning to scare Gordon but stopped when Sam gave him a look.

"They're having a moment, leave them alone." She said sternly.

"Aw... but sneaking up on him is funny as hell!" he said pouting.

"Then do it when he's not being intimate with his girl." She gestured towards the two engines.

Mark smiled at them, "Oh alright."

"Last thing I need is her whining about how you interrupted her "Gordon Time."

"Lucky bastard, Ted's on a late run tonight…"

Sam faked a pity glance, "Aw… No kinky, sex for you. Besides, we're stuck here until those two get done."

"Oh well, it's nice to get a bit of quiet time. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with kinky sex."

Sam grinned at him, "Of course not." She checked her phone, it was getting late and she needed to get Erika back to Vicarstown. "Alright, these two have gone at it long enough." She approached the two engines who were still lost in their own little world. "Time's up guys, time to go home and go to bed." Erika and Gordon broke away from each other to look down at the little human. They stared at her briefly before turning their attention back to each other. Sam frowned, "Hey!"

Mark chuckled, "That sure told them!"

She turned towards him, "You got a better idea?"

"Watch and learn…" He disappeared suddenly before, almost magically, reappearing on Gordon's buffer beam. "Hey! The lady was talking!"

The blue engine yelped, jolting backwards a little as soon as Mark appeared in his field of vision. Erika was a bit startled as well. Sam simply stared at the scene before her and then made her way towards Erika's cab. Gordon glared at his fireman, "Damn it, Mark! Stop doing that!"

"No, it's too funny. Now come on, it's bed time."

The Daylight turned her attention to her driver, "Hey Sam, can I stay in…?"

"No." Sam answered; she already knew what she was going to ask.

"Well then, can I go to…?" Gordon began.

Mark cut him off, "Nope."

"You can see each other when I bring Erika over for the evening express when she's done with hers. You two can cuddle up in the sheds." Sam said as she fired her engine up. Erika squealed happily; Gordon grinned.

"Can I kiss him good-bye? Please, Sam?" Erika was ready to beg if need be.

"Fine, but don't…"

"Yay!" She rushed over to Gordon and kissed him passionately, nearly smashing into him.

Mark rolled his eyes as he got into Gordon's cab. "Come on, big guy. The sooner you sleep the sooner you can see her again tomorrow." However, neither engine listened to their humans. They were too busy with each other. That is, until Sam threw Erika into reverse, forcing them apart.

Erika pouted, "Oooh…" She perked back up as she looked back at her love. "I love you, Gordon! I'll see you tomorrow!"

"I love you too!" he called back to her.

The Daylight went back to being somber as she neared the turntable. "You're mean, Sam."

"Yes, yes I'm a horrible person. I've heard this before, Erika." Sam said with as much sarcasm as she could muster.

Erika continued to pout and whine as she left Tidmouth and went back to Vicarstown. Since it was so late, she was able to go faster than usual, getting her home in record time. As she backed into her berth, she spoke up again, "Thanks for supporting me."

"Of course. It was bumpy at first but you did it, I'm proud of you."

"Do you… do you think Elena is too?"

Sam smiled a little sadly as she got out of the cab and walked towards her engine to face her. "I'm sure she is. Now get some sleep, you have work in the morning."

The Daylight smiled sleepily as her driver closed her door. She soon drifted off to sleep, dreaming about the next day when she could be with Gordon again. Her blue sausage, on the other hand, wasn't fairing too well. Although he settled into his berth before he knew it, at some point he started twitching and muttering so much he disturbed James who was in the berth to his left.

The red engine looked over at him, "Gordon? Gordon wake up!"

Gordon didn't hear him; soon he was making enough of a fuss to disturb a rather grumpy Thomas. "Someone shut him up, please!?"

The commotion was loud enough to wake up Edward, who was at the furthest left berth. "What's going on over there?" he asked.

"Something's wrong with Gordon!" James answered.

"Oh boy…"

"Gordon wake up!" Henry yelled. Somehow his voice was able to snap the blue engine out of his apparent nightmare. "What was that all about?"

"…Nothing," Gordon answered quietly. "I'm fine…"

"Didn't sound like it and, since you woke us all up, mind explaining?" Edward asked a mild hint of irritation in his voice.

The A0 was quiet for a few minutes before answering. "It was just a bad dream."

"About?"

"What do you think?"

Edward didn't answer and the sheds were silent again. Gordon sighed sadly.

"Don't worry. It'll get better with time," Henry said reassuringly.

"…Yeah, I know…"

"I don't know if this'll help but... I still have nightmares about the Kipper incident."

Gordon looked up at him, "You do?"

"Yes, although they're not as frequent as they use to be, it happens every now and then."

"What do you do about it?"

"I get up twice a week and haul that piece of crap train all the way to mainland. I go by the crash site each time and do you know what I do?"

He had his interest now, "What?"

"I keep on going. I'm not going to let one bad incident affect me. Yes, I know it hard at first, but it gets better the more you do it and soon, you'll barely notice it at all and keep right on going." Gordon was silent as he thought about what Henry had said. The green Black 5 continued, "Just keep your eyes focused on the track ahead of you, don't wander and don't stop."

Gordon smiled at him, "Thank you, Henry."

He smiled back at him. "You're welcome. Now, go to sleep!"

The next morning, Gordon was at Tidmouth waiting for Percy to bring his coaches, Henry's words still fresh in his mind:

"Keep your eye straight, don't wander, and don't stop. Just keep going..."

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice his fireman approaching him slowly; not that he could have seen him until it was too late. Alex would have alerted Gordon but the end result wouldn't have been as amusing.

Suddenly, Mark appeared in front of him, "Morning Gordon!"

He jolted backwards in fear, "Damn it Mark!" He glared at him as his crew laughed. "It's not funny…"

"Sorry… It is a little."

Alex walked up to him, "How's your vision, Gordon? Any better?"

"No," he answered sadly. "Still the same…"

"Well, at least it's not getting worse."

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to go completely blind."

"Well soon you can see a black, orange, and red engine with a huge tender."

The blue engine grinned wickedly, "I can't wait."

"Don't pop too hard, now."

"You can never pop too hard."

"Spare me the details." Alex's tone became a bit more serious, "You really love her, don't you?"

"I do."

His driver sighed, coming to the realization that there would be no turning back. Gordon was head over heels in love. He had no other choice but to accept the fact that Erika was part of his life now and it was going to stay that way. "Alright, I still don't really approve but I guess I'll get use to it. As long as she makes you happy, that's all that really matters."

His engine smiled in response, "Thanks, Alex." When his crew was back in his cab; Gordon whistled and pulled out of the station.

Everything ran smoothly until he left Cronk. He was approaching the crash site again and slowed considerably. Then he remembered what Henry had said. "Just keep going, look straight ahead, and don't stop."

"Just keep going… Just keep going…" he muttered to himself and began to pick up speed again and, before he knew it, the crash site was long behind him. He sped up more as he grew more confident. Soon enough, he reached Vicarstown where Erika was waiting for her passengers to transfer before making her way to Norramby.

"Morning, Big Boy." She said once he came to a stop.

He grinned, "Morning."

"Someone's happy... or horny. It's getting to the point where I can't tell."

"Well, I've had a good morning."

Erika raised an amused eyebrow, "Oh?"

"Yeah, I made it past the crash site without freaking out."

"Good for you!" Her expression changed suddenly. Her eyes hooded and a seductive smirk formed on her face, "Maybe I should reward you…"

Gordon mimicked her expression, "Oh?"

"Yeah… Just wait until I get to Tidmouth. I'm gonna…" She stopped as she suddenly lurched forward. Erika frowned, "Damn it, Sam! I wasn't done!"

"You are now!" her driver exclaimed from her cab. She looked over at Gordon and waved to him. "Hi Gordon! Bye Gordon!"

The A0 couldn't help but laugh, "Bye!"

Once back in Tidmouth, Gordon settled into his berth for a rest. With Erika on her way, he was going to need it. That girl was crazy and he absolutely loved it. She made him feel years younger… not that he ever felt really old to begin with but she brought excitement to his life. She made him feel things he never felt before and he could no longer imagine life without her. He woke up a few hours later to see something big on the turntable. Gordon paused, he could never see that far before. He looked at the turntable again; it was still fuzzy but he could clearly make the shape out, it was Erika. He couldn't believe it; he could see her and from so far away!

"Erika!"

The Daylight looked up from the turntable as it came to a stop on the track leading to Gordon's berth. She was more than a little shocked; "You… you saw me from way over here?" the grin on Gordon's face gave away the answer. "I thought you couldn't see that far?" she rolled forward and stopped in front of him.

"So did I… I mean, it's not all that clear but I could still see you."

"Well…" she inched closer to him, "Can you see me any better now?"

He smiled, "Yes a bit better than…" It quickly faded once she was closer. He suddenly didn't recognize the engine in front of him. She sounded like Erika; even had the same shape. However, she didn't look like Erika. Not the Erika he remembered. This engine looked younger.

"…Gordon?" she raised an eyebrow at him, a look of worry of her face.

"You look… different…"

Her expression saddened and she looked away from him. "Yeah… I know…" She hated her new faceplate and being reminded of it made her hate it even more.

"No one told me…"

"Probably didn't think it would matter since you couldn't see. My faceplate was damaged in the crash and they couldn't fix it so they gave me a new one... I look like a 15-year-old girl!"

He didn't respond right away. Erika's voice cracked and tears threatened. She hated the new her, she wanted her old faceplate back. She had always feared what Gordon's reaction would be when he finally saw her. Deep down, she was somewhat relieved his vision prevented him from doing so and she hated herself for thinking that way. What if he didn't want her anymore because she wasn't the same? The thought of him leaving her was almost too much to bear. However, those thoughts were cast aside when he planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"You're still beautiful." He said finally. Before she could respond, he kissed her again. "All that matters to me is that you're alright."

"You're not going to leave me for a hotter engine?"

Gordon arched an eyebrow, unsure who or what the hell gave her that idea. "No…"

Erika smiled, "I love you."

He smiled back at her, "I love you too."

That evening after their run, Erika requested to see Mary-Ann who found it very amusing to be summoned by a steam engine. Erika decided to give her what she came all the way here for and, since Gordon was already there, she'd be killing two birds with one stone. She started from the beginning and went all the way to Ella's arrival. That's when the historian stopped her.

"You know Ella the 4460?" she asked, somewhat shocked.

"Yes, she's my sister after all… Well, she's like a sister anyway."

Mary-Ann pursed her lips as she considered telling her about the other engine. "Erika, you do know she's alive, right?"

Erika couldn't be more surprised and relieved. "She is?! Where is she?!"

"At the Museum of Transportation in St. Louis, Missouri."

"Wow… do you think the controller would bring her here?"

The historian's expression softened, "Erika, I don't think that's possible."

"Why not? I'm here so surely he could bring her over here too!"

Mary-Ann gave her a sad smile; she couldn't tell her that Ella was used for parts to repair Erika. That she was in such bad shape that there was probably no way she'd be restored. "Yes… Maybe he could… Anyway, I'm sure you're aware of the impact on steam during the 1950's when diesel came to power. What was life like for you during that time?"

Erika looked down sadly. The 50's… Yes it was indeed a bad time to be a steam engine. The worst time in fact. So much had happened in the span of just a few short years. Did she really want to relive it? She scanned her mind for the answer. Yes… yes she did, otherwise, she wouldn't have requested her. After telling part of her story to Gordon and then again to the historian, she realized that talking about it help soothe the wounds. It made coming to terms a bit easier. After a few moments of silence, she spoke.

"After the war, diesels started taking over... I lost my job to one, forced into freight service... stripped of my Daylight colors, my skirting... everything I was once so proud of gone in a matter of a few years… However, I did meet some great engines and got to see all the things Alice mentioned that only a freight engine could. I loved and hated it all at the same time."


A/N: And now, we finally move into the 1950's where we'll see new places and meet new engines. Some you may already know. The 40's were great and all but time lurches on! Don't forget to leave a review, I enjoy reading them.