Brave Little Heart Chapter Nine
On Thursday morning Blaine threw his pens and writing pads into his satchel. This morning he was running exactly on time. He had brushed his teeth, shaved, and got dressed and would have plenty of time for breakfast. He smiled at Pavarotti and pushed a piece of apple through the bars. Then he went to his Ipod station and flicked through the songs. He found the Wicked soundtrack and added it to a new playlist and then searched for his sound of music tracks. Finding it he added it to the same playlist and labeled it 'Kurt'. He fixed it back into the docking station and turned the sound down so that it would not be heard from the hallway. Hopefully it would still be heard under the floorboards.
"If you see Kurt say hi to him from me okay Pav?" Blaine said leaving his room for the day.
The day had gone well. He understood all of his lessons and had joked happily with the junior boys at lunch. They did not show any indication of remembering Blaine's little freak out on Saturday. Blaine was relieved. At Warbler practice the boys were auditioning for solos, several members had tried to convince Blaine to take on a solo but he really didn't feel comfortable standing up in front of all those people. Part of him really wanted to do it. Would love to sing on a stage and be clapped, but a (currently) louder part of him was scared. So today he just got to sit back and listen.
At dinner a group of boys from all years grouped together and organized a game of kick around. Blaine was surprised to be asked as he did not know a lot of the boys but he didn't have any homework to do so he said yes. They had played until it was too dark to see the ball. Blaine had enjoyed it and had been clapped on the back at the end of the game. As all the guys had headed for the shower block Blaine got nervous. The large shower room still made him nervous even though all the stalls were well closed off and nobody ever had the embarrassment of seeing their friends naked the threats he had received after gym class at his old school still rang in his ears. Nobody wanted him around them whilst they were showering. He said something about there not being enough showers for everybody and waiting half an hour in his room besides he had to feed Pavarotti. Despite this incident he was still smiling as he reached his room.
"Hi Pav." He said as he walked in. "Had a good day?"
Pav chirped a little. Blaine smiled fondly at him and refilled his food and water bowls. He sat on his bed wondering what he could do as he waited for the shower room to empty. As he absentmindedly ran his fingers along his bedcover his fingers touched something. Blaine turned around and saw a small red ball about an inch in diameter on his bed. Puzzled he picked it up in-between his two fingers. He dropped it on to his palm. His heart skipped a beat as he saw properly what it was he was holding. It was part of his old tie, red and silky and sewn into a half opened rose. Blaine had never been given a flower before but it felt great, like his chest would burst with happiness. It was beautiful and Blaine had no doubt in his mind whom had left it there. He placed it on his bed side table. As he grabbed his towel and his sleep clothes he couldn't seem to stop himself from smiling.
That night he stared at the rose turning it in his fingers. It was such a wonderful gift and Kurt had taken the time to make this for him. He had sat their sewing this with Blaine in mind. He wanted to do something for Kurt to say thank you. As he lay in bed he suddenly had an idea, it probably wouldn't work but it was worth a try.
Blaine opened his door carefully. He looked from side to side down the hallway. It was past eleven which meant lights out. No student was meant to be in the lower levels after nine on a week night. After ten thirty they were not allowed in the shower rooms, student kitchen or hallways. And after eleven all lights had to be turned off. This would be the first time since his first night that he would break any of the schools rules.
He walked slowly to keep quiet. His feet were cold on the marble steps of the great staircase and the mirrors reflected a pale ghostly version of his face. The school seemed so different at night, quiet and empty, Blaine jumped at ever little creak of the floorboards. Finally he found his way to the common room. He had a little difficulty finding the right D.V.D in the dark and then had to look around panicked when the TV came on sounding so loud in the empty first floor. As the opening titles to sound of music came on Blaine smiled and ran back upstairs giving a sigh of relief when he made it back to his room without getting caught.
He flung himself back on the bed feeling happy and buzzing from his little adventure. Eventually his eyes grew heavy. He touched the rose on his bedside table thinking that he needed to find a little box or something to keep it safe in. He drifted to sleep thinking of blue eyes.
Next morning they were all called into there usual Friday assembly. Blaine sat in a row with his fellow Juniors. Before the usual themed speech the deputy head came and stood in front of them.
"Somebody was out of bed last night."
Blaine kept still trying not to look guilty.
" I must remind you anybody caught out of bed will appear before me to explain themselves and then get detentions for a week. Do you understand?"
"Yes miss." Came the chorused reply.
'It was worth it.' Blaine thought.
Blaine pulled up outside the door of his parents house. He looked over at the large house in front of him and wondered if thing's would be different now he lived at Dalton. If not seeing him every day would make his father go easier on him. Perhaps the huge cloud of his sexuality that was always hanging over his head would go away. After all, there were three inch men living under his floorboards so anything was possible right?
He grabbed his bag containing his homework projects from the backseat and walked up the posy lined pathway to knock on the door. When his mother opened the door he felt a tightness in his chest. He had not realized he missed her till now.
"Mom." Blaine said hugging his mother close to him. His mother hugged him back tightly.
"Blaine." She sighed. "I missed you."
"I missed you too Mom."
She pulled away from him, looked at his face for a moment and tucked a lose curl behind his ears then placed a kiss against his forehead.
"Come on, dinners almost ready."
Blaine followed his mother into the house. He entered the large living room and saw his father sat reading the newspaper.
"He's back then."
"Yes Dad, I'm back."
Blaine sat down as his mother went into the kitchen to finish his lunch. There was an uncomfortable silence in the room as his father ignored his presence and kept reading the newspaper. Blaine fidgeted in his seat, he opened his mouth several times to try and speak before he finally managed a hesitant sentence.
"I joined the acapella group. The Warblers, they enter competitions."
"Singing? Well, well done for spending your time on useless hobbies." His father grunted turning the page of his newspaper and continuing to read. Blaine sat in silence waiting to be called in for dinner. Just as his mother called them into the dining room his father looked up at him.
"I didn't think that an all boys school would make you even softer."
"No, it doesn't, I mean, the boys are all really…they're really cool."
His mother chatted happily whilst they ate. She filled him in on things his cousins were doing and what was going on in the town. Blaine offered to help with the dishes once they had finished eating and he and his mother were able to spend some time alone together.
"You look happier." His mother smiled reaching over to tousle his hair again. "And healthier. And here I was worrying that they wouldn't feed you properly."
Blaine smiled.
"It's not as good as your dinners but there is plenty of it."
"So…" His mother said in a teasing way. "You made new friends."
"Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's totally different. Everybody's nice and they all try to include me."
"That's good."
"The Warbler boys are becoming friends. Wes is definitely a friend." Blaine took a deep breath. "And he knows I'm gay and hasn't told anybody else or made fun of me which is an improvement."
"I'd say. So, anybody special?"
"No." Blaine answered. He couldn't help thinking that Kurt was very special, but he knew that was not what his mother meant.
That night when he had retired to his old bedroom Blaine texted Gregory.
Hey, I'm home for the weekend! You free for coffee?
Hey Blaine, Welcome back! How's school going? Sorry, can't do this weekend. Crazy old aunt in town.
Blaine sighed in disappointment. He wished he had Pavarotti there to talk to but he had left him with Wes.
Do you know when you spend a long time away from home and then when you return all the comforts of being at home like being in your own bed and eating home cooked meals and having a full supply of socks seem suddenly so much better? Well for Blaine all he discomforts of being at home seemed so much worse. His father's presence was like a big black cloud over Blaine's head. He felt like he had to walk on egg shells and was scared to answer his mother's questions as he never knew what it was that his father would use to put him down. Since he had come out the closet it seemed like he just couldn't do anything right in his father's eyes.
He returned to Dalton on Sunday evening. The minute he entered the door Thad came over to him and clapped him on his back.
"Blaine Man, welcome back. Good weekend?"
Blaine gave a weary smiled.
"Parents." He said as explanation.
Thad laughed.
"Tell me about it. See you round Blainers."
Blaine headed back upstairs to his room stopping when he saw a box by his door. He picked it up and saw his name and his Dalton address typed on the top. He smiled excitedly struggling with the lock on his door. Once he opened the door he dropped his bag on the floor and ripped open the package he had ordered a few days before hand. Inside was a perfect little high backed armchair. It had dark turned wooden legs and bright purple and silver patterned fabric. There were little silver rivets keeping the fabric in place. He pressed his finger against the cushions and found that they were well padded and would hopefully be comfortable to Kurt.
That night he placed the little chair in the usual place in the library pushing it right to the back where he hoped nobody would find it before Kurt.
Blaine blinked his eyes in confusion, something had woken him up. His mind was still half asleep.
"Psst.. Blaine, Blaine."
Blaine turned around to look towards his door. 'Who was that?' He thought.
"BLAINE! Wake up I've had enough of being subtle."
Blaine groaned and reached over to turn on his lamp.
"Ouch."
Blaine blinked his eyes several times and looked blearily over at his bedside table. He jumped up excitedly when he saw Kurt stood there. The was wearing a beige coat with green leaves up the side and he had rolls of material by his feet.
"Sorry, sorry what did I do?"
"Nothing, just that pain behind your eyes you get when you've been in the dark for a while and then you turn on a light."
"Oh right."
There was a moment of silence as they both looked at each other. Blaine had the distinct feeling that Kurt was trying to figure him out.
"Thanks for the chair, it's really comfy. I've never seen anything like it at least not in burrower size, we can't make anything like it."
"It's for a dolls house." Blaine explained.
Kurt froze. Blaine could tell from his expression that he'd said something wrong.
"A dolls house! I'm not a living doll you know, do I look like porcelain?"
He did, but Blaine had a feeling this would be the wrong answer.
"No. I just, I thought you'd like it."
Kurt sighed and looked down.
"I do like it."
He walked over to the edge of the bedside table and sat down. Blaine reached over to pick up the tiny rose.
"Thank you for the rose. I love it, and the song, that was you right?"
"Yes. It was me, you like music right? You sing with the warblers beans."
"You watched me?" Blaine immediately imagined Kurt stood behind one of the heating grates.
"I occasionally watch the lessons from the holes in the walls." Kurt explained.
"Is that how you speak English?" Blaine asked then silently cursed himself for it. He knew Kurt was very intelligent and it did seem like a dumb question.
"No, I don't speak English you speak Burrower." Kurt said.
"Oh.. right." The answer confused Blaine, he wanted to argue that it was the other way around but he didn't want Kurt to leave.
"Did you like the materials?" He asked.
Kurt grinned widely.
"What do you think?" He said spinning around to show of his new trench coat. Blaine smiled at how happy Kurt seemed to be.
"Wait. There are more feathers and sequins I left some in my cupboard." Blaine said jumping down off his bed.
"Blaine!" Kurt shouted. Blaine stopped halfway to his set of draws.
"Why are you giving me all this? Why did you put the film on?" Kurt asked shyly.
"Oh you saw that! I wondered if you would. It's because I'm sorry I kept you prisoner."
"Is that all? Because you seem to be going out of your way to get me stuff." Kurt wasn't looking at him as he asked.
"I want to be your friend." Blaine answered truthfully.
A bean and a burrower friends? That's never going to happen." Kurt said bitterly.
Blaine felt hurt by this dismissal. True, he was used to people not wanting to be his friend but he had thought that Kurt was different in someway.
"Why?" Blaine asked sitting back on the bed.
"The beans kill burrowers."
"What? Why?"
"Because we're different form you. You know how beans do that don't you? They attacked you and your Gregory."
"He wasn't my Gregory he was just a friend. I won't kill you. I would never kill you." Blaine said his voice tense and stressed.
"I know." Kurt replied softly.
" But I'm not meant to speak to beans, it's dangerous. My dad would be so disappointed in me. He knows I was seen by a bean but beans forget things if you leave them long enough"
"I don't think I could ever forget you Kurt."
"You would be better off if you did, I would be better off if you did."
"Don't say that." Blaine didn't know why his eyes were filling with tears. He just didn't want Kurt to leave; he wanted to see him again. The idea of him disappearing forever was just to awful to think of.
"I cannot trust a Bean." Kurt stated.
"Why?" Blaine found himself asking again. "You know I'd never hurt you or tell anybody about you. You know."
"Beans keep cats." Kurt said slowly. "A cat killed my mother."
Blaine took a sharp intake of breath.
"Oh I'm sorry." He said, and he was. He could not imagine losing his own mother. It must have hurt Kurt a lot.
"It was a long time ago."
"I'm still sorry that must be awful. Do you miss her?
"Everyday. "
"I hate cats." Blaine muttered thinking of the evil one his Grandmother used to keep that hissed and scratched him every time he saw it. He used to be terrified of that cat.
Kurt looked up at him his eyes wide.
"Really? I thought all beans like cats."
"Not this bean." Blaine sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Look Kurt. I like you. I know I probably made a terrible first impression."
Kurt giggled.
"Well I wasn't at my best either."
"But I think you're really amazing, I really like you and I think we could be really good friends. I mean… nobody here knows I'm gay. And I know it doesn't define who I am but it's like every time I try to talk to somebody and try to make friends there's this little nagging in the back of my mind because I'm keeping a secret. And I don't know whether they'd still want to be my friend if they knew. I could.. I could talk to you. Because you know what it's like. Don't you want the same? Somebody to talk to?"
Kurt was staring down at his hands.
"Yes." He muttered quietly.
"And not just about stuff like that, we could talk about fashion and musicals and films."
Kurt smiled. Blaine could tell he was wearing him down.
"Okay, Blainey bean, we can be friends, but I can't take these now." He said pointing to the roll of fabric at his feet. "My dad will wonder where I found them. It was hard enough to hide always tells me not to get greedy with the material I borrow, people would start noticing eventually. If he saw I had these he would think I was taking things the beans would miss. These aren't exactly Dalton colors. I mean thank god but.." He shrugged.
"How about tomorrow you bring your sewing kit and you can make some more clothes here, if you made them then slowly introduced them to your wardrobe, would your dad notice?"
"He hardly ever notices when I have new clothes."
"Okay then. It's a date."
Kurt smiled.
"Okay."
Okay, longer chapter than usual. What do you think?
