Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. All rights go to RIB and Fox.
A/N: I know, I know it's been far too long since I last updated this-I was busy getting Coming Home started and I've been having a little writer's block for this story but it's back now-sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger last time and then making you wait so long. This chapter will have some more Charlie/Claire drama and Elena and Ade dealing with their rape.
Chapter 9: Breakdowns and Meltdowns
Claire's POV
"I'm waiting Charlie. What bet?" I ask. I can't hide the look of betrayal on my face. If there's one thing I hate its people I trust lying to me.
"Does it really matter?" I ask.
"YES IT DOES! WHAT WAS THE BET?" I scream.
"Look it was nothing. I noticed you and I thought you were hot. Chad said I could never get a girl like you to go out with me or sleep with me and he bet me $3o that I couldn't do it" he says.
"You bet me?" I say in a low angry voice.
"Look I meant what I said before. I slept with you because I love you, I couldn't care less about the stupid bet" he says.
"I'll just go now shall I? Here's your $30" Chad says.
"I don't even want it anymore Chad. You keep it" he says.
"Okay, well I'll see you later Charlie" Chad says backing away nervously.
"You think just because you didn't take the money, I'm going to forgive you? It doesn't work like that, you used me!" I yell.
"I would still have come up to you that day, bet or no bet. Would you still have agreed to go out with me if you'd known?" he says.
"Hell no!" I say.
"But you like me. I know you do, or you wouldn't have agreed to sleep with me otherwise" he says.
"I agreed to sleep with you because I thought you loved me. I didn't realise it was just an act. I was wrong, what I said on our first date. I've met plenty of guys like you before" I say.
"I'm not like that. I really do care for you, sleeping with you wasn't an act" he says.
"How can I believe you?" I say tears streaming down my face.
"Believe this" he says kissing me. I push him away.
"It's not enough. You can't just kiss me and think everything's going to be okay. You lied to me!" I yell.
"Only about the bet. I didn't lie about anything else. My family, my secret fear of mice, my feelings for you, my ambition to be a professional athlete, my love of rap music, all of that was true" he says.
"It doesn't matter. I told you if you hurt me, I would hold a grudge for a very long time. I told you all about my family, I never talk to anyone about them, I let you in and it turns out you were just using me for sex" I say.
"Do you really think that? What I felt, that night was real" he says.
"Which makes it hurt even more because I had real feelings for you" I say.
"Had?" he asks.
"You really think I'd keep going out with you after you lied to me? We're through" I say.
"Claire, wait, don't do this" he says.
"You don't think this is tearing my heart out? You think I want to break up with you? I don't. But I can't trust you and if I can't trust you then we can't be together" I say.
"I love you. Doesn't that mean something to you?" he asks.
"It's too late. We're done Charlie. For good" I say running away down the halls.
"Claire, wait" Charlie calls.
"If you ever really did love me you won't follow me!" I scream back at him. I grab my guitar but I don't even realise where I'm going until I get there. When my parents split up, I used to just sit in my room and sing every country song I could find to express my feelings. Maybe that will work right now. I start to strum my guitar and sing one of my favourite.
Claire:
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what is trying to do, oh.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say (to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
I throw my guitar down after I finish singing and cry on the floor of the auditorium. I barely notice Charlie come in, but when I do, I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk out of there, pretending like nothing ever happened.
Elena's POV
I hardly recognize myself anymore. I was the girl who could never stop talking, never stop smiling but not anymore. He took all of that from me. When I look in the mirror, I'm actually scared of my own reflection. I see myself the way Austin must have seen me. The scared, easy, disgusting little girl. A worthless whore. I don't want to look at myself anymore. I take a pair of scissors from my bedside table and start to cut my hair. I keep chopping until my hair is just a short bob.
I should be shocked to see myself with such short hair, as I've had long hair for years but it feels good. Liberating, as if by chopping off my hair I'm not the same Elena that Austin raped.
I send a quick text to Ade.
-I've arranged some fun for us. Meet me at The Watering Hole. E
Her reply is quick and brief.
-Are you sure? There are some right skeezes at that bar. A
The Watering Hole is Lima's only bar which is fine during the day but after about nine o'clock its home to creepy older guys and Lima's resident bad boys.
-That's kind of the point. I want to get completely hammered. E
-El are you okay? A
-Perfectly fine. Now are you coming with or not? E
-I'll see you there. A
I smile. There's nothing like getting completely hammered to forget about all the crap in your life and my life has more crap than most people's.
I grab my fake ID from my dresser and pull on my sweater.
"Where exactly do you think you're going?" my mom asks stopping me on the stairs.
"Out" I say.
"And what did you do to your hair?" my mom asks her eyes widening in shock as she sees my new bob.
"Don't you like it?" I ask.
"They say that a dramatic change in appearance is one of the warning signs of suicide" Mom says.
"I'm not planning on killing myself Mom. I'm just going out with Ade and a few friends" I say.
"Do you blame me for jumping to conclusions? You've had a traumatic few years and you've been going out every night since you got home from the hospital and stumbling in drunk most of those. Don't think we haven't noticed" she says.
"I'm just trying to forget" I say.
"And you think booze is the way to do that?" she asks.
"It's a start" I say.
"Isn't talking to someone a healthier way of helping you deal with this?" Mom asks.
"I prefer the unhealthy way. Now get out of my way" I say.
"Ellie, stop. I can't watch you self-destruct like this" Mom says.
"I'm not talking to a counsellor!" I scream.
"It could help you Ellie" she says.
"I've been dealing with this by myself for four years" I say.
"Maybe it's time you let someone help you" Mom says. She puts her hand on my shoulder and that's the last straw.
"Don't touch me! No one is allowed to touch me" I say.
"What part of booze do you think is helping you? It's a band aid solution Ellie" she says.
"And if you take away my band aid then I'm going to start bleeding out" I say. I push my mom out of the way and storm out of the house. Seeing the bandages on my arms, I suppose the last thing I said to my mother is quite ironic.
I take the bus to The Watering Hole. "Elena, over here" a voice calls from inside the bar. There's Ade sitting with the boys I've been hanging out with for the past few weeks.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Ade hisses when I get to the table. She drags me into the ladies bathroom.
"What the hell are you doing with these guys? You do realise that they're all drug dealers" she says.
"I know, it means I score some killer weed and it's completely free because I'm a friend" I say.
"What are you doing to yourself El?" she asks.
"The same thing you're doing I bet. Burying myself in alcohol and drugs so I stop seeing him everywhere I go.
"I haven't been burying myself in alcohol and drugs" she says.
"What then?" I ask.
"I don't want to talk about it" she says.
"Then you're no worse than me" I say storming out of the bathroom and back to the boys.
"Hit me up boys" I say. I roll the pot into a cigarette and light it up.
"You want one?" Nathan asks Ade.
"No. I'll just get myself a diet coke" she says.
I pull her closer. "Don't be a spoil sport. I've got a fake ID, I'll get us some beers" I say.
"I'd really rather you didn't" she says.
"I insist" I say. I get the beers from the bar and bring them back over to the table.
"Your friend keeps sliding his hand up my leg, tell him to stop it" Ade says, looking genuinely nervous. I guess she hasn't come out of the rape completely fine then. The only reason every single one of these boys doesn't look like Austin to me right now is because I'm buried in a haze of pot and alcohol.
"The beer helps" I whisper to Ade, who looks terrified at the prospect of being surrounded by all of these boys.
"I'm not going to do what you do. I won't bury my pain under alcohol!" she screams angrily. I remember the anger stage. That must be how she's coping with her pain-anger and denial.
"I thought you'd enjoy tonight" I say.
"What part of being surrounded by a group of boys did you think I would enjoy?" she says.
"I thought you would enjoy having a night out with me" I say.
"I guess you were wrong then" she says storming out of the bar.
I tip down the rest of my beer and then we start on shots. I stumble to the bar.
"Strip, strip, strip!" the boys scream. I grab a bottle of wine from behind the bar and fling it at them. It hits Nathan's face which starts to bleed. Their screaming reminded me of Austin calling me a whore and hurting Nathan made me feel strangely powerful. It makes a change from feeling powerless.
"You're not seeing anything tonight" I slur.
I must have reached a new level of drunkness because all the boys are blurring into one. One Austin. I feel an asthma attack coming on so I take a puff. The alcohol doesn't seem to be working anymore so I decide to try to sing about my feelings. I may as well give it a shot.
Elena:
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made my eyes go cold
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
Oh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding onto nothing
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't go back, I'm haunted
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it
A wave of dizziness passes over me and I trip and fall flat on my face.
"Looks like someone had a little too much to drink" Nathan says, attempting to help me up.
"DON'T TOUCH ME" I scream. As soon as I saw his hand coming near me it was like watching Austin's hand hit me again.
"I'm sorry, I think I just need some fresh air" I say.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? I could come with you" he says.
"NO! I CAN'T BE ALONE WITH YOU" I scream. I stumble towards the door and as my chest tightens I take another few puffs of my inhaler. My vision is a little fuzzy but I swear I can see Austin following me, chasing me. I run as fast as I can but I'm feeling dizzier and dizzier as I run until eventually I pass out in an alleyway.
Adrianna's POV
I feel really bad about leaving Ellie alone at the bar with those guys. In fact I feel horrified. I left a girl who was afraid of guys in a bar with a bunch of them. In fact as soon as I get to the place I parked my car, I turn around and go back to the bar. I check through the window of the bar and she's still in there, singing. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realise that she's okay. I'm about to walk back to the car but then she collapses to the floor. The guy who offered me a beer earlier tries to help her up but she swats him away. Then she runs outside, takes puffs of her inhaler and then starts to run away from someone invisible. I run after her, and find her passed out in an alley.
"Elena! Elena!" I scream shaking her but she doesn't wake up. I slap her across the face and she stirs slightly.
"Ade?" she asks groggily.
"El? What did you have? I need you to tell me" I say.
"Pot, beer and vodka. There might have been a little gin too, I can't remember" she slurs. Then she pukes right into my lap.
"I'm so so sorry" she moans.
"El, we need to get you help, now" I say.
"I don't want help" she says.
"You want to die? Here in a dark alley?" I ask.
"Why shouldn't I? I'm a worthless whore" she says.
"You can't listen to what Austin told you. You're not worthless El. You're worth something to me, to your mom and dad and Nikayla" I say.
"I want it to stop. It's never going to stop" she says.
"What's never going to stop?" I ask.
"Austin. He's always going to be there. It doesn't matter if he's in jail, I'll always think he's chasing me down trying to catch me again. The only way it will be over, is if I'm not here anymore" she says.
"I'm not going to sit here and watch you die!" I scream.
"Then leave" she says.
"This doesn't have to define us" I say.
"You know more than anyone that it does. We're always going to be the girls that he raped" she says.
"He raped a lot more girls than just us El. You owe it to them not to give up" I say.
"I just can't hold on anymore. You spend four years being told that you're worthless and you start to believe it" she says.
"You shouldn't. You shouldn't believe anything that psychopath ever told you" I say.
"I want it to be over. I want the pain to go away" she says.
"Then talk to someone. Talk to me, talk to anyone but don't do this" I say.
"I have to" she says. She takes a knife out of her jeans pocket.
"Where the hell did you get that?" I ask.
"Drinking and drugs aren't the only things I took up after it" she says. She places the knife against her skin and I watch as the tiny droplets of blood start to run out.
"NO!" I say grabbing the knife. I wrestle her to try and get the knife off her but she's disoriented and the knife catches my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry" she says pulling the knife out.
"Hand it over to me before either you or I get hurt again" I say.
"Ade, just let me do this" she says.
"I can't. I can't watch my friend die, without trying to stop it" I say.
"You tried, you failed. Now leave!" she yells.
"Not a chance" I say. She punches me with the hand not holding the knife.
"Come on. Hit me back" she says.
"I won't hit you when you drunk and high. El you need to get to a hospital now!" I scream.
"Not before I get to do what I have to" she says.
"NO!" I scream launching myself on her and pulling her down. I try to grab the knife but she has a damn tight grip and I can't get it. All I can do is watch in horror as she digs the knife into her skin.
"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!" I say hitting her legs.
"Not a chance in hell. Which is probably where I'll end up, if there even is one" she says digging the knife in harder.
I try to grab the handle from her. "Ade, just give up already. I mixed alcohol and booze and I'm slowly bleeding to death. Just go" she says.
"No way. I'm not going to let you die alone" I say.
I take her hand, the one of the arm she's cutting and squeezes it. With my other hand I call 911.
"I told you I didn't want to be saved" she says when she notices my phone.
"I'm your friend, of course I wasn't going to let you kill yourself. The ambulance will be here soon" I say.
"I guess I'd better make quick work of it then" she says. She runs the knife along her arm in broad slashes, I cringe each time she digs the knife into her skin. I can't look anymore, but that doesn't stop me from hearing the horrible sound of knife against skin. I listen out for the sirens of the ambulances but I don't hear anything.
That's when I realise that I can't even hear the sound of the knife anymore and I open my eyes. I scream when I see Elena. She's surrounded by a pool of blood streaming out from her arms. I try to bind them up with the bandages that she ripped off before but the bleeding is too much and too fast and they don't do anything. Her chest isn't moving. I find the pulse on her wrist but it's not there. She's can't be dead already! I refuse to let her be dead already.
I start the compressions on her chest, trying to remember the song that my first aid teacher told me was good for keeping a rhythm to. Compressions, breaths, compressions, breaths, I have to remind myself. Nothing can ever top the relief I feel when I see her breathing again and feel her pulse.
Until I hear the ambulance sirens blare.
"She's over here! You need to come quickly, she stopped breathing and I resuscitated her but she's still weak" I yell as the paramedics fling open the door. They attach a defibrillator to her chest, starting her heart properly again since apparently CPR on its own is not effective.
"Can I come with you?" I ask.
"I don't know miss, you're not family" one of the paramedics says as they load her into the ambulance.
"I have her family's number. Please, I don't want her to be alone" I say.
"Fine" he says.
I grab her hand. She's barely conscious and mutters something under her breath.
"Why did you have to save me?" she asks.
"You're my friend and you'll thank me one day" I say.
"Because of you I have to live with my pain for the rest of my life. I will never forgive you" she whispers in my ear before dropping into full unconsciousness.
I nervously bring up Quinn's number on my phone. I can't believe I'm the one who has to tell her that her daughter tried to kill herself.
"Hello?" Quinn says.
"Quinn, I have something to tell you about Elena and you're not going to like it" I say nervously.
"What, what is it?" she asks, sounding about as nervous as I am.
"She tried to kill herself tonight" I say.
I hear a crash at the end of the phone. It's louder than just the phone dropping to the floor so I think Quinn has fainted.
A/N: So that's it. I know I've left this on another cliffhanger, but hey I like doing those. The songs used in this chapter were What Hurts The Most-Rascal Flatts, performed by Claire Whittaker and Haunted-Taylor Swift, performed by Elena Puckerman. All rights go to owners. I don't know how long it will be until I update the next chapter of this but there's a good chance that Coming Home will probably be updated first. I know this was shorter than my chapters usually are but it's been so long since I updated that I just wanted to give you something.
Review?
