Chapter Nine
Remus walked quickly and with purpose. His thoughts were whirling out of control; bringing all the dark moments, all the arguments to the front of his mind. Stinging. Pricking.
It had been a mistake, he realised, to mark Sirius. He should've ran a mile when the wolf wanted it, he should've gotten away from Sirius, he should've done anything except what he did.
If Sirius couldn't give him this, if Sirius wasn't willing to listen to him, then what would become of them?
.x0x.
Sirius hid around the corner as he and Peter waited for her to appear.
He could see only Remus' face in his mind, Remus looking at him with such a level of hurt and confusion it caused Sirius pain, actual physical pain. Especially knowing he was the reason for that expression, knowing that it had been his words.
When they had fallen out, when they had screamed at each other it had torn at Sirius' heart, it had made his head hurt, his body ache. He didn't want to go through that again, he didn't want to see Remus make that face ever again.
Yet, yet the desire for revenge burned at him, clawing and grumbling inside his stomach. He yearned to hurt Maria. To make her pay.
He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, this decision shouldn't be so difficult to make…
.x0x.
Remus could feel his eyes starting to well up as it sank in that Sirius wasn't going to stop him, that Sirius was going to kiss Maria. Again.
He took a shuddering breath, his ears straining to pick out distant footsteps, his eyes desperate to see a wild-eyed Sirius grabbing his shoulder.
The tears had started to roll down his cheeks when he reached the Library. He dithered for a minute or two, still hoping that Sirius loved him enough to stop him. But when there was no sign of the animagus, he hesitantly pushed his way through the double doors. His head bent, his shoulders hunched.
.x0x.
Sirius could feel his heart thudding, his mind spinning.
Surely they could pull a stupid prank on her instead? Something childish and immature. Or maybe just spread a vindictive rumour? Nothing too harmful.
But he wanted revenge to be satisfying, to fill him. But, but was revenge really worth arguing with Remus? What would be the point to revenge if he and Remus split?
He sighed, nibbling his bottom lip. The two wants clashed inside his chest, both battling their pros and cons.
He looked briefly at Peter, noting that the Marauder looked tortured.
Perhaps Remus was right…
He usually was when it came to Sirius…
.x0x.
Remus stumbled into the library, tears clouding his vision.
"Hey," a voice whispered in his ear as two arms wrapped around his waist, "What's wrong with you?"
Remus gulped and buried his head in John's chest, surprised at how right it felt. "It's Sirius," he muttered half-heartedly, clutching John's shirt desperately.
He felt John tense beneath him, slowly asking, "What's he done now?"
Remus took a breath, tried to relieve the panic building up slowly inside him. If he did this, if he went through with this…
Then it would be the end. The end of him and Sirius.
It wouldn't be Sirius and Remus anymore, it would be just Remus. Just Sirius.
The panic was rising, restricting his lungs, tightening his muscles. John, patient and good tempered as ever, simply let Remus cling him. He guided them both into a chair, Remus perching awkwardly half on his lap, half on the arm.
.x0x.
Sirius held his breath as Maria finally appeared. Peter, whom had been sat like a statue for the past five minutes, suddenly came to life.
He sprang forward, almost tripping as he called Maria's name. She spun round, her expression relaxing when she saw who it was.
Sirius watched the exchange with mild interest. The mark was beginning to burn his skin, his shoulder, his side. Almost as though it were trying to tell him something, trying to show him something he'd missed.
It gave an extremely painful twinge and he bit his lip sharply, twisting his head in time to see spots of blood appear on his usually meticulously white shirt. Gasping as it intensified, he suddenly realised one of it's many purposes.
.x0x.
Remus felt the sobs gradually dying in the back of his throat and he straightened up. Sitting more comfortably, he suddenly clasped a hand to his werewolf bite.
The pain was stinging, throbbing. Something that it had never done before. Briefly wondering if it was preparing itself for the cast off of it's mate, he turned to his task in hand.
Kissing John.
.x0x.
Sirius had scrambled to his feet, the blood flowing freely from his shoulder but he paid it no heed.
He was running down the corridor, the pain easing as he made his decision. People jumped hastily out of his way, their eyes raking over his blood drenched shirt, his wild hair and his panicked eyes.
He was pressing himself faster, resisting the urge to transform.
His feet seemed slow, too slow, like they were filled with lead. He resisted the urge to scream, swallowed as the bile rose steadily in his throat; his shoulder felt as though it was being tore from his body.
.x0x.
Remus stared up at John's slightly puzzled expression, instinctively raising a hand to caress John's cheek.
They both were quiet, silent. Hardly daring to breathe as they tested the situation, tested to see if they were comfortable.
It was final now, Remus knew it. It was final, he and Sirius were history.
Sirius had made that clear, they were history and Remus could do what the hell he liked. Remus could kiss John, Remus could love John.
.x0x.
Every breath was tearing at his lungs, every muscle was screaming for oxygen.
But he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop. Not till he'd found Remus, not till he'd apologised.
He was almost there, he knew he was close to Remus. He could feel it deep inside him, he knew it was a matter of seconds.
.x0x.
"What are you doing Remus?" John murmured softly, his right hand reaching up to entwine with the fingers on his cheek, "Is this what you want?"
Every fibre of Remus' being was screaming for him to say no, to get out while he could. The pain in his bite was getting beyond bearable, it was pushing him to the edge of his conscience.
He could already feel blackness starting to seep into the corners of his mind but he held on relentlessly, telling himself he'd lived through worse. That he'd been inches from his life before, that this was nothing but a little blip.
The pain, he knew, was nothing compared to his heart breaking. That was already tearing at his chest, clutching at his heart. It was worse than a thousand transformations, worse even than the most deadliest Crucio.
But- "I know exactly what I'm doing," he found himself whispering to John, "I know what I want." Yet the words caught at his throat, ripping their way out. He wanted Sirius.
.x0x.
Sirius skidded into the library, upsetting a pile of books in his wake. His feet thudded on the dusty carpet as he let his instincts guide him to Remus.
.x0x.
Remus felt himself go into auto-pilot as his lips moved slowly towards John.
His mind was yelling, crying at him, the wolf howling in anguish; it was about to loose it's soul mate. But his body wouldn't co-operate.
The pain trebled and his body racked against it. But he paid it no heed, not even when the spots erupted behind his eyes. Not even when his mind finally shut down and he slammed into a world of nothingness.
.x0x.
He was dreaming.
Such a lovely dream.
An angel was at his side, clutching his hand. Their wolf grey eyes were filled with such hope, such determination and apology. He was garbling at Remus, kissing his nose, his knuckles, his neck.
Remus wanted to reach out to the angel, to make the pain etched into that beautiful face disappear. But his limbs didn't seem to obey his thoughts; they were too heavy, too big.
He felt like he was falling, or moving at least. He didn't want to, didn't want to leave the angel behind.
But the angel didn't move, his face remained as clear and as perfect as ever.
Remus could imagine himself lifting a hand and tracing those soft lips, soothing out the creases in the forehead. He wanted to run a hand through the tangled black mane, wanted to dispel the fear he sensed.
But before he had chance to do anything, the angel disappeared and he was surrounded by darkness.
.x0x.
Sirius had rounded the corner, fell against a book shelf and finally spotted Remus. His Remus in the arms of some other boy.
He'd felt anger surge through him and his fists clench with an instinctive growl slipping from his lips, that was, until Remus had collapsed.
.x0x.
Remus sat up slowly, gingerly. His shoulder was still twinging slightly, though now it was nothing. He moved again, surprised to see he was in his own bed.
His last conscience thought had been when he was on John's knee, when they were inches away from kissing.
Panic flared again, his eyes widening as he shot out of bed. He had to find Sirius.
" And where are you going?"
Remus jumped, his head snapping to a side only to see the very angel from his dream leaning casually against the wall, his expression guarded.
Remus sat back down stiffly, immediately feeling hostile. "What are you doing here?"
Sirius sighed, sitting down next to him, "I thought we should talk…"
Remus snorted, turning his face away from Sirius, "You think that now?" His voice was sharp, sharper than he'd meant it.
Sirius put a hand on his thigh, rubbing it gently. Remus stared at it for a while, not trusting his voice enough to speak.
"You know," Sirius started, his tone light, "This whole mate stuff is harder than I thought."
Remus noticed the blood for the first time and his resolve weakened. He wanted to comfort Sirius, he wanted to look after the wound. But Maria's face floated to mind and his expression hardened again.
"Yeah," Remus replied curtly, "We never should've done it."
Sirius gripped Remus' face tightly, forcing the werewolf to look at him. "Never say that Remus," he all but hissed, "Never say that!"
Remus made himself meet Sirius' eyes, "You went against everything I told you, you didn't listen to me! How can you think we're perfect when you willing kissed another girl!?"
Sirius' expression was suddenly more solemn, more intense, "I didn't -"
"You didn't what? Didn't mean to?" Remus snorted, twisting forcibly out of Sirius' grip. "Just like last time then?" He edged away from Sirius, shaking slightly as he stood.
"It was never like-"
"Oh don't give me that crap Sirius! You knew exactly what you were doing, you knew exactly what would happen!" Remus frowned, his amber eyes darkening. He could feel it pressing down on him again, he could feel it bursting from within. Panic. Fear.
"I love you -"
Remus shook his head angrily, telling himself not to get drawn back in, telling himself Sirius was a liar. "But you don't. You don 't… If you did Sirius, if you truly honestly loved me, you wouldn't have done it-"
And then Sirius was griping his upper arms tightly and shaking him roughly, growling, "For fuck sake Remus! I didn't kiss her!"
"Yeah, bet you didn't-" Remus started to say but he trailed off, partly glaring at Sirius, "You didn't…?"
"I didn't kiss her, no," Sirius confirmed, half smiling, "How could I when this mark felt like it was killing me, it looked like it an all?" he added with a painful chuckle.
Then Remus was grinning properly, "You didn't kiss her."
Sirius shook his head, "You were right Remus. You always seem to be…" He glared at Remus suddenly, his eyes narrowing, "You were going to kiss John though." His tone was accusing yet his eyes gave away his amusement.
Remus peeled Sirius' fingers off his arm, taking a slow step backwards. "I - I -"
Sirius shook his head and pulled Remus towards him, kissing him softly in reassurance, "Don't worry about it, after all, I think we're even now."
Remus kissed him back, pushing them towards the bed, "Don't do that to me!" he muttered, half-heartedly punching Sirius' chest, "You'll give me a heart attack one of these days!" He paused to kiss Sirius again, "Never, ever do that to me again! You and Maria will be the death of me! Do you have any idea how much it hurt when-?"
Sirius pressed their lips together, silencing Remus, "Of course I do. I look like a murder victim for crying out loud!"
Remus chuckled slightly, removing Sirius' bloody shirt and examining the mark lightly, "You know, my werewolf bite started hurting too."
Cool fingers slipped under his collar and traced the silvery scar, "At least yours didn't bleed."
Remus smiled sadly, his own hand pressing down on Sirius' mark and quickly pulling away when Sirius gasped. "Sorry," he muttered sheepishly.
Sirius grinned lopsidedly, "Reckon the bond's stronger than we give it credit?"
Remus linked their hands together, pushing Sirius backwards onto the bed and climbing on top of him, "Definitely. It obviously didn't want us to split."
Sirius pulled Remus down to meet his lips. "No and neither do I." He muttered, starting to unbutton the werewolf's brown shirt, "You know what Rem, we're perfect together and no fucker in the universe is going to destroy that."
Remus smiled against his neck, "True." He reached the bite mark and very gently slid his teeth over it, softly clamping down.
Sirius hissed between his teeth and Remus immediately relaxed his grip, looking up at him apologetically. "Don't stop," Sirius insisted, "It feels sorta nice."
Raising an eyebrow, Remus bit down again, feeling closer to Sirius than ever before. He felt whole again, he felt as though nothing could ever hurt him, could ever touch him.
Sirius was half-cringing, half-moaning as the pain tore through his shoulder. In so many ways it was soothing, blissful. But god it hurt like hell.
"I love you," Remus propped himself up on his elbows, staring at Sirius with such intensity. "I love you so much."
Sirius held up their linked hands and nodded, "Believe me Remus, I love you just as much, if not more."
Remus laughed, "I'm not sure that's possible -"
"Well, if you two are quite done being soppy!" James announced fluidly as he strode through the door. "I was waiting to intervene to stop bloodshed but it looks like I wasn't needed after all."
"Way to ruin a perfect moment Jamie," Sirius scowled, "You can clear off again if you like; we don't mind," Sirius said hurriedly, his eyes never breaking from Remus'.
James shuddered, "I am going to do just that. First off I need my cloak and my wand would probably help too." He found what he was looking for and paused at the doorway, smirking. "You two have no idea just how completely and utterly gay you sounded."
"It's alright James," Sirius replied calmly, "It's the Quidditch match tomorrow. I take it you can remember our little bet?"
Yes, I did the whole 'cliche' route... I wasn't going to. I was going to have a massive argument but the romantic in me wouldn't allow it...
James' dare next (The bet from the Perfect Prank, Remus and Sirius won but they refused to take the money and settled for just the dare instead) should be fun... It's also the last chapter...
I've got a couple of options about Maria, pick your favourite and let me know:
1) Sirius and her reach a basic understanding.
2) Rumour.
3) Childish prank.
4) She gets with Peter.
5) Murder.
Review xD
P.s If you get an alert for Chapter One of this story, ignore it. I'm just tidying it up.
P.p.s Next chapter up around the 30th.
