PART 2 - PARENTING

Even though we were married a year and a half longer, Lily and John announced their first pregnancy ahead of us, about three months into their marriage.

"We're hoping for a girl, we'll name her Adaira," Lily told me over a glass of sparkling cider. I smiled.

"I'm so happy for you, that will be one beautiful baby, and her parents are some of the best people I know."

"Yeah, we were quite the crew, weren't we? Sort of like a Disney love triangle going on for a while there. But it sorted itself out." She barely smiles, taking another sip of her drink. A wave of unease washes over me. Lily and I haven't talked much lately, and honestly I haven't enjoyed the few conversations we've had.

"Lils, are you doing okay? You haven't been yourself lately." I ask softly. Her steely blue eyes don't flinch as they would have ten years ago.

"I haven't been myself for a while, thanks for noticing." She almost scowls at me, plastering on half a smile as John sits beside her.

"Hi Sage, did Lily tell you our names?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Just the girl's name, what if it's a boy?"

"It won't be-" interjects his wife.

"It could be, hun, and I'll love him just as much as her." John smiles wanly. "I was thinking something unusual for a boy, we haven't decided anything yet though."

"Unusual is good, although you won't find cute keychains with their names." I point out, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn't really work, although we all laugh.

"I'm going to go find some cheese and crackers." Lily informs us before rising abruptly and leaving me with John. I scoot towards him quickly.

"John, what's going on? You guys looked happy but now she's-"

"I know, I know," John laments, head in his hands. "I fucked up pretty bad, Sage. I never should have married her, she feels like second choice no matter what."

"Is she?" I question him, curious for the answer but mostly wanting him to go through the mental process himself.

"I don't know, I picked you, but I don't think it was really a choice, I don't know, my head is spinning because I don't know who I liked first, I saw her a long time ago and I thought it was just a crush but then I thought I was in love with you but then I didn't think I was, and then she came along and I-" he groaned, downing his wine in one gulp.

"I love her, I love her a lot, and it hurts to see how much pain she's constantly in. I should have let her marry someone else who is better for her." He ends.

"You could be the best for her, but nobody here is thinking straight, myself included." I tell him. He nods in agreement and I rise as I see Lily on her way back over.

"Lily, I'll do your shower if you want," I offer, grimacing in memory of how the last shower I threw for her went.

"Thank you, Sage. That's hardly necessary but I guess it's protocol so I accept your offer." She replies woodenly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As sour as she had been three nights ago, Lily was in good spirits as we looked over lists of what she would need for the baby.

"Bassinet of course," she tells me through a mouthful of peanut butter ice cream.

"Yeah, that's on here already." I confirm.

"And I want your mom to knit one of those great baby blankets." I stop typing.

"I you want one of those, you're going to have to contact her."

"What? Seriously, I know I'm having you do a lot but that's just an email." She grumbles, shoveling more ice cream into her yet-rosebud shaped mouth.

"That's not the problem," I tell her quietly.

"What's the issue then?"

"Um..." I stall. "She disowned me. I haven't heard from her since I told her I was going to marry Tannin." Lily's spoon drops into her bowl with a clank, making me jump.

"What?"

"I told her I was going to marry Tannin and she lectured me for three hours about money and marrying into a lower class and when I didn't change my mind when she finished, she pointed to the door." I explain. Lily's mouth is a perfect O as her brain catches up.

"She always seemed so level headed and fair-" she starts.

"Well, she wasn't on the thing most important to me. Sure, it's been pretty tough sometimes, but Tannin and I have been nothing but happy together."

I know it's the wrong thing to say when she just picks up her spoon again and finishes the bowl.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We lay Adaira Lily Mellark to rest the day after she was born, and I could barely meet John's red-rimmed eyes.

She was supposed to fix things, to make Lily happy again. But now... now she's a taboo subject, the little girl who never got to live.