A/N: Sorry, guys, it took me a long time to figure out exactly where I wanted to go from where I was, plus for some reason I decided to enter like twenty fic contests and that was stupid of me, but I'm back and hoping you like this chapter. P.S. I really wish I could just get rid of Jake, already, but don't worry soon. It's not like anyone really cares about him anyway, right?
Disclaimer: I think it's safe to assume I'm not secretly Eric Kripke, in which case clearly they are not mine.
The Chapel
It had been almost thirty minutes since Gabriel had dropped Cas off at home and carried a tuckered out Cassie inside. She had insisted that she wasn't tired at all and that they watch a movie together. Gabriel told her it was late and she was just going to fall asleep. She had pouted until he relented and still she was out like a light only five minutes into The Little Mermaid. He had smiled as he looked down at this little girl that he loved like she was his own, swooped her into his arms and carried her into her newly furnished bedroom. He kissed her on the cheek, turned her night-light on, and shut the door lightly so as not to wake up the sleeping angel. Stopping briefly at the top of the stairs to wish that this was his life.
However, after making his way downstairs and sitting on the couch with a book he found that he was beginning to worry. Dean would usually have called by now, his overprotective dad act a well rehearsed routine at this point, and yet the minutes ticked by and nothing. He supposed that Dean could have gotten caught up talking to Sam or Jake about his reunion with Cas, but enough to forget about the most important person in his life? He doubted that very much.
After forty-five minutes had gone by without word he was really starting to let the panic seep in. This wasn't normal. This wasn't Dean. So, when the phone rang, startling him out of his pacing across the room he dreaded answering it, knowing in his heart that something was very wrong. He took a deep breath, reached out and said as calmly as he could muster, "Hello."
A calm, but high pitched voice responded, "I'm sorry to disturb you so late, sir, but we are looking for a...Gabriel Novak, is he in?"
The feeling of dread coursed through him as he said, "This is he."
"Well, Mr. Novak, my name is Nurse Marie Livingstone and I'm with Lawrence Regional Hospital. There was a Mr. Winchester brought in earlier. He was involved in a high speed collision."
Gabriel felt the world disappear and he will never know how he found the presence of mind to ask, "Is he...okay? What happened?" His mind racing with the possiblities, but surely they would have told him outright if it was anything serious. Surely they would have started with that.
A pause from the other end, as though the lady were reading all of this off a chart, "Mr. Winchester is in serious condition. As one of the people on his emergency contact list, we are able to tell you all of his information, but it would be best if you came to the hospital. I can have Dr. Milton ready to give you and his brother, Samuel, an update when you arrive."
A thousand things were swirling around in Gabriel's head and finally he managed to say, "Of course, we'll be there immediately, just tell me is he...he's going to be okay, right?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Novak, but right now I can't answer that."
He heard a bit of the annoyance he was feeling seep into his voice as he said, "But what does that mean?"
The nurse on the other end sighed, "It means only time will tell, but I think it would be best if you could bring his family when you come."
Gabriel almost dropped the phone. Bring his family. That meant...they didn't think. That meant they thought he could die, "He has a daughter..."
"How old is she?"
"Uhh, two, no sorry, she just turned three."
"And is she awake sir?"
Gabriel shook his head, "God, no, she's in bed."
"Perhaps it would be best if you let her sleep, then, she's too young to understand much of what's going on anyway."
Gabriel wanted to argue. To tell the nurse that Cassie was smarter than any of them combined and that she was going to rule the world someday, but all he could do was mutter his assent as the nurse told him that Sam wanted him to call Cas, that he had called Jake already and that Jess and him were on his way. He felt like punching someone, throwing himself into a ball on the floor and crying, or just getting in the car and driving as far away from this place as possible.
This was why Gabriel didn't get attached. This was why he didn't like to stay in one place too long, because staying equaled having your heart broken and right now the idea of life without Dean Winchester was...well it just wasn't a life that Gabriel could find much sense in living.
The next thirty minutes went by in a blur. Years later he wouldn't even be able to remember calling Rosemary and asking her to babysit. He wouldn't be able to tell you what he had told Cas, or even how he had ended up at the hospital. People told him Cas drove, he assumed that was probably for the best.
What he did remember was the waiting room. Cold, impersonal, and coated in the smell of sickness and antiseptic. He thought about how much Dean hated hospitals. How he complained that the nurses were never hot enough for him to be willing to stay as long as they always seemed to want to keep him. Thought about the last time he'd been in a hospital with Dean, after his motorcycle accident that gave him that scar on the back of his forth finger. The one that Gabriel always said gave him character. It was the last thing Gabriel used to kiss at night when they were curled up in bed together. Snuggling though neither would admit that is what they were doing. Gabriel would kiss Dean's fingers one at a time, always pausing the most on that one and planting the gentlest of kisses to it. At first the attention had made Dean blush, after a while it only made him smile up at Gabriel with an unreadable look in his eyes and an unmistakable warmth in his smile.
He was torn out of his remembrance when he saw Sam. Sam, who was taller than any human had a right to be but who looked about two feet tall now, in his worn out jeans and the Stanford sweatshirt Dean had given him for his birthday a few years ago. Puppy eyes on full alert and looking at him like he wanted nothing more than for Gabriel to tell him this is all some kind of a dream. He wished he could.
"Gabriel, God, it's...they wouldn't tell me anything until you got here, apparently you have power of attorney...he never told me that."
Gabriel gasped as he felt himself sway on his feet, he briefly considered turning around and running out of the hospital, but Sam's face was too earnest, too trusting to turn away from. Plus, Dean would kick his ass later if he found out that Gabe had tucked tail and run when Sam needed him. And Dean could kick some serious ass when he wanted to.
"I didn't...know."
Sam nodded vigorously and Gabriel had the feeling that if he told Sam elephants were purple right now he would just nod and believe him. Then Sam turned to Cas. Cas who was looking up at the man like he couldn't believe this was little Sammy Winchester, the dorky kid who had followed him and Dean around their entire adolescence. Of course, Cas hadn't seen Sam since he was fourteen years old so that was probably a pretty accurate representation of his thoughts at the moment.
Sam looked at Cas like a lost puppy and said, "Cas, it's good to see you again, man, just wish it wasn't...like this."
Cas shook his head and then looked up at Sam with tear filled eyes, stoic face given away by the tears that stained his cheeks, "Samuel Winchester, you grew up."
A brief smile crossed Sam's features before he swooped down and took Cas into his arms tightly, "God, Cas, I'm so glad you haven't changed."
After a few moments a voice rang out from behind them. It was foreign, rich, and deep, "Mr. Novak? Mr. Winchester?"
Gabriel and Sam looked up simultaneously to see the man. He was about Cas' height with dark blonde hair, searing blue eyes, and a tan that told Gabriel he didn't vacation here in Kansas. If the circumstances were different he'd be all for hooking up with the doctor, or at least annoying the hell out of Cas until he agreed to, but they weren't so he simply stood beside Sam as he came to greet them.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Milton, but I hate formalities so please call me Balthazar. I'm Dean's doctor."
Sam's voice sounded skeptical when he spoke, "Balthazar, like the demon on Charmed?"
Balthazar laughed, "Actually it's an old Persian name meaning splendid prince, I find it a rather fitting title don't you think."
Sam smiled a little and shook his hand as Gabriel did the same. Gabriel heard hushed murmers that told him Jess, Jake, and Castiel were introducing themselves in the background and giving them some privacy.
When Balthazar spoke next his professional courtesy had returned and his face was serious, "I'm out here to tell you that Dean has just made it out of surgery. It was touch and go for a while, but he made it out of surgery, which is a good sign. When the other car lost control on the intersection Dean was hit from the drivers side, so his impact was pretty severe. He lost a lot of blood and had some head trauma and internal bleeding in the brain. We won't know the full impact of those injuries until he wakes up. His left wrist was also completely smashed, he broke a few ribs, and his right knee was pretty shattered. Aside from that a few cuts and bruises from the windshield and getting thrown around. I don't want to make this sound worse than it is, but I also don't want to give you false hope. If Dean doesn't wake up in the next seventy-two hours, the chances of him waking up at all are very slim. It is also very likely, due to the extent of his head injuries that if he wakes up he won't be the Dean that you know, at least not at first. There is a good chance of slight memory loss or even full blown amnesia. I also know he's a musician, so I feel I should tell you that there is a very good chance that due to the extent of his wrist injury that he will never be able to play a guitar again. I don't want to overwhelm you with bad news, but I feel like you deserve the truth."
Gabriel could see that Sam was fighting a losing battle with the tears that were welling up in his eyes and Gabriel couldn't really say he blamed him. He could barely manage to remember how to breathe himself.
He heard Sam say, "Can...can we see him, yet?" from somewhere to his left, but he couldn't register the response or what else was happening as he took off running down the hall. He heard Castiel and Sam call out for him, but he kept running. He knew it was stupid, he couldn't run away from the news he had just heard, but standing there and listening seemed like signing Dean's death certificate and he just couldn't believe that there wasn't some way that Dean was going to survive. Some way he was going to fight back and beat the odds. He had to believe that. He just had to.
When he came back to himself he realized that he was standing in front of the hospital chapel. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time remembering how he had found Dean here a few years ago after his dad had died. How Dean had cussed out a God he wasn't even sure existed for making him grow up the way he did. For making him live through it all. He remembered watching Dean collapse onto the ground and crying because of all the fucked up things he actually missed his dad and he couldn't figure out why.
He took a deep breath and pushed the door open, finding the chapel empty, which didn't surprise him at almost 1am. He closed his eyes and walked to the front of the small room. Taking a seat at the pew closest to the picture of Jesus on the cross. And for the first time in at least ten years he folded his hands together, bowed his head and prayed.
Father, I'm a little lost right now. And I know that I have no right to ask for our guidance or help after walking away from you so many years ago, but its not for me, it's for Dean. I know you know that name, because...I imagine he's hard to forget no matter who you are. But you see, he...he might not believe in you so much, but fuck he wants to. He wants to believe in everything good about the world, but he's mostly dealt with the bad so he has a little trouble seeing the good. He doesn't think that he's really anything special. But you and I, well we know what a load of bullshit that is, so can you please just help him. He deserves this miracle. He...he earned this one. Please. Just...please.
He heard the door to the chapel open and he quickly looked up and whiped away the tears from his eyes. Looking around quickly to see Cas standing in the back and looking at him. Sad blue eyes magnified in the dark and all he wanted to do was run to his little brother and cry on his shoulder, but he stopped himself.
When Cas sat down in the pew across from him and folded his hands in his lap Gabriel broke down. He put his head in his hands and just cried. Cried at the injustice of it all. Cried that a good man like Dean would be lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life after everything that he had already been through. Cried that he was the one who was going to have to tell Cassie that her daddy might never come home. Cried at missed opportunities and chances that he was too scared to take. And after he was done crying about all that he cried just to cry. To wallow in the fact that the man that he loved might die never knowing how he felt and suddnely it felt like a punishment. Like it was all his fault, because maybe if Gabriel had been brave enough to tell Dean that it was never just dicking around with them then Dean would have been in the car with them that night. Dean would have been sitting next to him on the couch as Cassie fell asleep, and wrapped around him in bed right now as he counted the freckles on that beautiful nose of his, instead of in here like this.
After a few more minutes of silence he turned to Cas and voiced aloud his fear, "Do you think He's punishing me, Cas?"
Confusion flickered across his brother's face as he said, "Who?"
"You know who...God."
Sadness colored Cas' voice as he spoke, "Why would he do that?"
Gabriel huffed humorlessly, "Because I walked away, Cas. Because I gave up trying to fight to keep my faith. Because it was easier to walk away then to stand up and fight. Or maybe He's punishing Dean for not believing enough, for not trusting Him enough, for wanting to die all those years ago when everything got too hard. Maybe He thinks this is some kind of justice."
He heard Cas sigh, "Gabriel, you know He isn't like that."
Gabriel turned to Cas, tears welling up in his eyes once more, "Dean might die, Cas, I don't know anything anymore."
His brother smiled, one of those half smiles that Dean used to love so much, "Dean's going to be fine."
"You don't know that."
Cas sighed and intertwined his hands, "Maybe not. But He does. Dean's a fighter, Gabriel. Look at everything he's gone through in his life already and he's still standing. A tiny car crash isn't going to defeat the great Dean Winchester. He'd have to come back from the grave and find a cooler way to die out of sheer embarrasment."
Gabriel laughed a little at that. Because that sounded like Dean and man there was nothing he wanted to believe more in this moment.
"Besides, he's got too much to live for. He'll fight and he'll come back to us. You'll see."
"You really think so?"
"I do."
Gabriel smiled slightly at his brother as he got up and rested a hand on his shoulder briefly before walking toward the door.
"Oh and Gabriel."
"Yeah?"
"It's good to see you back in a pew. I'm sure He would agree."
Gabriel smiled at Cas as he walked out the door, suddenly feeling like maybe, just maybe things could be alright after all. This was Dean Winchester they were talking about. And Dean didn't give up anything without a fight.
I am sorry this update is shorter than usual, but I am hopefully going to update again soon. I'm working on my fic for the Debriel mini-bang, though, and I have a deadline so bear with me. Anyway, I hope you liked it and it was worth the wait. Review!
