Go to Zelena's house, they said. It would be ok, they said. Killian had instead left the home slightly traumatized and in need of mind bleach.

Emma and company had sent him as the messenger to a certain god, needing his extensive knowledge of ancient magic. Killian didn't want to at first, still uneasy around a particular redhead, but they were family now. Nothing was going to happen- or so he thought.

He walked up to the front porch, noticing that the front door was slightly cracked open. Concerned, he cautiously entered the home, noting that it was quiet. The lights were on, but no one seemed to be home. And then he entered the living room, and wished he hadn't.

"BLOODY HELL!" He screamed, scrambling to cover his eyes. It was just after lunch time, and Mr. and Mrs. Lord of the Underworld were fucking like there was no tomorrow. He only got a glimpse, but it was enough. Zelena was riding her husband hard on the sofa, red curls thankfully covering her front. Upon his scream, they stopped, and the Wicked Witch immediately covered herself with her arms.

"It's the middle of the day! I come to ask your advice, not watch you conceive your next kid!" Killian was thoroughly disgusted- he liked to think the couple's three children just randomly spawned by magic.

"You could have knocked!" The sorceress spat, crawling off her husband and magically dressed herself, Hades following suit.

"The door was open! Anyone could have walked in!" He couldn't look anyone in the eye, seeing more of Regina's wicked sister than he ever wanted to. Although he had to admit, she was gorgeous, much like the rest of the Mills women, if you were into crazy.

"Alright! Let's just…move on." Hades was much more calm about the whole situation, probably from living on Olympus for hundreds of years- where orgies were more common.

"Fine, fine. We need your help about an artifact Emma found. There's ancient Greek writing carved into it- maybe a weapon?"

"I'll take a look. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to finish what my wife and I started." Killian didn't need to be told twice to GTFO. He gladly left the house as fast as he could.

"So what did Hades say?" Emma asked, noticing that her boyfriend had been jumpy all day.

"Uh, he'll look at it later. Much later, in fact."

"Oh? Why is that?" Regina prompted, enjoying the fact that Hook was clearly uncomfortable.

"He's…busy doing your sister. I know this because I saw more than I ever wanted to."

Henry, Snow, and Charming cringed, feeling his pain, as they each have walked in on Regina and Robin at least once.

"Hey, at least it wasn't Gold and Belle."

"Not helping Emma! I feel like I never want to have sex again."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Easy for you to say! You didn't see them go at each other like"-

"Ok ok! We get it. You're traumatized, duly noted."

Killian just shrugged and went on with his day, until the sight of his couch gave him flashbacks. It was going to be a long week.