SILVER AND SCALPEL, SORDID SIBLINGS

Silver St. Cloud left the Headmaster's office, pausing for just a minute to hear him weeping. Every time she had a little visit with the doddering old perv, he went through the same phases-lust, excitement, and then when they were done, remorse and shame.

"It's just that you're younger than my own daughter." Sure, but you always say that AFTER we have our moments, you creepy scumbag.

Silver had acquired, from the Headmaster, the keys and unlimited use of the chem lab. The Head had asked her not to interfere with Dr. Piggott's schedule, but since Silver had had Piggy licking her feet just the night before, that shouldn't be a problem, either.

Oooh. There's Bruce. Sweet Brucie. Had Bruce Wayne been Bruce Smith, Silver wouldn't have taken much interest in him.

Bruce was one of those twelve year olds who, you know, looked twelve. But, Uncle Theo, now the Mayor of Gotham City, had asked Silver to pay special attention to Bruce Wayne, and frankly, he wasn't as smelly or gropey as either the Headmaster or Piggy, the chemistry teacher.

"Hello, Silver, how are you?"

Bruce had the manners of a 1950s black-and-white movie detective. In a way it was charming, none of this "Hey babe, 'sup?" but Silver did find it a bit disconcerting.

"Bruce! Haven't seen you in ages!" She hugged him, and swirled her long blond waterfall around his face.

"W-well, we did something yesterday." Bruce looked surprised. "Ice skating."

So literal. The flirting abilities of a passive frog.

"Oh, silly, I just meant that I missed you, I hadn't seen you. I really liked sitting with you after the ice skating, in the back of Alfred's big car."

Bruce blushed, saying tentatively, "I think Alfred was a little uncomfortable with how we were um, horsing around back there. He doesn't usually press the button to make his little screen go up."

That was funny. The chauffer could make a glass thing go up so the people in back had privacy, and Silver had been amused by how foggy the glass had gotten. She could tell that Bruce was wearing his collar up to cover the hickey she'd given him.

"So, did you hear? No one has seen Pam Vavasour for almost eight days. You know, we have her in World Cultures class, but she's actually in a higher Form."

Silver bit her full lower lip. No laughing, you bad girl.

"Well, Bruce" she said carefully, "Pam probably ran off with a boyfriend or something. Girls can be wild, you know." She winked, and Bruce blushed again.

But then he recovered himself. "I don't think so, Silver. Pamela is kind of studious, and she is a little plain."

You could say that again. Homely as a mud hen. Buck teeth, watery eyes, and at least a size 15. But it had been easy for Scalpel to get the uggo to climb into his truck. Scal did have a way with the ladies.

"Well, I have to get to Bio now." Bruce said a little sadly. Jesus, he's like a guinea pig or something. And I'm the snake. Oooeey.

"Oh, Christ. There's Selina, and she's hanging out with that fat drug lord."

"Pisses you off?"

"Language, Silver. You have to watch your mouth. This is school. But yes, I am a little annoyed. I don't think he's a good influence on her."

"I would just give her a wide berth, Bruce, I heard she has the clap."

"The what?"

"Syphilis. And maybe HPV too." Silver paused. Don't sound too sure. "I don't know, exactly, I heard the school nurse talking to the Headmaster or something."

"Yes, I just saw you coming out of his office."

"I was asking about new clubs and student social stuff. The Headmaster was very kind." After he got his face out from under my skirt.

Silver paused and looked at Bruce earnestly. "But please don't tell anyone what I heard from the school nurse about Selina's diseases. I don't want to ruin my friendship with her."

"I didn't know you guys were friends." Bruce paused. "I kinda thought you didn't really, uh, connect."

"Well, being as I'm a born-again Christian, I can't really hang out with certain people, but I try to minister to some who I think have potential, like Selina. But you should probably stay away because she might be a little manipulative. It's pretty clear that if she's hanging out with the Druid..."

Silver left Bruce somewhat bewildered as she sashayed down the hall. Some men have to be played like a chess game, but the guys in this school are seriously Candyland.

As she mounted the staircase to get to Study Hall, she heard a hiss. And there he was! Her handsome half-brother Skegness "Scalpel" St. Cloud.

"You shouldn't be wearing the uniform, Scalpel. You don't go here. You're like twenty years old. Did Uncle Theo-"

"No he didn't enroll me, but I thought the uniform would make me look invisible around here. People might notice if I walked around in my Black Sabbath T-shirt."

"God, what ancient musical taste you have. Here's the key to the chemistry lab."

"Excellent. I have Pamela Vavasour on ice in the truck."

"Wait, is she dead? I thought you were just going to take one kidney."

"No...see, then she comes around and can tell the cops stuff. I'm going for both kidneys, and corneas and whatever else is salable."

"Salable?"

"Worth something, you little bimbo. If you didn't service all your teachers you probably would be put back in third grade."

"I just didn't know this would be um, so final."

"Well, Uncle Theo needs money, and healthy young organ donors are very useful. Seriously, he has to pay for all those political ads. But maybe I should get the next one from the public schools. Except, they're probably drug-riddled and fulla venereal disease."

"Whatever. Take the keys, and leave me out of it."