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Date: EIGHTH DAY as an ally to the Shinigami of Soul Society after getting kicked out of Hueco Mundo by the Major Bitch

Yoh Journal,

What with all the pain and suffering in the world, you know, Aizen wreaking evil left, right and center and Gin employing his molesting tendencies up and down and front and back, it seems SHALLOW to whine about not having enough time with your boyfriend or being pissed to death by his pals. But you see, you're not this boyfriend-starved, sex-deprived, oppressed bastard; it's ME. So if you have a gripe about me being a complaining scumbag, I suggest you listen to me first before you jump into conclusions.

So there I was last night, reaching orgasmic heights and getting lost in heavenly pleasure when—

Ring…ring…ring…

Ichigo's cellphone started to raise fucking hell in the room, hushing the activities of my blood and aborting my ascent on stairway to heaven. I reached out for the accursed object to chuck it out the fucking window when Ichigo beat me into it. Only that instead of chucking it to oblivion, he pressed the 'answer' button.

"Hello?" Shuuhei's voice could be discerned from the earpiece.

No one really takes the trouble to be essential when they're around me. I couldn't make head and tail to answer why in blazing hell Ichigo would forfeit heaven to hear his pal's voice ranting over something as significant as a fucking TV show.

"What the fuck, Hisagi-san, it's ten in the evening."

"That's the point! Tune in to EXPN, man; get a load of Bucky Lasek! And why the fuck are you panting?"

"I'm with Grimmjow, dummy—I mean—sempai."

"Oh…Did I disturb something?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Oh…ha ha ha…I'll cut the line now. G'night."

Ichigo slid his phone under the pillow, promptly delaying the continuation of our activity. He really did put me past my patience 50 times just by answering the goddamn call. So we resumed to where we took off and he did me off really good, man. He really knew, I mean with fanatic precision, where to get my strings moving.

The morning after was nothing special; it was just your usual hell.

We met up at Urahara's place to await Commander Geezer's orders, which, I guessed, were some elementary shit to abide by; like hack and slash hollows here and there and wherever, and to sum it all up; old geezer was probably up to sneaking tons of airtime on the Shinigami monitor to see how good he'd look on big screen later on in replay.

So we waited like fools rounded up for execution as it became clear to us that the fucking connection got somehow winded up and it would take a damn long while to get through to the other line. And then Renji decided to kill boredom…

…and me along with it.

"You had quite a lot of fun last night, huh?"Renji asked boyfriend. Everyone in the room cracked a killer smirk.

Ichigo was looking daggers at tattoo-face 69, who returned the favor by feigning innocence. It's quite a wonder how these people MISS on noticing that they're filling the town and the neighboring ones with bastards and that the magnitude of damage is beyond reparable, WHILE, at the same time, they're capable of noticing the slightest indications of my actions that can potentially cast me to abject humiliation.

"Don't look at me." Hisagi told Ichigo defensively.

Renji was laughing the life out of himself and shaking his head, "Here, Ichigo, you called my phone last night, but you weren't answering. And then I heard these strange noises…"

Fuck. I remembered that after Hisagi's gloriously correct timing of phone conversation with Ichigo last night, the latter buried the shit beneath his pillow, and—

"—Next time, make sure to lock the keypads, okay?" Matsumoto lectured.

"And don't stick it under the pillow. It's a good thing my name's the first one on your contact lists; if it were someone else like the commander or Captain Ukitake, man, I'd have to hand you all the luck and prayers in the world." Redhead said.

If it were someone else whom the heroic pillow misdialed, you know, someone NOT Renji, I'd probably be NOT in this wonderful state where I had to bear the unnecessary torture these brilliantly bastardic Shinigami were inflicting. I'd probably be in a state where I wouldn't have to think of ways on how to end this misery that was my life.

Berry-head was rubbing his forehead which was really helpful seeing as these bastards were just about as vulnerable to subtleties as a toilet seat is.

Urahara was waiting for his chance to speak until, finally, his chance showed up, "Moreover, you guys should use protection. I don't have condoms in the shop but—"

"Enough already. Geez. It's just sex. We know what we're doing." I said.

That cut their discussions on safety precautions. Baby genius groped down to his pockets and produced a small device, which would later on be introduced to me as an MP3 player. He then stuffed the earphones in his ears and maximized the volume. I wanted to fucking snatch the shit away from him and treat myself to a deadly profuse ear-bleed. Man, I was so envying him.

"Tips, man, I could use them." Renji said.

The jerks propped their chins on their palms and sat so close to each other that their eager cheeks were rubbed together. For me, I mean, strictly for me, the conversation had taken a turn which I never would wish to pursue. Obvious reasons are as follows: 1)They were being the sadistic bitches that they are and were fucking poking fun for the sake of sending me one fucking step closer to my grave. 2) I've forgotten already because these fucktards had just about wreaked bloody havoc in my brains that I could no longer distinguish which felt better between sitting on a bonfire or drinking soda in summer. 3) I still can't recall. 4) Fuck this.

"Who gets to be on top?" Rangiku asked.

Let's reevaluate here; they're sadistic and I'm a masochist. We were all getting what we wanted, supposedly; they were torturing me and I was allowing them to, so why the fuck wasn't I happy?

"Me."

Ichigo's jaw must have gained 40 pounds upon hearing me answer.

"Favorite position?" Hisagi asked.

If you hate yourself so much, like so much you're inclined to torment yourself, you can satisfy your masochistic urges my ramming your balls on your Zanpakotou's hilt. But if you plan on evading being a sterile no-nutsack, you can just hang out with dudes like Renji, Hisagi, Urahara, and Matsumoto.

Matsumoto pressed each of her palms against her young captain's ears before I answered,

"It's damn tattooed on your cheek, dummy."

"Oh. Cool."

This shit was never gonna end, and I could just pack my bags and do Satan a favor and knock on his door instead of having him send a fucking minion to fetch me. Man, these gits were sounding as though they never got laid EVER or never got their hands on the mildest of pornographic materials. Man.

Zzzzzttt….zzzzztttt…

Some static noise was heard from the monitor whose screen was starting to produce obscure pictures. Commander Geezer came in sight and was clearing his throat.

Old Geezer started, "I will be dispatching you from there tonight. You all, save Kisuke, shall return here in Soul Society for further instructions. I will be sending you back there again after you have been informed of the plans for preparation. We will be getting ready for the decisive battle."

The message sent chills coursing down my nerves. It was still too early for that. Aizen must have been itching too much in the ass for sitting day and night on his goddamn throne.

"And when will the battle be, Commander?" Baby genius asked.

"In a month."

Everyone gasped. I almost did too.

"Captain Yamamoto, I do not question your judgments, but it's only been two months since the Hogyokou was stolen. Could Aizen have found another way to assemble his aims, produce his dream army?" Hisagi asked with much seriousness. Jerk under cover.

"Kisuke, time for you to speak." Geezer said reverently, to which Urahara nodded promptly.

"It must have awakened already. I see no other explanation to the strange Arrancar activities lately and their massive reproduction." Dr. Sicko answered reservedly. Jerk in denial.

Everyone gasped again. I didn't, though.

"Aizen's breeding bastards. He does it faster than you guys can screw my mood."

They're faces sank to solemnity before collapsing to utter obscurity.

"This can't be real. It's absurd…" Renji scuffled to phrase the remainder of his speech, sounding truly disturbed. Jerk trying to be otherwise.

"Whatever the case is, we are preparing for battle." Baby genius said. Not a jerk.

"Captain is right." Matsumoto agreed. She-jerk pretending to be something else.

Old Geezer nodded, marking the closing of the show.

"There you have it. You will ALL report to me in person tonight. Good day to you all." And he was gone.

We were all staring at each other with eerie shadows in our faces. For once, I wanted these bastards to recover the former mood in the room and be the jerks that they are. Ichigo was staring at me; some form of understanding was linking our gazes. Right then and there, our days together were surging back at me in a fast forward pace, and I started to wonder if they could all be gone in a blink, just as how they had come to us. Could it all recede to nothingness as momentarily as they appeared? Can they?

At length, Hitsugaya spoke, "Comrades, will you die for Soul Society and the world?"

What a lousy pep talk that was. Man, it was cheesy as lasagna. But then I was being an idiot because I was the only one who made a face at something which, apparently, wasn't something to make face on. I really don't get Shinigami humor.

"If fight to death is what it is, yeah, I'll give it my all, even my life." Renji said with such a conviction worthy of ten sentences of descriptions, which, by the way, will not be provided by me. Duh.

"Wrong." Baby genius said flatly. For a moment there, I wanted to point a finger at Renji and laugh hard at his wrongness in-your-face style. But baby genius continued talking, "You will NOT die for Soul Society or for the human world because you will NOT die AT ALL. You will not die on your comrades and on your friends and families. There will be no 'til death do us part', no fight 'til death, no honorable deaths because there shall be NO deaths whatsoever. We will no longer suffer any deaths in Aizen's hands. We will be strong. We will end him."

We were all looking at him, and everyone's face was brimming with something that very much resembled admiration. Not mine, though.

Baby genius spoke again, this time to ME, "Grimmjow Jaggerjack, what will you give to assist us in ending him, him who was your creator?"

His scariness did not decrease, man, even after I'd remembered he was as tall as my waist. I knitted my eyebrows because I fucking knew not how to answer that; I mean, I didn't wanna end up like Renji being right on the smack WRONG. I looked at boyfriend who was looking distressed, man. And he stared back at me for a long time. It made me feel something, some fluid force which came from a definite place somewhere in my chest and I almost did not hear myself mutter…

Signing out,

Grimmjow Jaggerjack

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TBC