A/N: This is the hardest episode I have written. Getting Sam's voice right for his emails was SUPER challenging. I hope I did okay.
Episode Guide: These emails cover the period between 2x15 (Tall Tales) and 2x20 (What Is And What Should Never Be). Sam writes to Ellie about some of the events in those episodes, but sometimes he is more vague.
Chapter 9: Emails
Hi Sam,
I just wanted to say sorry for being so pissy with you last week. Guess it probably would have been easier to just NOT be pissy, but hey, I like to do things the hard way. Anyway, I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with what happened and honestly, I don't blame you for what Meg did. It was just a stupid thing I had going on inside my head and it's my issue, not yours. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I guess I don't handle pain that well and it makes me kind of a bitch. :(
Please tell Dean I'm sorry too, but I know you got the worst of it. You didn't need that when you were already feeling bad about what happened. :(
All the best,
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
I've been trying to figure out what to say to you all day. I don't want to say I accept your apology because I really don't feel like you have anything to apologise for. But I know you think I did nothing wrong either, no matter how much I hurt you.
Why don't we both just stop feeling guilty and start being friends again? How are you? How's the arm? Did they say how long you have to have the cast on? Are you stuck at home, or going out? Hunting or just doing research for Bobby? Tell me what you're doing and I'll tell you all about the joys of travelling with Dean.
Speaking of which, Dean says hey.
Sam
Hey Sam!
Dad told me about what went down with that trickster in Ohio. I laughed my ass off. I'm not sure if my favourite part was the slow dancing aliens or you and Dean at each other's throats! It let the air out of Dean's tires? You're lucky he didn't kill you then and there! :p
As for your last email, I can't promise never to feel guilty when I've been an asshole, but I think I can manage being friends again. :)
My cast is on for at least six weeks, then I get another x-ray to see how well it's healed. Dad is being a total drag. Which I guess shouldn't really come as a surprise. He barely lets me go into town for groceries, let alone hunt. It's given me a chance to sort out the library though. I've gotten everything back on the shelves now, and it's much better organised. I'm going to catalogue them, but I haven't decided on a system yet. There's database software out there, but none of them has leapt out at me as the best option. I might have to program my own system, which should be fun.
Wow. You guys are chasing monsters across America and here's me nerding out about cataloguing. I have hit rock bottom. The cabin fever has set in. Send help.
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
You've definitely gone crazy. Once you start talking about how much fun databases are, you have crossed a line. You're past help. Bobby will just have to shoot you.
We are in Nevada, looking into a haunting that only happens once a year. It should be coming up tomorrow night, and hopefully this year will be the last time. A ghostly woman appears on the highway every year, followed by a bloody man who chases her. Based on the date, we've figured out who they are. Trouble is, she was cremated and we've got no idea where he was buried, so it's going to be a long night tomorrow, I guess.
Dean says hi to you and to Bobby too.
Sam
Sam,
Sorry I haven't written sooner. I've just been waiting for something to happen to me. You don't need twice daily emails from me about how itchy my cast is, or what I had for breakfast, or the always fascinating gossip of Sioux Falls. Maggie Newton is marrying some doctor out of New York, local prom queen makes good, alert the media. And oh my God, that freak Ellie Singer still lives out in that old junkyard with her drunk daddy. Some say she dropped out of college and joined a biker gang. Some say she's wanted for murder in Canada. Either way, we can all agree she's doing a lot of drugs and don't got no man. :O
How did the thing in Nevada go? And how's Dean? How is it travelling with Dean? After Ohio, Dad said he was surprised you two don't try and kill one another more often. In that car all the time and sharing tiny motel rooms. Don't you need your own space occasionally?
Oh, and I found a great cataloguing program that lets you input your own data fields! Even Dad can use it, although I won't let him touch it while I'm doing the input. It's great though, since all that bullshit about publishing company and date is not important for this particular collection. Year published: 1658, on real human skin, written in the blood of enemies. Instead, I'm able to sort by things that matter like what spells are in them and which creatures are described. I'm having so much fun.
I really just wrote that. Look, Sam… I'd like to pretend it's just being stuck at home that has me so excited about hours on end of data entry. But I think we both know I'm just a huge nerd. :p
Dad says "Hi, I guess."
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
I was starting to wonder why I hadn't heard from you. That's exciting news about Madge Norman or whatever her name is. But tell me more about Ellie Singer. Biker gangs and Canadian crime sprees? She sounds awesome, even if she's not engaged to a doctor.
The Nevada thing went well, I suppose. Get this: she didn't even know she was dead. It was actually really sad. I'll tell you about it next time I see you.
Dean is Dean. You know what he's like. I think he's doing okay, but it's not like we talk it all out, you know? If he's being a jerk, he's probably fine. As for personal space… What's that? It sounds great. I tend to go for a run or a walk every morning, to get a bit of time to myself. But to be honest, I don't really feel like I need it that often. I'd rather be stuck in a motel room or car with Dean than go it alone, you know? He's my brother.
As for your cataloguing, it actually sounds really cool. I can just hear Bobby, though. I bet he's very enthusiastic about you modernising his library…
I can't even keep a straight face while typing that.
Sam
Hi Sam!
Everything I do is always about hunting, I sometimes forget there's a whole world full of people who don't know what we know! I went to a wedding over the weekend, out in Green Bay (three whole nights away from Sioux Falls!). Just two of my friends from college. They got together in freshman year. Here's the cliff notes: Cute couple, beautiful wedding, everyone was dressed up so nice, fabulous scenery, yes I cried.
Anyway, it was so weird spending a weekend with regular folk just talking about their jobs and their love lives and their cats. Sure, I get that at home sometimes, but just in little doses, never all at once. I've been telling everyone I slipped on oil from a leaky engine. Which makes me sound clumsy and stupid, as opposed to "a demon snapped my arm" which is way more badass. :(
I'm rambling. My point is that it was kind of an odd weekend. All my friends have one career or another. They're teachers and therapists and artists and nurses and stuff like that and they all seem happy. Some of them even felt sorry for me. Like I crashed and burned after college, just living with my Dad and scrapping cars. They think I'm missing out on so much.
Funny thing is, I don't feel like that at all. What we do is important, Sam, and I don't care if no one knows we do it. Still matters. Besides… even if I did just do nothing but scrap cars, why would that matter? Someone has to. These white picket fence types are happy to sort their plastic and paper, but look down on the recycling I do!
I had a good time, for the most part, and they weren't intentionally rude or anything. Just struck me as kind of funny how what I do is way more interesting then what they have going on, but no one will ever know it. Maybe that's why they say Hunters can't quit. If we try, we die of boredom!
Say hi to Dean,
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
Do you ever think we're going about this the wrong way? We spend so much energy figuring out how to kill everything. But the things that we fight have to come from somewhere. Some of them are born and some of them are made. Some of them have to kill humans in order to live, but then, we kill other animals so that we can eat.
I don't know, Ellie. We hunt them and they hunt us, and did you ever just wonder if there is another way? A cure? I've seen vampires refuse to drink human blood. Maybe more would make that choice if we let them.
Has anyone ever tried?
Sam
Dear Sam,
I hope you're okay. If you ever want to ring and talk, I don't mind. It doesn't have to be important. It doesn't even have to really be about anything.
As to your question, I don't really know. I've never thought about it before. I've been thinking about it a lot since I read your last email.
I guess it all comes down to the individual case. I've been asking myself whether I'd kill a vampire that wasn't drinking human blood. I want to say no I wouldn't. Because the whole point is protecting people, and if that vampire isn't hurting anyone then what reason do I have to kill it? But then I think about myself. All the times I've cracked and broken when I was dieting. If that vampire cracks, someone will die and I could have prevented that. So, is the death my fault? Or is it on the vampire? Or do we share the blame?
Then again, a vampire who really wants to do the right thing has a lot more motivation to keep to that diet than I do. Perhaps I shouldn't be judging their self-control based on how bad mine is.
It got me thinking about ghosts, too. Vengeful spirits are often murder victims. They aren't to blame for the way they died, and often while I'm researching a case I feel real sympathy for them. But, what they've become in death is something different and it's harmful to people who are also innocent. I often wish there was an easier way to stop a vengeful spirit. Wish I could reason with it and make it see how it's doing to others what was done to it.
We can't risk people's lives. That's why we hunt. I guess for me that has to be the bottom line. "Will this risk a human life?"
Tell Dean hi,
Ellie.
Dear Ellie,
Sorry about my last email and thanks for your reply. I'm fine, really. I just have some stuff on my mind, but that's obvious. I never replied to what you said in your previous email, or asked how you were doing. Shouldn't it be time to get your cast off soon? You've got to be looking forward to that.
How is the catalogue going? How's Bobby? What are you going to do when you get your cast off? Run straight out and kill a poltergeist?
As for us, we're in LA. Dean insists we should take a break and enjoy ourselves, but I'm pretty sure there's a job here. Guy got killed on a movie set and there's a lot of rumours about it being haunted. I think it's worth checking out, and Dean's not about to say no to a trip to Warner Brothers studios, so we're going to look into it tomorrow. Did you know Dean's a huge movie buff? He loves horror films, which I don't really get. We live that stuff every day. Sometimes I wish I could get such enjoyment out of simple stuff like movies or music, the way Dean does. We're just different people.
It's nearly 2am. I better try and get some sleep, in case this haunting rumour turns out to be a case. Either way, I'll get a postcard for you. I know you don't have one from LA.
Sam
Dear Sam,
Another week with the cast and then I get the x-ray to see if they can take it off. I have been angelically good and done everything I was told, so I deserve to have it removed. Probably won't go out and gank a poltergeist right away, but I've definitely got an appointment with the punching bag. I want to see what six weeks of healing can do!
Dad is great. He's just doing what he does. Answering phones, ripping apart cars, looking for obscure occult books, drinking whiskey and treating me like I'm made of glass. The usual. I asked him if he wanted me to write anything from him. He said "If Sam wants to hear from me, he'll call me. He don't need me emailing him kisses."
Dean likes horror movies, huh? I don't mind some of them, but mostly they irritate me. I find all the characters annoying and I end up rooting for the monster half the time. These idiots are always reading from the mystical book or going into the abandoned hospital. Then one of them says "maybe we should split up" and I just want to strangle them! If Dean can recommend any that won't piss me off, we can watch them next time you're here. I bet Dad would like nothing better than the three of us taking over the library all night. :)
I hope you've been getting enough sleep. I won't lecture you about how important it is, since you're a big boy now. Thanks for the promise of a postcard. I'll scout out some space on the wall.
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
Well, it was a case. This disgruntled horror writer was summoning ghosts to murder anyone he thought had ruined his movie script. They turned on him and killed him. I guess if it was a movie, you'd have been annoyed by it.
We also discovered that Dean has missed his calling. Four days in Hollywood and he starts speaking the lingo. He never had so much fun undercover. I'm pretty sure if he stayed there, he would work his way up to studio executive within a few years.
You better find space for more than one postcard, since we've stopped in five nothing towns the past two days, and I got you something from each one. Until I started looking, I never knew how many tiny towns printed their own postcards, but it seems like you're not a real highway town unless you sell postcards with a picture of the local scenery and an old weatherboard church on them.
We're at the Roadhouse tonight. Ellen has calmed down about what happened with Jo. Do you hear from Jo much? I can tell her mother misses her, although she didn't say anything directly. I told her I was writing to you and she said to tell you hello and that she loves you. Ash also says hi and had a lot of questions about how you are and what you've been doing.
Good luck with the x-ray,
Sam
Sam,
You see ash agian, you can tell him to mind his own business. let me make something real clekar to you right now, winchester. i got tmie for tgwo kindzs of men: one good night and happily ever after. I ain't messing around with anyone who messed arond ian the gray area. ghe had his chance. this is some bullshit.
ellie
Dear Ellie,
Wow.
Sam
Dear Sam,
So, I might have been pretty drunk when I got your last email, and even drunker when I replied. Sorry about that. Obviously, I have time for many kinds of men, including men who are my friends. Like you and Dean. I hope you didn't think I meant you guys. I would never mean you guys. :)
Well, I'm hugely embarrassed so I'm just gonna move on real quick and tell you that after the x-ray they said I have to keep the cast on ten days, so that's annoying. I've finished all the cataloguing now, which is great. It means I can get back out there once my arm heals, without a half-finished job lingering over me.
What took you to Nebraska anyway? Has Ash had any luck tracking those omens for you?
I'm rearranging the postcards so I have a whole section for the ones you are bringing me. I'll call it "The Wall of Winchester Wanderings." I am as poetic as I am hilarious. :)
Love Ellie
Dear Ellie,
No, Ash hasn't found anything significant yet, but he thinks the program is definitely working, so we'll just have to keep waiting. We stopped by the Roadhouse because we were only a few hours away and it seemed like as good a place as any to stop. We were hoping Ellen might know of a case.
Now we're headed to Arkansas. And old marine buddy of our dad's wants us to look into something. If you don't hear from us for a while, don't worry about it. This case is in a prison, and Dean is pretty sure the only way to deal with it is to get arrested. I'm not happy about it, but Dean insists. I hope we can find another way.
I'll write again when I can. I hope your cast comes off soon.
Sam
Dear Sam,
So, you're both wanted on murder and bank robbery charges and you're just going to get yourselves arrested? In Arkansas. And just hope for the best? Yeah. I'm definitely going to worry.
Ellie
Dear Ellie,
Everything went fine. Or as fine as anything ever goes for us. We are headed back up your way, so we might see you in a week or two. It depends on where we find cases. I'll have some stories to tell you, and I'm still collecting postcards.
You must have the cast off now. How does it feel? Possibly one of the greatest feelings in the world is finally getting to scratch once you get a cast off.
Dean says hey.
Sam
Dear Sam,
The cast is off! You are definitely right about scratching! I've never been so excited to scratch in my life! Better than sex, no question! :) :) :)
Everything seems pretty good. My arm can do everything it's supposed to and I can throw a punch without snapping it again, but I'll probably wait a few weeks before I go looking for trouble, just to make sure it's absolutely healed up.
I imagined all sorts of awful scenarios about a case inside a prison and what you two were doing. Plus horrible dreams about you both getting the death penalty. So I really look forward to seeing you and hearing what really happened.
Tell Dean hey back,
Love Ellie
