~Strength to Survive~

Shinichi wasn't going to lie; Kaito was the world to him. Kaito knew a lot about the dreams that troubled his sleep but there was one he didn't know, one Shinichi never spoke of. There were dreams that Shinich woke from and he was so heartbroken, so terrified, that he couldn't scream or cry. After those dreams he would move closer to Kaito just to hear his heartbeat. Kaito didn't know that Shinichi had fears worse than the BO or of his friends finding out; Shinichi's worse fear was of Kaito dying.

He saw KID gunned down in his dreams, Kaito shot by a sniper, Shinichi saw Kaito tortured to death because of him, KID died in a similar fashion to Irish in one dream only in that dream KID was staring at him with dead eyes and blood pouring out of his mouth as he collapsed still protecting Shinichi even in death. The worst was probably when Kaito died by drowning; he watched his bloated body floating in a lake, only recognizable by the ring Shinichi gave him on his birthday the previous year. Each time he woke from one of those nightmares, Shinichi needed to hear Kaito's heartbeat to prove he was still living, still by his side.

:.

"Shinichi? What's wrong?"

"…"

"Shinichi?"

"…Its nothing."

"Don't say it's nothing, you're shaking Shinichi; what's wrong?"

For a long time Shinichi didn't respond. Then, after a long while, he lifted his head off of Kaito's chest over his heart and moved up to kiss him. At first it was a slow kiss, sweet and innocent like the kisses first shared before everything went wrong. Soon it evolved into something a little more heated and passionate; desperate.

Kaito knew how this was going to go, Shinichi wasn't going to tell him anything, instead he would lure Kaito into his trap and together they would pretend to forget all about whatever was bothering Shinichi. It was a trap he willingly fell into; at fourteen Shinichi kept his hair somewhat longer than he did the last time he was that age and had a slightly feminine build with a narrow waist and long, beautiful legs. Shinichi used this to his advantage every time.

"Shinichi." Kaito needed to scream his name but was afraid anything above a whisper would ruin the mood they set around them. Right then, it was only the two of them, no one else existed or mattered and even the room was of little consequence. All that mattered was the way Shinichi's thighs and hips and waist felt beneath his fingers and the way Shinichi's skin glistened in the moonlight and the patterns each drop of sweat made as it slowly made its way down Shinichi's chest. All Kaito could see was his Shinichi above him, head thrown back as he came down one last time before release.

Each time Shinichi had one of those nightmares, the night ended the same; Shinchi would collapse onto Kaito, refusing to lose the feeling of Kaito being inside him just yet. He would lay his head back over Kaito's heart and listen till the heart beat slowed and he was sure Kaito was asleep. Then he would repeat the same line.

"You may be only one person in the world, but you are also the world to one person; to me."

:.

Shinichi couldn't help but think, Kaito put his whole future on hold for him. Together they were counting the years, months, days, until they could honestly be together without the extra negative connotations their age difference had… legally. Now fourteen and nearing the age he once was, Shinichi was deeply grateful for Kaito's love and dedication to him; Ran had forgotten him, married, moved away, and had her own kids. Not that he was bitter about that; he had, after all, left her first. He had fallen in love with someone else before he knew he'd never return to that life; he had changed into someone else over the time he was someone else, until it became him. He wasn't the arrogant (not that he'd admit he ever was), high school detective who loved the attention received for being so; no, he was Conan, the quietly arrogant (again, never admit it), high school detective who preferred to stay out of the spot light, taunt his friends he'd grown up with this second time, remind Mitsuhiko from time to time of the consequences of spying on friends, and spend as much time as possible with his gentleman thief.

Of course there were times when things weren't quite like that.

:.

"Conan-kun, is there something going on? You know you can tell me right?"

"Ayumi-chan? I'm fine, what are you talking about?"

"It's just that, you and Mitsuhiko-kun keep sharing weird looks and Ai-chan says it's because you two have a secret and well… I was reading some books Ai-chan gave me and… umm… itsokifyoulikeeachotherIwon'thateyou!"

"….What?"

It took a few minutes for the blushing girl to calm her heart and a few deep breaths before she had the strength to look Conan in the eyes again. "What I mean is, I noticed how Mitsuhiko-kun keeps looking at you and then turning away blushing and each time you look at him and smirk that way you do when you solved a case. I won't think of you any different if you date guys and I'm sure Ai-chan would say the same so you don't have to hide your relationship with Mitsuhiko-kun from us. I'll talk to Genta-kun and make sure he doesn't bother you about it too."

Never had he been so embarrassed. How could she— wait, what the hell kind of books was she reading? Books that Haibara gave her? What did that have to do with— oh…. "Ayume-chan, I don't even want to think about what Haibara-san has you reading but there is nothing between Mistuhiko-kun and me. I don't like him and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me and please don't let Haibara-san put you up to this ever again. "

"But then, why does he keep looking at you like that?"

Shinichi was pretty sure the lady sitting at the bench across the park from them was laughing at them... and she was too far to have heard the conversation without help. Definitely KID. "I umm… well…" what was he supposed to tell her? He couldn't tell her Mitsuhiko watched him being screwed senseless in a nameless alley by the Kaito KID. "that's because…" well maybe a half truth was in order? "…because he saw me with… my… boyfriend."

The last word was said so low it took a while for Ayume to realize what was said. Boyfriend. Well that made some sense. "And your smirk back at him?"

She really wasn't making this easy was she? "He umm… saw me with my boyfriend."

"You said that already— ohhh…."

"Yeah…" Cue the awkward silence.

"…"

"…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Shinich saw KID actually fall off of the bench laughing to the surprise of surrounding park goers.

:.

For a long time, Shinichi wasn't ok. For a long time, Shinichi almost felt that death would have been preferable. For too long, Shinichi hadn't really believed in Kaito's devotion and honest love which caused so much pain for them both until he saw it.

Eventually, he came to believe in Kaito without needing the constant reassurance. Not that the constant reassurance wasn't still appreciated. It was nice when he'd wake up surrounded by rose petals or finding his love notes written like KID heist riddles (love notes not.. those notes) and even nicer to finding Kaito in full KID regalia and sitting on a park bench with a cup of coffee just waiting for him.

On the downside, Kaito was around even if he didn't want him there. For every horrifying moment. In any and every disguise possible.

:.

"Are you done laughing?" Shinichi had made his way over to the fallen 'woman' rolling on the ground laughing once he was sure Ayumi wouldn't be sharing their conversation with anyone and especially with Haibara. At the moment he didn't know who he wanted to take revenge on most, Kaito or Misuhiko (Haibara was out of the question).

After a few more minutes of laughing while Shinichi stood by tapping his foot impatiently and park patrons continued to avert their eyes from the strange scene, Kaito had stopped laughing enough to respond in the proper female voice. "I don't understand why there aren't more people laughing; you don't witness scenes like that every day." Kaito managed one last smile before pouting because Shinichi refused to help him off the ground. In fact, Kaito was sure that if it wasn't for the female disguise Shinichi would have kicked him back to the ground a few times before letting it go.

"Well no one actually heard the conversation except for you because you had us bugged." Shinichi knew he could glare at his thief all day and it wouldn't make an ounce of difference but that wouldn't stop him from trying.

"Could you blame me? I was afraid she was going to confess to you." Kaito looked away from Shinichi so that he wouldn't see his blush for the most part.

Shinichi wasn't buying it however. "You and I both know you're acting. Quit now and I might forgive you by tonight."

"How could you not believe I'd be jealous of her? You're mine and anyone who thinks otherwise could just—could just—go to hell for all I care!"

In the end, Kaito realized he really was jealous of her. He was jealous of a girl 10 years younger, who his detective wasn't the least bit interested in, simply because she could walk hand in hand with him and tell anyone and everyone he was her boyfriend. He had been acting at first but somewhere along the lines, the mask became real. Not knowing what else to do, Shinichi took his hand and lead him back home; their home where the masks could be tossed aside, false names could be left at the door, and a detective and magician could hold each other until the world faded away.

:.

I am the world to him; Kaito loves me and needs me like I do him. Whenever things got hard, or he missed his thief, Shinichi took comfort in that and continued to work toward their future together. After all, Kaito couldn't become a world famous magician if he couldn't bring along his world famous detective/author. It also didn't hurt that Kaito was right about the mirror.


I kind of forgot about this; I've had this chapter done since around Sunday... -ish... but, since I don't have any ideas for the next chapter I decided to wait to put this up. I'm trying to figure out what to do next but, until ideas come, I don't really know when the next chapter will be up. Still, I hope to get something done soon.

Anyways, reviews and help and corrections are appreciated. I've gone over this chapter repeatedly but... I've made some odd mistakes before...