Always & Again

IX

Stone walls provided for dreadful acoustics and even in the rotunda, the sounds of the goings on in Skyhold often reached Solas. Most days he could tune out the excitement of the castle, give himself some semblance of peace and quiet in the often boisterous environment. Other days it was harder for him to concentrate on the mural, such as when Lavellan was sitting in judgment of their prisoners because the tension of the gathered crowd always managed to seep through the doors and find him.

The day had been thankfully peaceful as the Inquisition had been waiting to receive word from Hawke and her Warden friend in the Western Approach. It was going to be a few weeks at least, but still Solas found himself relishing in the subdued nature of the castle. The majority of Lavellan's time was spent in the war room with her advisors, preparing for the eventual missive from Hawke and her Warden friend.

As the days passed, Lavellan looked increasingly hallowed and tired. It worried him, but she continually brushed off his concern and every time he tried to find out what was bothering her so, she staunchly ignored him. It was a logical conclusion to think that it was the upcoming assault on the Wardens that was bothering her, but she had never before allowed her duties to affect her.

It was the muffled sounds of yelling that drew his attention away from the fresco and though Solas knew that it was probably none of his business, curiosity had always been a weakness of his. He walked into the main hall of Skyhold to find Lavellan storming from the war room, her face red, eyes swimming with unshed tears, her advisors hot on her heels.

It was probably for the best that it was late, and the main hall was empty of the nobles and dignitaries that seemed to constantly mingle about the hall. It would do no good for the Inquisition's image for its leader to be seen stomping around like a high dragon.

"Inquisitor please, you must calm down!" Came Josephine's frantic call.

Lavellan stopped cold and turned. "Oh, must I? I must be calm when you've just informed me that my entire clan has likely been killed!?"

Solas felt ice wrap around his heart at the strangled tone of her voice. So that's what had been bothering her, waiting to hear news of her clan. Crushingly, Solas understood why she had not trusted him with the nature of her odd behavior as of late.

"I trusted you!" she screeched, her voice tight and choked. "You told me that I could not go and assist them myself and I trusted all of you! What good are your connections," she turned a harsh glare to Joesphine, "your agents," this directed at Leliana, then turned her burning glare on Cullen as she continued, "or your forces if you cannot help one small Dalish clan! My clan! My family!"

She turned again and began to walk away, and knowledgeable as Solas was about her temperaments, he should have tried to warn Josephine from trying to interact with Lavellan further. But the ambassador followed in Lavellan's wake, "You cannot simply –"

Lavellan whirled around again, her face knotted, twisted into something dark. "What makes you think I want to hear anything you have to say to me, shemlen?"

Josephine's eyes went wide, her face flushed in sudden hurt. Solas was surprised as well because Lavellan had never treated the humans around her with anything other than friendship and civility. She cared for everyone with the Inquisition regardless of gender or race. The Inquisition and those who served under its banner had become her clan. And Solas had no doubt that Josephine had to deal with a number of unpleasant things that people said to her, and yet it was one slight elven woman that had nearly managed to dissolve the ambassador into tears.

He followed her out as she made for the stables, her hart stomping in irritation as it seemed to sense her discomfort and dark mood from across the yard.

"Where are you going, lethallan?" he asked gently.

She threw open her hart's pen, throwing on his saddle. "To find what's left of my clan."

"Then allow me a moment to gather my things and I will accompany you," he told her.

What he was not expecting was for Lavellan to whirl around on him the way she had Josephine. "No. I am going alone. Why would I want your company, flat-ear, when I know precisely how you feel about my people?" She snarled, all anger and disgust. "Truly, it must overjoy you to know that there is one less Dalish clan, floundering about like the ignorant children you believe us to be!"

He tried to ignore the tone of her voice and the way it wrapped around his heart and squeezed so tightly he couldn't catch his breath. She was in no condition to go anywhere, least of all by herself. He wanted nothing more than to gather her in his arms as he had times before, even if she would resist the embrace, until she calmed. She was hurting in ways that he couldn't comfort and once again, Solas was faced with all of his shortcomings in the face of her grief.

"How could you think that your pain would cause me joy in any way?" he wondered, quietly masking his own hurt at the visceral tone of her voice.

It was true that Solas held no love for the Dalish clans aside from that they were elves, his people. It was their beliefs that he took issue with because they had chosen to revere the darkest, worst parts of their history. They blamed him for the fall of their empires, not knowing that he had only tried to help them, to free them from those of the gods who did not deserve their reverence.

She never answered him, just strapped on the emergency pack of provisions and mounted. She didn't wait for him to move out of the way and Solas nearly tripped over himself getting out of her path as she spurned the hart into a spirited gallop, shouting ahead to raise the gates. She never even looked back.

He met Leliana as she was descending the main steps. "I've send birds to my agents in the field, they will know to watch for her."

"And I am certain she is aware of that. Believe me, Sister, if the Inquisitor does not wish to be found, your agents will not find her," Solas informed her.

In the meantime, Solas would look for her in the Fade.


Sorry about the delay on this, but for those of you who don't read my other stories and don't know - I work three jobs and they have kicked my butt the last week or so. When I haven't been working, I've literally been sleeping. Also I've been preparing for my husband to be gone for the next two months on active military duty.

One thing that I was disappointed with regarding the elven Inquisitor was the "Defend Clan Lavellan" series of war table Operations. There is (as far as I'm aware) only ONE way for Clan Lavellan to survive and in my playthrough they did NOT. What bothered me was that NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT. I mean, really? The Inquisitor just lost her entire clan, or most of her clan and no one, not even your love interest brings it up. And there are no follow up missions (as far as I've experienced), like shouldn't there have been an operation to bring the people who killed the clan in for judgment? SOMETHING?

ANYWAY, Obviously I have a lot of feelings about this, but whatevs, I didn't develop the game.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT HAS REVIEWED OR ADDED THIS STORY TO THEIR ALERTS/FAVORITES. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT! :)

See you next time!