Chapter 9
I wake up to an empty bed. Haymitch was probably needed in the early mornings and didn't wake me up to tell me he was leaving. I roll onto his side of the bed and curl up into a foetus position, burying my face in his pillow. I am normally a morning person but today, I feel rather content to just sleep in and bury myself under the covers. Coin didn't need me today which made the sweet temptation even higher.
It's finally the growl of my stomach that makes me tug myself out of bed, knowing that I will miss breakfast if I don't. I shower and get ready quickly, opting for smaller 6 inch heels today as my ankles are still hurting.
The canteen is fairly empty when I arrive for breakfast, save for a few people still picking at their food. I see Finnick sat alone and I get myself a plate of bread, dried fruit and a cup of water before making my way over to him.
"Finnick." I greet the victor cheerily, sitting down beside him.
He looks up in surprise before he grinned. "Effie, Hey!" He replied. His voice was still as jolly as always but his grin didn't reach his eyes. He was hurting. Hurting over Annie.
I feel my heart drop with sympathy as I pick up my spoon. "How are you?"
He shrugs. "Here and there." He mutters, his grin tightening. "I'm managing. How are you? You're huge!"
I roll my eyes, laughing at his still boyish antiques. "I'm good. We both are." I say, rubbing my stomach softly. "Finnick, I don't know if you know, but Coin made the decision to rescue Annie and the others yesterday." I tell him. It occurs in my mind that it might not be my place to tell him this but at that point, I didn't care. He should know.
He looks up from his plate and his vacant look is suddenly filled with a wash of emotions. Surprise, relief and...fear? "Annie." He whispers to himself.
I reach out to touch his forearm gently. "It must have been hard." I say, frowning. "Being away from her. Imagining her there."
"I wanted her to be dead."
His words make the spoon in my hand slip and clatter onto the plate. "Finnick...how can you-"
His hand clenches and I feel the tension flow all the way up his arm. "They've tortured her Effie. They've done things to her, I know they have. She'd have been better off dead."
I look down as understanding fills me up. I had doubted Finnick's love for Annie in the past but I know now that it is set in stone. His love had to be selfless if he is willing to give her up if that meant that she didn't have to suffer.
I pat Finnick's arm gently. "She'll be back with you soon and then you can help her heal from it. Everything else that happened won't matter any more."
He looks at me with hope swimming in his sea-green eyes. "Yeah." He said, a smile stretching across his lips. "Yeah."
For the rest of the day, I am alone. I don't see Haymitch, Sarah or Richard so I could only guess that they have all been called in by Coin. I have dinner in the hospital with Mrs Everdeen and her expression throughout is stoned with anxiousness. Something is wrong and I feel agitated at not knowing what was going on.
When I ask her about, she simply shakes her head, "I don't know Effie. Healer's intuition. Something doesn't feel right about today."
I feel frowns etch themselves unto my own face as I wrapped my arms around my large stomach.
I'm shaking from side to side, the blankets pooling heavily on my side. At first I'm confused until I realize someone is shaking me awake.
"Eff. Baby, get up." Haymitch says, hoisting me gently up by the elbows.
"Haymitch?" I mutter as my eyes adjust to the dark. I yawn. "What's going on?"
He hands me my dressing gown and I slug it over my body quickly, shivering as the cold catches up to me. "The rescue team's back. They've bought the victors with them."
The moment dawns on me and I grab onto Haymitch's arm for support as I slide out of bed. "Peeta." I say, the joy spreading to my insides. "Oh, he's alive! I knew it! Katniss will be so happy. Oh, Haymitch has she seen him yet? Haymitch?"
The cold expression on my husband's face makes me pause in my celebration. His expression is frighteningly similar to Mrs Everdeen's at dinner. It's on then I realize that I haven't seen my husband all day and with everything going on, Haymitch would always try and see me at least once to make sure I was okay.
"Something's wrong." I say automatically, the what ifs flowing into my head.
"He's in the hospital section." Is all Haymitch says as he holds open the door of our bunker.
I follow his hurried steps down the hallways, feeling slightly foolish at being out and about in my dressing gown. The need to see Peeta is greater though than the need to appear decent and Haymitch's silence scares me. What is going on?
When we arrive at the hospital section, Haymitch leads me to a more secluded area. Instead of beds next to each other, this side of the hospital has individual rooms that are closed off from each other. In front of each room is a large window that allowed people to view into them. In a room, there is a single bed that is built into the floor and very little equipment. The only equipment in them is safe-looking equipment. All of it is built into the floor, nothing sharp or loose is lying around. No weapons for people to use.
Peeta is kept in the room at the end and as soon as I see him, I want to fall onto the floor and weep.
He looks horrible. Scars etch the skin that is visible and his normally pale skin tone is a sickly yellow. His forehead is covered in sweat, evidence of the fight he must have put up against the soldiers and hospital staff. His eyes are shut tightly closed and his arms and legs are bound to the bed he is lying on. He doesn't look healthy. He doesn't look alive.
"Torture." Haymitch croaks out beside me and I turn to see the troubled expression on his face. "Hijacking. You know what that is?"
I nod, my throat drying up. In Capitol high, we learnt all about torture methods that were used, just in case anyone wanted to get into the field of...rebel elimination. Of all things you could do to someone, taking their memories and disfiguring them to inflict torture upon them is the sickest. There is one thing I loath about my precious Capitol and that is the blood lust. The blood lust that could never seem to be quenched by the spilling of blood.
"Katniss?" I force out her name.
"He thinks she's a Capitol mutt. The minute he laid eyes on her...Effie, you should have seen his face. He hates her. He tried to strangle her."
"No." I whisper to myself. Oh, my poor darlings.
A click clacking of feet walking on the floor catches me out of my thoughts and I look up to see President Coin and a few guards walking towards us.
"Think fast darling." Haymitch mutters to me, placing his hands around my waist as she draws near. I take head of his warning and I pray as she draws near. I pray to love her as Jesus has loved me and to not spew out my anger towards her. I pray for Peeta...oh, I pray for darling Peeta.
Coin's expression is nonchalant as she stands in front of us. "Shame isn't it. He is obviously no use to Katniss."
My gut drops to the floor in utter sadness at her words. "If you had rescued him earlier." I say, shaking my head to try and keep the tears from falling. "Please...you have doctors here. You have to try and help him."
She narrows her eyes at me before pointedly ignoring me and looking towards Haymitch. "Your little mockingjay needs to step up or there will be consequences." She says. "I can't afford any more mistakes, Soldier Abernathy."
To my surprise, Haymitch simply gives her an equally nonchalant look. "Sorry Coin. What you are asking is beyond my abilities."
She smirks. "Then you should know that what your wife is asking is beyond my abilities." She challenges him, shooting me a quick glance. All I see in her eyes is mockery. The respect that I had gained from her during the time we were being bombed is now completely gone.
However, I don't shy away. I don't allow myself to.
Haymitch's jaw sounds locked together when he replies, "She'll step up when it's really needed. Put her in front of a camera and what you get won't be satisfactory. But put her in action? Let her see what is really happening to people out there? She'll change a nation."
Coin raises an eyebrow. "Well, you better be right." Even I hear the 'Or else' that hangs in the air. She swerves around, graceful on her feet and walks away, her guards hot on her heals.
It's only when she disappears from our sight that I see Haymitch's shoulder's drop in defeat. The stress in his eyes is clear and I know more than anything that he blames himself for what has happened to Peeta.
"You didn't know." I reassure him quickly.
"Yes but Eff, I should have guessed. I should have guessed that they would do this to him." He growls, his hand jerking to punch the air and then twisting around to punch the opposite wall.
I move on instinct, wrapping my arms around his midsection. "It's going to be okay Haymitch." I say.
"You can't promise that." He sighs, "You need to go get some sleep."
"So do you."
"I can't. Princess, I need to be here."
"No." I argue, pulling away from him. "Haymitch, you haven't slept all day and I can guess that you haven't eaten either."
"Peeta needs me here. And I have to go find Katniss." He runs a hand messily through his hair. "Coin might start making decisions and I don't trust her with them right now. I don't think I ever could."
"Then I'll stay awake with you."
"No, Effie." He replies, shaking his head. "You need to think about both of you."
Tenderly, I touch the baby bump, affected automatically by his words. "I'll pray for them. And you. All night Haymitch."
"You really think that will do anything?" He mutters, bitterly.
I grab his hand and put it on my stomach. "They told you that you couldn't have children after you were injured in the games." I whisper. "They told me I couldn't have children because my ovaries were all hacked up. I prayed for this baby." I admit. "Have faith Haymitch."
He gives me a hesitant, disbelieving look but I know now that what I said is all that is needed right now. He didn't need a philosophy lesson, he will see it for himself when it is the right time.
He sighs, placing a hand on my cheek and kissing me softly on the forehead.
Her hair is mangled to the top of her head and bits of it is falling out. Dark circles lay underneath her eyes yet her eyelids don't flutter with the need to fall asleep. They stay wide awake, open windows to the seemingly emptiness inside. It breaks my heart. Chip after chip, bits of it fall onto the floor as I gaze upon the ruined girl in front of me.
"Katniss. My poor dear." I can't help whispering, hoping that the words don't reach her hunter's ears.
She hardly moves as her eyes fly over to me. She gives me a small smile, her chapped lips tightening only slightly. "Hello Effie."
The moment I had awoken, I came back to the hospital to see Katniss and Peeta. Katniss definitely is not in the same state that Peeta is in but her darker, dustier skin still contains an unhealthy tone and there is the same traumatised expression on her lovely features. Scars also etch her face and I don't know where they have come from.
"How are you?" I ask her, sitting on the chair beside her bed with some difficulty.
She simply smiles again, unwilling to answer my question. "They want to send me to Eight."
I frown. "I know. Haymitch told me. You are in no way fit enough to go anyway near a battlefield!"
"As if they care about that."
I try to think of what to reply to her but nothing comes to mind. I reach out and take her hand cautiously, wrapping my fingers softly around her own. I would say that everything would be okay but I know that I can't promise her that.
"Effie. If I don't come back-"
"Katniss, do not say that!"
"If I don't come back," She continues, not meeting my eyes. "Thank you for everything you have done. You and Haymitch. You've been...kind to me and P-Peeta. I'm grateful."
Oh, Katniss. I tenderly wipe my wet cheeks with the back of my hand, smudging my foundation. "Come back alive to us Katniss, that's all we need."
She gives me another smile, "That's not really my plan."
"Two more weeks Effie." Dr Evans reminds me as she packs up the equipment that was needed for my now daily check up. "Two more weeks and you'll have a baby."
Is it terrible that all the excitement seemed drained out of me?
I smile rather pathetically at her and she retaliates with a sympathy filled look. "It's not the best time right now." I admit to her, politely.
She nods as she rounds back and helps me tug the District 13 extra-large sized jumpsuit back on. When I had started getting bigger, I had taken to wearing Haymitch's tops. However, even they are too small for me now so I am forced to wear the grey jumpsuits and tops that the District makes.
"Just think about the little one." She advises me. "Effie, he will become the most important person in your life."
3 months earlier, this idea to me seemed far fetch. To love a baby more than anyone else? To be willing to die for your baby merely seconds after they are born, before you could form a proper relationship with them? Well, now I understood all of that.
I place my hand on my stomach and little Alfie-Thatcher pushes back softly on it. It makes my heart leap for joy, straight out of my chest and into the body of the baby. My baby. My flesh and blood.
"I'm ready." I say to Haymitch when he walks into the room late in the night. Coin kept all the teams up again-unnecessarily I may add-and I can't find it in me to chastise Haymitch when he gets into bed, still in his day clothes. "I'm ready for this baby."
His eyes shift to the ceiling and he takes a long breath. "How much longer?"
"Dr Evans informed me that I have two weeks to go." I reply. "Haymitch, I can't wait any longer."
"I could." He mutters.
I look away from him, impatience pinching my chest. I know that I cannot blame him for it since he never thought he would be in a position like this. "You'll be a great father Haymitch." I try to encourage him. "Oh, I know you will!"
He chuckles, folding his arms tensely across his chest. "Always the optimist." He says and I am reminded faintly of Katniss' similar words. Thinking of her and Peeta automatically makes me feel sad and I can't imagine what Haymitch is going through right now.
"We will be okay, won't we?"
"Yeah, Princess. We'll be okay."
Katniss leaves for District 8 the following week, still not fully healed. Haymitch stands tense and firm as he watches the hovercraft lift up, anger swimming in his eyes. My own sweet bitterness is buried under layers of sadness but I can't bring myself to even imagine her not returning home.
"It had to be done." Coin says from Haymitch's opposite side and from the corner of my eye, I see Mrs Everdeen flee from the grounds back to the lifts, Prim hot on her heals.
I also turn to leave, knowing that if I didn't, I may just not be able to help the words that would leave my mouth. I trudge my way into the lifts and it's only when they shut close that I allow my shoulder's to drop and I fall to the floor in exhaustion. I had to hold it in to be strong for Katniss but all I feel now is defeat.
"Oh God, where are you?" I whisper.
Here, beloved.
I pray weakly for Katniss. There is nothing I can do now but hope that she will come back to us.
"Effie?" A familiar voice addresses me and it takes me a while to realize that the lifts had been open for quite a while now. Sarah stands outside, frowning.
"Sarah." I greet her and she holds out a hand for me. Gratefully, I clasp it and allow her to pull my weight up. "Thank you."
"Are you okay?" She asks, wrapping an arm around my waist for support as we make our way to the bunkers.
"Yes. No. Maybe so." I reply, groaning. "Everything hurts. The baby-" I groan once again as little Thatcher-Alfie pushes against my bladder. "Mummy doesn't like that." I whisper quietly, rubbing my stomach.
Sarah gives me a sympathetic look. I am getting quite a lot of those lately. "Is there anything I can do for you? Richard was given some morphine by the doctors?"
I shake my head. "I don't think it will be good for the baby. I'm not the only woman who has ever been pregnant! I can get through this naturally." I don't add that morphine is not something I wish to get acquainted with after seeing so many morphine addicted victors. I had seen Johanna briefly yesterday and the symptoms of a morphine addict are gradually appearing in her.
"Did you just send off the Mockingjay?" She asks, linking her arms with me instead after some strength comes back to me.
"Yes," I sigh. "Poor child, she really doesn't deserve this."
"It had to be done." Sarah also says shortly which surprises me.
"What? You think a child had to be sent off to a battlefield with very little training?"
She sighs quietly, not replying for a while. "We are in a war." She ends up saying. "And in war, sacrifices have to be made. Katniss is a symbol of hope for the people. They need to see her out there, fighting for us."
I look away, my own thoughts torn into two. "She didn't chose it though. She's only a child." I reply.
"Maybe so." Sarah says and we break off from each other to go to our own bunkers. I wince at the somewhat cold feeling of the conversation.
Today I only come out of the bunker when I need to go and eat and even then, I tend to just go over to Greasy Sae instead. Walking has become a lot more difficult so instead of having to go back for food, Greasy Sae puts a lot of stew and some flat bread into a large container and sends me away with it.
Midway through the day, my braxton hicks contractions start acting up again. At first I thought I may actually be in labour but Dr Evans had taught me how to recognise the false Braxton hicks to actual labour contractions. 1 Braxton hick comes every hour and when another one comes, I shut my eyes and remember to breathe through it. This one for some reason lasts a lot longer than the other ones have and it's a lot more painful.
"Eff?"
I open my eyes to see Haymitch leaning down beside me, his forearms pressed against the bed. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." I say, smiling at him. He doesn't look that much convinced as he places his hand lightly on my side. I sigh, leaning into his touch, wanting him with me definitely more than anywhere else.
"We should go see Dr Evans. Maybe..."
I shake my head, trying to keep the smile on my face. "Not yet." I tell him before hesitantly asking, "Do you have to go back to work?"
Haymitch gives me a long look before shaking his head. "No. Not tonight."
And then the waiting began.
An hour later, Haymitch goes to fetch me some food when dinnertime arrives. Out of everything that is available, I can only stomach the soup and a few bites of bread which worries him.
"Eff, you should eat some more." He mutters, frowning.
I decline politely. "I can't. Haymitch I am fine, please don't worry."
He sighs and puts the plate to the side. Not long afterwards, we both get into bed, a need to sleep washing over me. Haymitch also looks grateful for the early night and it's times like these that I notice the dark circles underneath his eyes.
I wake up a few hours later and I watch him some time, enjoying the peaceful expression on his face. I place my hand on the side of his head softly and lean in to kiss his cheek. He opens his eyes almost immediately, his victor reflexes kicking in.
"You okay?" He asks as his eyes adjust to the dark of the room.
"Yeah. It's time." I smile, not knowing where the words had come from. My water still hasn't broken yet but I know that the braxton hicks are now most definitely contractions.
At first, Haymitch looks confused by my words but as his brain wakes up, the meaning of them are like a slap on the face to him. "Ur..urm..the baby? He's coming?"
I laugh at his expression, despite the probing of my stomach. "Yes, he is coming."
A string of obscenities leave his mouth as he rolls out of bed and starts to throw some clothes on. "We need to get to the hospital! Someone might need to wake Dr Evans up. Or maybe we should bring her here? I don't want the baby to fall out on the way."
I laugh once again at his words. "Haymitch, calm down! The baby will not just fall out."
He helps me out of bed and makes me lean on him for support even though I argue that I can easily walk by myself. The journey to the small hospital takes a lot more time than usual and I have to stop twice on the way when the contractions are too painful to bare.
"I'm here, it's okay." Haymitch says over and over again, place his forehead on my own-now sweaty-forehead. His words are distant from me as the pain comes from deep within, seemingly drawing me into it and away from reality.
By the time we reach the hospital, Haymitch is practically carrying me. Luckily, Dr Evans is on duty tonight and she gets straight into action, getting everything ready for the delivery and calling nurses to come and help.
I lay on the bed, overwhelmed by everything that is going on around me, more so than even Haymitch. "I'm a mess, aren't I?" I laugh breathlessly, trying to wipe away the sweat on my forehead with a towel I was handed by Dr Evans. My hair is clumped on my head and I am not wearing any make up.
Haymitch shrugs. "So what if you are?" He says. "You are giving birth to our baby..." He hesitates, "Mother of my child. You've never looked more beautiful than you do now."
And there it is. All the bundle of feelings that Haymitch has been giving me since the first day I lay eyes on him, when I was simply a crazed, child fancying herself the new, slightly cold victor.
"I love you." I tell him just because at this time, no matter how cheesy, it feels right to say those words.
"I love you." He replies, running a hand messily through my tangled hair.
I, myself, am now ready to have this beautiful baby boy. God be willing, God help me, I have a long night ahead.
