Things get really real in this chapter. Enjoy!
PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Heavy In Your Arms' which is from Bo's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.
Cheers eh!
Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.
Cosmic Love
Chapter 09:
I cried as hard as I could as I leaned over the cold metal. I wanted thunder to come down and strike me dead at once. I gripped the sides of the table as I felt my knees weaken and I crashed to the floor with the heaviness that consumed me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.
I felt the sharp sting of a palm across my face and my eyes focused on the blonde in front of me.
"We have a problem." She said firmly and pointed towards the door where I could see Bo had thrown up all over the entrance floor before staggering over.
I sobbed harder as I took Tamsin's arm and braced myself up. The weight of the devastation that was engulfing me almost making me buckle again. I walked on shaky legs and I winced as I heard Tamsin weep behind me. When I reached the older brunette she looked up at me with pleading eyes. My heart felt the stab of raw pain as I could see and recognize Fleur's face in her features. I let out a sob and I saw her bottom lip quiver.
"Tell me it's not true." She begged and I didn't know what to do as I cried harder.
"I…" she started backing away with wide eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. "she can't be dead."
"Bo" I cried trying to reach out for her.
Before I knew it she had turned and ran away from me. I turned and walked across the lab but crumbled to my knees again as I couldn't hold on much longer. I don't remember how long I cried or how long I sat there on that same spot. Tamsin had come and gone and Dyson had come and tried to get me up but I just wasn't responding. I had closed up to the world choosing to watch it go by slowly.
It had been a long time when Dyson kneeled in front of me with tears in his eyes. I finally looked up seeing the raw fresh pain in his soul. He shook his head and grabbed my hand.
"There's been… a problem Lauren…" his voice was thick with pain and I couldn't possibly imagine what was more problematic right now other than the fact that my daughter was now dead.
"I… I don't know how to say this…" he hiccupped and Tamsin stared at him from afar.
"Out with it Dyson." I croaked wanting to mourn in peace.
"Bo overdosed, she's dead." He blurted out as I heard the horrified gasp coming from Tamsin behind us.
I didn't hear anything else, I was now in a bottomless dark pit that I didn't know how to get out of. What was worse than losing Fleur? Losing Bo as well. Before I realized it the pain was so hard and so much that I felt it build in my chest and I opened my lips letting out a painful scream that ripped through me.
:
:
:
"Lauren! Lauren!" I could hear myself screaming over her speaking my name.
As my eyes focused on warm brown ones that held my own worried as I slowly stopped. I blinked several times to make sure I was seeing correctly. Her warm eyes held my own as her lips moved, yet I could not make the words. I could only feel the relief flooding through me. Bo was in front of me alive… which meant that Fleur was alive.
"Was it a dream?" I caught myself whispering aloud still feeling that huge heaviness of pain in my heart as I cried.
"Shhh, Lauren it's ok, it was a bad dream, that's all" I heard her whisper.
Before I realized it Bo had wrapped her arms around me strongly. She smelled so good and I felt so protected. I had time and now composure to realize I had dreamt that horrific scenario. It had all been in my head as part of a horrible nightmare. I clung to Bo as I felt the relief wash over me that she was still here, sober and safe.
I felt the sobs come out of me heavy and unguarded as Bo held me tighter whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I pulled her into bed with me unwillingly, I didn't want to be careless but I needed so much comfort in this moment that I didn't know what else to do. She pulled away from me and I hiccupped as I realized I was doing something I shouldn't have, no matter how much I needed it.
It caught me by surprise when her arms wrapped around me again pulling me against her chest as she laid me down, her back propped against the headboard. I gripped her shirt and just let go. I let it all out, all that I had been grabbing onto for the past weeks, months…who knows, maybe even years. I was done being the perfect student, the perfect doctor, the perfect mother… I was me, and I didn't have all the answers. That scared me to no end.
This nightmare had been a really rude awakening and I didn't know how to handle it. If Bo hadn't been here who knows how I would've handled all this. Truth was, I didn't know how to live without Fleur. I didn't want to live like that. The natural order of things was that kids bury their parents, not the other way around. I felt my chest heave with a new wave of tears as Bo's hold tightened around me and she shushed me soothingly. This woman…
I had not missed the kindness Bo's heart had, not even when I was being a major bitch to her. In reality it was one of the things that had convinced me to leave Fleur in the house full of strangers as I rushed to my car that day. She had kept my daughter safe even though it wasn't doing her recovery any good. Now that she had reappeared into our lives, no matter how briefly it was, she had burrowed herself in my heart with how she treated Fleur. Yesterday alone I had received millions of pictures from the both of them showing me how great of a time they were having with each other. I had fashion shoots, smiling faces, crazy faces, food half-chewed faces and so on, but the brightest smile I had seen on Fleur's face was when Bo had gotten her a matching jersey.
I could above all notice the woman was trying hard, she was pushing outside her comfort level and trying to let not only Fleur into her heart but me by association. I had been touched when she hadn't wanted to leave our side even though I could tell it was painful for her to see Fleur in the state she was in. I was grateful when she got the whole staff dinner earlier and if anything it helped me see that indeed she was only lost in the cruelties in the world, deep down she was a very giving person.
Even now as she held me and I cried silently over everything she was pushing past her comfort zone to comfort me. That wasn't lost on me and then more I got to see of Bo the more the feelings inside of me grew. I knew from that terrifying nightmare that I would be destroyed if I lost Bo, only confirming what Tamsin had speculated not long ago. I didn't want to face it and accept it, Fleur's condition needed attention and the only way I could do that was focusing on her. However as Bo's scent of earth and sun engulfed me, I knew I was already too drawn to the brunette not to notice my feelings for her, however new they were.
I had been deep in sleep when my alarm went off. It was way too early to be up after staying up with such a horrible nightmare. I let out a sigh ready to turn off my alarm, still confused between sleep and awake I could've sworn Bo had been with me. Before I knew it the world shifted below me, that alarm went off and I felt myself being pulled against the other body in bed comfortably. I smiled and snuggled into her realising it hadn't been a dream and I woke up to Bo for a second time. This time in my bed. If the circumstances weren't so gloom I'd be having a small internal dance.
I reveled in the way my body moulded into her own soft one before I felt her stiffen. This brought me back to reality and the fact that Bo was indeed in my bed and had been pulled there by me during a really bad night terror. I didn't want to push any further and have her not be comfortable with how things could be in the future. Despite her being absent from Fleur's life so far, what I had been able to see had convinced me that I wanted Bo to be part of our own little makeshift family.
I pushed away from Bo quickly yet gently and stood up as heat rose in my cheeks. Bo was stunning in the morning, I couldn't get over it and even if I woke up to her many times more I still knew I would be just as breathless. I chuckled to cover how flustered she had left me with the small sideways smile she had just given me before we pulled apart. As if she sensed my embarrassment she smiled again and spoke up, her voice was groggy with sleep and I just about melted on the spot. I had a crush on this woman badly.
"It's ok. You had a bad dream… so did I. I needed that too." She explained and I pleasantly surprised with her boldness, her forwardness was refreshing from the reluctant personality I had seen from Bo so far.
"Thank you Bo. Really… it meant a lot… I'm going to take a shower and get ready for my day, you're welcome to spend a few more minutes in bed." I offered feeling bad that I had woken her up at this ungodly hour as well.
Truth was I needed some time for myself as well. As much as I had enjoyed Bo's company, the reason for her company didn't escape me. I needed some time alone to get my head straightened out for my day and it appeared that so did Bo. Last night was heavy enough as it was, I didn't want my crush for the brunette to make me clingy or needy when the woman needed strength herself. I saw her face change as a dark expression took over her. I could now begin to recognize when Bo wasn't going down a healthy line of thinking and I wanted to nip it in the butt.
"Bo." I ventured as I touched her cheek, I was scared to touch her without permission yet I couldn't help myself just now. Her eyes met mine and I pleaded "Don't… don't think about that. Whatever that was, I don't want you thinking it."
"I'll try." she whispered in a low voice.
"I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know I'm no therapist and I'm not perfect either, but I'll listen with no judgement. I promise." I meant the words wholeheartedly.
"I don't want to talk about this though… not yet. I know I'm being irrational and when it's like this I can manage." She sounded sincere as she got out of bed and I got an idea.
"Second door to the left between the bedroom you were staying in and Fleur's. That's the basement gym door." She gave me a smile and I nodded.
"Thank you." I grabbed my items for a shower that would wake my senses up.
"Feel free to use anything, eat anything, and treat it as your home as well please." I added remembering my manners all of the sudden.
"Alright… but afterwards, I'd like to have breakfast with you please." She surprised me for the second time in this morning with her forwardness and I welcomed it.
I tightened the grip on my clothes as a beaming smile covered my lips wanting nothing but to cross the distance within us and kiss Bo. I don't understand what was coming over me after being so vulnerable with the woman, yet I welcomed the feeling. It had been so long since I felt such things towards someone. I had never felt an attraction so strong to render me speechless or useless, yet here I was. It was as if Bo and I had a chemical reaction that was undeniable by any means, I liked that but I pondered if she felt it too and if she did, was it hurting her?
"Sounds good, I'll cook us something up if I'm out first." I added as I realized I hadn't answered her yet and with one last smile I headed to my shower.
As the water washed over me I mulled things over, I wanted nothing but good things between Bo and I for Fleur's sake. It scared me thinking about my crush in the grand scheme of things. I liked Bo a lot, yet she was Fleur's mother, she was here to get to know Fleur and not looking for…what? Romance?
I wasn't naïve to think Bo would integrate herself into our world and drop her whole life in Ottawa, which was insane for me to ask of her. I was not sure if Bo was ready for that level of commitment yet and I wasn't about to push her into it. We would take things in baby steps and I would love to be her friend and get to know more about the woman who gave me the gift of my child. I didn't know how to describe it, but I felt the bond between us was very strong; she had my child, I raised her child. It was something that I would cherish for the rest of my life.
I thought back to when Bo and I had first met, as painful as it was to remember now because of how rude I had been. I remembered clearly when a pained Bo had told me she had acted in the best interest of her daughter. I was unreasonable back then and held an unfair grudge against her, her addiction was not something she had been able to control when she was young and I now realized she DID do what was best for Fleur back then.
I let out a deep sigh as flashes of the nightmare were still vivid in my head. Figures that when I finally got over Bo's soulless, haunted eyes a new nightmare would take hold. I was desperate to find a way to get over my fear and it took all of me to not walk into that gym right now for company. Bo's presence was strangely calming for me and I wanted to feel that peace once more.
In the end I respected her time alone and got out of my shower and went about my routine. When I was dressed I decided to straighten my hair since I had the time. The small tasks would keep my mind occupied and help me get out of the possibilities in my own mind.
After I was ready for my day I set out to cook something since Bo was still going at it. I could hear the snap of the punching bag up here and I smiled thinking this was why Bo's arms were so strong and sculpted. I busied myself gathering the ingredients for the meal. I set out to make Fleur's favourite; eggs, bacon, creton, homefries and toast. It sent me into a routine full of normalcy and I needed that right now. I needed to feel stable again, it had been far too long since anything felt normal anymore.
I was in the middle of finishing the eggs as I rocked out with my music when I stilled feeling a presence beside me. As I turned I was taken aback and I felt the raw wave of lust hit me in full force. Bo was literally a walking sin right now. She was clad in skin tight sports tights' that fit her like a second skin, yet what caught my attention fully was the fact that she was in just a sports bra and her breasts looked incredibly delectable as the small beads of sweat adorned her body. I gave her an amused smile and bit my bottom lip as I tried to compose myself as I decided to play a little.
"What?" she asked after pulling out an earbud and I smiled.
"It's hot in here" I looked down to what I was doing so I wouldn't stare up and down Bo's body, she was absolute perfection.
"You're in front of a stove" she added like a smartass and I saw where Fleur got this from.
"You're hot." I smiled as I could see her adorable flustered face in my peripheral. "I mean… why else would you be in the kitchen with no shirt on?"
I knew I shouldn't be teasing her, after all, she had been brought down by my actions before but somehow my mouth had a mind of its own. I didn't want things to be awkward between us and decided at the first sign of uncomfortableness from Bo I'd stop. She looked slightly embarrassed but other than that I saw no signs of her being distressed. Just when I thought I should back off since she was clamming up she caught me by surprise.
"Have you ever kissed a girl?" By the groan that followed the hurried statement in what sounded like verbal diarrhea I could tell she was indeed flustered.
"Is that an invitation Dennis?" I dared back as I threw my head back in laughter.
"It's a curiosity… conversation call it." She tried to cover her tracks but she was just as obvious as her daughter was.
I laughed and gave her a fond look. Before I could say anything she raised a finger at me in signal that she wanted me to halt and I did. She rushed out of the room and I couldn't help the small smile that now resided in my face. The change of mood suddenly was a drastic contrast of what I had seen in Bo, yet I welcomed it so much. The moment she flirted back I felt as if a weight had been pulled from my shoulders and the tension had left my body realizing she had found it fun as well. I admonished myself silently for the lapse in judgement and being so open with Bo. I didn't want to hinder her recovery in any way and I knew I was being selfish but it was so easy getting lost in how good I felt with Bo in contrast of how helpless I felt with Fleur.
Fleur…
Before my mind could run down that road of negativity and guilt mixed with anxiety and failure fresh in my mouth, Bo walked in the room once more. I smiled feeling myself grow fonder of the brunette as she walked in the room with a shirt on. It was a character from my favourite anime. Fleur had gotten me into it and we loved watching it every Thursday before everything turned into chaos.
"You didn't have to change… I mean, I said make yourself at home." I kept it light with Bo to occupy the troubling thoughts.
"Well Ryan had this weird thing that we all have to wear a shirt at the table… And are you bailing on the question Doctor?" she demanded in the end as I chuckled wholeheartedly embarrassed.
"So… I take it there have been non-shirt days at the table to begin with?" I steered us towards the table full of food. "And before you ask again. Yes, plenty in fact."
"Wow Lauren!" She laughed and I gave her a triumphant smile.
"What can I say? Ladies tend to like the smarts." I admitted as she nodded.
"I'll have to crack a book or two." She mentioned and I shook my head.
Thing about Bo was, she was extremely beautiful yet the fact escaped her. It was the same with how smart she was. Tamsin had said so herself, Bo's quick thinking and wit had saved Fleur an immense amount of pain. I wished that I could put things into words less scientifically at times and tried to be as basic as I could just so I would not lose the message to a simple miscommunication.
"See… there's different kinds of smarts. There's book smarts, academic smarts, test smarts… those things I'm good at. You on the other hand if you're anything like Fleur, and I suspect you are, then you're street smart, you can get around in the world, you're sociable which is why you're in the media, you're very knowledgeable with numbers and statistics which I personally don't excel at."
It seemed like she pondered on that for a minute. I let her mull it over in her head. If my daughter had taught me something it was that different people processed things differently. If Fleur was any indication then Bo was the type to process things solely yet deeply. After a moment or two she looked down at the table seemingly just noticing the amount of food in front of us.
"So much stuff!" I chuckled at her enthusiasm.
"When you have a kid who can eat like Fleur can, you learn to cook fast and in big amounts. You're probably a big eater too, I'd bet 50% on it." I remembered fondly as Fleur would put it away on most days.
"I think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree on that one." Bo predicted and I smiled brightly.
We ate in silence just enjoying each other's company for now. She had complimented me on the food a million times and it made me blush more than I cared to admit. To be honest, mornings had been the hardest for me since Fleur had fallen ill. Usually in a normal morning we would wake up and would have breakfast together. She was very independent so she was a whirlwind most of the morning and I enjoyed her rushing about looking for socks or another thing she had misplaced the night before. Ever since she had been sick, whenever she got this sick she'd stay in the clinic. I usually tried to stay with her not being able to take the loneliness in the house. It was why Tamsin and Dyson were around so much.
I had wanted recently to talk to someone. I had been upset that I had not been able to find the answers I needed for Fleur. Tamsin seemed off these days, when she wasn't in the lab with me she seemed out of sync with the world and it worried me. I had put it aside to exhaustion since I felt it too but I didn't dare talk to Tamsin about to the extent of how lonely I had felt lately. I didn't want to bother Dyson either knowing he was probably busy with Tamsin as well.
"You know Bo… thank you for last night." I whispered as I felt the heat on my cheeks "I really appreciate your company and comfort."
She looked down with a small smile playing on her lips. My heart fluttered at the realization that the woman felt needed and she liked it. I smiled myself knowing that my discomfort had at least brought forth something in Bo that would've otherwise been overlooked.
"You're welcome Lauren. Just like you offered earlier I am here if you ever need to talk, or cry, or be held, or whatever." She offered as I nodded.
"Thanks, means a lot that you offered."
"It's the least I can do, you've taken care of me twice now." I was confused I could only remember helping her during our first encounter.
"The blizzard was the one time…" I tried but she shook her head.
"…And when you helped Ryan and Kenzie with my relapse." She admitted and I winced at the memory.
It seemed Bo was having a backlash of her positive mood. I couldn't deny her this conversation though. We had never talked about it besides that day she called me. We had briefly skimmed through it here but now it seemed she wanted to talk all about it. I wasn't sure I wanted to go down this road knowing it would put Bo in a dangerous place mentally.
"You know… I didn't know if you wanted to talk about that or not." I ventured into the subject gently.
"I just, I don't remember much if any of it and I don't know if it was… ugh I don't even know what I'm trying to say here." I couldn't help the smile on my lips as she rambled, it was endearing to say the least.
"Bo… you were fighting Kenzie and Ryan the whole way, you had almost thrown yourself out of the truck three or four times, yet when you got to me you stood so still as if you couldn't believe I was there." I whispered half amused half perplexed at how she had managed to break the window clean off the truck.
I watched as Bo's expression changed into a darkened one and her lip trembled as she shook her head. This was why I was so reluctant of going down this path, yet I knew we had to talk about it. This was about Bo's recovery, being able to fill gaps of blankness because of her addiction.
"What is it?" I asked gently, I wanted her to be open and know she could come to me and trust me.
"I hurt my friends very deep." She looked so broken in that moment I longed for nothing more than to scoop her in my arms.
"Your friends care for you very much Bo, they understand you weren't in your right mind." I offered but she shook her head.
"I… I broke Kenzie's heart and… oh God. I almost raped Ryan and I don't know how to live myself with that."
I shook my head internalizing what she had said. It didn't scare me as much as it should've though. The fact that Ryan was so worried and was coming over attested to my precious words, she had been under the influence which is why addictions were so bad in the first place. It hurt to hear Bo's voice so raw with pain and regret. I wasn't naïve, I knew she could revert to that at any moment, she could at some point just push that step into the unknown and be back in the throes of it all… yet I could not believe that, I refused. The woman in front of me was trying to be strong and confident and I'd be dammed if I didn't try my best to boost that confidence. I had every intention of seeing Bo succeed at life with our daughter by her side.
I looked into myself, my own past and saw a lot of similarities with Bo, with the trouble she was having through life. I wasn't addicted to anything besides work, yet I had gone through a very hard childhood and knew things didn't quite work out the way we were made to believe by fairy tales. Bo was struggling with life, like I once had and many people did daily. I knew that if Bo was to get better, she needed to connect. I had to open up to her in order to receive it back so I chose my next words carefully.
"You know…" I started and wished I could hold her hand to drive my point forwards. "People often don't realize how fragile yet sturdy a human being is. When something they feel they can't overcome comes their way they shatter and fracture and become many broken pieces and sometimes there's no putting them back together. However, when there's something to fight for, something to overcome these obstacles for it's amazing how a human can just grit their teeth and bare it. I'm of the firm belief that you are amongst the latter. There are things you've done in the past that I know you'll overcome."
"How come… why do you have so much faith in me? I mean, I get it, I gave you a kid… but let's be honest here it's not the most ideal situation." She tried to rationalize but I looked at her straight in the eyes so she wouldn't miss my answer.
"You held me when I crumbled, even though you could've just turned around and left me with my demons."
"You give me too much credit." She tried to belittle herself but I wasn't having any of that.
"You don't understand Bo. Because of how things have gone everyone is focused on Fleur and I'm going to sound selfish but nobody had taken the time to ask me how I felt. Last night was the one real meal I've sat down and eaten in the last two weeks and it was because you made sure I ate. My sleeping two nights in a row was thanks to you making sure I got some rest." I sat quietly again letting her internalize what I said before I pressed on.
"I can see you have a very big heart and those are the basic values which I raised our daughter with. I have faith in you because I feel that you can do great things… just like I feel I can cure our daughter. One goes with the other, if I lose faith of one the other will inevitably fail."
She nodded understanding the gravity of my words. I had been honest. I believed as much in her recovery as I did on me finding the cure for Fleur. If I faltered in any of those beliefs one would crumble with the other. For some reason this was truth in my mind and heart.
We were broken up from our thoughts as her phone rung. With muttered words she excused herself to go answer and I leaned back in my chair as I watched her go. I reminded myself to be patient, that things with Bo were different, just like things with me had been different. I chuckled ironically as I stood to clear the table. Just when I thought I had finally figured out how to do this life thing, it throws me a curve ball with the name of Bo Dennis.
I busied myself with the dishes to distract me from the heavy topics. Looking out the window I could see summer fading fast and fall approaching with a slight rustle in the leaves. I felt as much turmoil as the changing of the seasons brought. If this was 20 minutes into Bo's mind then I sure as hell had to do something about it. The woman seemed to battle an internal roller coaster the whole time and it was as if she was fighting between believing my words and letting herself believe such things. I wanted to sit down and talk to Cassie about so many things. My head felt clouded with confusion over how to act around Bo and I needed guidance.
Despite the darkness of the last conversation I hadn't missed the openness which she had spoken to me. She had made herself vulnerable and that to me was a step in the right direction. Last night and today showed me Bo trusted me and that made me feel hopeful. I wanted to hold her close so many times throughout the day and tell her she was wonderful. Truth was she had really snapped me out of a really bad bout of lonesomeness.
I was a bit startled when I felt Bo's shoulder brush against mine but she gave me a smile. Her mood seemed different, more energetic and light, which I was grateful for. She shoved me aside a bit to help clean the dishes and I allowed it as I waited for her to speak what was obviously on her mind. After a few minutes she spoke up softly.
"I'm sorry it got real heavy earlier. It's just… it's how it goes with me. I can be having a super amazing time like earlier and then bam I get hit with this like megastorm of bad."
"I understand, I don't mind talking things out with you Bo. I'd rather talk things out with you than not. Silence scares me because I can't figure it out but dialogue gives me something to work with." I confessed as she nodded.
"What you said earlier… Sometimes I feel… like once upon a time I was whole. It was so long ago that I do not remember how it's supposed to feel like or if I even imagined it. Something along the way happened and I shattered in a million pieces… And I feel… I feel like along the way I've recovered all the slivers and shreds but I'm sitting here with glue and tape with no idea how to put it all back together." I felt the tug at my heart with her words and remembered a time when I felt the same way.
"I know what you mean ironically." I spoke up wanting her to know some of it. "I… when I was young, even before I remember my parents died in a car crash. They didn't have families of their own, being only children to only children made the matter of my custody difficult."
"Did you end up in the system?"
"No. I was lucky enough that my parent's lawyer didn't want me to grow in the system. I don't know if what he did was much better than the system but by the time I was 17 I had college level comprehension with no social skills whatsoever. I had a really hard time adjusting to society and the way things got done. For a long time I felt like you just described."
I was lost in my own memories. Now that it had passed, that I was in a good place relatively, I could look back on it without the scorn I had seen it once. I had been lucky not to end up in the system, yet my life was not all that most people thought it had been. I was very lonely for a very long time.
"How did you get rid of it?" she snapped me out of my thoughts.
I smiled brightly as a new memory engulfed me and I looked happily into her eyes confessing the secret.
"I adopted Fleur. She became my family, someone who would need me and love me for my whole life." I was scared that the last part was no longer a guarantee.
"Just like she will see me stay sober." The conviction in her voice startled me yet filled me with pride and I smiled nodding.
"I decided to take the job here in Toronto." She shifted our conversation to my immense delight.
"That's great! I'm really happy for you Bo."
"Apparently Ryan and Kenzie bought a house around here so we're neighbors now." She beamed with the news and I was stumped.
"Really?" I asked incredulous as she nodded.
"That's what they said. Apparently a no brainer since I now work here and Fleur is sick." She moved her head in agreement and I still reeled.
"You guys just up and left your life in Ottawa for Fleur..." I whispered not truly believing it.
They had left everything they knew, their jobs, their lives because Fleur was sick. Because she needed both of her mother's to get better… The determination and commitment in Bo's voice, the way she said it as if it was a given, filled me with so much hope.
"Fleur is one of the most important things in my life right now Lauren. Like you said I loved her from the beginning, and after what happened in the hotel, this is a second chance. You've made this possible and pushed me to be stable before this happened and I thank you for that. You're important to me too now, we'll handle Fleur's illness together."
The words washed over me like a wave in the sea just reaching my soul and washing it anew. She had confirmed what I had hoped and she was ready. She was not only staying for Fleur but for me as well. She knew and accepted the fact that we both needed her and the angels she called friends. I couldn't quite contain the happiness in my heart, this was truly a breakthrough in how Bo managed things and I was truly lucky to witness it. I felt tears stain my eyes at how full my heart felt at this moment, how supported I felt by not only this woman but her friends.
She must've confused my tears for sadness as she rushed to me and held my face in her hands as she tried to make eye contact with me. She wiped my tears and as our eyes locked I felt something so deep for the woman in front of me I had to smile at her trying to convey how I felt. In seconds I felt her come closer to me and my heart hammered in my chest in a different way.
I was painfully aware of how close we were and how she kept looking at my lips. I wanted so desperately to close the gap between us and taste her lips. After the way she had warmed my heart with her words, I wanted to see if her lips were as gentle as her soul. I could feel her breath warm on my lips and I felt my finger's twitch as I restrained myself from curling my hand behind her head and pulling her to me.
Truth was, I was as excited as I was petrified. I didn't know how this was supposed to go. Was I supposed to step back even though I was pinned to the counter now? Should I speak up and stop this? How do I know if this was…an urge.
"I want you to kiss me now Lauren Lewis." She whispered and any doubt that had rolled into my head disappeared as I met her eager lips.
She tasted as good as she had before. I had not wanted to savor that last kiss, but this was reminding me how easy it was to get lost in Bo. I had thought of her lips on mine constantly and now here they were again. This time under her own request no less. I sighed as our lips dance together and I felt myself melt into Bo. Her strong arms held me tightly as mine wrapped around her as well not wanting to let go. I heard a soft sigh escape her and I almost combusted on the spot as it edged me on and I ran my tongue on her bottom lip.
She pulled back abruptly and I kicked myself internally for the blunder. Of course that was NOT ok. I wanted to apologize but the smile that played on her lips prevented me from it.
"I'm just not ready for that yet… I don't want to fall into old habits… you're my daughter's mother after all." She joked whispering into my hair as she held me close still.
"I'm your baby momma." I joked as well as she laughed wholeheartedly.
"Technically I'm your baby momma, but tomato tomahto." I rolled my eyes at the logic and she seemed pleased.
"You and Fleur are so silly sometimes." I noted and she seemed proud.
I stared into her eyes and felt the lightness of the moment take me away once more as we pulled apart. I needed her to know how much I had enjoyed that. If this was something she would throw herself in the dark corners of despair for, I wanted to prevent that.
"I… I really liked that Bo." I confessed touching my bottom lip. "I don't care if it was a one-time thing… I just wanted you to know, I really liked that.
"I did too." She surprised me as she played with my hands while I looked at our fingers. "I just need to take things slow."
"So there are going to be things that are going to be meant to be taken slow?" I teased as she chuckled making my heart soar.
"I'd like that." She admitted.
"I would too." I whispered before looking into her eyes once more.
"This is all new to me though, I have no idea how it'll go and sometimes I might need space and…" there it was… darkness pouring in.
"It's alright Bo. I'm patient and I can wait for us to do or not do things at your pace." I chuckled wanting to remind her I had a tween, I was the epitome of patience.
"Promise me nothing will come between us and Fleur. I will never give her up again." She panicked and I was horrified she'd even worry about such a thing.
"And I will never ask you to no matter what happens. The only way you'll ever lose Fleur is if you go back to your old ways and I think you have no plans of that." I made things clear.
I looked into her eyes as I cradled her face in my hands. She melted into my touch and I smiled happily. Bo made me feel light and careless even though the world was falling on my shoulders. I enjoyed the escape she made me feel and somehow my mind felt clear and ready for the new challenges. I decided to not waste any more time. I needed to feel her lips on mine again.
"I'm going to kiss you again Bo unless you don't want me to." I warned playfully.
"I want you to." She nodded and that was all the prompt I ever needed to crash our lips together again.
Bo saw me to the car, deciding to stay behind and meet up with Ryan and Kenzie. She still hadn't told them about Fleur and she was anxious. I tried to convince her to wait and tell them with me. I'd rather she have me there for support if the subject gave her any kind of anxiety. She said she'd play it by ear and with a few longing glances and a few giggles when she bumped her head against the door I peeled off. On my way to the lab I was optimistic not only about Fleur but about Bo as well. I was ready for the lows but also the highs that came with Bo. I touched my lips as a reminder I had just kissed the beautiful brunette; knowing I could fix our daughter.
