*Theme and Booth*
"Hello~! I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church..."
"Ya know, you haven't been very sarcastic lately. You feeling alright?"
"Shut up Doc, you're insane."
"Insanely sane, I'll have you know." Regenegel3 shook her head at the arguing pair and addressed the camera.
"Normally I'd have my minions do this for me, but they're a little..."
"I'm very sarcastic, thank you very much Mr. 'I treat bullet wounds to the foot with aloe vera to the neck!'"
"HEY! I'll have you know he made a full recovery!"
"R~i~g~h~t~! Was that before or after the affected toe fell off?"
"... busy at the moment," regenengel3 finished with a comical sweatdrop hanging off her head. "Anyway!" and the sweatdrop was gone, "I've got something of a special for you today!"
"You don't get to tell me off you melodramatic bunch of ones and zeros!"
{Show 8: The Freelancers meet the BGC!}
"Hey... when did the show start?"
"PAY ATTENTION YOU MEDICAL SCHOOL DROP OUT!"
"Harsh."
"TRUE!"
"When the rest of the Freelancers met the Reds and Blues, it was chaos.
When the Reds met the remaining Freelancers, it was with yelling.
When the Blues met the other Freelancers, it was with shock.
When Oregon brought them, she laughed.
Florida groaned at his mad love.
This... is the story of how Project Freelancer met the BGC," regenegel3 said, ignoring the arguing pair behind her.
/*/
It took four Pelicans, but the Freelancers managed to get down to the valley. When they did, they were greeted by sniper shots, grenades, and some supremely irritated A.I. "DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP YOU BACKSTABBING MONEY GRUBBERS! WE DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO YOUR KIND HERE!" yelled a voice from a rocky perch. A voice that sounded semi-familiar. As realization dawned on him, Arizona decided he wanted a drink.
"INDEED, YOU OVERLY COMPETITIVE SUPER SCHMUCKS!" a new voice called from halfway up the canyon wall. "SO JUST GET BACK IN YOUR PELICANS AND FLY ON HOME, YOU BLOODY ANNOYING COCKROACHES!" It was at this point that Rhode Island hit 'record' on his helmet, sensing a rather interesting encounter.
"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GOT BURGUNDY TO SAY MORE THAN TEN WORDS! USUALLY, HE'S VERY GOOD AT MAINTAINING RADIO SILENCE DURING A MISSION!" yet another voice bellowed from somewhere a little closer than the first voice. Massachusetts hid.
/*/
"Huh... I didn't think Massachusetts was a scaredy cat."
"I don't think he's scared, Chi. I think he's looking for cover from which to retaliate from."
"You sure about that, Doc?"
"Doc's right. Remember, Massachusetts is a highly trained soldier."
"I didn't ask you..."
/*/
"Wait..." the first voice said, slightly calmer than before, and a blue helmet appeared from behind a rock. "I... think... I think I know these guys..." There were a few groans before a voice to the blue helmet's right said,
"Al... now's not the time, okay?" This speaker was also rather calm. At least in comparison to the other three. Georgia began humming,
"Why can't we be friends~? Why can't we be friends~?" with his hands in the air. A sniper shot shut him up... without actually hitting him. It seemed they'd be allowed to leave without bloodshed. But then... why had Oregon brought them here if the people didn't want them around? While his fellows were struggling to figure that little dilemma out, Hawaii was just there.
/*/
"HAHAHAHA! 'Hawaii was just there.' HA! Okay. I... I did not expect Hawaii to be the one who was 'just there.'"
"Who did you expect, Chi?"
"Alabama."
"Huh..."
"Hey! No dissing the Home State!"
"Regenengel3... you do realize that this whole story is dissing someone's home state... right?"
"Ye~ah~! But it's also making a couple other Home States freak'n awesome! So what's the problem? It's not like I'm pulling a Hetalia and using potentially offensive stereotypes like they're candy now am I?"
"... Your mind works in odd ways."
"Coming from you, Chi... that's a little eery."
"I'm not the Director, Doc! Geez. And besides, I'm an A.I. Centuries of psychological knowledge is at my metaphysical fingertips. I can honestly say, her mind works in odd ways. And yes, regenegel3, there are some potentially offensive stereotypes in here."
"Way to... eh, ya know what? I lost my train of thought somewhere in the Field of Milk and Cookies." Chi and Doc shared significant looks... through their helmets. "Still fascinated by how you do that," the author said, giving them a sidelong look. "Anyway, I said that I didn't use those stereotypes 'like candy,' Chi. There is a difference between 'sometimes' and 'using it like candy.' Please, do learn the difference."
"Yeah yeah..."
/*/
"Hey, Dave! Come here a minute would you?" Al asked. This prompted another blue soldier, this one with achingly familiar yellow accents on his armor, to walk over. Upon seeing just who had his men up in arms, Washington shut down. Humming softly but unwilling to risk a sniper round to the forehead for moving, Mississippi turned his head toward the first blue helmet.
"Is he still alive?" he asked, nodding to Washington. A third blue armored soldier popped up and began to laugh while the first helmet-palmed with a gusty sigh.
"Yeah, but I think he's in shock!" the third Blue said, walking forward. "I'm Tucker, that's Alpha Church," Tucker pointed to the helmet-palming soldier, "Dave," he pointed to the apparently comatose Washington, "Kai," a yellow soldier popped up and waved cheerfully at them all.
"Hi!"
"K~AI! Don't just randomly wave at people who have a history of backstabbing!-"
/*/
"CA~RL!" Doc randomly called. Regenegel3 gave him a Look while Chi muttered,
"You just love to set off my Reference Sense, don't cha?"
/*/
"-They generally are not good people!" a man in dark orange and gray armor yelped as he leaped over his rock to berate the young woman.
"Aw~! Dex~!" she whined, clearly knowing the man quite well.
"Don't you 'aw Dex' me!" the man growled, looming over the woman. "I've put up with that crud for far longer than I ever should have!" The Freelancers watched, fascinated, as the woman bowed her head and scuffed at the ground with her toes like a chastised child. There was history there, they could feel it. Alabama folded her legs beneath her and sat on the ground, observing the chaos around her with the air of someone enjoying their favorite sit-com. Oregon was pretty sure she was grinning.
"DEX! That is no way to speak to a lady!" a man in red and gray armor cried as he darted out from behind the only tree the Freelancers could see in the canyon and waving his shotgun in a somewhat admonishing gesture. Dex turned, giving him the helmet equivalent of a blank look.
"Couple of things there, Red. First, we're the same rank so you do not get to tell me what to do. Second, Kai's a Private meaning that, as a Sargent, I outrank her by a fair margin. Third, this is my baby sister. The sister I left you in charge of when I got reassigned to Rat's Nest as their Sargent. The sister you let run off with a Freelancer to hunt down a mentally unstable team-killer Freelancer. The sister who traded life stories with you while I wasn't looking. So don't you dare tell me how I can and cannot speak to her!" Dex ranted. Red looked away... and made eye contact with a smug Freelancer.
/*/
"The Smug is Strong with This One," Doc said seriously. Chi glared at him.
"Seriously? Stop it!"
"Aw but Chi~! He's been so good lately! Let the little mad medic have his fun," regenegel3 said, stroking the A.I's head. Chi huffed but let it slide.
/*/
Of course, this led to Illinois getting into an argument with Red. "Well... that happened quickly," Doc remarked, coming out of his hiding spot.
/*/
"Wait... but Doc's here."
"Chi... we're inside the fourth wall. Doc is in both places because this is the Fourth Wall Booth. M'kay?"
"Author Powers are so broken..."
/*/
Then Kentucky, feeling the lack of open hostility, decided to start a conversation/argument with Dex about Warthogs vs Mongooses. "That was faster," Burgundy remarked dryly from his perch, only visible because he'd decided that reclining against one of the larger boulders and dangling a leg off the ledge was a more comfortable way to watch the chaos down below. The fact that he was watching through his scope made the normally relaxed posture positively threatening.
"Oi Eagle! What do you say we have ourselves a friendly sniper match?" a very familiar voice that pretty much all of the newcomers thought was dead called.
"You're going down, Jack," Burgundy said, voice full of dark glee. No-one quite knew how it happened but cardboard targets just suddenly... appeared. Big ones, small ones, hard ones, easy ones; targets everywhere! And so North Dakota willingly got into a duel with Eagle Eye. Knowing how good North was with his rifle, Colorado started a betting pool on the match.
/*/
"Fifty on North."
"No bet."
"Why~?"
"I'm here and I like Doc better. I'd make him win. He knows this. Doc is a gentleman."
"Sometimes... I hate you."
/*/
Ohio almost immediately put fifty on North. "I'll take that action!" Pennsylvania piped up. "Fifty on Eagle!"
"Why did you call him Eagle? I thought his name was Burgundy?" Ohio asked.
"Because North called him that," Pennsylvania told him. "Burgundy must be his codename." Ohio just nodded as though this made perfect sense. Off to the side, Alaska somehow started a pick-up line competition with Tucker while Arkansas and Rick argued over... no-one was really sure. There was a lot of technobabble going between them. There were only a handful of people who could have understood them and two of said people were already in an argument/heated discussion about the merits of Warthogs vs Mongooses... Mongeese? Honestly, why was a bunch of the waterfowl called 'geese' but the mammals were called 'mongooses'?
"Naming conventions are so messed up," Dex grumbled. Huh, apparently Kentucky had brought that up in their argument.
"I know, right?!" she squeaked. "And what about the Pelican, huh?! Why is it called a Pelican when it doesn't look a thing like 'em?"
/*/
"I think... I think she's flirting with him," Doc muttered to regenegel3. Said author chuckled.
"Good characters will run away with you, don't 'cha know," she remarked.
/*/
California took in the two techno arguments and laughed, "I don't know which is cuter, the grease monkeys or the nerds!" he joked, implying that Arkansas was flirting with Rick while Kentucky was flirting with Dex. Without missing a beat, Rick threw a knife at California, to the approval of Arkansas.
"Nice throw," she commented. Rick chuckled.
"Oh, I've had a lot of practice," he remarked darkly, sending another flash of steel toward Tucker and Alaska. Arkansas winced.
"Ah. Yeah. My sympathies," she said. Rick hummed questioningly.
"Long mission?" he asked. His conversation partner nodded sadly and Rick laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I've found that futzing with the cooling system in his armor helps. Not a whole lot, and if you overuse it he gets desensitized, but it helps," he told the mildly downcast woman.
"You can do that?" Arkansas asked hopefully. Rick chuckled evilly and drew her further away from the main crowd. Meanwhile, Tennessee yelled,
"Twenty on the burgundy cutie!" while Utah started a cola stand with the soda from Dex's stash. Vermont stole three root beers and slunk off to a quiet corner. Wisconsin was content with taking a Sprite.
"Hundred on North!" yelled West Virginia. His big sister cuffed him on the head.
"Idiot! Those two are evenly matched!" Virginia chided. West gave the impression of pouting while he rubbed his head and Colorado laughed like a cut-rate stage villain.
"Too late! No take backs!" he yelled at the siblings. Virginia glared at the card shark while West decided it was better to just enjoy the show two master-class snipers were putting on. Over by the tank, New Mexico talked Spanish with Lopez and Delaware tried to get a rise out of Doc.
/*/
"Too easy."
"No-one asked you, Chi! And who knows, this might be after I get out of here. When that happens... I doubt anything will phase me."
"Point."
/*/
Finally deciding that it was just a little too much, Idaho sat with Alabama and watched. "Those two are dating," Indiana whispered to Caboose, noticing that he was staring at the pair. Caboose gave an 'ah' and wandered off muttering something about best friends and cuddles.
(Indiana decided it would be best for his sanity if he ignored that bit.)
Having nothing better to do, Nebraska joined in the argument with Red. It honestly wasn't too hard for the close combat specialist to integrate himself either; all he had to do was say that grav-hammers were better than shotguns and Red began ranting on the wonders of shotguns while Illinois argued the superiority of combat knives. Not wanting a full-scale brawl to break out, New Jersey tried to break the three up. Of course, that just made the whole thing more chaotic and didn't help at all. Sensing an opportunity, Kansas stole New Jersey's helmet while Iowa stole New Jersey's pistol. Louisiana groaned at the two thieves. "You two are idiots, you know that right?" he asked the best friends as they tore past, Jersey hot on their heels.
"GET BACK HERE WITH THOSE YOU FILTHY LITTLE RATS!" the woman raged. Maryland shook her head and laid a hand on Louisiana's shoulder.
"Louie, they've always been crazy," she told him.
"I know, but sometimes it's all I can do not to hope," he moaned. Maryland nodded and did her best to comfort her friend, trying to ignore Michigan wandering over to the stream and pulling out a fishing rod.
/*/
"Michigan likes fishing?"
"Salmon runs. I remember going to Traverse City and watching the salmon run. So. Many. FISH!"
"... Right."
/*/
Minnesota sighed as she watched the others pair off. "I wish Maine was around," she muttered softly. Apparently, it wasn't soft enough because her brother heard her and began to laugh at her.
"Oh knock it off, Missouri!" Nevada scolded. "You know exactly how she feels! Maine was her friend, Missi!"
"Oi! Don't call me 'Missi!'" the midnight blue and burgundy soldier barked as he spun around to face the tan and lavender artillery specialist.
"HAHAHA! GET EM, GET EM!" Montana yelled, cheering New Jersey on as the scarlet and purple Freelancer nearly caught Kansas and Iowa.
"I'll call you what I darn well please, you knuckle-headed baboon!" Nevada snapped back, shoving his face down into Missouri's visor. New Hampshire sighed and shook his head at them.
"Why is it always those two?" he moaned, stalking off to see if Blue Base had any beer. He really needed a drink and if the way Arizona was swaying was any indication, the Intelligence Agent needed one as well. Oklahoma sighed and sat next to the shutdown Washington after guiding the poor man to lean against the boulder he'd previously been hiding behind. Finally, after what felt like forever (Jack and Eagle had finished their duel) Dave broke out of his trance. "You're all dead," he whispered. Oklahoma, who was pretty much the only one to hear him, snorted.
"No, you're thinking of CT, Wyoming, Maine, South and Texas. We, as you can see, are perfectly alive," she told the quietly panicking Dave. She was also studiously ignoring the cheering and groaning coming from those who had bet on the Sniper Match.
"No. I'm sure you are all dead. York, Florida, Oregon and North I knew were still alive but the rest of you... you're dead," Dave said. Oklahoma scoffed and gave Wash a head slap.
"I'm alive Wash, and I don't plan on dying again," she said.
"Hey, Ed, I might be able to call Carolina on over," Oregon... no. She went by Black now. Or was it Marley? Anyway, the craziest lady ever, of all time, who saved the rest of Project Freelancer, called to the pining New York who had been watching Alaska and Tucker while sighing intermittently.
"Wait. Seriously?!" Ed squawked. Marley and the Reds laughed.
"Dude, if there's one thing I've learned about Marley, it's that impossible doesn't fit in her vocabulary!" called Dex.
"Yeah, I actually wouldn't be surprised if she managed to give A.I.s human bodies, Caboose a brain, teach Church how to shoot, bring Wyoming back from the dead, make The Meta sane, or stop Tucker making sex jokes!" Rick, laughed.
/*/
"Could she really do that?"
"She's a Self Insert of regenegel3. If regenegel3 wanted it to happen, Marley would do it."
"Wow... I've become a deity. I'm... kinda... No. Just... no. I'm a young woman with a laptop and an active imagination. Not a deity. It would be a sin to claim so."
"Still an author."
"Still all powerful within the confines of your word processor."
"... You two give me way too much power..."
/*/
"Could she make me human?" Lopez asked mechanically.
"Wouldn't put it past her, Lopez. Wouldn't put it past her," Dex said. Lopez seemed to be a little weirded out by that.
"Guys guys! I'm a tracker and a hider, not a deity!" Marley protested.
"You are magic, Miss Black. You brought back Church!" Caboose objected, in his own way. Marley sighed.
"No. I am not magic. And I didn't need to do anything for Church to come back. He was never lost. Besides, no-one can bring the dead back to life. That... was the Director's mistake," she said. The Freelancers froze, memories gripping them.
"Carolina's gonna show up any moment now, I'm sure of it," Dex muttered, heavy on the paranoia.
/*/
"Way to move the non-existent plot forward, Dex. Way to move the non-plot forward."
"Hey! There's the sarcasm!"
"Shut up, Doc. You're insane."
/*/
The Freelancers, or at least those who were even remotely functional, turned to the Red Agent while pondering his lack of sanity. That was when a new voice spoke. "I must have died somewhere along the way," Carolina said, staring at the canyon full of ghosts.
"Well abracadabra, Dex's a genie," Michigan remarked dryly.
"Mich, just stop. Please," Kentucky asked, dropping her already aching head into her hands.
"LINA!" York yelled, running at her and sweeping her up into his arms. "You're alive you're alive you're alive you're ALIVE!" he cheered; ignoring the screaming, punching, kicking, and squirming of the woman he loved above all else and just held her close.
"YORK!" Carolina yelled, trying and failing to get loose.
"I thought I lost you, I'm never letting you go again, Carolina. Not until death do us part," York whispered in her ear. She froze. "I love you, Carolina. I love you more than anything in the world and it was only Oregon telling me she knew you were still alive, even if she didn't know where you were, that kept me from giving up and dying from the wounds Wyoming gave me." Tears began to roll down Carolina's cheeks.
"York... you... you really feel that way?" she asked. York just held her tighter. "I'll take that as a 'yes,'" she breathed.
"Okay. Let's leave the love birds alone shall we?" Surprisingly, it was Wash who said this, ushering the others away. A soft thud reached Carolina's ears and then York's fingers were tugging at her helmet. She helped take it off, then... neither could agree who started the kiss, so they agreed that they'd both started it and left it at that.
/*/
"I think that's a good place to end this. After all, it was 'Project Freelancer meeting the BGC' not 'and what came after.' Hope ya'll enjoyed!"
"Leave a review on your way out, please!"
"Hey, you're pretty polite for a madman."
"Suck a lemon."
"I prefer squares. Much straighter."
"Ugh. Stop it. Please. Can't we just have cake? Or maybe Sour Patch Kids? Please?"
"I think we got to her, partner."
"Indeed. Lemon?"
"Only if it's square."
"Uh... it's a bar?"
"Works for me."
"No more lemons now, I mean it!"
"Peanut?"
"You are impossible."
/?/
A/N: So, I wanted to post 'Arcs of Trouble' here instead but I'm having trouble figuring out just what Jaune's dad is going to do to make Marley ticked at him. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you.
