After my repairs are finished and I've cleaned up and put on as many layers as possible, I join Finn outside. He hasn't gotten anything to eat yet, so I grab breakfast for both us and his birds. After breakfast, Finn finishes getting ready for the day as well. Which includes putting on socks. While the fantasy of wearing boots without socks is wonderful, the reality is that his boots are kind of uncomfortable without them. But, as he points out, it's still different. He's choosing to put on socks.

It really is amazing how well he's dealing with his newfound freedom. He's been told what to do his entire life, was forbidden from making choices even as simple as whether or not to put on socks. And now he's making those choices all on his own. Yes, he's daunted by it, but he isn't overwhelmed. Not many could do the same in his place.

Despite how much I don't want to, I try to call Anakin Skywalker. I'd much prefer to avoid him, I'm still rattled from the asshole's visit, but we need to know why he panicked last night.

Anakin Skywalker doesn't answer.

Yoda does.

"Busy, Skywalker is."

The sudden voice and presence behind me makes me spin around, Finn doing the same while reaching for his blaster. We come face to face with Yoda, sitting on the table and radiating peace and mischievousness.

"Busy with what?" I demand after recovering from my surprise. Finn puts the safety back on and lowers his blaster, though he doesn't put it away.

"Unable to tell you I am," Yoda says in that same serene voice, feeling incredibly entertained. I glare. His avoidance is not amusing.

"Why can't you tell us?" Finn asks, a little wary but not hostile.

"Bound by the Force I am."

"And the Force doesn't want us to know what Anakin Skywalker is doing?" I return sarcastically. The gravity that rises reveals I shouldn't have been sarcastic.

"No, it does not. A goal the Force has. A desire it wishes to fulfill. Unable to put this goal at risk, I am."

I grimace. Despite knowing full well that he's right, part of me still wants to call bullshit.

"Unable or unwilling?" Finn asks suspiciously, surprising me. I hadn't even considered that Yoda might not want to tell us.

I should have. Maz might be bound by the Force, but that doesn't mean she has no desires of her own. Why should it be any different for Yoda?

"Unable and unwilling," Yoda corrects serenely, his mischievousness becoming dominant again. I roll my eyes, annoyed with his behavior. Which isn't something I ever expected when talking toYoda of all people, but there you have it anyway.

I'm really not a morning person. The asshole's visit has only made my usual mood so much worse.

I can't believe he made me damage my ship.

"You do realize that isn't reassuring, right?" Finn asks, reluctantly amused. At least one of us is having fun.

"Find some way to entertain myself I must," Yoda says without a shred of shame. Before I can offer another sarcastic retort, he becomes serious again. "In motion many pieces are. Easy would it be for things to fall apart. Easy would it be for the Force to fail."

Yoda hunches in on himself, a grief rising that takes my breath away.

"Tired of failing, I am."

The softly spoken words hold a weight that makes it impossible to speak, an eternity of mistakes pressing down on me. I don't know what those mistakes are, the impressions are too fleeting to make sense of them, but the grief over them is so strong it makes my eyes sting with the threat of tears.

Yoda lets out a sigh that holds the weight of the galaxy, before he straightens with determination.

"Trust the Force I hope you will. Disaster will befall should you not."

With that comforting message, Yoda blinks out of existence, every trace of his presence gone.

"And now I'm terrified"

I snort, an involuntary smile growing at Finn's wry and honest statement. He isn't exaggerating, he really is terrified. But it's a terror he's used to controlling.

He shouldn't have to control it.

I do my best to comfort him.

"He's exaggerating." I hope. "One mistake isn't enough to ruin a plan of the Force by far. It takes a long string to do that."

This is, of course, ignoring the fact that whatever the Force is planning might very well be to our disadvantage. What the Force considers to be in your best interests definitely doesn't always match up to your own ideas about that.

My words are enough to make Finn relax. I determinedly push Yoda's ominous message away as well. I have far too many things on my mind already. Given that the Force apparently doesn't want us to know what's going on, I'm going to ignore the potential disaster until I've recovered from the past few days. Or until I can no longer ignore it. Whichever comes first.

We go to see Luke Skywalker. Artie stays behind to continue the repairs. The worst is fixed, but Artie won't stop until every single scratch has been fixed. I'll help it later today, but for now, it's time to try to convince Luke Skywalker to come back with us once more.

We have as little luck as yesterday.

"I'm not coming back."

"And good morning to you, too," I say in my most sarcastic voice, not impressed by his reception. We'd arrived just as he exited his hut, obviously prepared to leave, a walking stick in hand and a bag slung over his back.

The void that is Luke Skywalker looks away, his lips twitching in what could either be a smile or a scowl. Given his "greeting", I'm betting on the latter.

Finn is smiling and absently petting Snowy as he watches us, entertained by the show.

"How was your night?" I aim at R2-D2, a much better conversational partner.

[This unit attempted to talk sense into Bright-Dork. This unit failed.]

He doesn't seem to mind that. R2-D2 is radiating contentment, his anger from yesterday nowhere to be found.

Luke Skywalker hoists his bag a little higher and walks away without another word. R2-D2 follows him contently. I share a look of exasperation with Finn before we follow as well.

Finn tries to talk with Luke Skywalker, but when Luke Skywalker continues to ignore him, he starts chattering with his birds, a soothing background noise. It's nice that Finn isn't trying to make conversation with me. As he learned during breakfast, I'm not a big talker in the morning.

I'm not in an awful mood anymore either. Instead I find myself savoring walking down the path I've only traveled in dreams, trailing my hands along rocks and plants.

This isn't the same as my dreams. In my dreams, the Island is an idea given shape. It's a reflection of reality, an image of all it ever was and could be.

This time the Island is real. It's anchored in a way it never is in my dreams, reality holding the ancient history and future possibilities steady. There's no confusion, no inability to tell what was and what could be because I can tell what is.

It's beautiful.

I let the currents sweep me away. I'm not blending, but I'm not quite myself either.

I'm allowing the Force to be me. Not completely, this isn't full on mediation. Just me reveling in the connection between everything. The earth and sky, ocean and land, animals and plants. Stagnation and change, resistance and surrender, destruction and growth. A never ending and ever changing flow.

It soothes away the last of the tension caused by Kylo Ren.

When Finn's contentment is replaced by startled realization, immediately followed by utter disgust, I pull myself away from the Force.

"What's wrong?"

"He's going to those things," Finn says like it's supposed to explain things. I raise a brow in a silent demand for some elaboration.

"The sea cow things," Finn clarifies. "He's going to get more milk from them."

His actual horror makes me grin.

"Guess we're about to find out if you're overreacting or not," I tease, bringing up his previous claim that I'd react the same as him if I saw Luke Skywalker milk 'those things'.

"I'm not," Finn declares without hesitation. "You'll see."

His certainty rouses my curiosity. Yet when we arrive at the shore, I don't see what's so special about these sea cows. Sure, their presence moves in the same odd way as those of every other living being in this place, but appearance wise they look perfectly ordinary.

Luke Skywalker kneels down in front of one of the many lounging on the shore and starts milking her. She's pretty uncomfortable with how near he is, but I'm guessing that has to do with his lack of presence, not with what he's doing. She isn't trying to get away from him after all. The opposite, she's keeping still so that Luke Skywalker can milk her with ease.

"See what I mean," Finn says like his point has been proven, his disgust even greater than before. Bird Poe grooms his hair in an effort to comfort him, while Bird Rey is looking at the sea cow like she's considering how to best take her out.

Munchies lands next to bird Rey and wacks her wing against the back of bird Rey's head, warning her to behave. Bird Rey glares at her but sullenly puts aside her plans of murder. Finn's birds are hilarious.

Finn absently brings up a hand to stroke bird Rey, horrified eyes still locked onto Luke Skywalker.

"I really don't see what's so special about this," I say honestly. Luke Skywalker is just milking an animal. An unusually aware one, but this isn't exactly a torture scene.

"You don't–" Finn says while tearing his eyes away from the sight he considers an abomination, before waving a hand at Luke Skywalker in half gesture, half flailing. Luke Skywalker continues to ignore us. "Look at it! It looks human!"

That's what's bothering him? That the udders look human?

Oh, I'm going to have so much fun with this.

Putting on a solemn expression, I summon a serious voice.

"Finn, you need to know something very important."

My act makes Finn's eyes go wide, worry starting to rise. It takes an effort to keep a straight face.

"What is it?" he demands, bracing himself for whatever I'm about to say. Don't laugh, don't laugh.

"A lot of animals look human."

Finn's reaction is priceless, pure horror taking over.

"No," he breathes with denial and revulsion. It's enough to make me break, my act dissolving into laughter. "You mean, animals for eating? They have parts that look human?" Finn aks, my laughter not diminishing his horror in any way.

"Yes they do," I say with a grin and chuckle at the utter disgust twisting Finn's expression.

"I'm going back to nutrient bars," he declares, making it clear the joke has gone on long enough. I can't let him go back to the abomination that is nutrient bars when there are so many culinary wonders out there.

"Relax. There are more than enough animals that look nowhere near human."

My reassurance pleases Finn immensely.

"The meat from yesterday didn't come from a human animal, right?" he asks. When I confirm his assumption, he gains a pleased grin. "Great, I really didn't want to give that up. Never going to drink milk though."

Finn's own words draw his gaze back to Luke Skywalker, now drinking. The sight causes another surge of horror and disgust. I can't help but grin at his reaction. Who knew Finn could be so dramatic?

Luke Skywalker reveals that he hadn't been ignoring us after all. He lets out a satisfied sigh and gives Finn a mocking smile, the emotion clear even without me being able to feel it. I'm pretty sure he purposely drank the milk so it would stain his beard, just to rile Finn up some more.

Finn's disgust at the sight is so great it's on the verge of becoming true nausea. I narrow my eyes at Luke Skywalker, unable to believe what he just did. Yes, I'd been teasing Finn about this myself, but mocking isn't the same as teasing at all.

Two can play this game.

"How mature," I mock back, making Luke Skywalker look at me. Luke Skywalker raises a brow before he holds out the canister of milk with clear challenge. Is this supposed to scare me?

Grabbing the canister, I take a large drink while maintaining eye contact –

Oh wow. This is really good.

Closing my eyes, I swirl the liquid around in my mouth, savoring the taste. Rich and creamy, a complex flavor on the verge of being too sweet, but there's a tang to it that prevents it from being cloying. It's delicious, refreshing, and surprisingly cool for having just come out of an animal.

"You actually like it?" Finn says like he can't believe what he's seeing. I swallow down the delicious drink and open my eyes.

"This is really good." In fact. "How often can they be milked?" I ask Luke Skywalker. I'm definitely getting some of this for myself.

"Once every three days," Luke Skywalker says while giving me a look I can't decipher. Being unable to sense his emotions is really annoying. His lack of presence is even worse. Even with my inability to sense his emotions, I shouldn't be having this much trouble interpreting his expressions.

"Please tell me you aren't planning on getting this for yourself," Finn begs, drawing my attention.

"I'm planning on getting this for myself," I say before holding out the canister to him with a mischievous smile. "Want to try?"

"Hell no," Finn refuses in an instant, not amused by my teasing.

"It's almost as good as kava."

That catches his attention. He wavers, eyes flickering between the canister and the sea cow's udder as sudden curiosity struggles with his revulsion. I chuckle and lower the canister.

"You don't have to drink it if you don't want to," I say, figuring he might need to hear it.

My words have the opposite effect of what I expected. Determination and defiance overtakes his disgust.

"No, I want to try it."

He doesn't. But he wants to let the teachings of the First Order rule him even less.

I hand over the canister. Finn takes a deep breath, feeling like he's about to enter battle, before he squeezes his eyes shut and gulps down a mouthful as fast he can.

Surprise and delight flares high. He opens his eyes and looks at the canister like it suddenly changed contents.

"Okay, this is really good."

"Told you," I say with a smile, glad that the outcome was a positive one. I expected that, but it's still nice to have it confirmed.

Finn gives the First Order another two-fingered salute by taking a deep drink. This time he closes his eyes and savors the taste.

"Scrap the nutrient bars," he says after swallowing, determination joining his delight. "I'm going to try out every single food there is."

"That's the spirit," I say, already looking forward to the various shows his decision will cause. It's going to be hilarious when Finn discovers something that tastes awful.

"Can I have my drink back?"

I roll my eyes at Luke Skywalker's question, annoyed by him all over again. I don't care that his request is reasonable, I still can't believe he did that to Finn.

He's Luke Skywalker. He shouldn't be like this.

"Shouldn't have offered it then," I retort and take the canister from Finn when he holds it out to Luke Skywalker. I pointedly take another deep drink, savoring the delicious flavor.

Luke Skywalker gives me what I'm pretty sure is an unimpressed look. I raise a mocking brow in return. It's not like he can't refill it.

"You do realize we're trying to convince him to come back with us, right?" Finn says, entertained by my behavior. "You might want to try being just a little bit nicer."

"I might if he'd stop acting like a jackass."

Luke Skywalker snorts. I have no idea if it's because he's amused or because he's affronted. I don't care either. He's acting like a jackass and has ever since we arrived.

Well what do you know. I just found the family resemblance between him and the asshole.

Oh, I hurt myself with that one.

"Wait here, I'm going to get some bottles," I say to Finn, distracting myself from the horrible turn my thoughts have taken.

Racing to my ship with the Force, I get a bag and bottles, check how far the repairs are with Artie, before I race back and land in front of Finn with an extravagant summersault just because I can.

"Showoff," Finn says with a grin, impressed by my display.

"On occasion," I agree, pleased with his reaction.

Finn and his birds are the only ones left on the shore. While I can't pinpoint Luke Skywalker's location, R2-D2 is moving towards the village. I'm assuming that Luke Skywalker is with him.

I set about milking the sea cows. Their awareness and strange Force sensitivity means they have no trouble letting me know who does and doesn't want to get milked.

Finn has no desire whatsoever to help, but his revulsion is relatively minor. And more than worth the price of having more milk.

After filling the containers to the brim and bringing all but two back to my ship, Finn and I return to the village. Luke Skywalker is outside, busy chopping up an enormous slab of fish meat. Judging from the amount of vegetables two villagers at a nearby table are cutting up, the three of them are cooking enough for most if not the whole village.

Sprawling down a stone bench that is surprisingly comfortable, leaving enough room for Finn to sit down besides me, I take a sip of delicious milk while watching the villagers go about their day. People are cleaning, mending clothes, weaving baskets, and various other things. Companionable chatter fills the air. A group of kids is darting around the place, playing some kind of chase game.

It's a peaceful scene. Even the dissonance caused by Luke Skywalker's lack of presence doesn't diminish the tangible sense of contentment and tranquility.

"So are we going to talk about what happened this morning?"

I grimace. That question is an excellent way to ruin my mood.

"I really want to wait a little longer." Like a week or two. That isn't too much to ask, is it?

Judging from Finn's resolve, firm though not unkind, it is.

"We're going to have to talk about it eventually, Rey."

True. Doesn't mean we have to talk about it right now.

"Give me a few days."

My reply makes frustration rise. I'm starting to suspect Finn is one of those people who wants to talk things out as soon as they happen.

I'm not like that. When I get angry or upset, I prefer to get away from whatever set me off in the first place and calm down for awhile. If I don't, my temper ruins any chance of me fixing the issue.

Given the past few days, I'm going to need a lot of time to be even close to tackling any of the numerous issues concerning the asshole.

"Three days," I offer as a concrete limit. While I'd prefer to avoid it much longer, that should give me enough time to get over the worst of my reaction and talk about this like a rational adult.

I should be able to give Finn a decent warning about what to expect when Kylo Ren does this to him.

"Deal," Finn agrees, surprising me. Given how he still feels like he wants to talk things out right this instant, I expected him to argue. It's nice that he accepted my compromise instead.

I give him a grateful smile and return to watching the people, content to just be. After the past days, just being is exactly what I need.

Finn doesn't feel the same. After fidgeting for a moment, indecisive and hesitant, he becomes determined and gets up to explore the village. Some of his birds go with him, but most continue doing the various things they were doing before he got up. All of them are still paying attention to Finn, though.

Finn soon gets drawn into the game the children are playing. Judging from the way the Force shifts when a girl tugs at his hand, she's telepathically explaining the rules to Finn. Who has no more than a fleeting moment of surprise before accepting her form of communication. His birds don't communicate as clearly as the villager's do, but the basis is the same.

Finn has a lot of fun with the kids. He also keeps losing. From what I can tell, the game is a combination of tag and hide-and-seek. And the hiding part includes hiding your presence, which is why Finn keeps losing.

Luke Skywalker continues cooking. R2-D2 throws the occasional good-natured insult his way, and while Luke Skywalker sometimes offers a sarcastic retort, he mostly works in silence.

I close my eyes and let the currents of the village sweep me away, a little more of the tension caused by the past few days fading away.

Eventually, Finn rejoins me, sitting down next to the bench I'm sprawled on and drinking deeply from the bottle of milk I gave him. He's tired from keeping up with all the compact bundles of energy, but he feels invigorated as well. Some of his birds waste no time in moving to cuddle with him, joining the few who hadn't left him. There's a bit of a scuffle before all fourteen manage to find a position that leaves both them and Finn comfortable.

"They're cheating," Finn says, not minding that he lost every round. He's as relaxed as I am.

"They're using the Force," I correct without opening my eyes. Which is admittedly a form of cheating, but where's the fun in saying that?

"Is that how they kept finding me?" he asks, curious.

"Yep." The villagers aren't Force sensitive in the way I'm used to, but they're more than capable of reading it. Finn might be good at hiding his Force sensitivity, but his presence is still noticeable as that of any other person. The kids have no trouble pinpointing his location.

"Can you teach me how to do that?"

The question makes me open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. I hadn't seen that one coming.

"I want to win at least once," Finn explains. I let out a hum of acknowledgement while thinking over his request.

The problem is that I have no idea how to even begin teaching him how to sense his surroundings. I have no idea how to begin teaching him to use the Force for anything, really. When I found Maz, I could already use the Force in a variety of ways. Oh, Maz helped me refine my technique in ways I never could've done on my own, but she didn't have to teach me the basics. She didn't have to teach me how to sense it.

Finn doesn't know how to sense it. Or rather, he doesn't know the difference between what his regular senses are picking up and what the Force is telling him.

So how to teach him the difference?

"What do you think the Force is?" I settle on, figuring that's the best place to start. Can't use the Force without understanding it after all. Well no, you can, I've more than proven that, but it isn't a good way to go about it. Maz had to break me out of a lot of bad habits.

"It's a power that makes you stronger and faster, lets you read people's minds, and make things float."

Well. Technically speaking, that sentence isn't wrong.

"Amazing," Luke Skywalker says in a voice dry as dust, drawing our gaze. "Every word in that sentence was wrong."

Oh hell no.

"Do you want to teach him?" I snap at the jackass insulting Finn for no reason.

Luke Skywalker flinches brutally, the knife falling from his hand and he grips the edge of the table like it's the only thing keeping him upright.

His reaction makes me realize what I just said. It erases my anger, a wave of too many emotions rising instead. Among which is a healthy dose of shame.

Han Solo told me what Kylo Ren did to Luke Skywalker's students when he Fell. Bringing up that horror, no matter how unintended, is the height of cruelty.

I didn't mean to hurt him like this.

I hesitate, not knowing what to do next. Luke Skywalker keeps gripping the table like his life depends on it. Finn's eyes are darting between us, as uncertain as I am on how to proceed. R2-D2 lets out a worried whirr while watching Luke Skywalker, but he doesn't say anything either. Even most of the villagers are watching Luke Skywalker with concern. It seems like the entire galaxy is holding its breath as we wait for Luke Skywalker to do... anything.

Luke Skywalker lets out a harsh breath and resumes cooking with jerky movements. I don't need to be able to sense him to see that he's still on the verge of a breakdown.

"So I'm wrong?" Finn asks with deliberately lightness. Deciding that the best thing to do is to pretend my blunder never happened. I look away from Luke Skywalker, following his example.

"Technically you aren't. But that's how you use the Force, not what the Force is."

"Then what is it?"

Now there's the million credit question. I could compare the Force to a thousand different things, all of them contradicting each other and all of them true. I could talk about the Force forever and never come even close to explaining it, for the simple reason that the Force is impossible to explain.

It's impossible to understand it. The Force is too vast, existing on a scale that defies comprehension. Sentient minds just aren't capable of grasping the whole that is the Force. We can understand parts of it, can filter individual pieces through a perspective that makes sense, but it's like understanding what a screw is without understanding the engine it belongs to. Even Maz, who reads the Force in a way I can only dream of, doesn't comprehend more than a fraction of what it truly is.

Yet while you can never truly comprehend the Force, you can understand the essence of it. You can understand the most fundamental truth about it.

The problem is putting that truth into words. To explain it in a way that makes you truly grasp what the Force is.

I'm not like Maz. I don't have her way with words, her ability to explain what the Force is in a way that makes sense.

I can, however, show it.

Sliding off the bench, I settle down in front of Finn in a cross legged position and hold out my hands.

"Let me show you."

Surprise and eagerness flare high. Finn, who'd been leaning against the bench with his legs stretched out so his birds could nest on them, now gently urges them off so he can mirror my position. His birds grumble a little but obligingly lift off. Even the ones sitting on his head and shoulders leave. Though bird Rey, who's now glaring at me, needs Munchies to whack her on the head again before before she hops off Finn's shoulder. She settles on the bench as a fluffed up ball of ire. Cuddles lands next to her and nuzzles her, but that only makes her fluff up even more.

Finn's birds will never stop being funny.

Finn grasps my hands.

"Close your eyes," I say. Finn obligingly closes his eyes. This isn't exactly a necessity, but I've always found it easier to focus on the Force as a whole when not distracted by visual information.

Closing my own eyes, I focus on the subtle gravity of his presence. Even with our bond amplified by physical contact, it takes an effort to grasp just how deep his presence is. How powerful.

Kylo Ren would've come after him even without me caring for him.

Pushing that unpleasant thought away, I focus on coaxing Finn's presence to twine with my own. Not as I would when blending, our feelings and thoughts are still our own, but I weave our essence together. Finn startles before he becomes fascinated, and the gravity of his presence gains an awareness it didn't have before. So far so good.

"What do you feel?" I ask.

"I feel..."

He falls silent, struggling to translate the indescribable feeling of my presence in terms that make sense to him. I patiently wait for him to find a comparison that fits. I might not know how to begin teaching him, but I do know that it's important to let him find his own way of translating the Force. Forcing my own translation on him would only hinder him. Not that I have a decent comparison for my own presence. According to Maz, I feel like a thunderstorm, but that isn't how I would describe myself by far. I actually don't have a way to describe my own presence. Not as I can for other people. Fire, music, gravity. All of it feels ill fitting when compared to who I am. Even my name doesn't truly encompass all I am.

I'm myself. That's the only description that feels right.

"I feel like I'm in a reactor room," Finn finally settles on. "The static crawling over my skin, the taste of ozone on my tongue. The humming in my bones when standing next to a reactor. Placing my hands on it and feeling the raw energy contained within."

Realization ripples through him and Finn opens his eyes with wonder.

"I feel you."

"Keep your eyes closed," I say with a smile, setting the example by not opening my own. It wouldn't be a big deal for him to have him look at me if I just wanted to make him feel my presence. The opposite, the visual contact would help. But I want to show him more.

I want to show him the Force.

Finn quickly closes his eyes. Now comes the hard part.

I coax him deeper into my mind as Maz once did with me, careful to keep our emotions and thoughts separate. He's picking up impressions from me of course, and his own emotions and intentions become even clearer than they already were, but we're still two distinct entities.

Finn follows with ridiculous ease, not a trace of instinctive rejection to be found. I seriously thought I'd have to try a few times before he got it. It took me five tries before I could follow Maz deep enough.

He really is a natural when it comes to mental connections.

I focus on the currents around us, careful to keep the sensation away from Finn, before I deepen my awareness of myself, making my presence more noticeable to Finn. Not my concrete emotions or thoughts, but the indescribable whole of who I am. The boundaries that define me as a person, the collection of everything that makes me myself. I avoid Finn's instinctive attempts to deepen our bond and wait until he's gotten used to feeling my presence. Then I share my understanding of everything else.

Finn sucks in a sharp breath, overwhelmed by the flood of information. He doesn't try to get away though, lets it wash through him with awe and wonder. Stunned by the beauty of it all.

What do you feel? I brush along his mind, careful not to distract him.

"The island," he breathes and the words encapsulate more than any language can capture. It's his birds and the villagers, the animals and plants. It's the wind rustling the grass, the sunlight warming the earth, the waves crashing against the shore.

It's the hope shining from the peak, the secrets hidden beneath stone. The slumbering heart and the dreams of times long past. The whispers of stories yet to come. It's everything the Island is, was and could be.

"Life. Death and decay, feeding new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence."

It's all that and so much more, and Finn is so close to understanding that, so close to grasping what the Force is...

And between it all? I send, barely remembering to keep my touch light. His wonder has swept me away, making it feel like the first time Maz showed me the Force all over again.

"A balance. An energy. A Force."

Yes. It's every contradiction and every possibility, everything that is, was, could be and never has been. It's ever changing and always the same, and Finn is so close to getting what that means...

I feel the exact moment things click into place for him, the sudden understanding changing his connection to the Force in the most fundamental of ways.

"The Force."

Yes, that's why it's called the Force, that's why no one can ever understand it.

The Force is everything.

I gradually stop sharing my awareness of our surroundings and gently disentangle myself from him. Finn is still reeling from the world altering realization he was just hit by. When I open my eyes, I see that his own are open and he looks as awed as he feels.

"Whoa."

I feel a giddy smile grow. Seeing the Force through his eyes has made the wonder of it hit me all over again.

It's made me remember that the Force is magic.

"I know," I agree in a voice as giddy as my smile.

"Whoa," Finn repeats, his previous eloquence nowhere to be found. I laugh, his awed reverence pushing my own delight to even greater heights. "Do you feel that all the time?" he asks, marveling at the mere idea.

"It's a lot stronger here than usual," I answer with a grin. "But yeah, basically."

My answer blows Finn's mind all over again. My grin grows.

"You get used to it." I hadn't even realized how much I'd gotten used to it until I saw it through Finn's eyes. Oh, part of me never forgets that the Force is magic, but I've been feeling it for as long as I can remember. Maz might've taught me how to understand it, but she never had to teach me how to sense it.

"You can never get used to this," Finn says, convinced he's in the right. Which he is. My reaction now is a lot stronger than normal, but part of me never stops marveling at the beauty that is the Force.

"You get used to it for the most part," I amend. "You'll see."

Finn's eyes widen with shock as he's hit by the realization that he's going to learn how to feel this on his own. It's immediately followed by giddy joy.

"Teach me," he orders, refusing to take no for an answer. I grin.

"I will after I figure out how." This and meditation are the first things he needs to learn. And if he can do this, meditation won't be far behind.

"Just teach me like how you were taught," Finn counters, full of determination to learn right now.

Unfortunately, I can't teach him like I was taught.

"I was never taught how to feel the Force. I've always been able to do that."

It was impossible not to. I don't know whether the Force exists in my old universe or not, but if it does, I definitely wasn't Force sensitive then.

I am now. And being reborn as a Force sensitive after not being one before, is the same as a blind person being reborn with perfect vision.

Finn scowls, frustration rising. It doesn't take long before determination takes over again though.

"You can teach me something, right?"

I can't, actually. There's a reason I want him to be taught by Maz. Still.

"Give me a few days to think of how to approach this," I compromise. I honestly don't think I'll be able to come up with a decent method by then, but at the very least I can ask Yoda and Anakin Skywalker for pointers.

Now there's a thought I never expected to have.

Finn scowls, frustration rising high, before he lets out a resigned sigh and smothers his need to learn. For now.

"Fine. Three days, no more," he warns. It's cute how enthusiastic he is about this.

"Deal." I should be able to come up with at least a couple of exercises for him by then.

My agreement is enough to mollify Finn. He moves to let go of my hands but I have a stroke of inspiration right before he does. Tightening my hold on his hands, I give him a mischievous smile.

"I don't know how to teach you yet, but I do know how to show you something else."

Finn's full focus is back on me with a vengeance.

"Show me what?" he demands. My smile grows.

"Want to see how I make things levitate?"

Surprise flares high and is immediately followed by delight. He definitely wants to see.

"Yes!" he confirms verbally, giddy with excitement and anticipation. I grin.

"The Force is everything," I say, figuring it can't hurt to at least try to explain. "People, plants, tools, rocks. It's all part of the same whole. You are part of the same whole. So if you want to levitate something..."

I entwine our presence again, making it as noticeable as I can. Ensuring Finn will be able to feel what I'm about to do.

Finn, his excitement and curiosity at an all time high, squeezes my hands and instinctively tightens his mental hold on me, determined not to miss a single thing.

This is another of those things I have no idea how to put into words. When I levitate things, I think of it as grasping currents and adjusting them, but while the visualization helps me to control what I'm doing, it isn't how I make things float.

I don't need to reach out to make things float. I'm already connected to the Force, and the Force is already connected to me.

I am the Force and the Force is me. Which means that if I want to levitate things...

I give Finn a mischievous smile.

"All you need to do is push."

Finn startles violently as I send my presence surging through his, pushing both our energy along the connection between everything. It's a pulse, a wave, a ripple that only goes as far as I want it to.

Except it's not. It's how I translate the indescribable feeling of becoming the connection between everything, but what I'm actually doing is... tilting my head and changing my perspective. Or rather, our perspective.

We aren't adding energy to our surroundings. We aren't even changing anything. Not really. We're just looking at what's already there in a different way.

Surprise and startled cries fill the air as everything not bolted down is lifted into the air. I'm far more focused on Finn though. He's looking around with wide eyes, awed and delighted by the objects hovering in the air. I took care not to lift people but that still leaves a lot of things to levitate.

One of the kids is the first to recover from her surprise, and she wastes no time in hopping onto a floating table. The others quickly follow her example, jumping onto random objects, delighted by our display. Fortunately, their ability to navigate the currents means I don't have to worry about them falling off.

The rest of the villagers recover from their surprise as well, amused for the most part, though there's some annoyance as well.

I don't care about that in the slightest. Finn's wonder is a heady rush, sparking an answering joy I have no intention of denying myself.

"This is amazing," he breathes, making me laugh.

He's right, this is amazing. We're lifting things with our minds. This will never stop being being magical.

Finn's awe lets me appreciate it in a way I haven't in quite some time, though.

I look around with a grin, marveling at how easy it is to keep all these things in the air. Benches, baskets, tools, rocks and so much more. All of it hovering with what is for all intents and purposes no effort whatsoever. Then my gaze lands on Luke Skywalker and my grin fades.

Luke Skywalker is looking at me with fear. It's startling and uncomfortable, and worst of all, it makes me wonder why. The only answer I can come up with is that my display of power scares him.

It scares him because it reminds him of Kylo Ren.

I return my gaze to Finn and distract myself from that awful thought. I don't even know if it's true, Luke Skywalker could easily be scared for some other reason. And even if my display does remind him of Kylo Ren, it doesn't mean anything. It's just a skill, not a personality trait.

I'm not like him.

"You're definitely teaching me how to do this."

Finn's determined statement offers a great distraction. I grin, letting his joy chase my awful thoughts away.

"You're already doing this," I say mischievously. It causes confusion to rise, so I elaborate on my statement by lifting our entwined hands.

The objects rise in time with my movement. Finn needs no further explanation, realization rising high. Then he gleefully pushes our hands down. The objects lower as he does. His bright grin makes my own grow.

Finn wastes no time in fooling around with the floating objects, pulling our hands up, down, sideways, and even in a circle. All the objects mirror his movements.

He takes care not to move our hands too quickly, and the kids are skilled enough not to fall off the various things they've jumped on. Their laughter fills the air as Finn tests out the boundaries of his control. And it really is his control. Yes, I'm the driving force behind the push, but I purposely drew his presence along. The objects mirroring his movements? That's all him.

Of course, I still have no idea how to go about teaching him how to do this on his own. Or anything else for that matter. Showing him how to do something, easy. Showing him how to do it on his own? That's another matter entirely.

Oh well. I have time to figure it out. Not much, Finn needs to be able to defend himself against Kylo Ren as soon as possible. But I can afford a few days to figure out the best way to approach this. Kylo Ren is still recovering from our fight on Starkiller Base after all. We can afford to take it easy for a few days.

It's not like we need to hurry this along.


Poe wishes they could hurry this along. Unfortunately, they can't. This is a plan that requires patience. And luck. So much luck. Every plan requires some luck of course, but this one requires far too much of it.

The survival of the entire Resistance is at stake. Maybe even the survival of the Republic itself. Poe would feel a lot more at ease if they didn't have to rely on fortune favoring them.

He wishes this wasn't the best plan they could come up with.

Walking over to where Han is standing in front of the viewport, BB-8 trailing behind him, he halts next to Han. Han is fiddling with the bracelet around his wrist, the only show of nervousness he's allowing himself. The bracelet is connected to the devices monitoring Leia, and Poe glances at it compulsively, assuring himself that her vitals are still steady.

They are.

"You can go to her," Poe says. "I'll keep watch while you're gone. So will Holdo."

His personal distaste at the idea of working with 'Vice Admiral Holdo', as she insists he call her, doesn't matter. If Han needs to take a break, Poe will treat her with the utmost courtesy. No matter that the first thing he ever heard her say was a remark to Han about how one of Leia's last official acts had been to demote him.

Yeah, he isn't letting that one go anytime soon.

"Kid, if I have the nerve to sit around and do nothing but stare at Leia at a time like this, she's going to wake up just so she can kill me."

Poe bites down the urge to tell Han to go stare at Leia right now. He knows it's completely irrational to expect her to wake up, but at the same time, Han is right. Leia would absolutely wake up just so she can kill him if he went to sit uselessly at her bedside at a time like this. Then she'd take over command and make everything run smoothly.

She'd make sure all of them survive this.

Han's words make his own shoulders tense up, the joke hitting him too harshly as well.

"Chewie's watching her," Han says before Poe can say anything to lighten the mood. His voice is casual, but the compulsive glance at the bracelet showing Leia's vitals is anything but. Poe fiddles with the binary beacon around his wrist, taking comfort in the fact that Finn isn't here. He's safe.

Poe ignores the part of him cursing that Rey isn't here to help them.

BB-8 rolls closer and gently leans against Poe's leg. Offering a comfort Poe is so grateful for. He gives his buddy a fleeting smile before looking back at Han.

"You can go join him for awhile,," Poe repeats his offer. Han has been working his ass off this entire time. He needs a break. And taking a few minutes to stare out the viewport doesn't count.

Han lets out a harsh breath and rubs his eyes, the tension he'd been doing his best to hide breaking through.

"Don't tempt me," he mutters, half to himself, half a scathing remark aimed at Poe. Poe resists the urge to snap that he's only trying to help. They're all on edge, but that doesn't mean they can afford to let their tempers take over. The opposite, they need to keep clear heads.

That's a lot easier said than done.

Han's annoyance is fueled by worry and longing. By a desire so much stronger than the one they're all feeling.

Han wants to go and be with Leia. The problem is that he won't be able to tear himself away from her if he does. They can't afford that. They'll be fine if Han is gone for a little while, but they need him to return. They need him to be their leader.

They can't do this without him.

Which means Han is right. Poe can't tempt him to go see Leia.

"It's a good plan," Poe says, switching to a safer topic.

"It really isn't," Han mutters so softly he almost doesn't hear it, making Poe reflexively glance around to make sure no one overheard that. Han acting like their plan is obviously going to succeed is one of the only things allowing people to hold it together. If they see him falter, if they see him doubt, there's going to be too many nervous breakdowns at best, mass panic at worst.

To his relief, no one overheard.

Han lets out a tired sigh before he pulls himself together. Returning to the cocky act he's been wearing the entire time.

"But it's the best we've got. And I've pulled off way crazier stunts than this," he says with a smirk. Even knowing that he's doing it on purpose, the show of confidence eases some of Poe's own tension.

Han is right, he's pulled off far crazier stunts than this. If anyone can get them out of this mess, it's General Solo.

"How long until we reach Crait?" he asks soft enough not to be overheard. He already knows the answer of course, is constantly checking the time, but he can't help but want to hear it from Han.

"Half a day or so," Han answers like being specific isn't of vital importance. His nonchalant act inspires a flicker of amusement, something Poe is incredibly grateful for. Anything to distract him from the despair threatening to smother him.

It hadn't been this bad at first. After Han gave a short but passionate speech about not letting the wannabe Empire waltz over them, there had been a renewed sense of hope. That hope was desperately needed when Han gathered the surviving senior members, Poe included, and they started brainstorming about how to get out of this disaster with their lives intact.

The problem is that they have no significant offensive capabilities. The weapons of their ships aren't strong enough to break through the shields of the Destroyers, and while they have some fighters left, those aren't strong enough by far to take out the Destroyers. Oh, they might get one of them, two if they're insanely lucky, but that's it. And they don't stand a chance in hell of even touching Snoke's flagship.

Which means their best bet is retreating somewhere safe. With the First Order somehow tracking them through hyperspace, that order is a lot taller than it has any right to be.

They'd discussed a lot of options, before eventually settling on Holdo's plan. Pretend that they're running to their doom, while secretly running off to an old Rebel base on Crait instead. With any luck, the ruse won't be discovered until after the Raddus has been destroyed. With even greater luck, the First Order won't realize that Crait is the planet they're hiding on.

The plan seemed solid when they came up with it. Or, well, not solid, but the best they could do under the circumstances.

It offered the best chance of survival.

Except it no longer feels that way. Now that Poe has finished dispersing orders, now that everyone has been given their respective tasks and he can do nothing else but wait, the plan feels like a farce.

It feels like they're just pretending that all of them aren't going to die.

"You should get some sleep, kid."

Han's words, gentle for all that they're spoken like they're no big deal, draws him out of his thoughts.

"Couldn't even if I wanted to," Poe says with a wry smile, careful to stop it from turning into a grimace. He's never been good at waiting around, no matter how necessary it might be. This time is even worse than usual. This isn't a normal mission, isn't a situation where only a few of their people are at risk. This time everyone is at risk.

This time they've already lost so many. Ackbar, Brance, Stubbs, Navin, Priyanga and so many others. If he goes to sleep, Poe knows their faces are going to haunt them.

Even awake, Tallie's face won't stop haunting him.

She'd been looking at him. She'd been tense and impatient and wordlessly telling him to hurry. Did she even realize what was happening when the fighter crashed into the hangar?

Had she even realized that she was about to die before the explosion consumed her?

"Then get some rest," Han says without mercy, a blessed distraction from his thoughts. "You're useless to me if you can't think straight."

The words are pragmatic, kind, and so similar to something Leia would've said that it makes his throat tighten painfully.

BB-8 lets out an agreeing sound, but it doesn't bother to vocalize that it thinks Han is right. His buddy has given up on trying to get him to rest. For now.

BB-8 is as tired as the rest of them. It's lost as many friends as the rest of them.

It almost didn't make it out of the explosion. His buddy almost died.

It still could.

Pushing that awful thought away, Poe clears his throat and manages to summon a cocky smile. He gently pushes back against BB-8 at the same time, both to offer his buddy some comfort and to comfort himself.

"I can say the same for you, old man."

The scowl Han gives him inspires another blessed flicker of amusement.

"Why does everyone keep calling me old? I'm not even seventy."

"It might be your grumpy old man routine," Poe helpfully points out. Han does often act like someone twice his age after all.

Han's scowl grows, but unlike before, his annoyance is fake.

"Watch it, kid."

Because calling him a kid definitely doesn't make Han sound old.

"I'm sorry, General," Poe says, putting on an act of mock deference. "You're right. The elderly should be treated with respect."

Han rolls his eyes with false annoyance, a real smile tugging at his lips. Poe mentally pats himself on the back for a job well done.

They can't afford to have their leader break down even a little. Han's act of having everything under control is vital to the plan's success. Which Han knows of course, but not giving into despair is a lot easier said than done.

"Go bother Leia, smartass."

Poe falters, caught off guard by the offer. Order?

"Who knows, she might wake up just to teach you some manners."

Definitely an order. One Poe has no intention of obeying.

"General, really. Who do you think I learned it from?" he counters with a smirk. Han snorts, another smile tugging at his lips. "Besides, Leia would kill me as well if I sat around and did nothing," he continues, revealing that he has no intention of obeying Han's order.

Han's faint smile fades and he gives him a serious look.

"This isn't a request, Commander," he says, the use of his rank making Poe straighten into a more formal position. "You need to rest."

Poe barely resists the urge to scowl.

"I'm fine."

"You almost died when the hangar got blown up," Han returns without mercy, and this time Poe can't stop a grimace from breaking free. The similarity to how Leia would've said it makes the reprimand even worse. "You need to rest. You'll be a liability otherwise."

Poe glares and bites back the instinctive retort trying to escape him. Instead he carefully chooses his words, ensuring his arguments are rational and solid.

"The medics gave me the okay to leave. I'm banged up but nothing more. I can keep working."

The fact that his entire body feels like a bruise is of no consequence.

"You're running on stims and painkillers," Han says like everyone isn't running on stims. What does it matter that Poe is on painkillers as well? He knows his limits and he hasn't reached them yet. "Get some rest. I'm not above ordering someone to drag you to the medbay if I have to."

For a moment, Poe debates on arguing further. Then he lets out a harsh breath and closes his eyes.

Han is right, he needs to rest. Yes, he can keep working, but he won't be at his best if he does. He can't do that to the others. They need him to be Commander Dameron, not Poe On The Verge Of Losing His Shit Dameron.

Which means he has to follow his own orders and get some rest, just like everyone else. They need to be fresh in case something goes wrong during the evacuation. Or as fresh as is possible under the circumstances at least.

"Fine."

BB-8 whirrs with surprise before letting out a happy beep.

[This unit is pleased Friend-Poe has reinstated his survival protocols.]

"Thanks, buddy," he says dryly, relieved that BB-8 is sassing him like usual. Then he gives Han an unyielding look, making Han turn serious as well. "You need to get some rest as well."

The Resistance doesn't need Commander Dameron nearly as much as they need General Solo.

"Amilyn has already threatened to slip me a sedative if I don't catch some shuteye soon," Han says, returning to his act of confidence. Poe feels some of his tension ease as well. He might not like Holdo, but he won't deny that her aid is invaluable. While Poe was running around the ship and distributing orders, she was communicating with the other captains and doing the same. Leaving Han free to wander the bridge and have his act of confidence soothe everyone's frayed nerves. Which in turn trickled down to the rest of the ships and prevented mass despair from taking over.

Now that he knows Holdo is ensuring that Han won't push himself too far, Poe feels a little more at ease at getting some rest himself.

"I'll let you know if there's any change with Leia," Poe has to say, despite knowing the words have a fair chance of landing wrong.

For once, he's in luck.

"You, Chewie and the whole damn ship apparently," Han says, not even close in managing to hide his relief. He gives another compulsive glance at Leia's vitals, Poe doing the same.

They're still steady as before.

Poe almost blurts out that Leia is going to be fine but he catches himself just in time. While Han understands people's need to assure themselves that Leia is fine, hearing it every single time he talks with someone has the opposite effect on him, worsening his worry to the point it threatens to consume him. Which people have picked up on of course, meaning there's now a delicate balance of mentioning it every so often in order to reassure themselves, but not so often that it causes Han to break down.

This whole thing is such a fucking mess.

Instead of reminding Han of his worry for Leia, Poe straightens and gives a respectful salute.

"General," he says before turning around and leaving the bridge. BB-8 follows contently, in a noticeable better mood now that Poe has, as his buddy put it, reinstated his survival protocols.

He sees Holdo hand over a pad to D'Acy on his way out. She meets his gaze, her expression cool and haughty as always. It raises his hackles but Poe forces himself to ignore it, giving a polite nod instead. Holdo replies in kind but that only aggravates Poe further. He knows his reaction to her is irrational, knows it's a result of the stress they're under, but that doesn't lessen his feelings in any way. A large part of him wants to act like a disrespectful little shit just to spite her.

Which is a solid indicator that Han is right and he needs to get some rest. Disliking his superior is fine and well, but he's edging towards letting it interfere with his duty. That's something none of them can afford right now.

Poe isn't planning to sleep. He can't. If he does, he'll drown in all the lives lost. But he can sit down for awhile, get some real food in him, and try not to worry about their odds of survival. He can talk to Leia about unimportant things, get sassed by BB-8, and distract himself from the feeling that they're running to their doom. Who knows, he might even be able to convince himself that they're going to survive this after all.

Maybe a miracle will happen and Leia will wake up.


AN: I present, gratuitous Force headcanon, padawan!Finn, and a shameless fix-it for the Poe/Hondo subplot. The butterfly effects are finally starting to show.

Sorry for the long hiatus. Can't promise it won't happen again, but for now, my muse is back on Star Wars. Hope you enjoyed! I'd love to hear your thoughts :)