CHAPTER NINE
Now I'm standing at the crossroads
And I know which way to go
But I'm not strong enough to get there on my ownI'm at an end
Losing control
Trying to mend
This Broken Soul
Give me one more chance
For me to show
How much I need you to heal my broken soul
2 hours later
It knocked. It woke him up immediately from his absent-minded state and Dean stopped to scratch himself under the collarbone like he used to when he was nervous. He tried to remain calm, maybe the "problem" would just go away if he didn't say anything and stayed here. He wouldn't mind that at all, as long as he'd be alone.
"Dean?"
Nope. This won't work. He tried to remember anything that had happened before he came here, since his encounter with Roman but it just wouldn't come.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
He heard shuffling in front of the door but it remained closed.
"I... just wanted to help."
Dean started crying silently. He just had to remember anything! This wasn't normal. He tried to wiped angrily the tears away just to be reminded that everything hurt. His hands, his face, his whole body ached. The more time passed, the more angrier he got. He grabbed his hair and tugged until it became unbearable so he stopped. He looked at his hands, covered with dried blood barely washed away by the shower a few hours ago and dried again.
He remembered the look on his face when he stood in front of the mirror a few hours ago, that was at least something. But it's not the thing he tried desperately to remember. Dean did look pretty beaten up and god-knows-what-else. He wouldn't recognize himself in the first place if someone asked. He remembered the dried blood covering his whole body, the swollen eye, his aching shoulder. He needed to clean himself up. But he wasn't sure if he was strong enough.
"Dean?"
The auburn haired man tried to ignore the voice and stood up. He must be strong enough.
"He just wants to help you. He loves you." reasoned a voice in his head.
On shaky legs he tried to pour some shampoo on his head, steadying himself with the left hand on the faucet which was anything than easy. His shoulder and rips made every little move so much worse it gave him trouble breathing properly but somehow he managed to clean himself up, it just took some time.
Dean made his way out of the shower and took a seat at the tub's edge and again he just couldn't look away as he caught an eye on his reflection. Naively he thought that showering would solve all his problems but it didn't even help at feeling better physically. With wet, sore eyes he looked at himself. Again.
His skin was red from the hot water and the scrubbing mixed with some haematoma's, his hair was dripping wet and some of his wounds were bleeding again.
"Why don't you listen to me?"
"I am listening."
"Then why don't you just go out there?"
"I can't."
"You can!"
"Don't tell me what I can!"
Angrily he looked in the mirror, right into his own eyes.
Again, a knock on the door but he couldn't look away.
"Dean?"
The sorrowful voice from Roman made it finally to his ears. He took his face in his hands and tried to take a deep breath.
"Shit."
Somehow he totally forgot about Roman. How was this even possible?
"Can I come in, please? I'm worried about you."
"No."
"Please."
"No! I don't wanna see you!"I can't.
"Why?"
"Because I don't wanna see you! Or anyone else!" Not now.
Roman on the other side of the door heard Dean cry. He had the last hours he sat in front of the door after he cleaned up the mess in his face. Although there were no blood any more the throbbing pain stayed. He pinched his nose and grabbed a new ice pack.
"Fuck this shit."
He was angry. Angry that after Dean vanished for months all he got was a cracked nose. He knew that it was wrong to be angry, that Dean didn't do it on purpose like he wanted to punch him in the face because he hated him or something. He knew, no, he wished that Dean didn't hate him. But could he be sure? He remembered the text message and got even angrier.
After taking a deep breath Roman decided that he needed to check on him. It was two hours ago that he left him in the shower. He took the ice pack with him and went upstairs. In front of the bathroom door he stopped and knocked.
"Dean?"
He listened if there was any answer but as nothing came he added "Can I come in?"
"No."
He sighed. What did he expect? He sat down next to the door and put the ice on his nose again. All he could do now was wait, right? He didn't know how long it was until he heard the shower again. Roman closed his eyes for several minutes. He was home for what? Like three hours? And he was exhausted as hell, even more since he left the arena.
The Samoan didn't allow himself to get angry because of Dean's strange behaviour again although deep down inside him he blamed him for everything that went wrong.
He blamed him for the mixed feelings he got now, for the suspension for, well, his throbbing nose. Suddenly he heard Dean talking. But with whom? To himself? He caught himself eavesdropping before he knocked again.
"Dean?"
He asked him again if he could come in but of course Dean declined it and before he knew he was screamed at.
"Okay... you know where to find me...if you want to."
Was all he managed to say before he stood up and left his spot next to the door. He thought a moment to just leave for the night or maybe forever but that wasn't him and he felt unsure that this thought even crossed his mind if only for a second. He went downstairs to get his luggage, it was late and he felt the urge to go to bed but... where?
Roman looked around. He could sleep on the couch- no option. It wasn't a cheap one but he fell asleep on it often enough that he knew his back would thank him if he slept anywhere else. He decided that it would be a good decision to sleep in the guest room as he wanted to give Dean some space and that wouldn't be the case if he slept in the master bedroom.
He went to the guest room and put his duffel on the chair next to the bed. He searched for his toothbrush. On his way to the second bathroom he already put toothpaste on it and brushed absent-minded his teeth. He crossed the way to the master bedroom and couldn't help it but peek in. But despite his expectation the room was empty.
Roman stood there for another minute or so before he made his way to the bathroom and finally back to bed. He undressed himself and lied down.
There was no way he was getting any sleep this night.
A/N: A big THANK YOU goes to everybody who's leaving reviews or follows me or my story. You are really encouraging me to don't skip this story but to give it an ending. :) You guys are awesome!
The songtext from the last chapter is „Died With You" by Fozzy and this chapter beginning is the songtext „Broken Soul" from the same artist. Guess you already know that but I wanted it to mention as I forget every single chapter to write an A/N. ;)
