Well, guys, Gormanbros here. Welcome back. So. The first story here came from an idea shared with Anonymous Pride, but she was not available to co-write it with me. Nevertheless, I want to make sure to give her some credit for it. Reviews, comments and any constructive criticism are very much appreciated. States, territories, D.C. and Conch Republic are mine, all countries with the exception of (Spoiler Alert!) Mexico and references to Hetalia are Hidekazu Himaruya's. Thanks for reading!
CHAPTER 9: Mutual Enemy
It's the Fourth of July in Washington, D.C. Several countries were visiting the city to celebrate America's birthday. Well, at least the countries that don't downright hate or are annoyed by him. So basically, around a third of them showed up.
Britain is walking down the green fields of the National Mall. He's carrying a couple of cheeseburgers he bought at one of the over nine thousand McDonald's in the U.S. "Why does he eat so many of these stupid burgers? Not how I tried to raise him. Then again, this is the same America that killed off the Natives and the Bison… He's one stupid wanker, to be sure." Britain continued rambling off to himself. Looking at a large oak tree in front of him, he felt a sudden urge to do something crazy. He began throwing the burgers at the tree in anger before casually walking away nonchalantly.
The next day, while he was taking his routine morning job, America whiffed the scent of burgers. He stopped jogging and began following the smell like a dog. He came across the tree with the burgers stuck in it and stared at it in awe, mouth drooling slightly. "Dude holy crap! This is amazing! A burger tree!"
From inside one of the museums, Britain happened to glance out and see America jumping up and down and hugging the burger tree. He scoffed and moved away from the window.
Over the course of the next few days, America placed a fence around the tree and began spending most of his time gawking at it. Britain was getting ready to take a cab to the airport to return home to London when he realized that America was still fawning over the stupid burger tree. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "Scratch the airport. Can you take me to the Botanical Gardens?"
"Yeah. All right." Am I seriously going to grow oak trees just for a slight laugh? Sometimes I wonder whether I'm the idiot. But the look on America's face will be one to remember. Britain thinks about as he smirks.
XXXX
That next spring, around the time that the cherry trees in D.C. are in bloom, Japan had come to see the trees he had sent decades ago. That same day, America had received in the mail a box of roughly 500 saplings. The box had said Burger Trees, from your mum. "Woah… More burger trees? That's amazing! Yeah!"
Outside, sitting on a bench are D.C. and Japan.
"I really do love the trees, Mr. Japan."
"You are welcome. They are most beautiful this time of the year, aren't they?"
"Yeah. My favorite time of the year is coming out after the long winter and seeing all the beautiful cherry trees in bloom."
Japan and D.C. hear a loud, rumbling sound and suddenly see a bulldozer coming their way.
"What is going on?" asked a concerned Japan.
"I don't know! What the hell is dad doing?!"
"How do you know it's America?"
"It's always America."
The bulldozer heads for the cherry trees and tramples them one by one. Behind the dozer, the two typically introverted people watch as America plants a burger tree sapling.
"What are you doing, America?!" shouted D.C.
"Planting burger trees, obviously! Haha!"
"But… I gave you the cherry trees as a gift."
"So?"
XXXX
By the next week, the city of Washington was covered with oak tree saplings. None of them grew any burgers yet, but an atypically patient America waited and waited to receive the wondrous "burger fruit". Back in London, Britain leans back in his armchair and reads the front cover of The Times. AMERICANS TEAR DOWN CHERRY TREES IN WASHINGTON IN FAVOR OF OAK TREES. CRITICS ASK WHY?
Britain begins chuckling at that and realizes his plan was a success. "Now… What else should I waste an entire 8 months on?"
XXXX
In a completely different location, era and circumstances from the previous story, we head back into 1848. While the eastern states were arguing over state's rights and slavery, the west coast was finally starting to take shape. There weren't any states yet. Just a few territories, Deseret and some of the Native American Indian Nations. Mexico had just utterly failed to keep some of his children from America during the Mexican-American War and the new American territories were all debating over who gets what territory.
California liked spending her time on the coast mostly. She didn't know where she got it from but she loved water and sun. She was excited. She finally was free from Mexico's control. "Yay! I no longer have to stay at Papa Mex's stupid Missions! I'm finally free, baby!" She shouts out to no one in particular.
You see, back several centuries ago, Spain had conquered the southern part of North America and had made his way inland, discovering the future states of Florida, New Mexico, Texas, California, Arizona and a few others. After the Mexican War of Independence, the future states joined Mexico and stayed together without any conflict…for a while.
As most things good things do, the peacefulness didn't last. In 1822, Texas had started inviting Americans into his territory for farming. As usual, the Americans believed that the whole world revolved around them and didn't ever consider Texas as part of anything but America. This enraged Mexico, who wasn't used to losing yet.
XXXX
It's now 1835. Mexico made the unruly and wild young California stay at the Mission San Juan Capistrano located on the coast (where Orange County is today) to try to make her learn proper manners and lessons. As time went on and she became a teen, she only got worse… She started sneaking out of the Mission to see young Mexican troops staying in the area, much to Mexico's anger.
"California! Shameful! Why you no stay and be a good little chica?! You better hope I no make un pequeño taco out of you!"
"How inspired! Is a taco all you could come up with?!"
"Cierra la boca!"
"What?"
"I said for you to shut up the mouth!"
"Dude! You're a mean jerk!"
"Go to bed! Vamos!"
"Te odio."
"No! You no hate me! Go to bed now!"
Stepping out of the room, Mexico looks down at the ground. "Damn America. Damn that Diablo. He's going to try to take all of my kids. I know he will. But something else must be taken care of. Texas."
TO BE CONTINUED…
STATE BIO #9
California
Human Name: Angelina (Angel) Mulholland
Hair Color: Bleach-Blonde
Eye Color: Blue
Personality Traits: Chatty, gossipy, loud-mouthed yet chill. Has a big lazy streak
Pet: Poodle named Beverly
Birthday: September 9th
Original parent: Spain
Previous bosses: Spain, Mexico, herself for 2 months (as Bear Flag Republic)
Closest friends: She considers herself to be one step above her siblings, which gives her no close friends really
Enemies: Disliked Nevada up until recently. Uneasy relations with Oregon
Significant accessories: Extremely expensive headphones and sunglasses
Hobbies: Surfing, driving on the coast, acting, directing, being an activist, developing websites, tanning
Favorite Music Genres: Pop, Surfer songs, rap, anything current
Favorite TV Show: Arrested Development
Government Department: Department of State
