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Live long and prosper, chapter 9

Having heard the words change, diaper and again in the same sentence, Jim apologized and left sickbay in record time, pretending an urgent task on the bridge.

When Doctor McCoy began to undress him, he was as embarrassed as Spock now that the latter was conscious of his state. Spock showed no resistance when the doctor lay him down on the changing mat in order to remove his diaper. Now, Spock was half naked, contemplating the ceiling while trying to ignore his shame. Leonard washed him with soft gestures. Finally, Spock sighed and closed his eyes.

"Here, I'm almost done." Leonard said in a gentle voice.

Spock chose this moment to open his eyes.

"Nooo! Noooooo!" He shouted when Leonard took a new diaper from the bag beside him.

"Spock! You have to wear it…I'm sorry but you have no other choice than to accept it!"

"NOOOO!" Spock repeated angrily, while sending his small shoe at the doctor's face!

"Spock! Stop it! It's OK…well, 'no' seems to be the only word of your vocabulary, right? At least, 'NO' is a word which has the same sense for you and me…"

The Vulcan child was looking at the doctor's face with wide opened eyes. His breathing was as fast as his heart rate. In fact, he was so ashamed and so shocked by his last action toward the doctor. This action was violent and undignified…

In front of him, Leonard showed no sign of anger or mockery. On the contrary, he was smiling at him, uneasy. Then the doctor spoke in a soft and low voice.

"You know…You remind me my daughter Joanna…She was as stubborn as you. It's okay. What has happened will stay between us. And…We will give it a try. No diaper. But as soon as you feel the need to empty your bladder or …you know…You run to see me, you got it?"

Spock nodded his cheeks greener than usual.

A few minutes later, the proud Vulcan child was walking alongside the doctor, refusing to hold his hand while crossing the long corridors of the Enterprise. He was wearing a pair of blue overalls and a white sweater with a planet and its rings embroidered on it.

Spock had an impassive face, though a little pale. He knew that he could not dress and wash himself, due to a lack of coordination and an immaturity of his cerebral cortex. Nevertheless, understanding it does not mean accepting it. Spock was grateful for the doctor's care but felt humiliated at the same time. It was a so intimate task…

The Vulcan was so tired, both emotionally and physically. His pace slowed down. He eventually stumbled and fell face down. He sat up slowly, trying to hide the tears that had emerged at the corner of his dark eyes. His bottom lip was shaking a manner he could not control. After a few seconds, he burst into tears. Luckily, McCoy was the sole witness of his weakness. The doctor took him quickly in his arms and entered the nearest elevator.

Instead of reaching the bridge, Leonard decided to reach a place where his Vulcan friend could regain his composure, like in the privacy of his own quarters.

ooooo

"You will be fine, here."

Thank you so much, Doctor. Spock thought.

Spock nodded and left the protective arms of Dr. McCoy. The latter was right. He felt fine in the heat and the tranquility of his quarters. Spock sighed, once again grateful for the decision of the doctor. His steps led him to his meditation mat, in a corner of the room. He sat down, facing a red stone in the center of which an artificial flame was burning.

This time, it was McCoy who sighed. How did he forget that Vulcans need to meditate as much as they need to sleep, if not more!

Several minutes passed. Like Spock, the doctor had been silent and unmoving, using his medical skills to observe his friend. Spock's muscles were tense and his breathing was not as low as it should be in meditation state. Spock's jaw was also too tight…

Spock was still staring at the red stone, sobs echoed in his throat, sign that his mind and his body were not appeased. Eventually, he turned away from the red flame and searched for the blue eyes of McCoy, knowing that he was standing behind him. He sighed once again and looked at his little shoes.

Frustration, shame, anger…I had not felt such strong emotions for a long time…

"Spock? You are unable to meditate, that's it?"

"In…"

"Spock. I have to tell you something. Well, Jim has warned your parents and …they are on their way."

"Nooooo!" Sarek will see me in that state, when I have no control of my emotions and my body! Spock was breathing faster once again.

Leonard wanted to reassure him. He added quickly: "Sarek has canceled all his projects and he has set aside his obligations in order to join us. He will be a great help for you, a better help than Jim and I. Perhaps, using his telepathic skills he will be able to …"

Doctor McCoy was interrupted by the cry of terror of Spock.

"No!" Sarek will enter my mind…He will discover my disordered thoughts, my total lack of control, he will judge me! …He will be disappointed once again! I don't want this! Please, McCoy, don't let him do this!

Spock was crying loudly, incomprehensible words getting out of his mouth. He was so hopeless.

"Spock…Calm down…I understand that you fear the judgment of Sarek but he is your father…He will help you…and your mother will take care of you."

"No" Spock repeated, between two sobs.

She will wash me, dress me, she will feed me like a child? No, I refuse. It will be so humiliating.

"Of course, they won't be here for another week and a few days…It's possible that I find the cure in the meantime…" Leonard added, wanting to give hope to his friend. "Come on, boy! It's time to sleep…"

Spock felt so tired. He stood up, still unsteady on his feet, he followed Leonard in the other room and let him undress in order to go to bed.

"Don't worry, Spock, I will continue to take care of you."