AN: Thank you to all of those who reviewed it means a lot to me.
Chapter 9 – Changing Definitions
.
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 1:32 PM
Natalie rushed around her house getting things ready for Julie's return. Julie had been gone for the last five days having fun with her friends celebrating her graduation, Natalie had spent almost every minute of that time with Adrian. Last night they had stayed up late once again talking, cuddling and kissing on the couch. Natalie had woken up on Adrian's couch for the second morning in a row, but this time he was there with her. It was innocent they had simply fallen asleep while talking late, but Natalie loved waking up cuddled next to him. And although Natalie knew that she had laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning that she wanted to get done before her daughter came home, she seemed unable to say goodbye and stayed at his place until after lunch. So now, having just arrived home a half an hour ago Natalie rushed to put away the groceries and clean up a little before she heard the door start to open.
"Welcome home!" Natalie ran to the door immediately pulling Julie into a big hug, "how are you? How was your trip?"
"It was great, mom, but let me in the door." Natalie let go of her daughter, Julie took her travel bag off her shoulder and put it down by the bottom of the stairs. She put her purse on the coffee table turned to her mother and opened her arms. "Ok, let the hugging commence." Natalie grabbed Julie up in her arms again holding her tight. "What's that smell?"
"What?"
"It's you," Julie said leaning over and sniffing her mother's shirt, "you smell different."
"What do you mean I smell different?" Natalie asked, "since when do you smell me?"
"You're my mother," Julie rolled her eyes, "we live together, I know what you smell like normally, and this is not it. Where do I know that scent?"
Natalie blushed realizing that she probably smelled like Adrian. "How was your trip tell me all about it." Natalie changed the subject.
"It was great," Julie said, "I have pictures I can show you guys, "where is Mr. Monk?"
"At his place."
"That's weird he is always with you on a Wednesday," Julie said confused by the change.
"Not tonight sweetie it is just you and me." Natalie knew she was hiding what was going on with Adrian from her daughter but what would she say? She didn't even know what they were doing, never mind have an idea of how to explain it to her daughter, "now come on let's look at those pictures."
.
Sunday, June 20, 2010, 9:48 PM
Sunday night Adrian found himself at Natalie's. He was completely content to sit on the couch after dinner reading his book as Natalie laid with her head in his lap watching her runway show. He hated the show, but he loved sitting with her like this, occasionally running his fingers through her hair.
Adrian realized how much better he was with Natalie. She made him feel calm, and Adrian Monk never felt calm. When he was calm, it was easier for him to be better, to be the strong one at least some of the time, to take care of her. He still had problems, but in moments like this he didn't feel like he was broken anymore he was just him. Adrian had never thought he would feel this sense of contentedness again in his life and he realized that right now the simple act of sitting on the couch with Natalie running his fingers through her hair was his happiest moment in over a decade.
Natalie was barely watching her show at this point, Adrian's ministrations nearly putting her to sleep. She was delighted when he leaned over kissed her temple and whispered to her, "you want to go to bed? I can tape the rest of your show."
"No," she stretched and yawned, "it's almost over." He and Natalie had spent a lot of time together the past week but tonight, was their first night at Natalie's alone. Julie was going to a concert with her friend Erin and would be staying at her place for the night. This was the first time that they were able to be affectionate towards each other openly in Natalie's house. And although they hadn't spoken about it beforehand, and neither of them wanted it to end early. Natalie turned her face up to Adrian, "you know the guest room is all ready if you want to crash here."
"Thanks" Adrian joined their hands pulling her hand up to his lips he turned it over and kissed her palm, "I already changed the sheets."
"Good," Natalie snuggled in closer to Adrian happy to know that tonight he would be under the same roof as her.
Natalie fell asleep minutes later only to be woken back up with a kiss to the temple, "come on Natalie, time to go to bed." Natalie tiredly got up off the couch with Adrian's help and let her lead him up the stairs to her room. When she walked in, Adrian pulled back her comforter holding it open for her. Natalie practically fell into her bed and felt Adrian pulling the covers up over her tucking her in. "Goodnight, sweet dreams," Adrian leaned down and kissed her lips then her forehead.
"Goodnight," Natalie mumbled back already feeling the pull of sleep return. As Adrian got up and walked out of her room to go to bed in the guestroom, Natalie felt a wave of disappointment wash over her waking her back up. She wished he could stay with her and just hold her all night. She thought about their situation. There was no denying that she had romantic feelings for him, she liked kissing him, and wished they had spent the rest of the night like earlier when they were cuddled up on the couch. More importantly, Natalie knew she felt not only physically comfortable with him but emotionally took great comfort in his presence as well. But he was still Adrian Monk. He could still be infuriating, oblivious, and annoying. And although he had no problem touching her, he still couldn't touch anyone else. He wanted food on separate plates, he was afraid of so many things. But Natalie knew he was trying, and he was getting better. But, could she really spend her life with someone who had these problems? If it were anyone else this would be an easier decision to make because if it didn't work that would be fine. But Natalie knew that if she decided to be with Adrian Monk, it couldn't be just a fling it would be serious right from the start. Natalie knew she had to be entirely sure and she wasn't at least not yet. She knew that he really liked her, he might even love her someday. This last week, he had been so sweet, and attentive, he showered her with affection and praise. And unlike most men that she had dated his praise was not centered solely on her physical aspects, sure he sometimes told her she was beautiful, or cute, but he also told her that he loved how she was passionate and intelligent and caring, and a wonderful mother. And Natalie knew he wasn't lying to be nice. For Adrian Monk couldn't lie, he simply was who he was. Natalie's circuitous train of thought was interrupted an hour later by a soft knock at the door.
"Come in."
"I was wondering if you would be up," Adrian opened the door a crack, "it's midnight." their midnight phone calls turned into midnight visits when one of them stayed at the other's house.
Natalie scooted over making room at the edge of the bed for Adrian to sit down. After sitting next to her resting his back against the headboard, he leaned over and kissed her temple.
"Did you get any sleep at all?" Adrian asked as he settled in.
"Did you?"
"I will take that as a no." Adrian turned to face Natalie and cupped her cheek in his palm, "you need to get some sleep."
"I know," Natalie sighed, "just too many thoughts, I need new ones, want to distract me?"
"Do you want me to read to you?" Adrian asked moving his thumb up and down against the soft skin of her face.
"No," Natalie thought for a minute, "tell me a story, something about you, something I don't know already."
"Anything in particular?"
"Something nice," Natalie leaned over and snuggled into Adrian's side, "how about a story from your childhood?"
"There aren't a lot of nice stories there Natalie," Adrian whispered.
"I know there are some," Natalie kissed Adrian's pajama covered chest then looked up at his face, "can you tell me one?"
"Ok…" Adrian paused for a full minute trying to think of what he could tell her. "My mother taught me to cook breakfast."
"That's nice, how old were you."
"Seven," Adrian replied, "It was before my father left, she thought it would be nice if we made him breakfast for Father's Day. We got up early just the two of us, and she taught me how to make fried eggs with centered yokes and pancakes. She used a cookie cutter to make everything a perfect circle all the same size."
"What did Ambrose do?" Natalie asked.
"He didn't cook with us," Adrian dismissed, "I taught him to cook some things when I was a teenager before I went off to college."
"Why didn't he cook that morning with you and your mother, he is older than you." Natalie innocently wondered.
"He wasn't allowed out of his room then.
"What?" Natalie looked up at Adrian in shock.
"He dropped a mug, and it broke," Adrian said, "my mother locked him in his room for two months as a punishment."
"Oh god, Adrian, I am so sorry." Natalie immediately sat up and pulled Adrian into her hugging him close, "I am so sorry you grew up like that it wasn't fair." Natalie knew that Adrian had a lousy childhood but every time she heard any of the details she was still stunned. How could a parent treat a child that way? For long minutes she hugged Adrian.
"My mother loved us," Adrian said after a minute, "she just wasn't strong like you, she was like me."
"You are not like that Adrian," Natalie said looking into his eyes, "I know that you have anxiety like that and that you have many of your tendencies in common with her." Natalie gave Adrian an extra squeeze, "but your mother, it was worse than OCD Adrian. OCD doesn't make you treat someone you love, your child, that way. You would never treat anyone that way."
"You know I can be mean," Adrian admitted, "especially when I get to wrapped up in other things."
"Adrian," Natalie rubbed her hand up and down his arm comfortingly, "I watched you roll around on the ground playing with Tommy. Sure, you put him in a helmet, but you would have never locked him away or hurt him the way I know your parents hurt you. You are a good, sweet man Adrian, and I can't let you think that you are the same as them. You should have had parents that let you know every day that you were loved."
"Like you with Julie?" Adrian asked.
"I try with Julie," Natalie said, "I am not perfect, but I would do anything for her, just like I know you would."
"I think you are a pretty perfect mother," Adrian said looking at Natalie with wonder.
"You want to know the sad truth," Natalie snuggled further down in the bed resting her head on Adrian's chest once again, "I am scared that being a mother is all I am."
"That's not true."
"It is though," Natalie finally voiced thoughts she had been too scared to talk about for the last few months, "and next month Julie is going to college and then I will be nothing. I mean I am your assistant, but that is not really a big accomplishment, other than that I don't have anything. And who thinks these thoughts, I should just be happy for Julie, but instead I am sitting here worrying about myself, maybe I am a bad mother."
"You Natalie Teeger are an amazing mother, but it is not all you have. You are an amazing woman inside and out, and there is nothing that you couldn't do, and I promise you, you will never be all alone, I wouldn't let that happen." Adrian leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose then smirked, "you know I never give you any time to yourself."
Natalie laughed slightly feeling a little better. Natalie loved moments like this, Adrian had become the person in her life she didn't need to be strong for, she didn't need to put up a front, or hold it together, or smile and look happy, not for him, not for a long time. She had forgotten how good it felt to have someone in her life like that, she had dated many men over the last twelve years, but she had never felt this safe with anyone but Mitch.
"This was a pretty heavy conversation for what was supposed to be a nice story," Natalie said.
"Sorry," Adrian murmured and wrapped his arms back around Natalie, "how about you tell me a nice story then?" Natalie and Adrian continued to talk for the next hour before they both slowly drifted off into a blissful sleep.
The next morning Natalie found herself waking up cuddled next to Adrian, which had happened last week on his couch. But somehow, in her bed, it was different. She knew that they just accidentally fell asleep while talking, but she also knew it was the best night's sleep she had gotten in years. It felt like he belonged here in her bed and she belonged there in his arms. Glancing at the clock she realized she only had 20 minutes before the alarm would go off, so right or wrong, she nuzzled in deeper to Adrian's side and enjoyed this moment of peace.
.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010, 7:03 A.M.
Natalie was early getting to Adrian's place today, Monday morning after bringing Adrian to Dr. Bell's office they had separate plans the rest of the day. And then yesterday was her day off and although she usually still saw Adrian on days off this was the day that she and Julie had used the gift certificates to the spa.
When Natalie had realized Monday morning that she wouldn't see Adrian for almost two full days, she assumed that she would be happy to have her own space again. They had been spending nearly every waking minute together for the last week after all. But, Wednesday morning she found herself back at his door an hour early for work, eager to see him.
Natalie used her key to let herself in and was only a few steps into the apartment before Adrian greeted her with a kiss. For the past week, their kisses had been soft and sweet; this was different, he kissed her forcefully with passion this morning. Adrian moved his hands to her hips holding her tightly and pulling her body flush against his as the kiss continued. Natalie's senses were filled with this man and the way he touched her, practically devouring her and always trying to get her closer. She let herself get lost in this heated embrace for long minutes before oxygen became an issue and they finally pulled back slightly panting for breath.
"Sorry," Adrian said sheepishly, "I just really missed you the last two days."
"I missed you too," Natalie admitted before kissing him again. She had meant for this kiss to be soft and slow and had started it that way. But it was as if their bodies now knew what they were missing and the kiss quickly escalated becoming hungry once again. Natalie couldn't think for long minutes nothing existed but this man and his arms and hands and mouth the combination setting her on fire. When Adrian finally pulled back slightly again, Natalie realized her back was pushed against the door, and her front was pleasantly crushed by his. Natalie tried to say something to find words to tell him how much she enjoyed that but no words would come. Instead, she stood mute with only one thought going through her mind, Adrian Monk's tongue was in my mouth.
.
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010, 6:42 A.M.
Natalie woke up excited for the day. She quickly got ready for the day left a note for her daughter and was at Adrian's place half an hour early.
"Good morning" Natalie called as she let herself in the door. She found Adrian looking through the pictures for a case at the desk. Walking up next to him she immediately bent down as he looked up kissing him thoroughly.
"Definitely a good morning," Adrian murmured against her lips, "you seem happy."
"Jonathan is in town and Julie, and I are seeing him for lunch."
"I know, I remember," Adrian said grinning at her, glad to see her so happy.
"Well lunch isn't until one, so I'm here till a quarter of, and then I can come back here after but that probably won't be until at least three." Natalie started looking through the list of things to do for the business as she spoke, "I have some calls to make for some of our cases, and I need to go to the bank, I can work around your schedule though, do you want me to do that after breakfast or I could get it done after lunch?"
"how about you do calls and whatever from here this morning and then just go to the bank on your way back this afternoon."
"No problem," Natalie smiled still in a giddy mood, she tried to turn to go make them breakfast when Adrian tightened his grip on her hands and pulled her back over as he stood up. Standing close together Adrian finally released her hands only to wrap his arms around her waist pulling her into an embrace. He kissed her on the mouth before kissing her nose, "it seems like you're happy this morning too."
"It's because of you," Adrian kissed her cheek, "seeing you all cheery and adorable, just made me feel good."
Natalie kissed him quickly once more before pulling back, "I don't want you to think that I'm not enjoying myself here, but can we make breakfast, I'm starving."
"Of course," Adrian chuckled slightly pulled back further took her hand and led her into the kitchen. They worked together in the kitchen. The pair made breakfast together naturally helping each other and knowing what the other needed without a word needing to be spoken. Making breakfast together had been a fairly regular activity between them for a few months, it was comfortable and familiar, but over the last few weeks, there was an added dimension to their routine. They touched now, a hand on the small of her back, random kisses, a hand run down his bicep. Even now after Adrian was done slicing fruit he walked up behind Natalie who was working at the stove and, careful not to disrupt her work, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind hugging her back to his torso and linking his hands over her stomach. Adrian kissed her cheek before resting his head on her shoulder where it stayed for the next two minutes as she finished cooking. They ate their breakfast in the dining room reading the paper together and pleasantly chatting. Natalie loved their mornings together, they were peaceful and relaxing, and they didn't need to hide or pretend she could just be.
After breakfast was done, they cleaned together, and Adrian got changed to go run while Natalie sat at the desk getting work done. After returning from his run an hour later and getting re-showered and changed Natalie had finished her work and they got to spend a quiet hour on the couch snuggled up together reading. Although Natalie noticed she didn't get very far in her book, which was probably since they spent more time kissing each other than reading their own books. Natalie felt young again, she would kiss him innocently at first but then there was almost always a second kiss and a third, and often they would quickly find themselves lost in the moment and would spend long minutes making out on the couch like they were teenagers. They always stopped it before it went further than that, neither of them ready for anything else, but Natalie had forgotten how the simple act of kissing could be so enjoyable.
Just before noon, they were interrupted by the ringing of Natalie's phone. It was the captain calling them to a case in Hillsborough, the Captain said it was urgent, so Natalie and Monk hurried out the door. A few minutes into the drive Natalie remembered her lunch plans with Julie and Jonathan, looking at the clock she realized there was no way she would make it to that lunch in an hour. Natalie tried to not be upset she knew she would see her brother another day, he only lived a few hours away, but she was still disappointed. Natalie wanted to at least call them now and was kicking herself for not having thought of it before they got in the car. She knew, no matter how much better Adrian was, he wouldn't be okay with her using her cell phone while she was driving. When they got to the crime scene, there was nothing to see but parked cars at first. Then Natalie saw a group of people further away across a small field and near some trees. Knowing they were going to have to walk over there and not seeing a path Natalie heaved a sigh of frustration. Now on top of not having lunch with Jonathan and Julie, she was going to have to walk through that field with her heels and deal with Adrian who would undoubtedly be upset at that the murder had taken place around nature.
Sure enough, she could hear him grumbling under his breath as he got out of the car. "Don't even have the common decency to kill someone in a clean house."
"Hold on a minute," Natalie reached for Adrian's arm and stopped him from walking into the field yet, "I have to call my brother and let him know I can't make it to lunch."
"You don't have to cancel lunch," Adrian turned to face her, "we don't even know how long this will take."
"Well it's already 12:30 and the restaurants about twenty-five minutes away," Natalie was digging through her purse looking for her cell phone, "I doubt this will take less than five minutes."
"Well then you should go now and have lunch with them," Adrian suggested.
"What are you talking about?" Natalie asked Adrian confused, "we have a case."
"You can miss one," Adrian said as if it was obvious, "I'll be okay on my own for a day. And after lunch, you can meet me at my house."
"How will you get home from here?" Natalie didn't want to get her hopes up until all the logistics were worked out.
"I'm sure that Leland can give me a ride back to the station," Adrian thought, "in fact, you could just pick me up there after your lunch."
"Are you sure, you'll be okay?"
"Yes." Adrian said with certainty but after a moment's thought added, "but maybe you could leave me with an extra pack of wipes?"
"Of course!" Natalie smiled wide and instantly pulled her small travel package of wipes out of her purse leaned in and tucked them in his pocket. "thank you so much," Natalie said giddily, excited that she would get to see her brother after all, "this is so sweet of you."
Natalie leaned in again this time wrapping her arms around Adrian quickly hugging him goodbye, as she started to pull back from the hug she turned her head and gave him a kiss goodbye as well. It wasn't a long or passionate kiss, but it was definitely more than a friendly peck. A second later Natalie's eyes widened in shock when she realized what she had done. They had never really kissed out in the open in public, and this was not only public, it was next to a crime scene. Natalie looked over at the people on the other side of the field no one was looking at them. But the captain, or Mark or anyone could have seen them. Natalie didn't know what she was thinking of kissing Adrian like that. Honestly, she just hadn't been thinking, she had gotten used to kissing him goodbye.
Looking up at Adrian she saw the same shocked expression on his face that she knew must be on hers. "it's ok," he managed to say, "we will talk later."
"Okay…um…well, I'm going to go to lunch," Natalie stammered awkwardly, "you go catch the bad guy." Natalie backed up a few steps before she was willing to turn around to get back into her car. Making sure to not look back as she drove off.
Natalie surprised herself by kissing Adrian in public, but when she really thought about it, it had felt normal to do so. To kiss Adrian goodbye, kiss him hello, hold his hand, be close to him, And she knew then what doctor Bell had told Adrian weeks ago was right, they were already in a relationship, it didn't matter what they called it. Her feelings that had been conflicted and confused for weeks were suddenly so clear. No matter what was the smart thing to do Natalie knew it was too late, worries or not, Adrian was the man she wanted to be with.
Julie knew something was up as soon as she saw her mother. She seemed distracted, and one minute she was nervous but the next was just incredibly happy almost giddy. When Julie asked her mother, what was going on, she became evasive, and Julie knew better than to push. Jonathan watched the interaction between his niece and sister but didn't say a word about it. Natalie really wanted to talk to her daughter about the whole Adrian situation now that she knew what she wanted, but she knew Adrian had to be the first person she told. Natalie also knew she had to talk to Julie about it alone and not with her brother there. Natalie felt guilty she didn't get to see her brother often and finally they were having a nice lunch together, and all she wanted to do was rush back to Adrian and tell him how she was feeling. She did her best to focus on Julie and Jonathan, and an hour later they were finishing up lunch
"Well it's been great to see you," Julie said to her uncle, "but I have to go."
"Where are you going?" Natalie asked her daughter, "I'm meeting Emma and Taylor in 20 minutes we were going to hang out before we go to the bonfire tonight."
"Okay just make sure you keep your cell phone on."
"I will. Love you, Mom." Julie got up and hugged Natalie quickly before turning to her uncle, "bye Uncle Jonathan, it was great to see you." he stood, and they shared a big hug.
"You too, I'm going to miss you kid."
Julie waved as she walked away from the table then turned and immediately pulled out her phone to text her friends that she was on her way.
"I can't believe how old she's gotten," Jonathan remarked now that Julie was gone.
"Yeah," Natalie agreed, "not much longer until she goes to college."
"And yet you seem happy," Jonathan had a sly grin on his face and looked at his sister with a critical eye.
"So?" Natalie asked, "I'm a happy person."
"Yeah but you seem suspiciously happy," Jonathan clarified, "any news you want to share with me."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Natalie said demurely.
"Come on, Jonathan cajoled, "Julie noticed too, you've been off all lunch. I haven't seen you in 8 months, and you keep spacing out like you're lost in your own little dreamland.
"Oh, I am not."
"Yes, you are," Jonathan insisted, "you just did it again for a second. You get a little smile on your face, and you're clearly not here, so where is your brain going off to that's so nice, is there a man there?
"I plead the fifth," Natalie smirked her mind instantly going to her morning with Adrian.
"Come on you're not going to tell me?" Jonathan tried again, "I'm your brother."
"Listen," Natalie tried to appease her brother, "let me figure it out myself, and then I still have to tell Julie, but then I will make sure that I tell you."
"Fine," Jonathan relented, "but if you're not going to tell me now at least tell me this is he a good guy."
"The best."
Natalie and Jonathan stayed chatting at the table for another hour before Natalie got a call from the captain. He let her know that they were done at the crime scene and he was driving Adrian back to the station to interview a suspect. Natalie agreed to meet him there. Her entire drive over Natalie was nervous, she wanted desperately to talk to Adrian about what she was thinking, now that she finally knew what she wanted, she wanted it right now. But she knew that it would have to wait. First, they had a murderer to catch. It was hours later Natalie, and Adrian finally returned to his place.
"So, I have to talk to you about something important," Natalie said as soon as they walked into the living room. She was fidgeting with her hands and wouldn't make eye contact.
Adrian was instantly on alert, "Is everything okay with you? And Julie?"
"Yeah," Natalie took a breath and paused realizing that her behavior had scared him. At the same time, she was touched that his first thoughts were those of concern or for her and her daughter. "Everything's fine, sorry, I just was thinking today about everything, and I want to talk to you about us." Natalie took his hand and led him over to the couch sitting down, and she guided him to sit next to her.
"What about us?"
"Adrian, I don't want to do this like this anymore," Natalie blurted out suddenly.
"Oh," Adrian had this defeated, forlorn look on his face like someone had just killed his puppy, "well I told you in the beginning that we could do whatever you wanted, and if that's what you think, then we can go back to just being friends."
"No Adrian," Natalie clarified quickly, "that's not what I mean at all. I want more, not less I want to be with you for real, I want a relationship with you."
"Really?" Adrian looked up at her hope returning to his eyes than a boyish smile on his face, "you mean you want to go steady?"
"Sure," Natalie laughed at his innocent wording Adrian used. He could call it anything that he wanted as long as they were together.
The next thing Natalie knew Monks arms were around her pulling her closer, and his lips were on hers. Natalie felt her heart race, thumping madly in her chest as the kiss of this man made her dizzy. Natalie was sure for the first time in weeks that she was doing exactly the right thing. And Adrian felt a sense of joy and contentment flood his senses as he kissed the woman that was finally his girlfriend.
There was a lot they needed to talk about and many questions that needed answering, like where would they go from here? For right now none of those questions mattered, the only thing that mattered to Adrian and Natalie is that they were finally together, the way it should be.
