Chapter 9
"Dead Ends"
Morgan ambled into the kitchen rubbing her eyes. Seeing Bobby standing at the stove, she wrapped her arms around his leg. "So happy you didn't leave, Daddy."
Bobby grimaced slightly. With a sigh, he bent down and picked her up. Sitting her down on the counter, he met her eyes and tried to assure her again, "I'll always come back, Morgan. I promise you that. I could never leave you or Mommy."
"You made her cry." Morgan said putting her hands on her hips.
Bobby took a deep breath. With a nod, he explained, "I know, baby, and I didn't mean to. I never want to do it again." After a moment, he added, "It's something that happens sometimes when grown-ups fight."
Tilting her head, she thought a moment. Wrinkling her nose, she whispered, "Mommy let me eat Oreos for supper."
Smiling, Bobby replied, "Mommy told me. I don't think she's going to let you do that again, though."
"My new baby...is it a boy or a girl?" Morgan played with Bobby's wristwatch.
Bobby smiled. Taking his watch off, he handed it to her to play with. He tried to explain, "We don't know yet. It takes awhile for the baby to be ready to be born. We won't be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl for awhile still."
"Did the baby make you fight with Mommy?" She slipped his wristwatch on her arm and it slipped off, clattering to the floor.
Picking up his watch, he handed it back to Morgan. He wasn't worried about it. It was made to endure worse than a three year old. Meeting her eyes, he assured her, "No, Sweetheart. It wasn't about the baby."
"Well..." She said looking up at him.
Bobby smirked. He tried to explain, "It was complicated, Morgan. It wasn't just one thing."
"Was Mommy a bad girl?" She whispered. "Maybe she needs to sit in time-out."
Bobby shook his head and replied, "No, Mommy wasn't a bad girl. Your mother is a very brave girl."
"She gets the bad guys." Morgan said with a big grin. "I wanna be brave when I grow up. I wanna be a police occifer when I get big."
Bobby smiled and replied, "You can be anything you want to be, Morgan."
"Daddy, where'd you go? You were gone a long time." Morgan's eyes filled with tears.
Bobby took another deep breath. Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead and explained, "I took a long walk to the park and back."
"But why'd you go?" Her arms wrapped around his neck and hugged him.
Bobby rubbed her back and replied, "Because I was very upset. I needed to think and clear my head, Sweetie. Does that make sense?"
"I think so." She looked up at him. "Did you miss us?"
Bobby pulled away from her. Wiping the lone tear away with his thumb, he assured her, "I always miss you two when I'm not with you."
"Three," Morgan corrected with a crooked grin.
"Hey...there you two are." Alex said as she came into the kitchen.
Bobby smiled as he looked from Morgan to Alex. Seeing the necklace on her, he smiled a little more. Unable to resist, he walked over to where Alex was. Playing with the necklace, he leaned forward and kissed her. Pulling away, he asked, "I made some toast, if you want."
"I hope you made more than toast. I'm starving." She kissed him again and moved around him to help Morgan down. "We gotta get you dressed. Aunt Meg will be here to pick you up in a few minutes." Watching her skip out of the room, Alex smiled and turned to him. "Everything okay?"
Bobby shook his head. Brushing it off, he admitted, "Morgan had some questions. Alex, last night..."
Looking into his eyes, she whispered, "Last night is over and done, Bobby."
With a sigh, Bobby nodded. He was still feeling guilty, but he appreciated the sentiment as he whispered, "Okay."
"Besides, you know what?" She moved to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
Smiling down at her, he asked, "What?"
"Making up would have been fun." She winked at him. "Guess we'll have to try again tonight."
Bobby smirked. He agreed, "Yeah, we will." He then added, "You need to...we're going to be late if you don't get Morgan dressed soon. I'll, uh, have breakfast ready in a minute."
"Fine...fine...fine." She pretended to pout. "I'll get her ready."
Bobby watched, amused, as Alex left the room. With a sigh, he turned back to the stove and breakfast.
LOCI
Alex was in front of her computer screen when he returned with lunch. He'd gotten her a grilled chicken sandwich which she happily started to bite into as he unwrapped his hot dog. She wrinkled her nose. "Must you eat that by me?"
Confused, he looked from his hotdog to Alex and back again. Then the problem with the hotdog clicked in his brain. He pointed to his desk and offered, "I'll, uh, eat it over there."
Before Alex could reply, she put her hand over her mouth and ran for the bathroom.
Deakins poked his head out. "Bobby, is she okay?"
Focusing on Deakins, instead of the guilty feeling creeping over him, he moved to his desk and assured Deakins, "Yeah. She's, uh, fine. She'll be fine."
"Hey, are you two getting any closer to closing that Richards case?" He walked over to Bobby's desk.
Pulling out the file, he admitted, "We're still waiting for some lab results. It should, uh, clear up the witness inconsistencies."
"Keep me posted." He looked at her with concern as she returned to her desk. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." Alex assured him. She waved the folder in her hand. "Got this on my way back." She handed it to Bobby. "Looks like you were right."
Bobby took the folder from her. Looking over it, he nodded and replied, "We need to talk to Fisk's sister, Denise, again."
Looking over at him, she said softly, "But first I want to finish my lunch."
Deakins smiled and walked away.
Smiling sheepishly, Bobby replied, "Yeah. I'm sorry about the hotdog."
"It's just part of being pregnant." She said distractedly, as she scanned her computer screen.
Bobby sighed and let it go. Watching her, he knew she was looking up anything to connect Ricky to any past abuse cases in the state of New York. He was beginning to wonder why he was even bothering to look for Ricky. But all it took were some of the few good memories of his childhood, mostly with Ricky, to remind himself. He just couldn't bring himself to give up on his brother or walk away. Aside from Alex, Morgan, the baby on the way, and his mother, Ricky was all the family he had left. He finally asked, "Anything?"
"Maybe. Do you know anybody named Claira Dunley?" Alex stepped over to the printer.
With a shrug, he answered, "Uh, no, but with Ricky...who knows. Why?"
"Battery charges were filed on a Richard Goren two weeks ago. He hasn't been arrested." Alex handed him the report.
Bobby's eyes grew dark as he stared at the report. He put it down and rhetorically asked, "Why the hell do I bother?" Taking a deep breath, he added, "Still doesn't explain where he's been for the last few months."
"Bobby, it's a start." Alex tried to reassure him. Leaning across her desk, she met his eyes. "Right?"
With a sigh, he agreed, "Yeah."
Alex frowned. Knowing there wasn't anything she could really do to reassure him, she went back to looking for Ricky.
He knew that they both couldn't trek off to Albany, and he knew she wasn't going to like it, but it had to be suggested, "I, uh, should go up there and talk to her. See if she has any idea where he went." Meeting her eyes, he added, "He was in the state when I started looking."
She didn't hide her disappointment. She knew he was trying to keep her as far away from Ricky as he could. "Bobby..."
Bobby quickly tried to explain, "We both can't take off for a whole day, Eames. Deakins won't let us do that."
"Fine. I'll interview Denise again." She said relenting, not wanting to fight anymore.
Bobby sighed again. He hated it when she was so dismissive. He hated it when she was irritated with him, and he was having a hard time trying to make her understand that this wasn't about protecting her this time, it was practicality. He started to speak again. "Eames..."
"Look, Bobby...It's okay. Really. I just want you to know that I can help when you need me. All you've got to do is ask." She met his eyes. "Really."
With a nod, he assured her, "I know. And it means a lot to me."
"You going to go now?" She asked as she tilted her head to the side.
Bobby nodded. He admitted, "I was thinking about it. Are you going to go see Denise now?"
"Yeah." She wrapped the remainder of her sandwich and stood. Grabbing her jacket, she looked over at him. "Walk me out?"
Grabbing his things, he stood too. Walking with her, he replied, "We can...compare notes tonight."
Walking ahead of him, she hoped he couldn't see just how exhausted she was feeling. Putting on a brave front she said, "Yeah, tonight. We promised Morgan we'd take her to the park."
Bobby nodded. He assured her, "I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll, uh, try to meet you there." He scrutinized her as they got into the elevator. He was suspicious of how suddenly she seemed to be feeling better. He suspected she wasn't back to normal, but he wasn't sure how to bring up the subject or if he even should. He finally gave in to his impulse, "How are you really feeling?"
She frowned. "Don't analyze me, Bobby. I'm not the criminal. I'm okay. Not 100 percent, but I'll manage. I won't do anything to hurt the baby. You know me better than that."
Bobby looked at the door again. He tried to assure her, "I know you won't put you or the baby at risk, Alex. I never thought you would. I'm just worried about you."
She moved closer to him and allowed him to rest his hand on her hip. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. It must be hormones." She smirked. She went on, "I know you worry, babe. And that's okay."
Bobby nodded a little. He replied, "Good, because that's never going to change. I'm always going to worry about you."
The door slid open, and they stepped out in to the lobby. As they stepped onto the street, she looked over at him. "And don't think you're getting in that car and driving away without kissing me." She said low enough for only him to hear.
Bobby smiled. He leaned down and kissed her. He told her, "I promise I'll be back as soon as possible."
"Just be careful." She said as they parted ways and went their separate ways. Picking up her cell phone, she dialed his number. When he picked up, she said softly, "I love you."
Smiling even more, he unlocked the car and replied, "I love you, too."
LOCI
Bobby was exhausted and emotionally empty when he arrived at the park. He needed to see his girls more than anything. Walking towards Alex's usual bench, he caught her eye. Giving her a small smile, he leaned down and kissed her before greeting her, "Hey."
Alex glanced from him to Morgan. "Hey. We brought a picnic supper." She took his hand and pulled him down beside her. Leaning into him, she sighed. "How'd it go?"
Watching Morgan, his voice was even as he replied, "Why do I care, Alex? Why am I bothering to find a man who would do the things that Ricky's done?"
"Because he's family and you're a man that forgives no matter how much he's been hurt." Alex couldn't look at him as tears came to her eyes. Thinking of everything that Bobby had faced in his life, she buried her head in his chest. "You deserve so much more than what the world has given you."
He played with her hair, again. He loved the way it felt. Continuing to watch Morgan, who had apparently not noticed him yet, he replied, "I'm not sure about that sometimes. Don't we all usually get what we ultimately deserve?"
Alex sighed into his chest. "What is it that you think you deserve?" Pulling back, she went on. "Tell me, Bobby...what do you deserve?"
Meeting her eyes, he admitted, "I don't know, Alex. All I know is that I'm afraid I don't deserve you, Morgan, or this baby."
"How can you say that to me?" She let the tears spill down her cheeks. "After everything we've been through..."
Before Bobby had a chance to answer her, Morgan popped her head up behind the bench and yelled, "BOO!" She looked from Alex to Bobby and put her hands on her hips, "Daddy, you said you weren't gonna make her cry no more."
Bobby closed his eyes. He pulled Morgan onto his lap and tried to make her understand, "I know I did and I didn't mean to now." Meeting Alex's eyes, he reached out for her, wiped away one of her tears, and replied, "I'm sorry. It's not you, Alex. I just...It hasn't been an easy day."
She wiped the tears away hastily and tried to lighten the mood. "Why don't we dig into that supper we brought?" She picked up the basket and blanket at her feet.
Bobby nodded and let the squirming Morgan off his lap. Joining them on the blanket, he asked, "How did it go with, Denise?"
Alex shook her head and sighed. "I was asked to leave. I guess I took a little frustration out...on her, and wasn't getting anywhere." Alex began opening the containers of chicken salad while Morgan got the bread.
Bobby nodded. "She's his sister, so that's not surprising. It means she does probably know where he is. We could see if we can get LUDs and see who's calling her..." He really wanted to find Jeremy.
Alex nodded. "Done. They should be on our desks by morning."
Bobby smiled. He should have known Alex had it covered. "I guess I know how we'll be spending most of our morning." He took a sandwich from Morgan.
"I hope you like it, Daddy." Morgan said as she licked her fingers. "Me and Mommy maked it ourselves."
Alex smiled over her head. "She helped stir it up."
Bobby nodded. "Then I'm sure it's excellent." Taking a bite, he let out a loud, "HMMMMM" Looking at Morgan, he replied, "You did a very good job."
Morgan smiled and handed her mother a sandwich too, saying, "Here you go, Mommy."
They enjoyed a quiet meal together. As Alex started cleaning up, Morgan ran off to play again. "Bobby, the LUDs won't take that long...What's the next step?"
Bobby thought it over a moment, "Depends on what we find. If we get a new or interesting number, we can track it down. If we don't...we're back to square one."
Her mind wasn't really on the Fisk case at the moment, Ricky was. Just how much of their lives was he going to consume? And how many times would they have to split up with her following leads on active cases and Bobby going after his brother alone. As she threw away their garbage, she mumbled, "Square one...".
Attuned to her mood, he could tell something was eating at her. He finally ventured, "This thing with Ricky is getting to you..."
"It's not," she tried to cover it up.
Bobby refused to let it go. He insisted, "Yes, it is. I can see it. You all but admitted it. This is why I didn't say anything. I didn't want you to have to deal with it."
"Keeping it from me wasn't working either." She laid her hand on his arm. "I'm just...tired."
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he sighed. With a nod, he replied, "I know. I'm sorry. I hate what this thing with Ricky is doing to us."
"I refuse to give it any power over us." Alex could feel his lips resting against her forehead.
With a nod, he agreed, "Me too. We should...head home."
LOCI
"Bobby, can you come here a minute?" Alex called from the bathroom. She was giving Morgan her bath. Turning to Morgan who was giggling, she whispered, "Shhh! I'm going to surprise him."
Walking to the bathroom, he asked, "Do you need something?"
Alex was smiling when he walked in. "I need your help." She was kneeling by the tub with her hand behind her back.
Arching his eyebrows, Bobby walked further in and replied, "What do you need?"
It took all she had to keep from laughing. "Ready Morgan?" Alex asked and they both aimed water guns at him and squirted him.
"I got you, Daddy!" Morgan squealed.
Stunned, Bobby started laughing. Wet, he eyed Alex with a hint of amusement. Semi-sarcastically, he replied, "Thank you."
With a wink, she replied, "You looked like you needed a distraction. You're thinking too hard. Come and play with us."
Morgan squealed again and disappeared under the water and bubbles.
Bobby smirked. Getting down on the floor with Alex, he playfully warned, "You realize I will be getting you back for this."
"I think I can handle you." She took bubbles from the tub and rubbed them on his nose.
Morgan's head emerged from the water with bubbles all over it. "Look at me...I'm a fish."
Bobby smiled. Taking a dollop of bubbles from Morgan's head, he placed them on Alex's head. Turning to Morgan, he announced, "Now your mother is a fish, too."
"I can't believe you just did that." Alex splashed Morgan and Bobby.
Bobby smiled as he continued to get soaked. Feeling some of the ugliness from the day slip away, he knew that this was the only place he could ever feel peace; home with Alex and their children. He joined in on the splashing.
After a few minutes, Alex stopped laughing. With a smile on her face, Alex teased, "Okay, now who is going to clean up this mess?"
Morgan piped up, "I didn't do it."
Bobby shrugged and suggested, "Don't worry about cleaning up. I'll get it."
"We ambushed you." Alex nudged him and wiped bubbles from his cheek. "I'll clean it up after I get her ready for bed." Looking at Morgan, "Okay, my lil' fish, time to get out of the tub."
"But Mommy...I'm swimming." Morgan protested.
"Morgan Ava Goren..." Alex gave her a serious face and broke into another fit of laughter as Morgan gave her a funny fish face.
Bobby laughed as Alex fished Morgan out of the water. As they disappeared down the hall, he ignored Alex's comment. He proceeded to clean up the water-soaked bathroom.
Returning a few minutes later, Alex watched him for a few seconds before speaking. "I can get that." She reached for the towel in his hand, the wear and tear of the day clearly etched on her face.
Bobby turned to face her, "No, it's okay. You're exhausted. Go ahead and lay down. I really do have this."
Laying her hand on his cheek, she whispered, "Thank you."
Giving her a half smile, he leaned forward and kissed her softly. Pulling away, he assured her, "I'm almost done. I'll be there in a minute."
"Not going to work half the night?" She teased as she walked out the door.
Smiling fully, he went back to work. It took another ten minutes to get it completely clean again. Getting up, he quietly made his way to the bedroom. Noticing her closed eyes, he silently changed clothes and slipped into bed with her.
LOCI
Alex woke with a start, early in the morning. She left a still-sleeping Bobby in bed as she made her way to the kitchen. Turing on the coffee pot out of habit, she sat down at the kitchen table. She grabbed her library book off the counter and started reading, distracting her mind from the visions that woke her.
Missing Alex's presence next to him, Bobby woke to the smell of brewing coffee. Walking into the kitchen, he teased, "Making me coffee?"
She mumbled something incoherent and kept reading her book.
Eyeing her carefully, he realized something was wrong. Pleasure reading first thing in the morning meant she couldn't sleep. Something was bothering her. Walking around the table to face her, he replied, "Alex." When she looked up, he continued, "What's wrong?"
"Bad dream." She marked her place in her book and sat it down.
Bobby closed his eyes. Concerned, he wanted to ask about her dream so he could comfort her, but after her reactions of the last couple of days, he was unsure of how to approach her. All he needed was to have Morgan walk in to see her mother crying again. He decided to tread lightly, "Anything you want to talk about?"
