Two weeks later, one night when Charlotte entered the potions class room, Severus was grading papers again, so she came in quietly, and closed the door after her. She walked over to place her things on the desk as usual, and got ready to begin.
"Miss Weasley" He said, and she turned around to look at him. He had a frown on his face, and he appeared to be wondering about something. "I have noticed that you no longer look me in the eyes when we speak – is there a reason for that?" he asked. She stopped what she had been doing, uncertain of what to do – she couldn't tell him of her feelings, it would be too devastating to hear him say with words that he did not want her.
"Oh, um – " Lie! Do something! – Her mind screamed at her. But she was numb, as though she had been frozen in place.
"Miss Weasley, I want the truth" he said, and tried to look her in the eyes. But she kept her eyes down – god, she felt like such a teenager. It wouldn't be so difficult to tell him of her feelings, but she couldn't handle his rejection, that he would just laugh her in the face, telling her he would never want anyone like her, not to mention she was a Weasley – her brother was best friends with the boy he hated most in the world.
Before she knew it, he was standing in front of her. Her heart began to race, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. He was standing so close to her, she could feel the air from his breathing. She felt his hand on her jaw – this didn't exactly help the breathing. He gently pulled her face up, and looked her in the eyes. Immediately, she felt her mind being invaded – she knew of Occlumency, but never thought it would be prudent for her to learn it. She thought wrong. Instantly, images of past events flashed before her eyes, and she knew he saw them too. Images of dreams she'd had where she had kissed him and where he had kissed her back flashed past, the image of when she had returned Christmas day, the warm feeling around her heart, as he had said her name, the dance they had shared, the fleeting looks during the second task – everything. Her feelings, the beating of her heart, how her breath stopped when he was close to her – he saw it. He pulled out of her mind, looking horrified. She averted her eyes from him, not wanting to see how her feeling revolted him. She should probably feel offended that he had entered her mind, but she didn't. Instead she just felt like running away, and never returning.
"Why me?" He asked sounding puzzled as to how anyone could love him.
She cradled herself in her arms, still not looking at him. She didn't know how to answer him.
"I don't know" She answered. She wished she was like her brothers now – they would have been brave enough to face it. But she wasn't brave; she'd rather cower than feel his rejection hit her like a thousand stones. He didn't speak, and she noticed he stood as still as she did. She knew she couldn't make a potion; she was shaky all over her body, and just wanted to leave. "So, um I'll just leave" she muttered, turned around to gather her things, and stormed out of the class room, tears threatening to spill.
Back in the class room, Severus still couldn't grasp the idea of why a pretty young witch like her, of how a pretty young witch like her, could possibly fall in love with the bat of the dungeons, why she could possibly fall in love with him. He hadn't expected to see what he saw; he'd expected to see her talking with her brother, and Potter about him being a death eater – he knew what those two suspected him of, and though they were right, he didn't want them to cloud her vision of him.
Perhaps that would have been better, that the reason she hadn't looked him in the eyes, were because she was scared of him being a death eater, and not because she was in – in – Oh, Merlin.
He let out a frustrated yell, and kicked the desk she had been standing at.
How could he have been so blind – and here he thought she had feared him, been terrified of him.
Did she expect him to have the same feelings? Of course she did – every young woman hope a man will love her back, especially when the young woman, is one such as beautiful as she.
But did he have the same feelings? No, of course he didn't – well, she was intelligent, smart, and creative with potions, she wasn't a dunderhead like most, and she certainly was fascinating.
She was beautiful – oh, yes, he had noticed the curves of her body, her fair skin, her deep red curly hair that sometimes seemed to be everywhere – especially when she was standing over the cauldron and her hair fell down over her face only to look so in thought, he sometimes wondered if she was in a world of her own.
Her bright blue eyes, that brightened up whenever – oh, Merlin, why hadn't he realized?
But it was Lily he loved – he wouldn't betray Lily, no matter how soft those red lips looked, no matter how soft her skin had felt at the Yule ball.
Oh, this was not good. He couldn't be – no. He wouldn't fall in love with her, or anybody else.
He graded the last few papers, trying not to give every student a 'T' from his foul mood, and went to bed afterward, hoping he could keep his promise to himself.
Charlotte lay in bed later that night, thinking of everything that had happened. She longed for the apprenticeship to be over, so she could get home, and resume her normal life, without needing to hide her feelings.
She tried to fall asleep, but she couldn't. Instead she thrashed around in bed, wide awake, trying every possible sleeping position she knew. She even tried sleeping in the other end of the bed, but it didn't work. She couldn't stop thinking about him, about his reaction to her feelings.
She eventually fell asleep, at two in the morning.
But when she woke up the next morning, it hadn't been a pleasurable night. She felt like she hadn't had any sleep at all, and was very exhausted.
When she met up at the class room the following evening, she didn't say anything as she entered the class room. She just set it all up, and began making the potion.
When she had finished – both cleaning and putting the potion in the phial, she left without another word, as she feared her voice would betray her. Of course she was acting silly, but she wouldn't want to appear weak in front of him.
This went on for several weeks. She would come in, and begin the potion, and when she was done, she would live without a word. It was working for her. She tried as much to hide her feelings, trying to make it less awkward than it already was.
She could sense it, the air was so tense whenever they were in the same room, she could have cut through it with a knife, serving it on a platter, and it would still be there.
Even the twins had noticed it. They would often comment on it with remarks like "What did you do? Try to give him advice on shampooing?" or "Did he try to drown you in a potion?" Sometimes, she wished the reason was mutual hatred – hatred, she could deal with. But love – love was quite another thing.
Sure, she had experienced love before, but never with a man 11 years her senior, not a man who had been her professor, and now her teacher again.
Love was a many complicated thing.
During the next few weeks, Charlotte avoided him whenever she could – in the class room, she merely stayed silent, and whenever he would correct her on something, she would just nod, and do whatever he said.
Yes, she was acting silly, but if she could keep it like this, then at least she would have a chance to regain her normal life when the apprenticeship was over.
It did sort of work, as Severus seemed to be avoiding her as well – it was clear he hadn't expected her to be reacting the way she did – she didn't expect her to react the way she had.
On the evening before the Easter holiday, she had been meeting with Kyle – her friend who was living in Australia, but returned to England for the holiday, and they had had a few drinks at the three broomsticks.
It had been a long time since she last had been out drinking, and thinking she wouldn't even be tipsy after the 3rd drink, she and Kyle decided to drink a little more.
When she then noticed time, she walked back up to the castle, found her books and kettle after fumbling around and eventually also made her way down into the Class room.
Disclaimer - J.K Rowling owns the Potterverse - i am merely playing around with it.
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