Dear Mom,
Life and stars are a lot alike. They're all intertwined, connected. Parts of each cross each other time after time; bending and twisting to come together and form something quite extraordinary.
Yet what forms something so extraordinary is also faulted. Everything has a cost, and the cost of such beautifully intertwined things is great. When so many things cross they tend to become affected. The midnight sky forever changed by one star. Lives changed eternally from two paths crossing.
See, here's the thing. Some of those crossings are inevitable. No entity is great enough to move the stars, to stop them from forming. And you being my mother- no one could change that even if they wanted to. Our paths cross no matter what exponents you insert into the equation. My battle against myself was going to affect you no matter what.
Yet, there are other crossings that we choose to make. The universe allows us to connect the stars and form constellations. We allow ourselves to not just walk beside someone, but to walk with someone.
The universe allowed me to meet Augustus, but it was the two of us who decided to allow our paths to cross.
And because of that the stars were forever changed. We made a new constellation- a twisting, bending, faulted work of art. A mix of scars and tears and pain, yet a concoction of love and passion and infiniteness.
I love Augustus.
And while our stars have moved on to a different realm, I recognize the fact that light from our stars is still traveling to you. The light from our sun is already eight minutes old when it reaches us, but I have a feeling that our light will still be reaching earth for a long time to come.
And because of that, I want you to know that I'm okay. For the longest time I thought that my war against the things I was composed of would end in oblivion. You were born, you grew old, and you died. That was it. You died, and eventually everyone who knew you died, and you would sink into the void of everyone who has ever lived and died.
But Augustus, he was so optimistic. He believed in Somewhere with a capitol S. He didn't think we could visit the dead like ghosts or anything, but he believed we have souls, and that something became of those souls.
And while he believed in a future past death, he still feared oblivion. Unlike me, he viewed oblivion as something different from death. Oblivion wasn't death itself; it was what remained when you were gone. He wanted to be remembered. Oblivion was the moment when he was forgotten- when all of his scars faded away.
We were different like that. Augustus's first prognosis was eighty five percent curable. It was easy to remain optimistic in the possibility of a life after this one. But my last chapter was written the day my prognosis was revealed. How could I remain faithful to a universe that had chosen to kill me so young?
But things changed for both of us when our paths crossed. Augustus became sick again, and because he knew he would die, it would have been easy for him to loose faith like I had. But things were different for both of us this time. We had each other.
We were young, and we were sick, but we were also in love.
Augustus changed me. He convinced me of a world greater than the one we used to occupy. A world where paths crossed, but only good things came of it. Where constellations filled the night sky, but not a single of them had a fault. Where the fault in our stars was only a memory of a different world.
We were both dying; nothing had changed for me from that perspective. But I had a new hope. Augustus and my love would not end. I was sure the day that he died that I would join him again. Things as beautiful and pure as our love can't just end- I couldn't allow myself to believe that.
The universe is a rather deceptive creature. Like a setting sun to new eyes, she allows us to believe that darkness will swallow us whole, that there is nothing beyond our last breath. She never hinted that the sun would rise again in the morning.
Who knows how different the world you live in would be if we all had the assuredness of Augustus. The absolute conviction of a world beyond our own.
Until the day you die you don't know the infinity just beyond the horizon.
But I want you to know that it exists, and that here we are all whole again. I have been given an entirely new infinity, one unbound by evolution, one to enjoy with Augustus. I know that you'll grieve, because I know that the light of our constellation is still reaching you, but I need you to know that I'm okay.
Forever has embraced me with open arms.
And just like that, our stars are faultless.
Love,
Hazel Grace Lancaster
A/N That's the end, and I would love if you would review. You've read it this far, so please just drop a review and let me know what you thought. Don't be a silent reader :) Thanks for reading, love y'all!
dftba- Ella
