Hello, hello. I am soooo sorry that I haven't updated in a while. This is kind of rushed and last minute, but I wanted to get something up before I got out of school. The updates should be coming sooner now, however. Drop me a review, a follow, whatever. Let me know what you think.

I quit watching Glee. I made an effort to find ways to watch it since I had the night class on Tuesday that interfered with it; however, I have gotten to the point that I am not watching it. It got too stupid. If you guys still like it then that's fine. It's just not my cup of tea anymore. :)

Hope you enjoy!


"Honey, how was the trip?" Sam looked up from the meatloaf in front of him and stabbed his fork into the meat before looking up at his mother with defeat. "Oh. That bad?" He nodded before mumbling under his breath and stabbing the contents on his plate several more times for good measure. "What happened?"

"Mom," Sam whined, "do we have to talk about this now?" The older woman arched an eyebrow at her teenage boy's antics and simply rolled her eyes, earning a chuckle from her husband. "The trip was good. I just needed to come home early. I told you guys." As though to prove a point he put a mouthful of food into his mouth and began to chew slowly. "This is good, Ma," Sam managed to mumble in between bites of food. "I'll tell you what, New York doesn't have anything on a home cooked meal."

"Well, Sam, your mother was the best cook in the entire state of Tennessee. I've told you that many times, boy," his dad recalled while patting his wife's hand lovingly. Sam let out a small breath of air and looked at his parents in awe. They had been through a lot together as a family. Sam's dad had been laid off from his job and his mother had simply continued to work, taking on double and triple shifts at the local hospital until his dad had found a stable job. With all of their hardships they had come out more in love than Sam had ever seen them.

He really just wanted to find a love like the one that his parents shared. That was his one goal in life. He could do without fame and fortune. He just wanted love at some point in his life. Maybe a daughter to hold, too, while he was at it. "Sam? Hello? Samuel Evans!" Sam's eyes shot open to look at his mother who had concern written all over her face.

"I'm alright, Ma. I was just daydreaming. I'm tired though. The trip killed me. You guys mind if I call it a night?"

"I suppose not," Sam's father replied with a grin. "See you in the morning, Sam." Sam nodded and then picked up his plate. He stumbled into his kitchen and set the items into the sink and told himself that he would wash his dishes the next day. He was just so tired. He couldn't even hold his eyes open. He glanced at the wall clock and sighed. It was only a little after seven, but screw it, he thought to himself. He had endured the lame train ride back to Lima and he deserved a good night of sleep.

He pulled his iPhone (one of the few things he had let himself buy with his saved money) and sighed. Three missed calls from Blaine. One missed call from Rachel. Seven text messages from Blaine. Five text messages from Rachel. Without a second thought he deleted the text messages without reading them. He was tired. He didn't want to talk to Blaine about feelings. He didn't want to talk to Rachel about how bad she felt. For once he wanted to be selfish and just care about himself and his own feelings. While a part of him did feel bad that he was putting himself ahead of everyone else, a small part of him felt like he deserved the break.

Upon entering his bedroom, he pulled his shirt overhead and tossed it across the room and then pulled his gym shorts off.

He plopped down on the bed and closed his eyes. Then sleep came.


He had promised Rachel that he would talk to her and Skype her during the rest of their break; however, he hadn't really held up his end of the bargain. He had gone almost two days without speaking to the girl, but in his defense she hadn't exactly tried to contact him.

He was currently walking to the Lima Cemetery, one goal in mind. He had told Rachel that he had things to do back home, hence the reasoning behind his leaving. Truth be told, he needed to talk to Finn. Rachel wouldn't understand. Blaine probably wouldn't either.

As the gravel crunched beneath his feet he thought about the time that Finn had scoped him out for glee club. It was funny, in a way that Finn had been the reason that he joined in the first place. Then he ended up dating Quinn while Finn and Rachel almost got married. It was all just crazy. He couldn't understand why everything in his life had happened. Why did his dad get laid off? Why did he have to become a male stripper? Why did Quinn get hit by a car in high school? Why did Finn die?

Why was he in love with Rachel Berry?

"Hey, bro," Sam mumbled awkwardly to the grave before him. "I know that you were like, this leader, but I kind of hate you. I hate that you let this happen to you," Sam yelled at the emptiness around him. "I hate that Rachel can't let you go. I hate so many things. I feel bad that I love her. I mean it isn't cool to mack on the girlfriend of a dead guy, you know?"

The winds swept through, brushing Sam's hair back. He chuckled before running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what I'm doing, man. I think that Mr. Schue is handing the reigns over to me for this year's regionals. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. That was your job. You were our captain. You made us special."

"He would really appreciate that," a voice whispered from behind him. Sam, frozen in fear, gulped audibly. Who the heck was there? His first instinct was that a ghost was haunting him. With that revelation he turned around to scope out the possible ghost babe.

"Mrs. Hummel," Sam stuttered. How long had she been there?

"I think that if Mr. Schuester thinks you are capable of being the captain of the glee club then you are. Finn would be so very proud of you all." Sam smiled, noticing the errant tear marks that were left over on Carole's face. "I heard what you said about Rachel, too." Sam panicked. Was Finn's mom going to rip him a new one? "I think it's wonderful that she has someone who cares about her. I'm sure that makes Finn rest a little easier. He sure loved that girl."

"Me too," Sam whispered. "I don't want to though," he quickly added. "We all knew it was going to be Finn and Rachel until the end. I've gotten to know her because of everything that's happened this past year and I just don't know how to be the bigger man. Finn would have let Rachel go if she loved someone else. He was a good guy like that, but I just can't bring myself to do it." He watched with blurred vision as Carole Hudson-Hummel stepped over to his side before wrapping her arms around him.

"Finn let Rachel go, Sam," she whispered before pulling away. "He isn't here. While I don't know if you and Rachel would ever make it in the real world, I know that Finn wouldn't care for you taking care of her. His world revolved around her. I know that even now, in death, my son only wants that girl to be loved and taken care of."

"He was selfless like that," Sam muttered before wiping a stray tear from his eye. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Hummel," Sam whimpered before throwing himself into her arms.


Sam lowered his head while flipping through the various pamphlets he had scattered across his desk. He wasn't very smart, he knew that much, but he also knew that he had heart. He had determination. He was going to work his ass off to ensure that he did it.

He was going to go to college. He was going to pay Finn back in the only way that he knew how. He was going to finish what his former friend had started.

"Sam," his mother called from down the hall. He tapped the pause button for the music that was playing in the background and bounded down the hallway to answer his mother's call.

"Yeah, ma?"

"Blaine is here for you. He seems worried about you." Sam opened his mouth, unsure of how to explain to his mother that his last meeting with Blaine and the New York crew hadn't exactly been pleasant. He mentally added talking to his mother to the list of things he needed to do. He patted his mother on the back before heading to the front door.

"Hey," he awkwardly greeted upon seeing the dark-haired boy. Blaine's curly hair was, oddly, without gel and looked pretty cool to Sam. He watched as the bushy eyebrows of his best friend shot up. Sam could tell he was mad. Blaine's nostrils were flaring and his index finger was poking Sam in the chest.

"Hey? That's all you have to say?" Sam looked around the house, surveying the area. Blaine was being ridiculously loud and he didn't want his mother to overhear. "Wait, where are you going?" Blaine shouted upon realizing that Sam was walking away. He followed Sam until they were locked away in the safety of his room.

"Yeah, that's all I have to say," Sam easily replied before sitting down in the desk chair. Blaine looked on in confusion at the pamphlets for the University of Memphis and the University of Tennessee-Chattanooga.

"What is going on, Sam? You left us all in New York and then fell off the face of the Earth. I mean, I even called Artie and asked him to check on you. He was still on vacation though." Sam grunted so that Blaine would be aware that he was listening; however, the blond hadn't looked up from his desk once. "What are you doing? What is so important that you can't talk to me right now?"

"School, man," Sam replied while looking up from his desk. "I haven't applied anywhere yet. I think that I kind of need to start living my life and not just..floating on. I'm not going to be worth anything if I just stay in Lima."

"So what?" Blaine questioned. "Are you not coming to New York with us? What happened to that plan? I thought you wanted to model. We had everything figured out!" Sam scoffed while looking intently at Blaine.

"Seriously? This isn't a TV show. We can't just all pack up and head over to New York together," Sam exclaimed. "I don't want to go to New York," Sam added. "I don't want to model. I want to go to school. I want to help people."

"What about your friends, Sam? You completely ignored me. You haven't even spoken to Rachel. You remember all of that, right? Where is your head, man?" Sam jumped out of his seat. The sheer force of his movement tipped the chair over.

"I'm right here, Dude. I'm manning up. It's time for me to start figuring out what I'm doing with myself. Rachel-she doesn't want me. That's cool. I'm not going to force myself on her or into her life."

"So that's it? You're over Rachel Berry?" Sam looked at Blaine and shook his head. There was no point in lying. He prided himself on being honest, and at the end of the day Blaine was his best friend. He wasn't going to lie to him. "Text her. Call her. Do something. She has no idea what is going on," Blaine snapped before turning and leaving.

Sam didn't contact her at all.


"Sam, it's up to you to hold this group together. You're the leader, alright? You're in charge of the morale now." Sam swallowed thickly. He had never been one to perform well under pressure but he had to do it. He wanted to prove that he was capable of not screwing everything up.

He had been doing a solid job, he thought. He had done an acoustic rendition of Pompeii to get the group pumped up. He had called countless glee rehearsals outside of their already scheduled practices.

He had done everything the way that he remembered Finn and Rachel motivating them.

Somehow he felt it wasn't going to be enough though. He watched as Marley and Kitty left the glee room leaving him alone. He looked at the plaque that bared Finn's picture and sighed. "I'm trying, man," he whispered before leaving the room.

Blaine immediately stopped him once he crossed the threshold out into the hallway. "You have a phone call," he explained before handing him the iPhone. Sam looked at the phone and sighed before bringing it to his ear.

"Hello," he questioned, unsure of who would be on the line. He could tell, however, just by the intake of breath that it was Rachel. "Rachel?"

"Sam," she whispered. "What…happened?" He sighed.

"Nothing, Rachel. I'm trying to give you…space." He knew that he was going to be in trouble regardless. How could he not be?

"Space is one thing. You were in another orbit," she snapped. He scoffed before pulling the ponytail from his hair out. The elastic band was causing a headache that he was certain Rachel Berry was only going to aggravate. "If I call you or text you then you answer, Sam. That's how friendship works."

"I know, Rachel, but can you really say that we're friends? I told you how I felt and you made it obvious how you felt. I'm just trying to get out of your way." With that he handed the phone back to Blaine who looked almost apologetic.


He had just gotten out of the shower and was putting deodorant when he heard the vibration of his phone on the desk. He held the towel that was around his waist and picked up the phone. He saw Rachel's name and answered it instantly before walking over to his door and ensuring that it was locked. "Hey," he stated while looking at his reflection in the only mirror in his room.

"Sam, I don't like that we aren't talking. We're friends. You cannot deny me that. You are my best friend. I need you." He plopped down on the bed and ignored the fact that he was naked and on the phone with Rachel.

"I know. Look, I'm sorry. I had something that I needed to do while I was in Lima. I'm trying to buckle down and help the club out. Mr. Schuester is putting all this pressure on me. He doesn't get that I'm not you. I can't carry the weight of the team on my shoulders. I'm not..Finn."

"No," Rachel mumbled before elaborating, "but you are Sam Evans. He is one of the strongest and sweetest men that I know. And he can do anything he sets his mind to." He grinned. How could he not? Despite the fact that he knew Rachel Berry was conflicted and unsure of her feelings for him he knew that he was in love with her. "I just wanted to wish you luck. I know you guys are leaving tomorrow."

"Yep. LA, here I come," he exclaimed. "I'm not sure I can handle California. I couldn't even handle New York." Rachel snorted. "It's true! I couldn't do anything right in New York."

"Well," Rachel purred, "I can think of a few things you did right." Sam's jaw dropped. Was Rachel flirting with him? He couldn't be sure. He laughed nervously before looking around the room. "What have you been doing to keep yourself so busy? I've been lost without having you to talk to."

"It hasn't been easy, trust me. I've been working out. I've been buckling down with my schoolwork. I've been going to talk to Finn some." He slapped his hand over his face upon realizing he had confessed to Rachel what he had been doing. "I mean…I, uh, go visit his grave…and talk to him."

"About what?" She questioned. He noted that Rachel didn't sound as though she were going to cry.

"You. I told him I was in love with you. I think he's okay with it." He decided to not elaborate further and instead changed the subject entirely. "I've applied to four different colleges. I'm just waiting to hear back from them."

"Sam, I'm so proud of you! Which schools? I can put in a good word for you at NYADA!" Sam groaned.

"I didn't apply…to any New York schools, Rachel."