Saccharine Torments
Chapter 9: Small Steps
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.
These chapters just keep getting further and further apart, don't they? Sorry about that, my motivation to write has been kind of depleted recently.
After that kiss it had all gotten worse again, Morgana had been even more guarded if that was even possible. She barely visited Gwen apart from what was strictly necessary. Despite this, Gwen often had the odd sensation that she wasn't alone, that she was being watched; that Morgana was watching her somehow. She didn't know much about magick beyond King Uther's speeches about how dangerous it was, she wasn't sure exactly what it could and couldn't do, but she had her suspicions that she wasn't just being paranoid about being observed through unnatural means. Not that there would be much to see, just Gwen sitting there in her room- sleeping, eating and reading (a stack had just appeared when she had woken up one morning, like it had always been there).
The quietness of her everyday life just gave her chance to think about everything, to analyse everything in minute detail. Gwen just kept replaying the kiss in her mind, in itself the memory was pure sweetness, but the aftertaste was entirely bitter. She may not have known much about the old religion, but she knew that it wasn't possible that Morgana could read her mind- if she had she would realise that Gwen's actions were so far from being part of an elaborate scheme to escape, she'd know that Gwen's feelings for her were genuine, she'd know how noisy it was getting in Gwen's head.
She thought of Camelot sometimes, she'd look out the window at the pure white clouds and she'd be reminded. In a way she longed to go back there, to return home, Camelot was really the only home she'd ever known. She thought back on everything that had happened there in the recent past; her father's death, Uther's persecutions and so many attacks from sorcerers seeking their revenge. Then she'd think about the shining future she saw for Camelot under Arthur's leadership (she might not be in love with him but she still believed in him unconditionally), and a time where peace might prevail. And try as she might she couldn't quite see where Morgana would fit into that. Instead, she retraced all her most ancient memories of when Morgana was good and they were best friends and everything was easy.
No, she wouldn't return to Camelot unless Morgana was there, by her side. Resolve strengthened, she vowed that things around here were going to change.
"I want you to stop locking me in my room," she said, assertively, the next time she saw Morgana.
"There are lots of things that I want, doesn't necessarily mean that I get them," Morgana retorted, sharply. She couldn't stand Gwen's 'Future Queen of Camelot' attitude- she was a former maidservant and a prisoner, she should know that it was Morgana who held all the power in this situation and that she was in no position to be making demands of any kind.
Gwen softened her tone. "Surely there's some sort of spell you could do to prevent me from escaping. Please, I can't stand being locked in this room for much longer."
"I'll think about it," Morgana said, Gwen's pleading giving her that rush of control she relished. She'd found that you couldn't trust anyone, that a person's feelings could never truly be known, that's why you had to stay in control- because unless you had something on them, then there was no way that they would do what you wanted.
She knew what her answer would be already, the place was already spelled, there had never been any real need for Gwen to be confined to one room, she just wanted to make Gwen wait for it. She knew all about how Arthur had made Gwen wait whilst he floundered back and forth.
The next day…
Morgana opened the door to Gwen's room, lingering in the doorway rather than entering the room as usual.
"Fine, you may leave the room at any time you wish," she said, affecting a tone of superiority- she was giving Gwen her freedom, freedom that could just as easily be taken away.
"Thank you," Gwen replied, her eyes lighting up, as she walked towards the door in order to exit the room she had been sitting in for so many days. She was stopped, however, by Morgana's body was still securely blocking her path.
Morgana leaned in close to Gwen, until she was barely an inch away from her. "I have given you the gift of my faith; you had better not abuse my trust."
Gwen nodded, looking Morgana straight in the eyes so that she would know that she was sincere. Despite everything, she was overcome with the overwhelming desire just to kiss Morgana again, right there and then. The very fact of her standing so close was sending waves of heat throughout Gwen's body and it was almost as if she couldn't breathe, she was so overcome with treacherous desire.
But Morgana broke the moment by stepping aside, giving Gwen her exit that until just a minute ago, she had been so desperate for. Morgana walked off and Gwen wondered whether she should follow. In the end, she decided against it, Morgana hadn't requested that she come with her and she was entirely too flustered to deal with her rationally.
Instead she wandered the corridors until it was late, looking into all of the rooms (most of which were empty). The Castle was undoubtedly grand but it was no Camelot, Camelot had its own sense of rhythm, a pulse. This was a ghost town.
After several hours of aimless wandering, she found Morgana's room, entirely by fortuitous accident. Morgana was already in bed, asleep, and Gwen was struck by both the familiarity and the unfamiliarity of the image. She wasn't convulsing or screaming like she used to but it was clear her sleep was far from peaceful. It wasn't the dreams that troubled her anymore; it was the nightmares that she made real from her own fear.
Gwen went over to her side, abandoning all reason, drawn there by Morgana's obvious need. Instinctually, she reached over and begun to stroke Morgana's silky hair, soothingly.
Morgana's eyes opened.
That's it for this chapter; I hope that you enjoyed it! And hopefully the next chapter won't take quite as long. Please review; reviews help keep me motivated!
