I dreamed a dream

Chapter 8

"Alright, cowboy… have a safe drive. Call me the minute you get to Riverton, y'hear?" Jack asked, resignation and a tinge of anxiety clouding his voice.

"Yes, mommy." answered Ennis, in a mocking tone, attempting half-heartedly to make the parting easier. It didn't work. He pulled Jack into a hug.

The look in Jack's face, that sad-puppy-eyed look, made Ennis' heart clench. They'd said goodbye more times than he cared to remember, why was this one so difficult?

'Cause hopefully, it's the last goodbye…' Ennis answered himself. With a sigh, he gathered himself together and stepped back from the embrace, a hand still in Jack's shoulder.

"Don' you worry none, rodeo… I'll be fine. I'll drive careful, and I'll call you when I get there, ok?" Ennis told Jack, "and the sooner I get gone, the sooner I'll be back." he added, a smile in his voice.

Jack chuckled and finally looked up.

"Well then, what're you waitin' for, you slow-poke? Go on, git!" Jack exclaimed while pushing him towards the truck.

Ennis just shook his head, muttered something about fool, crazy rodeos and settled into the driver's seat. He looked at Jack one last time, pouring all the love he couldn't put into words into his eyes. The emotion he saw reflected back at him in the azure orbs let him know he'd been understood.

Jack looked after him until the truck was out of sight. Ennis had borrowed the truck from his foreman, who had ended up liking the quiet, hard-working cowboy and didn't mind doing something for him even if he had just quit.

Ennis had thought it would be a good idea to go and settle things in Riverton while Jack and Lureen went through the final divorce process, he had to tell his girls and Alma he was moving and figure out what to do with his very few possessions. Jack had agreed, it seemed the best time to do it, and he felt a strange sort of correspondence that his life with Lureen should end as it had begun, missing Ennis.

0

0

0

"Twist divorce granted by the State of Texas, on the 9th of September, 1983."

Almost involuntarily, Jack and Lureen looked at each other, just when the sentence had been called out by the judge. This was it, then. It was over.

Jack was flooded by a series of strange and contradictory feelings. Peace and relief, but also a sadness unlooked for, a pain at the separation he had not foreseen. 'You fool… you lived with her almost twenty years… you don't live with someone that long and not have them grow on you…'

A warm hand on his shoulder startled him out of his musings. He looked up to meet Lureen's eyes again. He gave her a small smile, which she returned. In her eyes he saw reflected the same things he was feeling… the same contradictions.

Lureen was usually quite good at keeping her emotions in check. But looking at Jack's blue eyes, she found she couldn't ignore all the things she was feeling. She acted sure and businesslike, like this wasn't affecting her at all… while the truth was it affected her more than she cared to realize. Because… she really had loved Jack. She'd loved his bright, beautiful smile that lighted up his whole face and made her feel like the only person in this world. She'd loved his effortless charm, his quick and sharp humor, that fire she felt in him that she could immediately relate to. But most of all she had loved, she still loved, his eyes… those eyes,a blue so deep she could drown in it. Eyes so full of hope, full of romance, full of a silent promise to make life extraordinary. She remembered the night she had met him, danced with him… the way the song they were playing seemed to reflect what his eyes said… 'No one's gonna love you like me'…

Of course, she realized now with painful irony, that all those eyes expressed was meant, always, for somebody else. The hope, the love and the promise… all for someone else. Always for him… Ennis.

It was time. She had to let him go, precisely because she loved him. It had cost her so many years, so many hours of losing herself in work, but she was strong enough now to let Jack go, so he could be happy at last. So his eyes would be full of dreams once more. She fought back a sob. 'Let be, let be' she told herself.

She steeled herself and uttered the hardest words she had ever said.

"Well… it's done" said Lureen.

"It is." said Jack, nodding. "It sure is. So… what do we do now?" he asked, his question charged with a greater query.

"Now… we go back to the house, we finish packing your things, and I'll fix us something to eat." answered Lureen, "Then… well, I'm sure we'll both be alright." she whispered, more to herself than to Jack.

Jack nodded again, put his arms around Lureen's shoulders and led her out of the courtroom.

0

0

0

"So you're moving where, daddy?" asked Junior.

"Well, right now, I'm gonna head back down to Texas to meet up with Jack again, and then we'll probly head to Lighting Flat for the winter. Afterwards…well, I ain't sure myself, lil' darlin'." Ennis answered, running a hand through his hair.

He had asked Alma to let him take the girls out for the day, had something important to tell them. They'd had lunch at the diner, went to the ice-cream parlor for a scoop afterwards and were now back in his trailer, where he'd told them he was leaving Riverton.

"And why are you goin' with you're friend Jack, daddy?" asked Jenny, confusion lacing her voice.

There it was. A question asked in all innocence, but an answer that would change everything. Ennis took a very deep breath. Jack had done it already, come clean with Lureen and Bobby… and things ended up alright. 'But for all his smiles and easy ways… Jack is a lot braver and stronger than me' he told himself, admiration for his rodeo swelling in him.

He had to tell them. For Jack, for himself… because they were his daughters and he owed them the truth.

"Daddy?" asked Junior, concerned at his prolonged silence. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, darlin'." well, it was now or never. "You see… I'm going with my friend Jack… 'cause… 'cause I care about him something fierce. We met a long time ago, the summer afore I married your mom. And… well, I never stopped caring for him. Caring for him as more than a friend" Ennis said quietly.

Junior was transported back to when she was nine years old, her parents just divorced. She remembered being in her dad's truck with her sister, so happy because she hadn't spent time with him in so long. She remembered another truck coming, honking. She'd looked out the back window to see who it was coming to the lonesome place and saw a black-haired man, saw him and her daddy in a strong embrace. Then his daddy had introduced the man, and Junior had been struck by his good looks, the big smile, the blue eyes… but most of all she'd been struck by the involuntary joy in her daddy's voice when he introduced him, the way his eyes sparkled like a teenager in love.

She also remembered that the man had left, quick as he'd come… and his daddy had looked sadder and more torn than she had ever seen him. She also realized that it was the last time she had seen him really smile, not even when he had gone out with Cassie had he smiled.

"I know this ain't easy to take… and… if you don't want to see me again, well, I'll understand, but know that I love you… I always will." Ennis' voice, barely above a whisper and bracing for rejection, shook Junior out of her memories.

"Daddy… Jack makes you happy, doesn't he? He makes you smile?" she asked.

Ennis was slightly taken aback by Junior's question. It made him realize yet one more thing about Jack.

"Yes, darlin'… there ain't nobody that makes me happier." he answered, meeting Junior's inquisitive eyes.

"I supposed so… I remember when we met him, after the divorce. It was the last time I saw you smile like you meant it." Junior said.

"So you love Jack?" Jenny's voice startled both Ennis and Junior.

Ennis looked at her. She had always been like that, loud and straight to the point.

"Uh… yes, Jenny. I do" he answered, words barely audible, looking down, not wanting to face the rejection just yet.

Two enveloping hugs weren't what he expected. He was looked down with amazement and saw that both his girls were hugging him like they always did, like he was their daddy and not some disease. The gratefulness he felt at that moment almost drove him to his knees.

Of course, telling Alma he was moving with Jack was not received with a hug. When he took the girls back to her house, he dropped the news standing on the porch, figuring it was a good idea to stay where the escape route was quickest in case she pulled out the rifle on him.

While she didn't pull out a rifle, it was like she was trying to shoot him with the condemnation in her bitter voice, with the coldness in her eyes.

Ennis sighed with relief, it was over at last. He couldn't get to a public phone fast enough, the need to hear Jack's voice stronger than anything.

"Hello?" the voice he loved most in the world answered.

"Rodeo… it's me" Ennis said quietly.

"Ennis? Is everything alright? You sound strange"

"I just told my girls, Jack… told them everything."

A sharp intake of breath followed his statement.

"Whoa, cowboy… and… how did it go?" Jack asked, voice tinged with anxiety.

"It was alright, Jack… they… they hugged me." Ennis fought back tears of relief, of happiness.

"Oh, Ennis… I'm so happy for you cowboy." Jack's voice, filled with love and happiness for him, was all that Ennis needed to make him forget the sting of Alma's words.

His rodeo loved him, and his little girls loved him. That was all he needed in this world.

0

0

0

"Well, time to hit the road, cowboy. We got some long hours to drive to Lightning Flat" said Jack, putting on his seatbelt.

"Let's get goin', rodeo." Ennis answered, looking back at Jack with a smile.

Ennis had sold his beat up pick-up and the few things he owned, bought himself a bus ticket to Childress and put what was left in his pocket. Jack had picked him up at the bus terminal, and they'd stayed the night at his house, having dinner with Lureen and Bobby. Ennis still couldn't help the tinge of guilt he felt, sitting there in front of Lureen and eating her food, but it had been a strangely comfortable dinner, with no more lies and deceptions between them.

Bobby had been sad to see his daddy go, but excited at the prospect that come spring, he might be able to go live with him permanently. Lureen and Jack had said goodbye with no real bitterness between them, just Jack's useless and unquenchable wish not to have hurt Lureen, Lureen's strength keeping her from shedding a tear.

Jack and Ennis had woken up at the crack of dawn, had a cup of coffee and some toast, and put the bags full of what they would need in the back of the truck.

Then, they set out for the highway, stretching wide and almost eternal in front of them.

0

0

0

Two days later, they arrived to Jack's parents ranch in Lightning Flat. The rolling wind, howling across the plain, and the derelict white house gave Ennis a strange shock. It was hard to believe that the same bright-eyed, charming rodeo he had met all those years ago had come from this sad, deadened place. It was another of those strange and beautiful traits in Jack's character, that he had kept his hopeful and dreaming ways even when everything around him had pushed him to grow up dry and bitter.

They walked up to the front door, which was opened by Jack's mom before they knocked.

"My boy…" she whispered happily, giving Jack a hug.

"Mom." he said into her hair, his voice tender.

"And who is this?" she asked, gesturing towards Ennis.

"This is Ennis del Mar, my long time friend." Jack answered.

"Ma'm" said Ennis, taking off his hat.

"Good to meet you at last, Ennis." Jack's mother answered. "Well, come in, don't stand out here in the wind."

They stepped inside, Ennis taking in the whole house at a glance, eyes stopping in the rather burly figure of a gray-haired man sitting at the table.

"Dad, how're you? This here is my friend, Ennis del Mar." Jack said quickly, a discomfort in his voice Ennis had never heard before.

"Ennis, this is my father, John Twist."

"Pleased to meet you, sir." said Ennis, barely able to get out the words with those icy orbs fixed on him. John Twist was like the house, like the mourning wind undulating through the plain… unwelcoming, aloof, embittered and hunkered down with the passing of the years.

An awkward silence followed, and Ennis was aware of being examined, measured, aware of Jack tense as a stretched wire next to him.

"So this is the famous Ennis del Mar, huh?" the gravelly, frosty voice hung in the air.

Author's note: well, the boys are out of the frying pan and into the fire… I used the name they gave Ennis' younger daughter on the film, hope nobody minds, and I also used a very small direct quote from the short story, wonder if you can catch it. Anyway, hope you like this chapter, please comment, let me know what you think, feedback makes me sooooo happy!