Sorry for the delay, I just haven't been super inspired lately. I'm trying to work through the block though, and I hope I don't disappoint. Warning—there may be a bit of drama coming up, and definitely emotions.
-TWF
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Glee (but Allie is my invention)
Three months. They had been together for three months. Things had been going great for the two girls. Everyone at school, for the most part, had lost interest in the fact that they were dating. The Glee Club was still fully supportive—excluding Finn, who was still sending Quinn glares. They had, however been taking their physical relationship rather slow, as both girls were aware of the fact that they had only known each other for a while. Not to say that things hadn't gotten heated between them, because they had. The sexual tension between the couple was tangible and left the Glee kids feeling awkward on more than one occasion.
They had also yet to say those three little words to the other. Deep down, both Quinn and Rachel were ready to say them, but were too afraid of scaring the other one off. It was so soon, yet it felt like it had been such a long time. And that thought scared both girls exponentially.
Sectionals was fast approaching and the club was currently stationed in the choir room, running over song ideas in the last meeting before the weekend.
"Jesus, you two seriously need to get a fucking room, or just fuck already; the sexual tension is getting old," Santana shouted at the two girls seated in the back row beside her, after she had heard Quinn gasp lightly. Quinn blushed and moved her hand from where it had been on Rachel's thigh, slightly under her girlfriend's short skirt. Rachel moved from Quinn's neck, where she had been whispering into the other girl's ear in between teasing kisses.
"Language Santana, besides, excuse us for showing affection," Rachel bit out with a huff as she crossed her arms and legs.
Santana barked out a laugh at the actions of her best friend. "Please—there's a difference between showing affection with handholding and nearly screwing in public. Don't think I didn't notice where Q's hand was going," she said with more laughs that got even louder when said girl glared at her harshly.
Everyone else in the room just looked extremely uncomfortable and was trying to ignore the truth in Santana's accusations. Well, almost everyone, Puck just looked like a kid in a candy store as he looked back at the two flustered girls and Finn just looked plain pissed.
"Fuck you Satan, just mind your own damn business," Rachel bit out, glaring at the girl. Santana raised an almost impressed eyebrow. Quinn, on her part, just put her hand on Rachel's and ran her thumb over Rachel's knuckles soothingly.
"Watch your language. Sexually frustrated Berry is feisty," Santana said with a snicker. Quinn glared at her this time.
"Look San, you're a good friend, but you need to shut the hell up already," Quinn bit out, mad that the girl was making fun of Rachel.
"Looks like she's not the only feisty one when frustrated," Santana said laughing lowly again. Quinn opened her mouth angrily, ready to bitch the other girl out when Mr. Schue finally intervened.
"Alright Santana, back off. And girls, just keep it PG, okay?" He asked, not wanting to cause too big of a scene. Both girls huffed but nodded in acceptance. Santana smirked triumphantly as she leaned back in her chair and tuned out the rest of the meeting.
When Mr. Schue finally released them, and everyone filed out, Quinn pulled Santana back and she nodded to Rachel to go ahead to her car. After Rachel had left and the room was empty Quinn spoke up.
"Dude, that was not cool," Quinn stated while looking Santana in the eyes.
"I know, and I'm sorry. But seriously, you two are really intimate looking in public and it does make some people uncomfortable," Santana said seriously. "And no, I don't mean people in here…well except for Finn…but I mean people over all. The homophobes and other close-minded people," Santana finished.
"San…are you actually telling me not to be affectionate to my girlfriend because it makes idiots who hate us uncomfortable?" Quinn asked incredulously.
"No I—," Santana started but Quinn cut her off.
"What the fuck San? Where the fuck is this coming from? You're supposed to understand that while it does suck, it's worth it to be with them. I don't care what people think because I have Rachel there with me. And you have Brittany so I don't know what your problem is!" Quinn said exasperatedly.
"Fuck! Okay, you want to know what my problem is? I'm jealous! I'm so jealous of you Quinn. Of how you are so comfortable with your sexuality. About how you let insults slide right off your back because you don't care. I'm jealous that you don't seem to worry about what people think of you. I worry every damn day if the next whispered insult will be the one that breaks me. The one that sends me running away from the one I love," Santana yelled and took a breath before continuing quietly. "I'm scared that I'm always going to be judged for loving Brittany and I'll be treated differently. I just don't know if I'm strong enough, Quinn," Santana whispered out through her tears.
Quinn took in the sight of the broken girl in front of her and she felt her own tears threatening to spill over. She moved and pulled the girl into a fierce hug. While she hugged the girl she started talking softly into her ear.
"You don't think I'm scared San? I'm fucking terrified. I don't want to be judged but I know it's going to happen. I let it slide because I know that Rachel is worth it. That this isn't a phase. I…I love her San…and I haven't told her yet but I do," Quinn said through her tears.
Santana pulled back and looked at the sincerity in her friend's eyes. Santana smiled slightly and she moved them to sit down facing each other.
"But…how do you stay so strong?" Santana whispered out.
"I didn't used to be. Sometimes I forget that you guys don't know a lot about my past. I was broken once. To the point where I thought I was beyond repair. I got kicked out of my house and I was staying with a friend after my dad found out about me being with a girl. The girl…Allie…she broke up with me… right after I had gotten kicked out of my house. She went on to tell my whole school that I was gay. I had thought I loved her; up until the moment she broke me to pieces. I was bullied daily. I got pushed around, called all the names, got in a few fights. I…I considered suicide. I—I haven't told Rachel any of this yet, but I've been planning to…but…" She trailed off and pulled her dress up to the very top of her thigh and Santana's eyes widened. She saw many small scars littering her upper thigh and she looked to the girl rather shocked, with tears running down her face lightly.
"I couldn't deal. I didn't want to deal. Hell, I didn't want to feel. I have no doubt in my mind that I would have committed suicide had my mom not divorced my father and taken me back. I was damaged when I went back. My mom was trying and my dad was gone. My mom knows all of this—the cutting, the thoughts of suicide, the depression that still occasionally appears. We went to therapy and I still go occasionally, I'm on meds for depression—lower than what it used to be, and it's getting better. She was trying and I was too. At the end of the school year, we packed our bags and relocated here. A new start. Where no one could judge me for who I was. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care what people thought of me. My main thought every day was just 'make it through this one day and maybe tomorrow will be better,' and slowly it was," Quinn took a breath and wiped her face.
"But the day I really felt different and really felt that things could get better was that first day that I walked into this school and saw the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on and befriended her. Then I met all of you and I knew that things were changing. So no, I'm not strong. You guys make me want to be. Without all of you, I was lost. Without Rachel I would still be lost. And I know it sounds cliché and all, but I don't care: it gets better, San. It may not seem like it sometimes, but there is always a way. There is always that thing that will pick you up when you are at your lowest to help you. And that is what you all did for me. You are strong enough. You just have to really think and ask yourself if Brittany is worth it."
Quinn smiled when Santana instantly nodded. "It's okay to admit that you're broken and need someone. I didn't used to and that was what almost killed me. I feel so lucky every day to be alive and thankful for what I have because I could've thrown it all away. Just do what you can to get through each day and say it will get better, because it will if you are willing to fight for it," Quinn finished, looking at the crying girl through her own tears.
Santana smiled and wiped her face before pulling Quinn into another strong hug.
"I—I'm so sorry Quinn, I had no idea. But you are strong. You just need to believe that as much as I need to. You are amazing for making it this far. You help us too, you know? You are an amazing friend that we are all so lucky to have. You helped me more than I can say just now," Santana said sincerely before breaking the hug apart.
"I'm glad. I just don't want anyone to go what I've gone through because they don't have anyone. I know just how damaging it can be," Quinn said. Santana smiled and nodded before wiping her eyes and gathering her stuff.
"Hold on to Rachel, Q. Tell her what you told me…everything," Santana said knowingly. Quinn smiled and nodded before she sat down, trying to control her tears.
Santana walked out of the choir room to see a teary eyed Rachel standing by the door. Santana walked up to the girl. "Hold on to her tight Rachel, because that girl in there is so worth it," she said before disappearing down the hall, still drying her eyes.
Rachel stood there for another few minutes before she heard Quinn gathering her stuff. Rachel stepped back slightly and waited for Quinn to exit.
Quinn walked out the door and froze, looking at her girlfriend's teary eyes. "Rachel…H—how much of that did you hear?" she asked vulnerably.
"Enough to know that just when I thought it wasn't possible, I've fallen even more in love with you," Rachel said, stepping up to her girlfriend and placing a hand on her cheek lightly and running her thumb over the soft skin.
"Y—you don't hate me? Or…or think I'm pathetic?" Quinn asked, baring her insecurities to Rachel.
Rachel leaned up and pressed the sweetest kiss to her girlfriend's lips, who whimpered at the tenderness. Rachel broke the kiss and looked deep into Quinn's eyes.
"I love you Quinn Fabray. Every perfect imperfection; every insecurity and fear. I love everything you are with all that I am," Rachel said through her own light tears as she brushed away some of Quinn's.
"I love you so much Rachel and I am so thankful every second that I found you. You saved me from myself and helped me find happiness again. I don't think there are enough words to express just how deeply I love you," Quinn said, wiping away some of Rachel's own tears.
Quinn leaned down and pressed a meaningful kiss to Rachel's lips, pouring all of her love and passion into the kiss that had Rachel's knees going weak.
"Do you want to go home and talk?" Quinn asked after they broke apart and Rachel nodded leading them to Quinn's car.
When they got to Quinn's house, Rachel got through the door before she quickly tugged on Quinn's hand, pushing their bodies together. Rachel's back was pressed up against the door and Quinn smiled sincerely down at the girl.
She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Both girls let out low moans at the contact and opened their mouths to let their tongues caress. Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck and leaned into her. Quinn ran her hands down Rachel's back to her butt, which she squeezed lightly, before lifting Rachel up.
Rachel instantly wrapped her legs around Quinn's waist as she moaned when her back was pressed more firmly up against the door. Rachel tangled her hands in Quinn's hair and smiled into the kiss. She moved her head back to break the kiss still smiling.
"What's got you so smiley?" Quinn asked, her own smile seeping through.
"Oh nothing; I just love you," Rachel said as she brushed a loose piece of hair behind Quinn's ear. Quinn's smile got impossibly wider and she leaned her forehead against Rachel's.
"I love you Rachel. So much," Quinn said before she leaned in and left a passionate kiss on Rachel's lips. Rachel groaned into the kiss and moved her hips lightly. She felt Quinn smirk lightly before she felt the girl roughly grind her hips. Rachel let out a gasp and broke the kiss. Quinn smiled and started kissing Rachel's neck. She found the girl's sensitive spot and nipped at it whilst roughly grinding her hips.
"Fuck!" Rachel gasped out as she felt herself nearing the edge.
"Quinn…fuck…I—I'm close," Rachel gasped out and Quinn smiled against her neck. They had gotten this far before. Just not under the clothes below the waist.
Quinn started moving against Rachel a bit faster. She moved one of her hands that was supporting Rachel up to the girl's breast, kneading it slowly but avoiding the nipple. Rachel's moaning was getting louder and Quinn knew it would only take a little more.
She ground into Rachel hard while sucking harshly at the point on her neck and pinching her nipple through her shirt. Rachel's mouth opened and she let out a loud moan as she shook from her orgasm.
"Oh my god Quinn. Holy…I love you," Rachel said as she buried her face in Quinn's neck. Quinn smiled and ran her fingers through Rachel's slightly sweaty hair.
She moved them from the door and carried Rachel to the couch. They laid down on it facing each other and Quinn snuggled up into the girl she loved.
Rachel looked up at Quinn and moved her hand to the girl's waist shyly. "Do—do you want me to?" She trailed off awkwardly and Quinn smiled before kissing her.
"No you don't need to; that was for you," Quinn said as she looked into the eyes of the girl beside her. She saw the questioning in Rachel's eyes and she spoke.
"Rachel, you can ask me questions. I'm not going to break…not anymore," Quinn said as she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair again.
"O—okay," Rachel started, thinking over what she wanted to ask first.
"Why haven't you told me all of this before?" Rachel asked, looking a little hurt.
Quinn frowned and sighed before answering. "I didn't want you to pity me or judge me on past mistakes. I'm not proud of what happened," was her response as she looked away ashamedly.
Rachel put her hand on Quinn's face lightly. "I would never judge you Quinn. Nor pity you. I understand why you felt all of this and why you did what you did. I think you are so strong for making it this far and I will tell you that every day if you need it," Rachel said, moving closer to Quinn and grabbing her hand.
"Thank you Rachel. I meant what I said in there—that I would be lost without you. You brought me out of my shell and made me happy again. You made my life worth living Rachel," Quinn said genuinely as she looked into Rachel's now watery eyes.
They both leaned in for a sweet kiss before parting. "Any more questions?" Quinn asked.
"Uh…yeah…about Allie…I didn't know she was that horrible to you. And I couldn't help but hear that you thought you—uh you thought you loved her," Rachel whispered out sadly.
Quinn sighed again before responding. "I did. But I was, obviously, wrong. She had been using me. She was what broke me in the end. Not the getting kicked out, but the fact that someone I trusted so completely wrecked me so easily. I've been trying to get over it and my trust issues, and I trust you completely…just promise me that you won't ever get mad at me for not seeming like it sometimes," Quinn choked out sadly. Thinking of Allie was tough. She didn't have any feelings left for the girl; not after that ending. But she was still hurt that she was used.
"Quinn…did you two—I mean how…how far did you guys go?" Rachel stuttered out, not wanting to hear the answer completely.
"She…she took my virginity," Quinn whispered out so lowly that Rachel almost missed it. Quinn's eyes got watery again. She felt horrible. "I wish…I wish with all that I am that I had waited. That I had waited for you to be my first. You made me realize that what I had with Allie wasn't love, it was more admiration. She was a year older than me. A cool kid, and I revered her. But you, Rachel, make me feel things that she never did and never will," Quinn said quietly as more tears went down her face. She couldn't bear to look Rachel in the eyes and see the disappointment there.
Suddenly she felt Rachel's hand on her chin. She met Rachel's eyes and Rachel kissed her lightly on the lips, their eyes staying open for the short duration of the kiss.
"Hey now, it's okay," Rachel said, wiping away more of Quinn's tears. "Am I upset that I won't be your first? A little bit—but I will be your first time making love. And I will show you just how much you mean to me. But I will say—this Allie girl better hope she never meets me because I will end her," Rachel said seriously. Quinn couldn't hold in the giggle.
"You sound like Santana sweetie," Quinn said with a laugh.
Rachel scrunched up her nose in disapproval. "Eww I did, didn't I?" She asked with a chuckle before getting serious again.
"Quinn?" Rachel asked quietly, not looking the girl in the eyes.
"What is it beautiful?" Quinn asked, confused at Rachel's hesitancy.
"Can…can I seem them?" Rachel asked shyly, finally making eye contact.
Quinn thought for a moment before realizing what Rachel was asking. She nodded slightly and made a move to sit up; Rachel doing the same. Quinn took a deep breath before pulling her dress up for the second time that day, revealing her scars. Rachel looked at her with tears in her eyes. Quinn looked away intently, trying to reign in her emotions. She felt Rachel's fingers on her chin and she turned to look at her.
Rachel smiled delicately and looked down to the small raised lines littering Quinn's upper thighs. Rachel glanced at Quinn once more before slowly bringing her fingertips to brush along one of the more prominent marks.
Quinn's breath hitched lightly at how tender Rachel's touch was. Rachel ran her fingertips over most of the scars on Quinn's thighs before looking up to see Quinn looking at her through her tears with the most loving look in her eyes. Rachel leaned in and placed a light kiss to Quinn's forehead. Quinn closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Rachel's.
"Open your eyes love," Rachel whispered out. Quinn opened her eyes and met Rachel's teary ones. "To me, you are still the most beautiful person that I have ever met; let alone got the chance to love. You are amazing and so strong. Every single one of those scars makes me love you that much more. That you are proof that it gets better and I am so glad that you are here and that you let me love you," Rachel said, trying and failing to fight off her tears. "And thank you for opening yourself up and trusting me."
"It wasn't a choice Rachel, I can't help but love and trust you. And thank you, for everything. For the understanding and compassion and for loving me," Quinn said before she leaned in to capture Rachel's lips in a passionate kiss.
Rachel kissed her back passionately. Rachel moved to lay on top of Quinn. Quinn let out a low groan of satisfaction when Rachel's thigh fell between her legs. This time Rachel smirked as she ground into her girlfriend. She broke the kiss and moved to Quinn's neck.
"Your mother?" Rachel mumbled out between kisses.
"She—oh god—late. Working late," Quinn managed to get out as Rachel scraped her nails down her sides lightly.
"Good," Rachel said as she sat up promptly. Quinn whined at the loss of contact but quickly smiled mischievously when she saw Rachel reaching for the bottom of her shirt.
"Let me," Quinn whispered out as she removed Rachel's hands. She sat up, shifting the girl above her slightly. Quinn put her hands on Rachel's hips and slowly started moving her shirt up while kissing her neck. She finally got the shirt over Rachel's head and looked at her girlfriend's breasts encased in red lace.
"Fuck, you are beyond stunning," Quinn whispered out, while staring at her girlfriend. Rachel blushed and went to reach for Quinn's shirt. Just as she started pulling her shirt up there was a loud knock on the door.
"Just ignore them, they'll go away," Quinn said as she leaned up to kiss Rachel.
Rachel nodded and went to remove Quinn's shirt again. Suddenly the banging started again, louder this time and they could vaguely hear Santana's voice shouting through the door.
"Open the fuck up bitches! I know you're in there! You best not be fucking, we need to talk!" was heard. Rachel groaned and dropped her head to rest in Quinn's neck.
"I swear to god I am going to murder Santana if she keeps cockblocking us," Rachel growled out against Quinn's neck. Quinn laughed as she shifted and handed Rachel her shirt.
"Thanks babe," Rachel said with a quick peck to Quinn's lips as she got up to put her shirt on and go to the door.
"Babe huh?" Quinn asked as she looked over Rachel's upper body with a lip bite.
"Uh yeah…it slipped out," Rachel awkwardly backtracked. Quinn got up and slowly waltzed over to Rachel. I love it…but not as much as I love you," Quinn said with a lingering kiss. Rachel went to deepen it, until the banging started again.
"WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING KNOCKING LOPEZ. WE ARE COMING." Rachel yelled out after she broke apart from Quinn. They walked up to the door and Rachel opened it to see not only Santana but Brittany.
"Do tell—did that have double meaning to it? I mean Q's hair certainly says it does," Santana jibed at Quinn, until she noticed the girl was gazing off, looking rather stunned.
"Hellooo—earth to Quinn," Santana said waving her hand in front of the girl's face.
Rachel looked over to see a girl of about their age getting out of a car in Quinn's driveway. She seemed to be a bit taller than Quinn with a deep orange color of hair. She was pale and slightly freckled but Rachel couldn't deny that the girl wasn't pretty. Santana and Brittany turned to watch the girl walk up the walkway.
"Hey Quinn, been a while, has it not?" The mysterious girl asked with a sultry smirk on her face.
Rachel did not like this girl or the way she was eyeing Quinn. Suddenly Rachel knew who it was. She reached over and put her hand in Quinn's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She watched as Quinn squared her jaw and glared slightly before opening her mouth to reply.
"Yes it has, Allie," Quinn eventually got out through clenched teeth.
Okay sorry for the slight cliffhanger—I just wanted to get a chapter out as I'm going away for a week on vacation. Anyway, more of Quinn's past is revealed and Allie is here to cause drama. Also—yeah I know Santana is a bit out of character but hey, she's a big softie on the inside…at least my version is. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. Please review, it would make me happy :]
-TWF
Also, I hope no one is offended by my portrayal of Quinn's past. I know personally how difficult it is to go through discovering one's sexuality. And if any of you are going through a tough time and just need someone to talk to, my message box is always open. Just know that all of you matter and that you really aren't alone. It may not seem like it, but it does get better. :)
