A/N: So…thanks for the reviews. I never expected to get over 100 reviews on a story! This excites me, and I thank everyone, especially my "regular" readers! While it can be hard to write this at times, it's just as enjoyable in other moments. Ok, maybe it's not enjoyable…but it's helpful, and I love writing. So yeah.
Chapter 9. Are ya ready? Definitely there's going to be some Derek. I warn everyone now, though, Meredith needs to learn to trust men again…well, she needs to learn to trust the HUMAN RACE in general. Sorry about that…but she'll have setbacks with all the people she's associated with. That's life when this is what you're dealing with. I do apologize…because I want them happy just like the next person! So, that covers that.
I had a question as to where Cristina is…and she'll return. I'll tell you that much. It's just going to be…well…rocky. Meredith may be her person, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with her right now. Meredith is struggling because Cristina saw her naked, bruised, and battered. That's hard to handle.
Also, this is a product of playing Slingo late at night and no new Grey's Anatomy episodes. Therefore, I cannot be held responsible for the outcomes. Oh! And If you don't know the game, check out www . slingo . com (take out all of the spaces, of course) and PLAY "Slingo Millennium" or whatever its called! I am so addicted to this game…much thanks to my big sister! So, that's what we get.
Without further ado…
Chapter 9: One Step Up
Meredith was playing with her dinner, nervous for what was to come. She glanced at the clock which read 6:45. It had only been five minutes since the last time she checked, and she was positive Derek would be there any moment. She pushed the chicken breast George had cooked across her plate for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night.
The doorbell rang and Meredith jumped slightly. Izzie wiped her mouth with a napkin, rose from the table slowly, and walked to the door. George glanced at Meredith, who was very focused on the plate before her. She heard Derek's strong, soothing voice as he greeted Izzie and the door shutting. George removed the plate that was resting in front of his friend and placed it in the sink, with every intention to wash it later.
He watched from behind the counter as McDreamy stepped cautiously into the room. Meredith seemed very content with staring at the wooden table in front of her. Izzie took her seat and continued with her meal. George, not being able to stand the silence, broke the silence first, "If you're hungry, we have extra dinner. Chicken breast, green peas, and mashed potatoes."
Derek offered a simple smile and a nod, "Thank you, O'Malley, but I ate before I left the hospital."
"Well," George replied, "Please make yourself comfortable."
"Thank you."
Meredith glanced up at the man just standing in the middle of their dining area. She desperately wanted to say something, but was unsure of what would be appropriate. She caught his attention and stared into his eyes for a moment. After a bit, though, an awkward feeling came over her. She was almost frightened. She knew he would never hurt her, yet something in her head said not to trust anyone. She looked away quickly, directing her attention at the very interesting napkin sitting on the table.
"Hello, Mer," He stated softly.
"Derek," She replied. Her voice was cold and emotionless. She watched him cautiously take a seat across from her and then returned her attention to her napkin. It was a bit dirty – she'd spilled the gravy from her mashed potatoes and had used the flimsy paper to wipe up the mess. He watched her intently, hoping to figure out a way to reach her later.
It didn't take long before the awkwardness of the situation got to Meredith's two roommates. Izzie politely excused herself from the table and then requested George's help in changing the light bulb in a lamp in her room. They both knew Derek wouldn't touch Meredith unless she was ready, yet, one of them appeared to have some reservations.
"Do you need anything," George questioned the female at the table.
Meredith took a deep breath before answering him, "Do I appear that incapable of caring for myself? Yes, I had sex with a vet," Her voice was loud. George looked shocked. She ignored the facial expression and continued, "I may not have wanted to, but it happened. Do I wish I could take it back, of course!"
"I didn't mean to upset you," George stammered.
"I can take care of myself. I'm not going to break if you leave me alone. Why doesn't anyone see that! What do I need to do to prove to everyone that I'm alright? Do I need to go sleep around? Is it that I'm supposed to be hurt?"
Derek stood up and moved across the table, "You're not supposed to be anything. You're supposed to deal how you need to."
Meredith grabbed her crutches and stood up, "I don't need to deal with anything! All I need is to be left alone. It's not like I've never slept with anyone before. I believe three people in this room know that for certain." She glared at George and Derek respectively. After that, she continued, her voice softer, "I may have said no and pushed him away, but I still led him on. I still let him think I wanted it. This is no one's fault but my own, and that's life. But it's over now. It was one time. I don't care, anymore."
With that, the blonde hobbled off, barely making her way up the stairs without falling. Derek cringed as she cursed loudly at herself and closed his eyes when the door to her bedroom slammed shut. George was staring wide eyed at the spot where his friend had once stood. Izzie leaned against a wall and closed her eyes, "This is going to be harder than I thought."
Derek sighed, "I can't believe she said it was no big deal. I can't believe I watched that and didn't stop her."
"Don't beat yourself up. She's just hurting," Izzie whispered.
No other words were said. Derek climbed the stairs, taking them by twos, in order to get to the woman he loved. He rapped gently at the door, hoping for a response.
"Go away," the woman said between sobs.
"Let me in, please?"
"No."
Derek sighed, "I promise not to hurt you or expect anything. I won't ask if you're okay or if you need anything. I won't talk to you or look at you. I'll just come in and sit with you. If you want to talk, we can, but we don't have to."
"You can't want to even be near a slut like me," Meredith stated softly.
"You're not a slut," Derek replied. "Someone hurt you, and George didn't mean to make it seem as though we thought you couldn't care for yourself. He wanted to be certain that you were okay, though. You are not a slut, Meredith Grey."
"Yes I am."
"I don't want to hear that, okay? Please, let me in and we can talk about it."
He could hear her sigh and then speak again, "I don't want to talk about it."
As upset as he was getting at her stubborn nature, he remained calm. Derek considered the next course of action and decided what to say, "We don't have to talk then. How about I come in and we play a game of cards? Nothing big, just a game of gin. How does that sound?"
He sat outside of her door for another minute or so, listening carefully for any sounds from inside. He could hear her up moving, the crutches didn't allow for much in the way of privacy. Next thing he knew, Meredith was standing by an open door, "Come in, before I change my mind."
Derek smiled softly and walked into the room. She rummaged through a drawer in her dresser and through a deck of cards on her bed. Slowly sitting down, she glared at the man, silently urging him to take the initiative and start the game already. Quickly picking up on her message, the neurosurgeon picked up the deck of cards, removed the jokers, and began shuffling. While the silence was getting to him, he knew better than to try to talk to the woman sitting on the bed looking at her cards carefully. The last thing he wanted or needed right now was to push her away even more.
He allowed himself to get comfortable in the chair by her bed and play the game with her. Derek was content with just being in the same room as her, knowing that Meredith didn't even want him around the night before. It was like she wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, yet, she couldn't. The game went on in silence until Meredith laid her hand of cards on the bed and Derek's eyes got wide.
"Gin," She whispered.
"Already?"
Meredith didn't smile, just pushed the cards toward him again. Usually, the winner would shuffle, but Derek didn't push it. He looked at the blonde as he messed with the cards, "You look tired."
"We aren't talking about it, remember?"
"Just an observation," He muttered.
She shrugged, "It's alright."
Derek put the cards down, "Meredith."
"Don't Meredith me," Her voice was firm. Derek looked kind of surprised as she continued on, "I slept with Finn. Alright? I made a mistake and let him have his way. It's my fault. We've all covered this several times now and I'm rather sick of it. I'm fine. In a bit of pain, but fine. Don't try to make me talk about this. Please, just let me pretend it never happened."
He set the cards down and scooted his chair a bit closer to the bed. "You're not fine, and it did happen," His voice was soft – just like when he had first entered the hospital room. Meredith felt comfortable with that voice. She knew it was okay when she heard him. He saw some of the tension leave her body and began speaking again, "You said no, you didn't sleep with him, you were attacked and violated. That's not how it's supposed to be. You know that."
"But I did sleep with him," the young blonde reminded the older man. "The first night I went over there. It was the last night when I didn't want to. I guess if you do it once, though, then any other old time is fine. You're obligated to do it again."
"You're not obligated to do anything," He whispered. Meredith looked confused. He explained, "You slept with me, did you not?"
She nodded and pulled away to the other side of the bed. Derek didn't reach out to her for fear of scaring her into thinking she had to sleep with him, too. Instead, he watched for a second and waited until her breathing had steadied again, then continued, "However, I know that you could say no to me at any time and I would have stopped everything and said it was fine. I would do that because I respect the fact that you don't want to do anything. You were not obligated to sleep with Finn that next time. He had no right to force you into it."
With that, Meredith Grey cried again. Dragging her injured leg behind her, she scooted to the edge of the bed closest to Shepherd. Derek stood up and reached out his arms to the young woman, who opened hers in acceptance. He scooped her up and sat back in the chair, cradling her has you'd embrace a young child recovering from a horrific nightmare. He cooed gentle words into her ear and ran a hand gently through her hair. He kissed her forehead and sighed from relief when she didn't pull away. He held her close and refused to let go.
The blonde child cried until she had no tears left. She soaked through the shoulder of the male doctor's dark blue scrubs and maintained a death grip on the fabric covering his chest. The man didn't let go of her for anything. He looked at the woman in his arms and reminded himself silently that she was still broken and needed to heal before he could worry about anything else. Before long, he could see her eyelids growing heavy and took note that she was trying her hardest to remain awake.
Knowing she needed nothing more than a good night's rest, he shifted a bit so he was more comfortable. After that, he looked at her and, in the most soothing voice he could muster, spoke to her, "Sleep, Meredith. I'll stay right here and hold you close. If anything happens, I'll protect you. I promise."
In seconds, she was sleeping. He made a mental note to remember every moment of this, as he wasn't sure how often she would be this open with her. Derek felt her head on his shoulder, the feeling of her tiny fists gripping his scrubs, took in the smell of the lavender that she still used on her hair, and forced himself to remember the feeling of having her in his arms once again. This was how it was supposed to be – protecting the one he loved and knowing that it would never change.
For him, nothing could be more perfect. This is how he wanted to feel forever. He was in love, and whether or not Meredith would accept him now wasn't known. All Derek could guarantee was that he would never leave her alone. He would catch her when she fell and be her safe haven if she needed it. Nothing would ever change the love he felt for her. It couldn't
While both of them had a long road, if they traveled it together, they would be able to make it through. He was sure of that. It was just a matter of whether or not Meredith could handle the long haul.
He felt her move slightly in his arms and looked at her immediately, checking her entire body for signs of distress. Finding none, he went back to thinking, knowing fully and completely that he wouldn't be getting much sleep. Someone would keep him awake – he promised to be there and hold her. He would never break that promise.
fine
A/N: I definitely can't decide how I feel about this chapter. I feel like I moved the MerDer relationship too fast…but I'm not sure. Every person responds differently…and I don't know. So I'll see what everyone says. If they don't like it, then I guess I'll rewrite the chapter. It just kind of happened…I wasn't even thinking about it.
Meanwhile – I had competitions last week and am proud to say in two of my lecture competitions (reciting something that is anywhere from 2 and a half paragraphs to 4 pager long) I got a 2nd place award and a 1st place award, and in my voice competition, I took 5th place out of like 20 some girls. So I'm pretty happy with that…
Thanks for reading and sticking with me! Please let me know what you think…it means a lot to hear what you guys think:)
