So here it is, my lovely readers, my little Christmas present to you all. It comes in two parts, and because I know that some of you, like me, will probably not get the chance to go on the computer on December 25th, I'm giving this to you now. Happy Christmas!


'Come on Rin, time for school!' Sesshomaru called up the stairs. It was the last day before the Christmas holidays, and all the night before Rin had tried to get out of it by having various illnesses: first it was flu, then septicaemia, then a gastric ulcer, then plague, then Ah-Un pox. Sesshomaru hadn't believed any of it, and told her she had to go to school. Rin pouted and screamed, and tantrummed, until Sesshomaru had ordered Jacken to go with her as an anamatronic doll (it was toy day).

They rushed breakfast, and on the way out to the garage to get Ah-Un, Sesshomaru slipped on a patch of black ice. He hit the ground with a heavy thump and a loud 'Ow!' Rin giggled. The demon lord sniffed, and tried to get up with as much dignity as possible, but only succeeded in slipping again. Jacken, dressed in a blonde wig, dress and with Noddy-like makeup on, giggled. Jacken's head broke the ice and emerged with a large lump on it.

'Jacken!' Sesshomaru barked, 'Clear a path through this ice!' The staff of two heads exploded with flame, melting the ice, but also succeeding to melt next-door's Mercedes. 'Run,' said Sesshomaru weakly. Sesshomaru didn't like next door.

Sesshomaru left Rin and Jacken at the school gates, and got out his mobile. Because he was stupid he had left it to the last minute to buy presents, and now he needed help. Still, he didn't want to do this. Three rings.

'Hello?'

'Lazuli!' Sesshomaru said. There was suspicious silence on the other end of the line.

'Hey, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli replied eventually, 'what's up?'

'Would you come shopping with me? I haven't got any presents yet, and I don't know what to get Rin.' Silence. 'Are you still there Lazuli?'

'I'm here,' she confirmed. 'What time are you going?'

'Now'

'That's all right, my shift's just finished. I'll do it –'

'Great!'

'IF'

Sesshomaru gulped. Last time she had said 'if', he had had to sing a ridiculous song and dance along to it. What horror would there be this time?

'If you come to my Christmas party tonight,' she said, 'well, not mine. Work's.'

'Oh, OK,' said Sesshomaru, stunned. That wasn't nearly as bad as he had expected. He had actually been cringing into the earpiece.

'Cheers, mate,' Lazuli cried, obviously relieved. 'I wouldn't ask, but I didn't have anyone else to go with, and it could have been a git awkward, 'cos Rio I think fancies me, and I know my friend Cara fancies him, so I would've been like, what do I do? When he's hitting on me and she's hitting on him, and I'm trying to have a conversation. I mean, I could complete the triangle, but I just don't swing that way, you know? Oops, I'm babbling, sorry.'

Sesshomaru had no idea what she had just said, but was surprised to find himself blushing as he mumbled. 'S'OK, I'm glad to go.' He put the phone down quickly, in case she managed to figure it out. Because Lazuli was the kind of person who would figure it out.


Lazuli met Sesshomaru outside the cinema and declared that they would go in her little Ford Fiesta.

'No offence, Ah-Un,' she apologised, 'but I don't like heights.' Ah-Un understood perfectly, and flew home. He liked being at home by himself, because he could watch Naruto reruns and sleep on the sofa.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was making his way to the driver's side, saying he would drive. Lazuli asked him whether he could drive.

'It can't be that hard,' he replied, 'but I wouldn't dream of letting you drive –I - err, that came out wrong!' But at the sight of Lazuli's very Sesshomaru-like glare, he scuttled over to the passenger door and climbed in.


Rin was having a whale of a time. She won at musical chairs, musical statues and pass the parcel. Pass the parcel was due to luck, but the other two saw Jacken incinerating any chairs and the floor beneath Rin's opponents' feet. They looked unbeatable together, but then.

'Gather round, children,' said the teacher, 'and look who's here!'

A tall man in a red coat and white beard entered the hall with a sack on his back.

'Who's that, Rin?' asked Jacken.

'Santa Claus,' Rin whispered back.

'Santa Claws?' Jacken whimpered to himself. He knew the man looked vicious. That beard to hide his face and the sack – it must be where he put children when he wanted to eat them. The imp started hyperventilating when he started going round the children and handing out brightly coloured boxes. They were enraptured with them – they must be hypnotised. Dark fantasies span in Jacken's mind as he watched the big man coming towards him.

'Here you are, little girl, ho, ho, ho!' he said in a falsely deep voice. He even his that.

That was it, Jacken snapped. He ran screaming out of the hall, hit his head off the door frame, fainted, got up, and ran away screaming again, leaving Rin to explain.

'err, she can sometimes get like that with fresh batteries,' she said feebly.


Meanwhile. . . Sesshomaru's legs wouldn't fit in the Fiesta.

'You know, you could always take the swords off,' Lazuli suggested.

'Never!' the demon lord declared, hugging Tokijin and Tenseiga to him like a zealous toddler. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

'Have you pushed the seat back all the way?'

'The seat moves?'

Lazuli stared at him disbelievingly, then, rolling her eyes again, plunged her arm between Sesshomaru's legs and started to rummage for the catch on the seat.

'What are you doing?' Sesshomaru cried. Suddenly the seat flew back and Sesshomaru almost fell out of the car again.

'Better?' Lazuli asked, starting the engine. The demon lord merely grunted. 'I forgot how short Cara is. Put your seatbelt on,' she added, reversing.

'Tonight, we go on Ah-Un,' Sesshomaru growled, sulking as only Sesshomaru can do.


Unusually, no other disastrous occurrences plagued either Sesshomaru or Jacken until the evening, unless you count Jacken being chased by a huge dog and smashing into a lamppost. Oh, yeah, and Sesshomaru slipped on the reformed ice while he and Lazuli were bringing the presents into the house; somehow Lazuli had made it much worse than before. Lazuli called at six o'clock and Rin opened the door. She squealed when she saw her friend, dressed in strangely Christmassy gothic attire which looked great. A long black silk and lace skirt, and a sleeveless top covered with a see-through black gossamer shirt. Actually, the only Christmas thing about it was the large, sparkly Santa's hat she wore on top of loose black hair. When Jacken saw it he ducked under a cushion, thinking he couldn't be seen even though his bottom (and Thomas the tank Engine boxers) could be clearly seen. Quietly Rin mouthed 'I'll explain later.' Lazuli nodded in agreement.

Sesshomaru came downstairs five minutes later, and his jaw dropped when he saw Lazuli. She stared too.

'There is no way you're going out in that!' she cried, and pushed him all the way back up the stairs again. He was wearing his usual white.

'But-but,' he stammered, as he was pushed. Lazuli sat him down on the bed and proceeded to rifle through his wardrobe, flinging out random clothes that she ordered him to put on. He tried to protest, he really did, but nobody could glare in such a Sesshomaru-like way as Lazuli. Unless Sesshomaru was in a really bad mood, of course. So he put the clothes on.. over what he was already wearing.

'Why are all men the same?' Lazuli asked the ceiling. Sesshomaru looked affronted.

'What is that supposed to mean?' he cried.

'You always wear the same thing!' Lazuli replied. 'Take it all off, then put on the clothes I picked out for you!' she instructed. 'And hurry, we're going to be late.' She rolled her eyes and swept from the room when he didn't move and blushed instead. The towel memory came back to both of them.

Five minutes later, Sesshomaru was standing at the door in a simple t-shirt, artfully ripped jeans, knee high leather boots and a short length leather jacket (she hadn't managed to wrestle Tokijin and Tenseiga from him). The effect was simple but stylish, and Lazuli stepped back to admire her handiwork.

'What do you think Rin?' she asked her hair stylist. 'Do you think he needs eyeliner?'

'No!' Sesshomaru gasped. He had had enough of eyeliner to last a lifetime.

'What about blue eyeshadow?' Lazuli asked innocently. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

'There is something missing,' Rin began, whispering the rest in Lazuli's ear.

'Oh, of course! How could I forget? Thanks, Rin. Sesshy, close your eyes.'

'It's Lord Sesshomaru,' Sesshy grumbled, closing his eyes anyway. He could sense Lazuli walking up to him, and smell her scent as she. . .fiddled with his hair! No, anything but the hair!

She pulled away and the demon lord opened his eyes immediately, looking at what she had done.

'Oh.' This wasn't the first time she had surprised him. And he did quite like the effect of the Santa hat perched on his silver hair.

Rin giggled. 'Now all you need is a beard, Lord Sesshomaru, and you really would be Santa!' she cried happily. Jacken whined even louder and stuck his behind even further in the air. Sesshomaru looked on disgusted, and apologetically at Lazuli.

'Rin'll explain later,' she explained. Even Sesshomaru laughed at that.

One crazy Ah-Un ride later, Sesshomaru and Lazuli entered the cinema. The floor of the box office had been turned into a dance floor and the counter into a buffet table, complete with punch bowl and mini fibre-optic Christmas trees. Bouncers lurked in the entrance, making sure nobody had concealed weapons or drugs or marmalade. One look at Sesshomaru, despite the two blatant swords hanging at his sides, and they let him straight in.

'This music is dreadful,' Sesshomaru commented. Lazuli agreed.

'Yeah, it's never good at these things,' she said.

'Lazuli,' a voice called, 'hey, Lazuli!'

'Oh, hey, Stan,' she replied, smiling as she introduced Sesshomaru. Stan looked the demon lord up and down, and gave Lazuli a significant look which she frowned at. Sesshomaru had no idea what was going on.

'Lord Sesshomaru. Hmm. Weren't you the one who destroyed Pizza Hut?' Stan asked curiously.

'Yes,' Sesshomaru replied cautiously.

'Good on you, mate! I get paid 1.25 times here than what I did there.'

'It's true,' Lazuli agreed, nodding emphatically. Sesshomaru smiled, and not in the way he usually smiled at Jacken. Stan didn't miss the glance.

'Hey, Lazuli, you know that bouncer over there? The fat one?' Stan said.

'Yeah?'

'I think she fancies me.'

'What?' the bouncer didn't look capable of it.

'Yeah, she was feeling me up, I swear it.' He demonstrated how the bouncer apparently frisked for concealed weapons. Lazuli held still with an expression of tolerant irritation on her face. Sesshomaru however was horrified. He drew Tokijin and killed Stan instantly.

'Sesshomaru! What did you do that for?' exclaimed Lazuli, horrified. The demon lord could only mumble incoherently. 'Sesshomaru, chill, kay? Stan wasn't doing anything wrong. He's gay, OK? He didn't mean anything by it. In fact, I think he fancies you a bit.' Sesshomaru looked even more horrified. Now bring him back to life. And if I see you use Tokijin again, I'll make you stand in the naughty corner.' She looked serious, so Sesshomaru did as he was told. Stan got up and wandered off slightly bemused.

'I thought he was compromising your honour,' Sesshomaru mumbled. A look of gratitude swelled in Lazuli's face so suddenly that Sesshomaru was a little unnerved. She never looked at him like that.

'Well, no harm done, eh?' she said reassuringly,' just don't do it again.'

A woman with short cropped auburn hair came up to them while Lazuli was getting Sesshomaru some punch.

'Ah, Lazuli! So glad you could come!' her tone indicated otherwise.

'Hello Sarah,' Lazuli smiled back. She had to restrain herself; Tokijin was only two feet away and Sarah was her old school nemesis. And her boss.

'You haven't introduced me to your plus-one, Lazuli,' Sarah crooned. 'is he your boyfriend?'

'Friend,' Lazuli corrected, introducing Sesshomaru grudgingly to Sarah.

'Do you like the punch, Sesshomaru?' she asked, smarming between them. The demon lord had spied some sushi on a nearby so was only half listening.

'Yes, it is very nice. What's in it?'

'Oh, my own recipe, you know, Sesshomaru. Pomegranate, pineapple, mango and a little splash of rum.'

The song changed, and Lazuli was getting bored of the conversation. Her mind was wandering over the most comical ways of killing her boss and not getting caught. Once again, Tokijin caught her eye.

'Lazuli,' Sesshomaru insisted again.

'Huh?'

'Do you want to dance?' he asked. Behind him, Sarah was looking at Lazuli smugly, as if to say 'dance today, don't have a job on Monday. Knowing Sarah, that could happen.

'No thanks, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli replied.

'Are you sure?'

'No – yeah. I have to find Cara anyway. You go have fun.' Before they could get too far, Lazuli slipped some of the punch over the floor, hoping to catch Sarah out. Sesshomaru landed on his buttocks instead. Lazuli cringed and edged away before anyone could accuse her.

So, now, she had no choice but to look for Cara. She stood on tiptoe over the rest of the crowd, but, since Cara was shorter than most of the crowd, it didn't do much good. She wondered morosely whether Rin and Jacken were having a better time.


They weren't really. Rin had had the initiative to order pizza, but had been in the shower when it arrived. Apparently, Jacken didn't grasp the concept of 'paying', and had pointed the staff of two heads at the delivery boy when he demanded money. Jacken was now sitting in the kitchen minus the pizza while Rin pressed ice to his lumpy forehead.

'Poor Master Jacken,' she tutted.


'So, how goes the stalkee, Laz?' Cara asked conversationally.

'First, never call me Laz, ever. Second, he's over there.' She pointed to the dance floor, where Sarah still hadn't let Sesshomaru out of her clutches. Every time he tried to edge away, she'd haul him back, getting closer and closer each time. Sesshomaru was now having to restrain himself. Tokijin was only a few centimetres away.

Cara looked shocked. 'But, you're stalking him Lazuli! You shouldn't invite him to a Christmas party! You should sneak into his! Must I remind you all the time about the stalker's code of conduct?'

'You made that code up! And who said I was stalking him?' Lazuli cried. Cara spent a lot of time while not at work stalking rugby players in their favourite haunts and befriending their girlfriends. A lot of rugby players split up with said girlfriends after that. Any spare time after that was spent stalking Rio.

'Even so,' Cara sniffed, 'you shouldn't get involved with a demon lord. Look what he did to Pizza Hut! Why don't you stalk someone normal, and do it normally?'

'Did you ever think there might be more to life than stalking Cara?' Lazuli asked bluntly. Cara just shrugged.

The song ended, and Sesshomaru finally managed to pry Sarah off him. He waded easily through the crowd.

'Hello Cara,' he said pleasantly when he reached them. Cara fainted. Lazuli sighed and shook her head wearily.

'She's always doing that,' she sighed.

They went over to get more punch, because Sesshomaru liked it, and because he also wanted some sushi, but wasn't brave enough to go and get it by himself. He said the acne riddled caterer looked 'scary'. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

She moved stealthily over to the DJ while Sesshomaru was drinking yet another glass of punch.

'Have you got any. . .Marilyn Manson?' she asked. The DJ shook his head. 'Metallica?' shake. 'Nightwish?' shake. 'Motorhead?' shake. 'Well, what the hell do you have? It's not as if they're small bands that nobody's heard of!'

'No, but they're not the kind of music people usually listen to. I agree with you, this music sucks, but I can't do anything about it,' the DJ said.

'What!'

While Lazuli was arguing with the DJ, Sarah had once again sidled up to Sesshomaru. He was itching for Tokijin, but then she started acting normally, totally different to before, and the demon lord found himself warming to her.

'Well, what about any Marilyn Manson songs covered by other people? You have to have one of them.'

'Yes, I can do that,' the DJ replied, relieved she was going to go away now.

'Thankyou,' Lazuli said graciously.

She turned. Her eyes narrowed. Sarah was there, talking to Sesshomaru, who was holding an empty glass of punch. After a while she walked away, a smirk plain on her face.

'Hey Sesshomaru, what did she want?' Lazuli asked.

'Oh nothing really,' he replied. 'I think she's quite nice, actually.'

'Yeah, when she wants to be,' Lazuli muttered.

Sesshomaru started laughing at nothing at all, until Lazuli asked what he was laughing at. Then sobered immediately. Then burst out laughing again.

'You're drunk, aren't you?' Lazuli said in amazement.

'Nope,' the demon lord replied, unable to keep a straight face.

'Yes you are!' Sesshomaru kept on sniggering, and pointed at the top of Lazuli's head.

'That hat is so funny!' he giggled. 'I want one!'

'You have one,' she replied slowly.

'Do I?' I must look like a pillock!' Sesshomaru was swaying slightly now, giggling like one of Santa's elves. They were getting stared at. And Lazuli had been worried about Rin and Jacken.


And with good reason. . .

'Aaaaaaaaaah! Master Jacken! Master Jacken!'

'What is it Rin?' Jacken asked, bemused.

'THERE! A spider! Get it! Get it!'

Jacken swung round, his chest puffed out in as manly a manner as possible, and let out an even higher pitched shriek than Rin. He leaped onto the sofa next to her.

'It's the curse of Santa Claws!' he declared at the top of his lungs.

'Master Jacken, I'm frightened,' Rin wailed.

'I know Rin, I know,' Jacken replied. 'If only I could reach the staff of two heads. . .' It was lying on the other end of the sofa. 'Aha!' cried Jacken, snatching the staff up. 'Now ye, dread creature, fear me!' he promptly coughed up a hairball, then tried to kill the spider.

The jet of flame missed it by an inch, and it scuttled to the side. Rin screamed and Jacken aimed again. And again. And again. And again. Each time the spider moved slightly, until there were scorch marks everywhere and it was hanging off the wall in the corner.

'Master Jacken,' Rin whispered, 'do you think it's dead?'


'Come on, Sesshomaru, let's go home, you're drunk.' Lazuli had been trying for the last five minutes to persuade the demon lord to follow her. She had tried coaxing, glaring, Haribos laid in a little trail along the floor, and no she was back to coaxing again.

'I don' wanna go,' Sesshomaru complained slurrily. 'And I'm not –' he fell forward onto Lazuli's shoulder, completely unconscious. She rolled her eyes as she dragged him outdoors.

'Ah-Un!' she scolded, 'Look at this mess!' Cars lay strewn about the car park, and one was burning. Ah-Un started to explain that he was cold and needed the exercise until he remembered he couldn't talk.

On the flight home, Sesshomaru sobered immediately. He groaned and sat up.

'Welcome back,' Lazuli said coldly.

'What happened?' he asked. His head felt like Tetsaiga had cleaved it in two.

'You got drunk and passed out,' she replied stiffly.

'I messed up, didn't I?'

'Cha!'

'I'm so sorry, Lazuli,' he said, and meant it. Lazuli had to control herself. Tokijin was only a few feet away.

When they got in, they found the door off its hinges. With a worried glance to each other they began to hurry down the drive, but slipped again on the ice. Sesshomaru skidded into the flowerbed and emerged with some winter shrub in his silver hair, spitting out earth.

Jacken and Rin were still in the living room, the spider holding them hostage on the sofa. It had disarmed Jacken with its dark spidery powers (actually, the imp had just been trembling so much that he had dropped the staff behind the spider) and was now staring at them cruelly though its eight eyes. It had a beard, and its body was slightly red,. Or so Jacken imagined. It was hypnotising them, it was –

'What the hell is going on here?' Lazuli cried, surveying the Dalmatian like living room.

'Lazuli!' Rin cried in relief, flinging herself into her friend's arms. 'Oh it was terrible! The pizza boy beat up Jacken, and then a huge spider came and tried to eat us!'

'Really?' Lazuli replied, 'where is this spider now?'

Rin pointed, trembling, to the carpet. Lazuli bent down to get a better look at the speck like money spider. She carefully scooped it up in her fingers and plopped it outside. 'There we are Rin, no more spider,' she said kindly. Jacken, overawed, had dropped to the ground at Lazuli's feet and was bowing to her like a god.

'Oh, great deliverer, goddess! I am forever in your debt, I owe my humble life to your battle prowess! I –'

'Get up, Jacken,' Sesshomaru growled. 'I take it you did this to my walls?' Jacken stumbled over his words, bowing up and down so rapidly he was almost a blur. Lazuli got dizzy just watching him.

'I'm going to head off,' she declared.

'Don't go, Lazuli!' Rin wailed, hugging Lazuli's knees. 'Who will save me from the spiders?'

'Rin, I can't stay, I have to work – if I still have a job,' she added savagely. Sesshomaru winced. 'Anyway, Rin, Lord Sesshomaru's here.'

'He's scared of spiders, ever since one bit him on the –' Sesshomaru cleared his throat loudly as Lazuli tried to pry Rin off her legs.

Sesshomaru followed her to her Fiesta. And slipped again, this time banging his head off the Fiesta.

'Now I have a dent in my car, thanks,' Lazuli said dryly, though not as cold as before.

'I'm so sorry Lazuli,' Sesshomaru said, 'You are a good friend, and I want to make it up to you.'

She seemed to think it through. 'OK, she began, 'You can make it up by coming to my mum's house tomorrow to put up Christmas decorations, and coming to Christmas dinner. And,' she added, 'If you sing and dance the Macarena three times through right now.'

'Do I have to?'

'I could make this wide scale public humiliation,' she informed him. Sesshomaru sighed in resignation and started to dance.


AAAAAAHHH!! My comedy is turning into fluff!!!! This wasn't supposed to happen! I will keep a tighter rein onn my imagination from now on, and if there is one more fluff chapter like this one, I'm ending the story -maybe I'll do a sequel which is meant to be fluff...gets ideas

Well, guys, the next one will be coming in about five minutes, au revoir!

Shadowxwolf (PS. Review please)