Chapter Nine—Decisions

Edward was staring at me with a look of contempt. His eyes were narrowed into thin slits, almost as if the mere thought of just being here was repugnant to him. All my worst fears were coming true, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to say the first word. It felt like my chest was about to explode into a thousand irretrievable pieces. He unknowingly had every reason to beat me into a pile of mush.

"Thank you for seeing me," he grumbled under his breath as he began to pace my office. All I could do was stand rigid—just waiting for the first punch to be thrown—with my hands gripping my desk, paralyzed by fear. "I wanted to chat with you about how things are progressing with her therapy."

I cleared my throat. This was not what I had been expecting, and I couldn't answer his question anyway. "I'm sorry, Edward, but that information is protected under Doctor-Patient Confidentiality. I'm sure you understand."

"It's no secret that I dislike doctors, but I was hoping that you could see past all these rules and tell me how my mother is doing. She's been acting very odd lately."

"Your mother?" The words flew out of my mouth with a gasp of confusion. Hadn't he come here to reshape my face for all the dirty little things I'd been doing to his fiancée? I'd barely touched his mother.

"Esme Evenson—you're her therapist, are you not?"

I could feel my hands shaking, and I could taste the bile coating my throat. It was taking everything that I had not to vomit right here in front of Edward. One of these times it was bound to happen, regardless of how strong of a stomach I had.

"Yes," I choked out.

"Are you okay, Doctor Cullen?

Don't call me by that name, I silently screamed. I never wanted to hear that name again.

"Yes—yes, I'm fine," I lied. I was far from fine. Terror was the only emotion coursing through my body.

"So, my mother is doing all right?" he carried on, oblivious to the agony gnawing away at me. "I mean, I know you can't tell me the details, but can you at least ease my mind?"

What was I going to say to him? I couldn't breach Esme's confidence, nor could I tell him that her odd behavior was because she was dating me in secret. It felt wrong to be talking to Edward in this capacity. I couldn't even look him in the eye, not with the knowledge that this was person standing between myself and the women in my life.

A sudden fit of panic began to consume me, and everything went fuzzy. All the lights in my office went out one by one until only the whites of Edward's eyes remained. He stepped forward, but as he spoke, I heard nothing but the voice of Joel Cox—Channel Five's anchorman.

I awoke to the sound of a traffic report blaring through my bedroom. It had only been a dream. With a sluggish groan, I reached over and hit the snooze button on the alarm clock; I had no interest in the weekend congestion on the 101. It was only seven, and although I needed to go into the office this morning, I couldn't bring myself to get up just yet; the nightmare of Edward standing in my office was still fresh in my mind. Instead, I sprawled out across my California king bed, searching for the warm body that I'd slept next to all night.

I found nothing. Esme was gone.

My heart fluttered for a moment as the realization that I was now alone started to sink in. I sat up, tugging the covers around my body for some sense of comfort, and rubbed my nose against the silky fabric. The smell of Esme's perfume—the same scent of cinnamon that had accompanied her kiss—still lingered on the sheets. There was a sense of sadness pounding throughout my chest. I'd never just spent the night entangled in a woman's embrace, leaving things purely romantic and not sexual in any way. It was actually quite refreshing. Esme possessed a certain warmth about her that I'd never experienced before. I'd felt it all night long as she lay cuddled up on my chest. Just watching her sleep had been amazing in its own right. She was beautiful when she slept, and I'd spent half the night wondering if she was dreaming of me. Now that she had vanished, I felt empty inside.

The thought of calling her crossed my mind as I stumbled out of bed in search of my slippers, but the moment my feet touched the floor, something caught my eye. There, on the nightstand, was a note scribbled in red pen.

I didn't want to wake you. Edward is coming over for breakfast this morning, and I needed to be home before he arrived. Last night was incredible, and I hope that we can see each other again before Friday. Please think about Thanksgiving. Esme xoxo

My eyes traveled over the note several times before I finally folded it up and placed it inside the drawer next to the bed.

"I wish you had stayed," I whispered to no one in particular.

I understood her need for privacy, but I was really starting to think that Edward was going to come between us. How was I ever going to get past the fact that he was a dominant factor in both of my current relationships? My dream hadn't been for nothing; it was my subconscious trying to tell me that I was in the middle of a very dangerous situation.

I felt sick to my stomach as I stepped into the shower, praying that the warm water would wash away my awful thoughts. I didn't want it to be true. I was involved with two women—which I knew was completely wrong of me to begin with—but the fact that they were soon to be related through marriage sent shivers down my spine.

"You have got to end this."

I sighed into the falling bands of water, and placed my hands on the tile wall, just bracing myself for what I knew was about to happen. It was immoral of me to continue seeing both women, especially since they were from the same family. The only problem was, I didn't know which one to end it with.

On one hand, there was Bella—sexy, vibrant, dirty, and taken. On the other hand, sat Esme—also sexy in a more refined sense of the word, and completely enthralling on every level. And I was addicted to both of them.

When I was with Esme the entire world just faded away, leaving only the moment being shared between us. With Bella, I felt alive inside, and had discovered a deeper part of myself that I never knew existed. I'd tried to give her up before, but always found myself running back into her arms. It was wrong of me to crave her touch when she was engaged to be married, yet there was something about her that had me crawling back for more every single time.

Maybe it was just the fact that our relationship was shrouded in secrecy, but wasn't it the same with Esme? Perhaps it was the thrill of potentially getting caught that had me whining like a fool and touching myself every moment that we were apart from each other.

I wanted things to progress with Esme. It had taken three months for us to even kiss, and I respected her need to take things slow. However, I felt as though I was cheating on them both, and it needed to stop. Addicted, or not, I was going to end up hurting them both if I didn't do something.

Switching the water off and grabbing a towel from the counter, I searched for an answer to my dilemma. For the time being, I had to think of what was best for them, and put my own selfishness aside. I wasn't sure that I could do it, but I had to try.

As I slipped on my jeans and black polo sweater, a sudden thought occurred to me. If these two captivating women were from the same family and I continued seeing one of them, there would be no chance of ever being able to sustain a successful relationship. I could just see the family dinners now. There would always be some type of an argument, or at the very least a death threat from Edward. I'd been sleeping with his fiancée for months and hoped to romance his mother, if she ever opened up to the idea. How would that affect him? Would a long lasting relationship even be possible with the mess I'd gotten myself into?

And that was only the problem if I picked Esme.

If I chose Bella, would she ever leave Edward for me? I doubted it, but I also didn't want to alienate her from my life either. I needed her touch so badly. Could I attempt to continue seeing both? Did I have it in me to confess what I'd been up to? Would I be forgiven?

So many things were swirling in my mind that I couldn't separate them. I needed a distraction; I needed some fresh air to clear my head. Grabbing my phone and keys off of the dresser, I headed down the parking garage.

"Crap," I grumbled as I looked down to my cell. I'd completely forgotten that I'd switched it off last night when Esme came over.

With a slight reluctance, I powered up the phone, bracing myself once again for any incoming messages. I knew that they would be there, and sure enough, seventeen text messages and three voicemails flashed across the screen in a never ending wave of anger.

I've called you twice, where are you?

I want you, Carlisle…please come over.

Are you ignoring me?

I'm naked, wet, and so ready for you…

What the fuck! Why aren't you texting me back!

Fine, ignore me, you jackass!

I'm sorry about my last text. Call me. I miss you.

Message, after message poured in—some angry, some playful, but all of them were from Bella. Her voicemails were harsh at best, and I knew that I needed to somehow make it up to her, regardless of my new plan. Balancing these two women was going to be the death of me, if an ulcer didn't claim me first.


A/N: We're about half way through the story and I would like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing! I wouldn't have been able to write it at all had it not been for my beta hmmille, so thank you darlin'! Poor Carlisle has gotten himself into a big mess, and now he has to dig himself out ;)