It was raining again, it always seemed to rain at Kong Studios; every other part of England could be warm and sunny, but Kong was almost constantly rainy. Not that Murdoc minded it too much, he felt more at home in the rain; hadn't it been raining when he had been dropped off at his father's home?
He couldn't really remember if it had been or not.
His body was still sore from the encounter with his father three days ago. His sides and face bruised, and his hands cut up. His band mates knew better than to talk about it, to approach the topic. They went on with band practices and tour planning like nothing had even happened, for that Murdoc was grateful. They were even accepting the fact he was keeping to himself more than usual. Times like these made him a bit grateful that he was surrounded by people who thought he was repulsive and selfish, they were right though.
"Yew okay?"
2D sat down on the ground next to the older man. Murdoc looked over at him; his blue hair was already soaked and clinging to his face.
"For fuck sake dullard, yer gonna freeze to death." The Satanist said as he took off his jacket and handed it to the younger man.
"Thanks Mudsie"
"Wotever"
"Why are yew sitting out in the rain?"
"Because I like to, now why in hell are yew out 'ere?"
At least he had been able to enjoy a bit of time alone, to himself without anybody irritating him and bothering him.
"I was worried 'bout yew being out 'ere all alone…..Yew a'right?"
Murdoc rolled his eyes at the question, he was sick of hearing if he was okay. Of course he wasn't okay; he rarely was unless he was drunk out of his mind.
"No I'm not"
"Is it 'bout yer dad?"
"A little bit, but something else…Er I don't really, 'ow 'bout we go for a walk?"
2D looked at him for a bit like he wanted to question the older man and the switching of topics. He lost the thought within seconds; he nodded in reply to the bassist's question. Murdoc stood up, he offered his hand to the younger man and 2D took hold of it allowing the older man to pull him to his feet.
He was tired of keeping all of this to himself, but he still felt like Frankenstein's monster or some trash like that. Some hideous thing that didn't even know who and what it was made up of, but it knew in the end that it was wrong.
They walked on together in silence for awhile, they managed to get out of Kong without seeing a single zombie. When they got into town it was close to being just as empty, a couple of cars going by every now and again, occasionally people would run through the streets ducking into buildings to escape the steady rain. Murdoc could feel 2D's empty eyes on him, silently questioning what was going on; he knew that the singer worried, he really wished that he wouldn't. They walked into a small alley; Murdoc leaned back against the wall and 2D stood in front of him.
"Wot's going on?"
Murdoc ran his fingers back through his wet hair, he looked towards the entrance of the alley; not a single person in sight. In his mind he was trying frantically to figure out what to say if anything. How did you tell somebody that your mom was also your sister and she just recently cut herself to death?
"I don't know 'ow to tell yew in a simple way that yew can understand."
2D looked a bit offended by that.
"I'm not completely brainless y'know."
"Sure yew aren't mate, but I….A'right; I got a letter in the post not that long ago telling me t'at my mum is dead."
"Yer birth mum?"
"Yeah"
"I thought that yew didn't know her."
"I don't, I didn't, but…There's something I need to tell yew, I just don't know how. Yer the only person that I'm gonna tell and I want it to stay that way. Got it?"
"Yeah, of course."
Murdoc looked towards the street again, he felt paranoid. He couldn't even get himself to look 2D in the eye right now, just thinking about confessing to another person made him feel filthy and ashamed.
"I have, had an older sister named Rosemarie; my-our dad used to rape her a lot an' he ended up getting her pregnant. She gave birth to me."
He just barely looked up at the blue haired man, enough of a glance to know the taller man was staring right at him.
"Yew mean like incest?"
Murdoc nodded.
Even he himself felt disgusted, disgusted by just saying it out loud.
"She was also yer sister, wow."
"It's disgusting, I know; I just felt like I had to tell somebody 'bout this. If I didn't I figured I'd go even more fucking insane over the whole thing. Its a little part of the reason my dad has been harassing me lately. I give yew permission to be repulsed, trust me I feel the same fucking way. I can't even look myself in the mirror without…Without thinking 'bout wot he did to her."
"It isn't yer fault."
"I feel like it is, she'd still be alive if she hadn't gotten pregnant with me or if they hadn't made her keep the pregnancy. I should 'ave just been aborted, I'm fucking disgusting; I can't stand knowing wot I came from."
He felt frustrated and angry.
2D placed his hands on the older man's shoulder.
"Hey it's okay, yew didn't do anything. It's horrible that yer dad did that, it's really horrible; yew didn't make it happen though."
Murdoc looked up meeting the taller man's eyes.
"See me any differently?"
"Not really, yer still my mate."
"Wish I could stop thinking 'bout it, I actually pushed it to the back of my head for a long time. Now I just keep noticing things; like 'ow my skin is so pale an' grey looking or 'ow my eyes are sort of red all because of wot my dad did to her. Some sideshow freak or something, almost feel like cutting off my own skin lately."
"Yew look fine to me; I wish yew 'ad told me 'bout this a long time ago. Thought I knew everything 'bout yew."
Murdoc smiled a bit.
"I think yew know everything now, close enough anyways."
"Are yew sad that she died?"
"I want to be, I tried to make myself cry over it, but I couldn't. I still can't; part of me hates her for it, not her fault our dad did that to her, but I hate she….She should 'ave left, ran away from home; something, she could 'ave done something. Maybe if she had just killed me successfully after I was born, something if she had actually…I don't know I just 'ate her and I feel like a complete bastard for it."
It was strange talking to somebody about these things. He felt weird that he was telling somebody all of this and they were still looking at him like nothing had changed, they were calmly talking to him like this was any other conversation. It frustrated him a bit; he almost wanted to lash out at the blue haired man.
"It's a'right to not be sad, yew don't 'ave to be sad 'bout it. Sometimes it takes awhile to really accept somebody dying. Yew never really knew her so that goes too, there's nothing wrong with it. Maybe later on yew'll mourn; it'll happen if yew need it to."
"I never thought I'd say it, but I swear I'd be a fucking wreck if it weren't for yew being 'round. Yer the only bloke I know who still wants to hang 'round me no matter wot yew see or hear."
2D smiled.
"Yew take good care of me, I really care 'bout yew; a lot."
2D ran his fingers through the older man's wet hair pushing it away from his face.
"Yew feel really cold."
"It's no big deal" Murdoc whispered.
The younger man gently ran his fingers along the bassist's bruised cheek. Murdoc found himself placing his hand on the middle of the singer's back pulling his body closer to his own. He glanced towards the entrance of the alley just to make sure nobody was around. He turned his attention back to 2D; he curled his fingers in the front of the taller man's shirt pulling him downwards a bit. He leaned up the rest of the way pressing his lips against 2D's.
He told himself he was only doing this to see if the younger man meant what he had said. That finding out Murdoc was the product of incest didn't change how he viewed him, but deep down he knew it was more than that; he didn't want to deal with that though.
2D wrapped his arms around him holding him closely as they kissed each other. It wasn't rushed or aggressive, it was slow and gentle. He wondered if the blue haired singer knew how much Murdoc really needed this.
