I gasped and clenched my fists. The big winged creature I was riding softly crooned. Tears threatened to leave my eyes. I had thought I knew how much Luffy had loved Ace. But I didn't.

I hadn't even taken anything from him, I just had looked at it. But he felt my psychic touch, felt my grief and pain and was reassured by it.

I had seen how he suffered at Amazon Lily after the war, had seen his worst thoughts, and it shook me to the core.

The simple fact of Ace dieing. He had told Luffy he wouldn't die.

The fact that Luffy had punched Garp-san also hurt him, very much.

After fighting through Impel Down and Marineford, after nearly dieing several times, giving up decades of his life for the power to save Ace, then finally freeing him.

To feel the guilt. Ace had been dealt the terminal injury when he had protected Luffy. That Ace had died because of him, that's what Luffy thought at least, because he couldn't save himself, just because he was weak, dealt a heavy blow to Luffy's confidence, shattering it completely.

I had seen and felt that pain, that guilt, that shame. It had shaken me to my deepest core and I wished I could really take all of it off him.

The creature crooned again and I stroked its long neck.

"It's alright. Just find Garp-san."

–..-

"You- you're wrong. You're wrong!" Dadan cried and sobbed uncontrolled. "The one who's in the most pain is Luffy!"

Makino and the other bandits began crying while I watched from the shadows.

"Do you have any idea how highly he thought of his brother?"

Makino broke down crying and ran away.

I noticed how shocked Garp-san was and how guilty he felt. But Dadan was right and Garp-san wrong. He had to get over this.

The mayor came over and asked about Luffy.

It broke my heart to hear Dadan cry out to Luffy. I knew she adored and loved both Ace and Luffy and partly also Sabo like own children, but knowing something and seeing and feeling the desperation is completely different.

Makino had calmed down a bit, leading the bandits back into the bar, together with Garp-san, the latter one so that he could clean the wounds Dadan had inflicted on him.

I remembered the back door and slipped behind the house and then into the bar.

I came by here before, though only one time and checked on everyone. I knew that both Luffy and Ace thought good of the bandits and Luffy also of the inhabitants of the small town.

Makino noticed me in the backroom when she came to get bandages for Garp-san.

She gasped, nearly losing hold on the metallic case, nearly crying out for help. I hastily put down my hood and put my finger against my lips.

"Sh."

She caught her composure when she recognized me and then sighed, going back to Garp-san.

"Here are the bandages, Vice Admiral Garp. Should I help you?"

"No, thank you, Makino." he grumbled and I heard the case snap open.

I pulled my hood back up, making sure Garp-san did not notice me, I tiptoed to the dark corner where Dadan had sat down.

When I was in front of her, she suddenly noticed me and wanted to say something, when I partly lifted my hood and shushed her.

Understanding gleamed in her eyes and she waved me closer.

I smiled sadly and responded to her fierce hug in the same manner.

"Luffy is alright."

She let out a relieved sigh and another tear rolled down her cheek.

"You saw him?" she asked quietly.

I nodded into the embrace.

Another deep sigh left her and she let go of me.

"Thank you." she mouthed and I nodded, pulling my hood above my head again and slowly walking towards the bar-stools where Garp-san sat.

I sat down next to him, still keeping the hood on.

Makino nodded at me knowingly and put a glass of water in front of me.

Garp-san didn't really take notice.

"Pretty bad injured, aren't you, Vice Admiral? Not only recent ones either. The war?"

He barely glanced at me and nodded gloomy. Suddenly he turned.

"Your voice..."

"Hm?"
"Would you take off that hood?"
"Why should I?"
"Your voice seems awfully familiar..."

I noticed that he was irritated. He never had heard or seen me as I was now, but he recognized my tone. I smiled a bit. He still recognized it even after all these years. "Do you wish I would?"

"Please do so."
I inclined my head and Makino looked at me encouragingly.

I took off the hood and looked at Garp-san, straight into his eyes.

"It's been a long time, Garp-san."

He nearly fell down in surprise. I caught him and helped him sit back up.

"S-s-sa-Saya?!"

"Yes." I inclined my head.

He stuttered a bit before he shook his head and with immense speed embraced me.

He shook like a leaf, and I could have sworn I heard him sob.

He stayed like that for a while and I softly returned the hug.

When he let go, he wiped his eyes. Makino smiled at me.

"You did a good thing, Saya." she said, wiping a tear from her left eye.

"Thanks, Makino." I answered, gently taking her hand and squeezing it. She got the message and another tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away in embarrassment. I just promised her we'd talk later, about Luffy.

"Saya?"

"Yes, Garp-san?"
"You-" he cleared his throat. "You wrote a message to me before the war, right?"
"I did."
"Why?"
"I heard that you had become gloomy because of my absence and I didn't want you to worry more than you already did." I tried to be distant to him. He needed to know that we couldn't be close anymore.

"Then why did you leave?" he had found his composure and was questioning me.

I wordlessly shook my head.

"You won't tell?"
"I won't."
"Why?"
"Several reasons."

"Tell me one."

Makino and the bandits were following our conversation with sharp ears. I had known why I didn't contact Garp-san before. He was far too passionate to let me leave again. And once he had seen me, he wouldn't let me go, and if I did go, he would search for me even more furiously.

"My parents." I sighed.
That threw him off-guard.

"Pardon me? You were an orphan found by-"

"...high marine soldiers of the HQ when I was about 17 months old. But that doesn't mean I do not know who my parents were." I cut him off, tired of the whole story.

"Who were they?"
I shook my head again and a tear rolled down my cheek.

That shocked him. He never had seen me cry before, or even get emotional at all.

"Doesn't matter anymore." I wiped the tear away.
"Another reason?" he asked desperately.
"I couldn't accomplish my dream and fulfill an important promise if I had stayed in the marine."

He gulped at the finality in my words. "I see." he paused. "But... you couldn't have said good-bye?"

"Would you have let me go if I did?"

His eyes widened and then he closed them. "No."

"I am very sorry about the way it happened, Garp-san."
"I understand." he sighed and opened his eyes again. Suddenly he smiled. "I'm just glad to see you again and talk to you."

I also smiled and nodded.

We shared a short silence.

"You heard... of Ace's death and Luffy in Marineford?"
"I saw Ace die in front of me and I just came from where Luffy now is."

He choked and began coughing violently. "You- you were there?!"

Together with him, Makino and Dadan and the bandits looked at me in surprise.

My voice dropped several octaves and got icy. "Yes."

He shivered. "you... but... then..." he sighed. "You did not fight on either side."

"Fighting involves also background action and informants." I coldly threw back.

"Wh- wha- what?"

I glared at him, then dropped it and sighed. "It's over anyways. Ace is dead, Whitebeard is dead, Luffy is still alive, though he struggled quite a bit."

"You saw him?" he asked quietly, like he was trying to apologize.

"I met him, yes."

"So he's alive and well."
"Alive? Yes. Well?" Anger once again filled my thoughts. "Remember Luffy. What did he look like when he left the battlefield?"

Garp-san gulped. "Beaten." he whispered, sad, depressed.

"He isn't well. But he's getting better. Because he has friends who care and help."

Garp-san nodded and I sighed in response.

After several minutes of silence, in which I drank my water and Garp-san resumed cleaning and bandaging his new wound.

"Why?" he suddenly asked, putting down everything and turning towards me. "Why come to me now? Why now and not earlier? Because of the war?"

To everyone's surprise I began chuckling before laughing out loud.

Especially the injured vice-admiral was surprised. He had never seen me laugh, never be so open and free with my emotions. Because of my education as a 'perfect weapon' I had been trained to not have emotions. That didn't mean that I hadn't them and couldn't express them though. I just never did.

I calmed down and wiped a tear of mirth from my eye. "I have been around very often. Do you really think the war was the first time after my disappearance that I returned to HQ? Or that I hadn't been at Water Seven when the Strawhats returned from a beaten Enies Lobby? That I didn't speak to the royal family of Alabasta, who had been in close contact with Luffy and his nakama? I was around very often. Just because you didn't see me, doesn't mean that I wasn't there."

He gaped at me.

I laughed again, then shook my head. "But that wasn't really the question, was it? You wanted to know why I revealed myself to you now, right?"
He closed his mouth, then opened it, only to close it. Unable to say anything, he just nodded.

My smile disappeared and my whole facial expression underwent a change, from mirth to dangerously neutral.

"I'm not around for very long anymore. I just wanted to speak to you one last time."

He blinked, seemingly trying to see another meaning behind it, but finding none except my near-coming death.

I took off my cloak and searched through my small bag that was slung around me.

Everyone had gone silent.

"Yo- You..." Garp-san croaked. "...will die?"

"Everyone will die. Some sooner, some later. I for my part, sooner." I replied in a neutral tone, still searching through my bag.

"When?" I heard Makino whisper.

I shrugged. "The old doctor told me I'd have still a few more days, at most a few weeks."

I finally found what I had been searching for and put the small package onto the bar, slowly and carefully unwrapping it.

She gasped and I heard a small sob from her, also from the bandits' corner. I just shrugged again.

"If we get a fast boat, within a few days we could reach Vegapunk, maybe he-"

"No." I interrupted Garp-san. "I won't. I trust my doctor. And I made my peace with it."

I finished unwrapping and looked at the small wooden toy, a seagull.

He took a breath to try and persuade me once again, but spluttered once he saw the wooden seagull.

A small blush made its way on his cheeks. "You still have it." he whispered unbelieving.

"Always with me."

Dadan came closer, curious what we were talking about and sat down next to me.

"What's that?"
"A toy I had gotten on my 4th birthday, from Garp-san."

"And you still have it?" she asked, reaching out to have a look at it.

I gave it to her with a nod and she cautiously took it.

Garp-san grasped my hand tightly, his eyes closed. He always had known I was not a talking person, more like my actions displayed me and my feelings more that my words. And this was telling him that although I left, I still remembered my childhood and my times with him, cherishing them.

Dadan gave it back to me and smiled.

I held it in my hands for a short while, feeling the wooden structure.

Then I pried his hand away from mine and put the seagull into it.

He quickly opened his eyes and looked at it, then looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I was closing my bag and putting my cloak back on.

Garp-san cleared his throat and gently grasped the toy in his hands. "You're leaving already?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "There are still several people I have to see and talk to."

"This is the last time I'll see you?"

"Probably."

He stood and slowly came closer. "Where will you be buried?" he asked quietly once he was mere inches away.

I shrugged and smiled.

He once again embraced me tightly. After him, Dadan also hugged me close.

"I'll bring you to our back door." Makino offered and I smiled, waved to the bandits and then disappeared into the back room with Makino.

We went a few steps outside town into the woods.

"Is Luffy really alright?"
"He had a hard time, both his body and soul. But he got through and is even stronger now."

"And now... he's even losing you. Or.. does he even know?"
I nodded slowly. "He knows. And I know he will cry. But he has someone by his side, someone I trust very much, someone who is there for him."

She nodded and sighed.

I looked into the woods. "I'll be going now. Take care of yourself, Makino."

"You too."

With a little breeze I vanished right before her eyes and she only heard the rustling of leaves.

-...-