Life's even better since Sora excepted my offer to move in with me for the remainder of the summer. I didn't think he'd ever go for it, but he said yes.
Ever since then, it's kinda been me and him. Of course we hang out with our friends, but things are better when we're...alone.
Don't know how to describe it.
"Come see me."
"So you do care!"
"I need to talk to you about...something?"
I walk all around my house, hoping for a sign of Sora to show, even though I know full well he's gone over to hang out with Kairi for a few hours tonight.
"What do you want :{"
"If you don't meet me on the play structure in the middle of the park at 8 tonight, it's your loss. Bye."
"What? What do you mean?" I check the time on my phone and realize that it's fifteen minutes till eight. "You asshole."
I pull on my shoes and tell Hiro where I'm out to. The weather was still warm at this time of night, and the colors are setting off in a purple fashion tonight.
I wonder what Sora is doing as I kick rocks down the sandy roads.
Wonder if he's thinking 'bout me.
I take a few turns and end up in Destiny's school district, where the Nikko park resided in the middle. The park is strangely bare except for a few people walking their dogs.
I bounce over to the play structure and sneak up on Saix, wrapping my arms through the bars of the green jungle gym and squeezing tight. He gasps, "Axel!"
"Ha! Scared ya." I climb onto the bridge of the structure and settle across him.
He still looked the same, electric blue hair and two scars streaking straight over his nose. He looked the slightest relieved looking at me.
"Good, you came out with all your parts."
"Yeah, and no letters or phone calls. You didn't miss me too much, did you?"
He scoffs, "You're an asshole, you deserved it."
"Whatever...! What did you have me come here on such short notice?"
Saix twists his body all around, before opening a wooden box, "You won't believe what I've been up to since you've been gone..."
He flashes his cellphone light upon it and I can't make it out at first. But then I realize what it is and my jaw drops.
"Where'd you-"
"-Ssshh. I met a guy in Twilight who knew a guy in Costa. It's..." He shakes his head, "It's amazing. Try it."
"I-I don't know..." I hesitate, biting my thumb. With the knowledge I have now, Hiro would kill me if he found out I was seeing Saix again, let alone getting high with him.
What Saix had in his little wooden box was a brick of cocaine. Saran wrap was tightly squeezed around the white powder. He had cut the tiniest slit into it.
...Fuck it.
It's not like it used to be, I can handle it.
I take my key out and scrape a little off the top of the slit. It went down smoothly, nearly no burning sensation. I sit for a few seconds before the warmth began it's journey across my body. Its as though my body was rising from it's deadly rest. Instead of being a zombie, I became the gun slinging killer.
"That's ….damn good." I grin.
"I owe my dealer 40 grand."
"Are you serious? What the fuck are you doing Saix you know how much deep shit you could be in if-"
"-If I don't make a profit? I know." He takes his card and scrapes off a bump for himself. Instantly, his eyes open up and he closes the box. He pulls out a piece of paper and holds his cellphone light over it. "I've done the calculations a thousand times over before I took the deal. We cut it, find regular clientele, and sell it. If everything goes as planned, I'll be able to pay back the debt...and the rest of the profit will be ours for the taking."
"Ours? We? What are you talking about?"
"I need a trustful business partner. It's a tough position, but the perks are well worth it. What do you say?"
"I don't know," I lean back against the bars with a smile, crossing my arms, "how do I know if you're trustful...you could just be using me as a pawn?"
He chuckles, "Why sit here and insult your own intelligence? It's a simple proposition with a few complex tasks. A bit of strong-arming here and there, nothing we can't both throw eachother under the bus for."
"How much of a cut am I looking at?"
"No less than twenty grand, and that's only starting off. Much more is to be made."
Twenty fucking grand...?
I used to be a small time dealer, I would make around $500 bucks a month off of weed and coke. I guess I have my foot in the door for this type of business...but I can't.
"I don't think so, Saix." I admit.
"As good as it sounds, I'd rather not send myself back to jail too soon."
He shrugs, "Fair enough. I guess someone has softened ever since the system turned them out..." He stands to his feet and leans over the bars of the bridge, lighting a cigarette.
"Oh Saix don't be sad," I stand next to him, slinging my left arm over his shoulders," If things don't work out, I won't be too long..." I start drawing in this sadness.
The fact that Sora would be leaving soon had me thinking that I won't have much to occupy my free time with.
"If things don't work out? Do you want to help me or not?" He sounds peeved.
"Yes and no...Just...argh..." I rub my temples now, "It's complicated..."
I sensed it coming on soon.
"Your show of reluctance...why?" He asks in his 'Saixy' tone that I had missed so much.
"It's complicated." I say again, lighting a cigarette.
"You're blushing."
"I...it's...here." I show him a photo of Sora on my phone. It was taken the night we first got high together, when he took it upon himself to use his shirt as a basket for everything edible in my kitchen. He held two joints in his mouth, was so high his eyes ere bloodshot.
"It's that one kid we used to have class with. What's his name...?"
"Sora." I say.
"Yeah. Since when did you guys hang out? Better yet, since when did he stop being such a prude?"
"I don't know. And me..." I say blatantly, rubbing my arm.
"So?"
"So?"
His brows furrow, "If you're gonna say something, then say it."
"I've...he's moving away soon. So, I'll help you when he's gone."
"Why when he leaves?"
"Because, I don't have time for it right now."
"Oh. Ohhhh. I see. So, you're fucking guys now?"
He laughs, "It's not like I didn't see that coming."
I look down, going through the same embarrassment I went through with Hiro. He looks at me before sitting down again. He pulls out a small baggie and dips a key in it, taking a huge bump this time.
"Sit down."
I sit down and take the baggie that he hands to me. Using my own key again, I draw up a huge little mountain before sending it up my passages.
I feel extremely good.
It's that feeling again.
That oh so smooth warmth that tickles me all over.
The numbness takes over my nose and certain parts of my face, but my smile stands strong.
It's like a bunch of tiny orgasms happening at once all over my body.
Again.
And again.
And again.
"You dating him?"
"Not yet. Well, I mean, kinda. Pretend. We're on each other when his ex is around, and-and it's just awesome. You remember that asshole with the white hair, Riku? His boyfriend?"
Saix leans in interested, his dark pupils covering the yellow of his eyes.
I tell him everything.
About us.
About Riku.
About this summer.
Anything Saix asked about, I answered.
Rarely does a conversation like this ever take place between me and Saix, but when it does it always seems magical.
"...And now I don't know what to do with it. I think I'm actually going to miss him when he leaves."
"Well, you're high."
I shake my head in disbelief to his response, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"He's a virgin, new to the drug scene, leaving to college soon...You're either trying to fuck him or you're just setting yourself up for failure, because he's gonna leave you in the dust."
I prop my arms on my crossed legs, "You too, huh? You and Hiro think he's too good for me."
"I didn't say that."
"Then what are you saying?" I'm getting seriously pissed.
He sighs, tilting his head, "You're a self indulgent asshole. Do you think a virgin wants to get with a nymphomaniac? You'd fuck anything that twitched an inch. You're going to be interested for another month tops, and then he's either gonna fuck you or you're just gonna bail. I wouldn't lie to you, would I?"
I open my mouth, ready to shoot out an insult.
Instead, I hang my head down, "No...But I'm not like that. I don't feel like...that I...ugh fuck you."
-x-
"So...what's up? It's been a while since we've hung out."
"A lot."
We layed on a blanket in the backyard of her townhouse. The sun is long gone, but her air conditioner busted, so we decided to stay outside while Namine fries on the inside.
"So are you and Axel going out? Riku keeps telling me how he sees you guys all over each other all the time now."
I rub my face, "I wish he'd just get a life...of course we're not going out..."
I begin laughing and she knows.
"What is it Sora! Are you going out with him? Oh my god!" She rolls on her stomach excitedly.
"No! I, it's complicated!"
"Ohhhh so what? Tell me!"
"I think he might like me."
Saying it felt so good, but so nerve-racking.
"I don't know...! Well..."
I tell her where we went a while ago and everything we talked about.
What he said.
"He's totally into you!" She comes to life, slapping her palms on the blanket.
"How'd you do it? How'd you make him switch?"
I roll my eyes.
"Well, you know who you have to invite over sometime, me. And I won't take it lightly if you don't!"
"I will, I will."
-x-
"Keep it." Saix hands me the small baggie of coke.
"It's on me. It's the last of pure coke you're going to see in a long time."
We walk off of the jungle gym and shake hands.
"Good luck with Sora. Although I don't see you getting far, you're probably going to end up further than most."
I grin, "Thanks!...I think."
He yanks the collar on his black sweater and pushes his blue bangs out of his eyes, "This heat is killing me...see you later, Ax."
I watch him disappear out of the park and tuck the coke into my pocket.
"Sweet...lucky m-"
I receive a hit that sends me back a few, knocking me straight on my ass. Blood starts pouring immensely from my nose as my eyes tear up. "What the fuck...?!" I stand up and see that it's Riku.
He holds me by my collar.
"Let go of me." I snarl and he pushes me back.
I stand up slowly, my eyes not leaving his for a second.
-x-
"So did you guys kiss?"
"No...but I gave him CPR."
The stars are shining bright tonight. Namine has woken up from her sleep, her music is bumping through the walls.
"Really? Why?"
"We were surfing and things didn't go to well on his end."
"So you gave him CPR? Saucy. Saucy saucy. How was that?"
"It was rushed. I freaked out and wanted Hiro to do it but he said he didn't know how to. So that put me in a corner."
"Well, what do you expect, you were saving his life!"
"I know...I did it though."
"How was it?"
I tear a blade of grass from the ground and play with it,"He spit up tons of water in my face, and some got in my mouth...but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was hot."
We laugh together.
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
-x-
It's almost got this nostalgic sweet feel to it.
Like the old days in school.
I've missed out on so much, I can only think as I pull him into a head lock.
"You...stupid...fucking..." I huff and puff, choking him out.
He elbows me and knocks the wind from my stomach, and we once again tumble on the grass.
He delivers one more blow to my jaw, and the shock is immense. I take a second and he pushes off of me, stumbling backwards.
I stand to my feet, determined not to go down again.
"Hey!" I hear someone yell from afar. Riku looks over quickly, but I stand looking at him.
I snatch him by his collar and deliver my blows, no longer holding back.
"Hey! Stop it!"
I don't, Riku is struggling to protect his face. I hear the smacks my punches make when it connects to his face each and every time.
I feel the sick pleasure of power.
-x-
"I'm going to miss this place..." We walk back into her small living room. Namine is lounging on the hot pink leather couch with her basketball shorts and a tank top, fanning herself off with a thin book.
"I'm going to miss you!" Kairi cries out.
"Just don't think about it! Hollow Bastion isn't that far from Twilight Town anyways, right?"
"Yeah...right." Namine remarks.
"Shut up Debbie." I tell Namine.
"Don't call me that, my name is Namine!"
I laugh, strolling over to her side. "Not when you're being a Debbie Downer, Debbie. I've been over for about two hours now and you're just waking up. What an asshole you are, sir." I wag my finger at her.
"What? How was I supposed to know, you guys never woke me up." She stretches her small limbs out on the couch, grabbing the remote.
"Clean your room and I'd feel safe enough to walk in it."
"You're one to talk George of the Jungle. Your room is always a fucking mess. A gross boy mess."
I hug Kairi and start out the door.
"Before I go, Namine, I found a vibrator on your floor once."
Her face turns red, "No you didn't."
"Yeah, I did. I thought it was the tip of your joystick controller. Bye Kairi!"
-x-
"You two!"
It was over now, both of us restrained by two random older men.
"Both of you, get out of here!" They shove us in opposite directions. I look back and see the glare in Rikku's eyes.
"Get going before we call the cops!" They both stood there, shooing us away.
….Fuck it.
I flip them all off as I turn away.
I check my pockets for my wallet and cellphone and start walking.
My body aches a little, but it's nothing I can't get up from.
My emotional state is in an uproar.
I should just find out where he lives and fuck Sora right on his porch.
I bet I could do it...
-x-
I pull up to Axel's house and before I can get out I get a text from Axel.
"Pick me up."
"What are you talking about, arent you home?"
"No, I'm in the highschool parking lot."
"What are you doing there?"
"...Just pick me up, please."
"Be there soon..."
What is he doing at D.H...?
-x-
I sat on the parking lot strip at Destiny High school, puffing away at the last, half broken, crumpled cigarette of mine. My blue sweater is stretched and stained with grass. Holes have finally worn there way through the knees of my dark blue tattered jeans and my gray converse are a dusty mess.
Sneaky fucker...
This would count the third time me and Riku have ever fought. I think I finally took him for a ride.
...But I wonder how long he had been watching me.
And what the fuck is his problem? What a sucker punch...
Nothing's holding me back from Sora, not even him.
My stubby cigarette comes to an end and I am forced to put it out. I look up out on the main street and see Sora pull in. His head lights are blinding.
Time to face the music...
I stand up and dust myself off as I casually walk to Sora's car.
My confidence is shot down as soon as I slide in the car with him. It doesn't take him long to see that I've had a rough night.
"What the fuck happened to you?!"
I lean my head against the window, "Can we go get cigarettes?"
"A-"
"-I'm fine. Just, take me to a market where I can buy cigarettes." I try not to sound disgruntled. He sighs, "Yeah, sure."
I squeezed the white upholstery of his seats.
-x-
My awesome reign looks to have come to an end.
A permanent frown.
Much bleaker colors.
Nearly no feeling.
Sora decided to wait in the car. I don't blame him.
My cocaine high has ran itself straight into the ground and I am zombified more than ever, As I stand in line at the customer service, it seems like people just can't keep their fucking eyes off me.
The sound of unruly children, shopping carts, and repetitive beeps makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.
I just want my fucking cigarettes.
As my turn came up I threw the money and my I.D on the counter. "Reds. Long."
She looked at me, bewildered.
"Are you okay...? Do you need help?"
I stare at her with obvious discontent.
Oh.
My.
Fucking.
God.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Just give me my fucking cigarettes, Angela."
-x-
Axel is something pissed. I still have no clue what it is that happened as we walk into the living room of his house.
"I'm going to take a shower." He says. He starts to walk away from me toward the staircase.
"Wait! Tell me what happened." I say to him. He stops dead in his tracks.
"Axel, you have blood all over your face...and clothes..." I said silently. He sighs loudly before turning around. He sits on his couch and invites me over.
"Your ex sucker punched me in the face."
-x-
Sora bites the bottom of his lip and held his face. I didn't expect such a strong reaction.
"I'm...sorry."
"That's exactly what I didn't want to hear." I throw my head back onto the couch.
"Nothing's your fault, your ex is just a crazy fucking bastard. Kid has some issues..."
I go to light up another cigarette and I feel his hand weigh down on my forearm.
He looks up bashfully, "You've smoked six of those since you bought 'em..."
No matter how pissed I am, I can't get mad at him.
"Are you hurt?"
"No! Of course not!" It's a little white lie.
"You've got blood all over your face..." He repeats sadly.
"It's...fine." I see his hand resting on the couch and I hesitate to hold it at first. I look away as my hand grabs a hold of his.
"I'm...fine, I just went to the park to see an old friend of mine. Once he left Riku sucker punched me and we fought until two guys broke us up. I'm bleeding because I have a sensitive nose...it's not like he got that many lucky shots on me..."
Sora sighs, "I'm s-"
"-I don't want to here it!" I stand up and rush to the stairs. Something stops me, and I look over the staircase to Sora.
His body is still on the couch, and I can't bring myself to leave him.
I walk downstairs and grab his hand, leading him slowly back up the stairs with me this time.
-x-
Axel reclines against the bed next to me on the floor. He's showered off, and only has one scar on his face present from when Hiro hit him. His nose looked a bit swollen, as well as his jaw. His body is a different story. Red marks surrounded his neck and collar bone. It looks like Riku threw him around a bit. He frowns, "Stop looking at me with that sad dopey face Sora."
He ruffles my hair.
"I can't help but feel like this is my fault."
"I can't help but blah blah blah. This isn't your problem, and it isn't mine. It's Riku's. Don't be a broken record Sora, it was just a fight."
I sigh and stand up to kick my shoes off.
"I don't know...I guess I'm sorry for his actions..."
I knew I shouldn't have said it. He breathes out before pulling on a clean shirt. He leaves the room without saying anything, slamming the door.
Sora...Why would you say something so stupid?
Palm to the face.
Do I go after him? Do I say sorry?
Better not...
-x-
I'm not mad, I'm just annoyed.
I mean...
Why the fuck does he care about that asshole so much?
I sat at the top of the staircase, staring off into nothing. I'm...
I hear a door open and close.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing." I snap.
"Geez...what's wrong with you? You look like crap." He sits down next to me. "Just mind your own business, Hiro."
"I can help." He says innocently, batting his eyelashes.
"Riku sucker punched me at the fucking park. We got in a fight and then some guys broke it up. Come to tell Sora in there and all he can say is how it's his fault or that he's sorry for his actions..."
I shake my head, "Pshh...I don't fucking get it."
"Well, stop being an asshole."
"I'm getting' real tired of hearing that..."
"You've never been in love, you don't know what it's like."
"And you do?"
"Yeah, and it fucking sucks. And if you start acting like he's supposed to be all happy and thankful that you're around, he's going to fucking leave you. He's gonna leave you before he even got a chance to hook up with you because you're too pushy. You're expecting waaay too much from him. Just some brotherly advice you can think about before you go back in there." He pats me on the shoulder and leaves.
-x-
When I enter the room again, the lights have been turned off. I could see a lump under the blankets on my bed.
Guess I have been an asshole lately...
I crawl into bed next to him and turn my back away from him.
Cuddling him didn't feel right...tonight.
So I layed there, my hands on my own stomach.
I like you a lot...Sora.
