A/N
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters does not belong to me. The plot does though...
I've finally found a beta!! Audrey33, you are a live saver.
Ok here's Chapter 8... Enjoy!!
P.S. I think she's kinda busy and her laptop broke? Anyway this is the unbetad version. Let's just say I was anxious to post this...
20th November 2008: Finally i updated... Thanks Audrey33!!
Chapter 8
The doors of the infirmary opened with a loud creak, causing those who were already in the infirmary to cringe at the irritating sound.
"See! Isn't it great! My new spell was a success! " Harry said enthusiastically.
"Yes, I can see that. You were right about flicking to the upper left." Severus answered dryly.
Unfortunately, his sarcastic comment did not reach Harry's ears, as the younger wizard was already seated on the floor, scribbling away on a piece of conjured parchment muttering to himself under his breath. Severus gave a frustrated sigh and said menacingly, "I've had a hard time dragging him here. You better get something out of this," and proceeded to place himself in one of the corners of the infirmary.
Hermione ignored his comment and asked, "What new spell? What does it do?"
Severus muttered something that sounded a lot like, "Interfering want to know-it-all," before answering Hermione's question haughtily, "It's a spell to make doors creak. Do not ask me why he would want to create such a spell, as I have no idea what goes on in his mind."
Hermione looked confused for a moment before snapping out of it and tried to get Harry's attention. "Harry? Ermm, Harry!"
Harry looked up dazedly and stared blankly for a while before saying, "Oh Hermione! Do you want to take a look at my notes? "
"No Harry. We need to talk. Come on!" Hermione was a little taken aback by Harry's enthusiasm, not that he didn't do that at times but today he seemed a little over enthused. She stared into his eyes and waited for him to respond. After a moment he stood up suddenly, vanished his parchment and quill, spun around and tried to leave, only to have Albus Dumbledore standing in the way.
"Albus, I need to go." Harry stated calmly. A chilling sensation, no doubt caused by the sudden drop of temperature, permeated through the infirmary.
Albus shook his head slowly. "I'm afraid I cannot let you leave, Silas. You did promise Poppy that you would let her check you up." The room's temperature dropped a few more degrees.
An icy cold voice said, "Not with all of you here. If you insist to be here, then I need to leave." Hissing sound could be heard issuing from Harry but Harry wasn't the one who made it. Suddenly, a snake appeared slithering around Harry's neck still hissing furiously at Albus.
"Please, we can help you Harry." Hermione gasped softly at her slip of tongue and started apologizing, "Harry, I mean Silas I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"Miss Granger, I do believe that is enough. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I hope that we would not need to run in circles around this subject." Severus snapped angrily and glared at her.
At that moment, the windows of the infirmary started rattling and Poppy gave a furious shout, "Stop pressuring him!"
"Silas! Listen if you do not want to talk about- about your past, we won't dwell on it. But you have to calm down. Please Silas! Before you damage anything or hurt anyone!" Neville begged anxiously, his eyes still flickering as he kept an eye on the windows.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity of wild magic manifesting, the windows stopped rattling and the temperature went back to normal. All of them stood motionlessly staring at Harry not daring to say a word, waiting for him to make a move.
After a while Harry spoke in a dead tone, "So, it seems that I failed to keep Harry's secret."
Hermione, confused by Harry speaking in third person, exclaimed, "What do-"
"Come Severus, Hermione, Albus. I have something for all of you." Harry spoke in the same deadened tone and stared at the Headmaster until he moved away from the doors.
They all exchanged curious looks and followed Harry out of the Infirmary leaving a put out medi-witch and a worried Herbology professor.
??
Sylvain was pacing the living room waiting for his father, who disappeared after dinner. He started mumbling curses when he realized, "Gosh! I should have known! Professor Snape must be with him."
He stood there for a while contemplating on whether to go looking for Professor Snape, when suddenly the doors slid open and his father stepped in followed by the headmaster and two other professors. "Father! Where did you go? You promise me that you'll tutor me after dinner."
"Sylvain," Harry said in a soft voice. "I need you to stay with the professors. I'll be back in a while."
With that, Harry disappeared through the hallway connecting the living room to the library. Sylvain stood in a defensive posture and started eyeing his father's 'guests'. He, discreetly, took a deep breath and said, "What did you say to him?!"
Hermione started, "We just- he's…" she paused, took a deep breath and said, "Did you know your father's past? I mean before he adopted you."
The boys eyes widened in surprised before his expression turned into that of rage, "WHAT! You can't leave him alone, can't you? He's suffered enough and I don't think you should make it worse!"
"So you do know. Am I right, Mr. Valliere?" Severus said sardonically.
Sylvain glared furiously at his Head of House, "Don't you dare ruin his life again! I will not have it! Even if you are my Professor or my Head of House! I WILL-"
"That will be enough Sylvain. If you cannot keep your temper then you can go to your room." Harry interrupted his son's tirade with a stern voice.
"I'm sorry father. I would prefer to be here. Please?" Sylvain cast his eyes downwards and started shifting his feet.
Harry's stern gaze soften as he said, "Reign in your temper and you can stay. Promise?"
The boy nodded his head determinately. "Yes I promise."
Harry set down a small box on the coffee table and hissed out a password. The box popped open. Inside were pieces of parchment.
Harry fingered the parchments and said softly, "Here are the letters Harry wrote."
Hermione said in a hoarse voice, "You wrote to us? You mean you're not angry?"
Harry shook his head softly, "I do not know. I've never read these." As he said that he took out three from the box and handed them accordingly to them.
"Potter! Will you stop pretending? If you did not write these, then who did?" Severus snapped impatiently.
"Like I said, Harry wrote them." Harry said patiently.
"But you are Harry." Hermione reasoned.
Harry shook his head once more saying, "I'm not. I'm Silas."
Severus snapped angrily, "Do not joke with us Potter!"
"If you are not Harry, then where is he?" Albus asked.
To that, Harry answered, "I can show you but you must promise not to do anything to him." He eyed them suspiciously and added, "but you must first read those letters."
Harry took the box of letters, stood up, beckoned his son to follow him and started walking away. Before he reached the hallway he paused and said, "I believe you will show yourselves out. When you have finished with the letter and still want to meet Harry then come together. Good night."
??
Dear Hermione,
When you get this letter, I believe I will no longer exist. Before I erased my existence I've decided to at least leave something behind to explain myself. Thus I wrote this letter. I hope this will be enough to explain myself, though I do not expect you to understand. I know you cannot comprehend my motives for joining Voldemort during the summer of my 17th birthday. I was not threatened in any way. The decision I made was based on my need to save all of you, the people I loved.
When Sirius died, I blamed myself. I asked myself, why couldn't I have saved him? Why did I do the things I did that lead to his death? I realize, after a while, that I should not have lingered on my past actions. I must look to the future and strive to do anything possible to save my loved ones. In my sixth yearin Hogwarts, I believed that Professor Dumbledore would arrange some lessons on advance DADA for me, not the lousy stuff that our sixth year DADA professor taught. However, it did not happen that way. I waited patiently for any signs of being taught things that will help me in battling Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Nothing happened, and I got anxious. I had to take things into my own hands. I'm sure, even after you and Ron started dating, that you know I spent a lot of my time in the library looking up spells and practicing them in the Room of Requirement.
However, it was during the end of sixth year, after a particularly nasty comment made by Professor Snape, that I realized that, without knowing the Dark Arts, there is no way I could defend myselfagainst them. It makes sense doesn't it? How do you defend yourself against something you don't know? I tried to learn the Dark Arts by myself, but it was impossible. Hogwarts simply does not have the resources. I was again pondering on my dilemma when Voldemort made his offer. Not that he hasn't made this offer before, but at that moment it seemed like the answer to my problems. I said yes. We made a deal and I became his Apprentice. After that, I slaved myself learning all that I could while discreetly hinting secrets to Professor Snape to help the Order. Service under the Dark lord is not easy, but I made it through. I even found spells that could trap souls and destroy them. I cunningly cheated my way into victory like the Slytherin I am.
After destroying Voldemort's soul I was in a way incapacitated. The assault on my magic and soul after using such Dark magic was enormous. Coupled with the attacks from Professor Snape, I thought that I would die.
I was unlucky it seems, as not only did I not die, I was sent to Azkaban by the Ministry. After Azkaban, I was a mess. A week after I was released, I went looking for a person to continue the Potter legacy. That was when I found Sylvain. If not for Sylvain, I would have died sooner, by my own hands. I was less depressed for a while, but I couldn't live peacefully. I was a haunted man. My mind was wasting away quite rapidly and if I did nothing, I would die mentally before Sylvain was 17. My research proved that by erasing Harry Potter, Silas could at least live on mentally until my body wasted away, which by my calculation should happen after Sylvain's 19th birthday.
Hermione, I'm gone. Harry is gone. It would be best if I not return. I hope you live on happily in the world I sacrificed myself to create.
Your friend,
Harry.
??
Dear Severus,
First and foremost, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was the Apprentice. I did not expect to care for you, much less for you to care about me. I would understand if you would want to throw this letter away but if you would read on I would really appreciate it.
I know you care not for Harry Potter, so I would not bore you with the long history of how I became the Apprentice. In all, I did it for the people I loved. You were right when you said, "How do you expect to defeat something you do not understand, Potter! Read your Potions textbook for once, you imbecile!" I made my decision that day to at least know the basic of Dark Arts, but Hogwarts simply does not have the resources. I finally turned to Voldemort in thirst for forbidden knowledge and I did learn a lot. It was you who help me stay rooted at times-both when I'm at Hogwarts and also in Voldemort's presence.
I know you tried to help me, but my goal was not to turn to the light side. I was already on the light side, but I was also hidden in the shadows bidding my time like a viper, waiting for the right time to strike. You see, Voldemort knows I'm not completely loyal to him. I got punished if he found out I'd been leaking information, but I was never killed. He needed me around as he did not know about the prophecy. He was unsure if killing me would be the best thing to do. Learning Occulmency from you in sixth year was my best decision ever.
When you threw the Strangling Hex at me, right after I destroyed Voldemort's soul, I was so sure I was going to die. That piece of Dark Magic took a lot out of me. As I thought about it, I kind of realize now why I didn't die at that time. Maybe it was stubbornness, but I didn't want my blood in your hands. I didn't want you to feel guilty. I wasn't sure if you would, feel guilty that is, but I did not want to take the chance. I understood your motive behind that hex. However, it does not take out the pain I felt when I saw betrayal in your eyes. I was furious for a moment. I thought, you were the one who betrayed me, why should you feel betrayed. Then as I saw the pain in your eyes I understood. I know that it was I who betrayed your trust by pretending to be someone else. I was the one who betrayed my loved ones, including you, by not trusting my loved ones enough to tell them the truth.
I loved you. I really looked at you as my uncle, of sorts, during the year I was in his service. I know you'll resent the fact that I save your life a couple of times. Look at it as my way of getting even with you. You saved my life so many times, yet I never thanked you.
Severus, thank you for everything. I hope you live on happily in the world I sacrificed myself to create.
For the record, I'm gone. Harry Potter is no more. It is best that I do not return. Live on peacefully.
Yours truly,
Harry
??
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
I know you have some idea on what happened to me. Do not attempt to get me back. I do not want to live my life anymore. There are no more roads for me to walk on. The only way I could continue walking, is by going away and letting someone else take my place. Silas will be a good father to Sylvain. I'm too mentally damaged to be a father. I do not want to be a bad father. I do not want my son to have no childhood, like me. I know you had no choice but to leave me with the Dursleys. I forgive you for that.
I had to take matters into my own hands. I'm sorry I defied you. You weren't doing anything to assure Voldemort's defeat in my hands. I know you once said love is the power the Dark Lord knows not. It is love that made me join Voldemort in the first place. I wanted to protect all of you and I succeeded. So you were right. But I guess you didn't mean it this way when you said that. What's done is done Professor, there is no turning back.
You must be wondering why I did not wait for you to come for me after the Ministry signed my release from Azkaban. I could not wait for you. I do not want you to see how far I had fallen. How my decision ruined me, but saved the world. I had no desire to find out if my nightmares in Azkaban are true or not. All I want is peace and I'm finding peace soon.
Please don't make me come back. Leave things the way they are. I hope you live on happily in the world I sacrificed myself to create.
Sincerely,
Harry.
A/N
Gosh, I'm finally done! Thank god.
