Sun Quan finally came to a conclusion about Liu Bei being a mooching douche once he found out about him taking over the kingdom in the west. He then goes to 'repossess' Jing from him, but there was someone in the way. He could only get part of it back if he destroyed the heavily sun-burnt deity figure that was guarding. So he sends some people to deal with him.

Guan Yu receives an envelope and opens it to obtain a letter with the logo 'W.R.S' in the corner.

"What the hell?! They're coming to repo the castle?! I paid all of my taxes!"

"Dad, you left these bills in an old drawer that date back to 208..." Guan Ping said as he sorted through old yellow paper with the same 'W.R.S'logo on them. "You forgot to pay taxes for two years..."

"Those were bills?! I thought they were paychecks dedicated to my glorious self!"

"..."

"Anyway, we can't let have it! We must fight 'till the very end!"

"We're just two people."

"And four other generics!"

"...But that doesn't make up for anything."

"Fine! I just need to make more babies! Where can I find a woman?"

"A brothel?"

"I am a holy figure! I don't need no brothel! I just need to find three virgins!"

"We don't have time, they'll be here any minute."

"Grr... Ah-ha! I have an idea."

"What?"

"We must go into the basement in order to increase the plan's creepiness!"

The next shot shows the basement door and a green light shining through it with Guan Ping screaming in agony. Electricity sparks around the door's edges until the door bursts open to have a charred black Guan Ping crawl out in torn clothing.

"Oh god... Oh god... I think we went against humanity for this..."

"It's aliiiiiiive!" The booming echoing voice comes from the basement and Guan Ping turns around to look back to see Guan Yu having the evil scientist look on his face as three figures slowly rose from the floor. The light from above shine on them just so that their faces could be shown. They would be the future Guan Suo, Guan Xing, and Guan Yinping.

"Oh god..."

"Say hello to your new brothers, Ping! For some reason, it backfired and it gave me a man in a girl's body... But whoopee, you have a sister too."

"What are they?! Are they of my DNA or yours?!"

"Mine, of course! I used your body in order for the kids to obtain some personality from you!"

"Oh god... This is just really bad fanfiction... This is so wrong..."

"Okay, your name will be Suo and you will act like a homosexual so that I can be a dick to you." Guan Yu begins to name the new children one by one. "Yours is Xing because I like those Xing signs when you go by a school and you will be a suck-up like Ping. And for the girl... I don't know any girl names. Let me just jam two Chinese words and see where that will get me... Yinping! Yeah! I am so creative. And you are to be voiced by Stephanie Sheh."

"Okay! I will do my best!"

"Yup. That voice."

Over in the Wu camp where Lu Su, Lu Meng, and Han Dang are stationed, they observe their surroundings and the castle ahead.

"I hate to do this, but they failed to pay taxes, thus we must do what we must."

"Since when did Wu have a tax bureau?" asks Lu Meng.

"Since the state was established, duh. It was to punish people like Guan Yu for failing to pay taxes." Han Dang gets into the conversation,"You see here? This is what happens when you're an illegal! You fail your duty as a citizen just by being illegal!"

"Yeah, yeah. We get it. Come on, can't we have a normal conversation?"

"Other than my big balding head?"

"Well... If you're self-conscious about that, you can just cover it."

"You're right! I'll put this on." Han Dang puts on a cowboy hat with a Texas-shaped plate on it. "There. And I can cover ma face from the asshole sun! F*bleep* you, global warming!"

"Look, why are we standing around here? Let's repo the castle from the heavily sun-burnt deity figure now." says Lu Meng.

"Well, it seem inappropriate to do it so prematurely-Okay, sure."

Once the Wu officers get to the front of the castle, Lu Su coughs loudly and pats down his chest.

"What was that? Are you okay?" asks Lu Meng.

"The illegals gave him swine flu!" yells out Han Dang.

"No, no... It's something else..." Behind his head was Zhou Yu's glaring spirit, who was wrapping a ghostly rope around his neck.

"Bang my wife after I die, huh...? Even if I didn't love her as an adult, I would like it if she remarried rather than sleep around with... let's say, my old student..." He tightens the knot, causing Lu Su to cough more.

"Koff! Koff! I don't feel so good... We have to hurry up!"

"Right, he had a mission to evicting Guan Yu out of the castle! I'll kill him once he's finished with it." Zhou Yu loosens the rope and lets Lu Su breathe again. Guan Yu along with his four children pop out at the top of the castle.

"Haha! You will never take us alive! Me and my four kids will take you on!"

"Oh my god! 4Kids is trying to cancel us?!" exclaims Lu Meng.

"Lu Meng... We're not an anime, so they have no actual power to 'cancel' us."

"Hmph... Fine then. F*bleep* you 4Kids for ruining One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh, and now Dragon Ball Z Kai! But then again,you created the three famous abridged series' unintentionally!"

"Sure, good enough."

"But I like abridged series'..." said Guan Ping. He receives a punch to the face by Guan Yu.

"No! Abridged bad!"

"But we're an abr-*TWACK!*"

"Alright, let's go!" Lu Su, Lu Meng, and Han Dang charge into the castle as Guan Yu yells at them not to.

"No,no! Get out! My castle! Boys and girl, stop 'em!" Guan Xing, Guan Yinping, and Guan Suo obey by hopping off the wall and confront the three below. Guan Yu sees that Guan Ping hadn't moved, so he pushes him off with one hand.

"Oh my Nuwa, since when did Guan Yu have sex?!" exclaims Lu Su.

"See?! These illegals breed like rabbits! This is why we need them gone!" Han Dang yells out while shaking his fist.

"Now's not the time for that! For the love of Confucius, there are four of them!"

"Huh, how does the heavily sun-burnt deity figure reproduce? It has a dick?" contemplates Lu Meng.

"Forget about it, we need to kick everyone out! Just beat them until they retreat!"

"Now you're speaking my language! Yee-haw!" happily exclaims Han Dang.

"You're not getting to our father!" Guan Xing, Guan Suo, and Guan Yinping all form a barrier with Guan Ping reluctantly forming it with them.

"I'm sorry, but we have to defeat you guys. Your father is a neglectful son of a bitch. Don't worry, we have a Social Services in Wu."

"No way! We're not going anywhere!" Han Dang groans loudly and rushes into the barrier. He breaks it by slamming his pike into it and knocks away all four kids. He charges to finish off everyone and this causes Guan Yu to appear.

"Damn it! You got rid of my meal tickets!"

"Now get out of our country, you illegal!" Han Dang throws a series of swings and blows that Guan Yu takes in without pain. "I need help!"

"Right!" Lu Su and Lu Meng assist him by throwing their own swings and blows that diminishes Guan Yi's health. He starts to grunt in pain and fights back.

"Okay, stop! I'm going to kill-Ugggh!" He is defeated and Lu Su sighs in relief.

"There. They have been evicted the hard way." Zhou Yu appears behind him and begins to tighten the rope around his neck again. Lu Su coughs loudly and holds his neck in pain. Lu Meng turns to him and is worries.

"Hey! Are you sure you're okay?"

"I-I'm... fine... Kah..."

"Damn ,your neck is like an oak tree!"

Xun Yu appears as a ghost next to Zhou Yu and offers help,"Hello, my fellow handsome equal. I see you're trying to kill someone you know for doing something you hate. Is there anything that I could do?"

"I'm fine!"

"Are you sure?"

"Clippy, I don't need your help! He's dying!" Lu Su tells Lu Meng in a raspy voice,"L-Lu Meng... I leave everything to you.. And please let Lu Xun out of his box." Zhou Yu growls and pulls his hands apart, creating a snapping noise and Lu Su becomes limp. He removes the rope, letting Lu Su fall to the ground. Lu Meng comments in a deadpan voice,"Wow, we're just dropping like flies..."

Like his master before him, Lu Su passes away due to unknown illness and leaves command to Lu Meng. Man, is their job giving them bad karma or something? Cao Cao is just sitting there as Sun Quan again tries to kick him while he's down by trying to invade Hefei, a giant piece of land with a giant castle. Ooh, just lovely as Zhang Liao, Yue Jin, and Li Dian were left guarding it.

"Goldfish." said Yue Jin. Li Dian reaches towards a card pile to get another card.

"Have any sevens?" asks Yue Jin.

"Goldfish."

He reaches to the card pile, but Zhang Liao kicks the table they were playing on out the window and announces,"I saw Sun Quan coming over here with his army! Let's go!"

"Say whaaa...? Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah, it's a lost cause. Might as well just sit here and wait for the inevitable. I mean, I just respawned after been given a headshot a few chapters ago."

"Come on, it will be just like one movie about half naked Greeks with rippling abs you could grate cheese on."

"Except we're not half naked men with cheese grate-able abs. Nor we're Greek."

"Well, I do have abs that you can grate cheese on. Really, I tried." comments Yue Jin. He gets weird looks from the two. "Look, it was in the middle of nowhere and I wanted mac 'n cheese."

"So, you two don't want to come?"

"No." The two said in unison.

"Alright. You can come running to me once you change your mind."

Over on the Wu-dominated side of the map, Sun Quan flips through a book labeled,"How to be a Good Character for Dummies".

"Be angsty... Have a love interest... Have cool weapon..." He hears loud gunshots and looks up to see Gan Ning with a pistol shooting at Ling Tong.

"Say that again about my madre! I'mma pop a cap in your ass! Then shank your body!"

"Such ghetto tactics, I prefer if we settle it with swords. Or bullfighting."

"Can it, Puss in Boots!"

Sun Quan sighs and calls for Zhou Tai.

"Get them to stop."

"Yes, Master." He replied in a simple hoarse voice and goes towards the two. Sun Quan is continuing to read as loud slicing is in the background. Zhou Tai returns and Sun Quan tosses him a pouch of gummy bears. Lian Shi approaches him to report.

*poor female voice to the point you can tell she was voiced by a man* "Sun Quan, it seems there is a man charging towards us."

"Hello, Bayonetta with bigger boobies. What was that?"

"According to the map, it is a man named Zhang Liao."

"Meh, it's one guy, right? Just send Taishi Ci out to deal with him."

"Yes! I get to appear after Chapter 2!" exclaims Taishi Ci happily. He rushes out of the camp yelling,"another person will suffer my wrath from my dildos!"

Taishi Ci has been defeated!

"Welp. Gan Ning, Ling Tong. Get out here and deal with Zhang Liao! Stop creating a reason for yaoi fanart to exist of you two!"

"Yes, sir!"

"What about me? I want to bust in a French guy's face!" yells Han Dang.

"Sure, get out. You know what? Send everyone! It's just one guy!" He angrily shuts his book and tosses it behind him. "It's just one person with a few soldiers! Just run him over and take Hefei right from Wei!"

The camps has soldiers and officers swarm out towards Zhang Liao. He easily defeats thousands and thousands as from the castle, Li Dian has a pair of binoculars watching him kick ass.

"Huh... It might be possible we might win this."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go! XP and gold is waiting out there!" happily exclaims Yue Jin.

"Yeah!" They jump out of the window and land outside to rush on over to where Zhang Liao is.

"Oh now you want to join in! Right when I'm doing the work!"

"Oh, be glad we're even bothering to come out here!" Li Dian blocks gunshots from Gan Ning and Yue Jin counters Ling Tong's stabs from his rapier.

"Ay, ay! Whatcha doin' here? You walked into the wrong side of the map, amigo!"

"You stain our honor by showing your ugly faces at us."

"Whoa, and I thought Xun Yu and Xu Huang had strange accents..."

"They sound like Taco Bell."

"That's not even real Mexican food! Not even Spanish!" snaps Gan Ning.

"You insult us with that name." huffs Ling Tong.

"Yeah, let's just beat you up for being different!"

"Hhaaaagh!" The four get into a giant cloud of punches and kicks. Occasionally, the whirring from Li Dian's weapon could be heard. It breaks apart to have Gan Ning and Ling Tong retreating.

"We totally won that battle! We're just trying to not get ahead of ourselves! Bye, losers!"

"Yeah! I have your back, Ling Tong!"

"You can always have my back, Gan Ning." He says in a slightly seductive voice.

*shot of their eyes looking at each other to the saxophone part of Careless Whisper*

"No homo, eh?"

"Yes, no homo."

Back to Li Dian and Yue Jin, Yue Jin celebrates by happily stabbing a random soldier in the face. Zhang Liao knocks away more enemies and Sun Quan near the back of the army orders,"Forget it! We're losing! Retreat! Retreat! Where's the surrender button?!" The army marches with him towards a nearby escape route and Zhang Liao chases Sun Quan.

"Hey! Time out! Time out! Just let me go!"

"Not a chance!"

Sun Quan whistles with his fingers to latch onto a horse. Zhou Tai is on a horse himself and follows near him.

"Master, there is a broken bridge ahead of here."

"Oh my god, you said more than three words!"

"Just jump."

"Are you nuts?! Look at that gap!"

"Jump."

"Fine, I'll trust you for this one moment."

He rides towards the large gap made by the broken bridge and leaps over it in slow motion. The slow motion ends once he hits land on the other side. Zhou Tai makes it and Taishi Ci is following behind him.

"Hey! Let me on!" Zhou Tai ignores him and leaps over the bridge. Taishi Ci attempts to leap over the gap, but he falls short and drops down to the deep canyon below.

Every loser from Wu has retreated!

"We have done it! We suffered no causalities at all and we are not destined to die!" Zhang Laio raises his axe up in the air in triumph along with Li Dian and Yue Jin.

"Hooray!"

"F*bleep* yeah! Suck on deez nuts, Sun Quan!"

"I must say, gentlemen, it was an honor to be working with you."

"You can be my wingman anytime, Li Dian." said Zhang Liao in a suggestive voice.

*shot of their eyes looking at each with Careless Whisper in the background*

"No homo."

"Uh, yeah. No homo."

"Let's call the horses."

"There are only two. I came here on foot."

"Who is going to get a horse?" asks Yue Jin.

"You can ride with me anytime, Yue Jin." Li Dian says suggestively.

*shot of their eyes to Careless Whisper*

"No homo."

"All of the homo!"

So yeah, Wu is just having a losing and winning streak going on. Back to Liu Bei. He now thinks he is hot s*bleep* and decides to take on Cao Cao. BY HIMSELF. No help from other warlords. It's all him and his own officers. He's becoming a big boy that wears the big boy pants.

Cao Cao holds up a scroll and comments,"Oh my goodness! Liu Bei is back! I thought he died! How long has it been? Aw, man... I hvae to deal with his annoying ass trying to take over one of my lands... Ugggh... I guess I can call for some guys and get going there." He sets it down and reaches for a telephone.

A telephone in another house rings loudly and Zhang Chunhua picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Whoops, wrong number. I meant to call my lackey and not a phone sex line." Her eyes narrow and she says in a deadpan voice,"This is Sima Yi's estate."

"Oh, I didn't know. I need to speak British some more then. Fish and chips, limey, wanker and nancy-boy."

"Not funny."

"Ooh, are you from the same country as Xun Yu? He died, by the way, but are you?"

"No. I am from here. Right a few provinces away from this one."

"No way, there are no British people here. You have to be from Hong Kong if you have a British accent and still claim to be from China." She ignores his rambling and calls for Sima Yi to take the phone away from her.

"Dickhead, your boss wants to talk to you."

Sima Yi walks to her frowning."Now, now. That's not my name. I have a name, you know. It's the one you scream when I am f*EFF!*ing you-

"Here." She forces the phone to his hands and he answers it.

"What is it, sir?"

"Come on, we're going to kick Liu Bei's ass."

"Okay... today?"

"Yes. It takes like one in-game hour to get to Hanzhong."

"Fine..."

The scene switches to another telephone ringing inside another house. Xiahou Yuan picks it up and answers it.

"Hello?"

"You're getting screentime."

"Oh boy! Today is going to be a great day! I sure hope I do not have something happen to me during this time!"

Over on the Shu side, Liu Bei marches with his own army towards the Hanzhong stage. Fa Zheng is being annoyed with Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun following behind him.

"Are we there yet?" asks Zhang Fei.

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

A long silence replaces the conversation for a bit.

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Seriously, I'm the poster boy and I barely get screentime. That's not fair. I should at least have some role in this abridged series."

"No."

"I think I pooped myself!" exclaims Huang Zhong.

"Someone take care of his needs. Oh god... It's probably better to just go back to the Wei side..."

Meanwhile, on the top of a mountain...

"Okay, I am assigned with a gay clown, a character from The Fault in Our Stars, and this chubby fat guy. The rest are on the other mountain a few miles from here." begins Sima Yi. "Just. Fan. F*EFF!*ing. Tastic."

"Why do you people keep calling me a gay clown?!" angrily complains Zhang He.

"Oh, I'm sorry. An ambiguously sexual clown. Is that better?"

"Hey, I suffer from all of the broken health codes the kingdom had been ignoring these years! Not my fault it took you people ten years to bother replacing the asbestos in these camps!" shouts Guo Huai.

"And you got plenty of compensation and a bitchin' ass weapon. I mean, is that enough? I'm not even sure that thing's even invented yet. Hipster. What's next? You want a case of PBR beer?"

"Nothing can get me back my clean bill of health."

"Oh, everyone here doesn't have a clean bill of health. We're all destined to die of Sudden Plot Illness. Except me. I'm too perfect for that."

"What?! No fair! How come you don't get to die?!"

"I am too good for death. Death is overrated. I am to keep living until further notice."

"Someone coded you wrong."

"Nope. The writers suck at their job. Including the one writing this. So, what happened to chubby fat guy?"

"He went out with Zhang He."

"Huh, I thought Zhang He was ambiguously sexual."

"No! They went to face the army outside! The Shu one! Don't you even remember?!"

"Ah, right. Well, chop chop now. I will be here, barking orders."

"Why don't you go out?"

"Hehehehe... The battle will be over once I go out. My handsome face will just make everyone surrender out of respect. And you with your sickly appearance will drive soldiers away from you. I prefer the latter to happen."

"..."

The shot is Sima Yi flying off the mountain from a giant explosion.

"You know, I'm technically your superior! Ahhhhhh! You're fired!"

Out in the field, Xiahou Yuan charges forward defeating many officers until he reaches Huang Zhong, who was wandering about questioning his surroundings.

"Hey...! This isn't Bangkok! Where are the girls with penises?! PENISES!"

"Try a little more down south, old man!" He tries to attack him, but Huang Zhong happens to duck down to pick up a coin from the ground.

"Ooh, a coin! Uhh... this coin has Cao Cao's face on it... It has no value in our kingdom... So much for that." He tosses the coin behind his shoulder, right as Xiahou Yuan turns sharply around to go after him again and aims an arrow at him. The coin flies in slow motion towards Xiahou Yuan and he releases his arrow. The slow motion continues as the arrow and coin fly towards each other to where the coin hits the tip of the arrow, causing it to turn right around and hit Xiahou Yuan in the eye.

"AAAAGGGHHH! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!" His horse continues to charge forward, and Huang Zhong walks away without actually noticing them just in time to go step on a beetle. The horse continues to run until it crashes into the side of a mountain and following it is a huge explosion. You can barely make out Micheal Bay's head within the fiery blaze.

"NOOOOOO!" Cao Cao breaks down and is on his knees slamming the ground with his fists."You maniacs! You killed him! Argh! Now I'm really making sure Liu Bei is getting killed here! We have a guy that uses a gun, right?" Xiahou Dun flips through a booklet and replies,"Since Yuan is dead, the only other person capable of projectiles is Guo Huai."

"Yes! Make sure he is with me when we storm Liu Bei's camp!"

"Well, he is with Zhang He and Sima Yi."

"Why the f*bleep* is Sima Yi out there? He isn't even a level seven mage yet! Who does that?!"

"Well, he was forced out there."

"He's their superiors! How could he be made into such a bitch?!"

Sima Yi: Well, the man had a gun. What could I do? He could shoot off my family jewels if I tested him further. I need those, you know.

"Then you shoot off the other guy's family jewels!"

"I'm not even sure if he does have anything down there. And I do not want to find out."

"Anyway, retreat."

Zhang He: Say what?! We have to avenge Xiahou Yuan! That old man is not getting away with this!

Guo Huai: They guy seems to be a waste of bullets. I can't set this thing to 'one bullet'.

"It doesn't matter! Get back!"

"Fine."

Liu Bei notices the armies in blue retreating and orders for Zhuge Liang and Fa Zheng,"Alright! We got them running! Now we finish what we started!"

"Which is...?"

"Kill Cao Cao! This is the whole reason why the Three Kingdoms started! I wanted to kill Cao Cao, buuuuut noooooo! I had to be a hobo and weak and had him kick my ass many times before coming this far! But, the moment I started to mooch off of the more poorly-written warlord by the name of Sun Quan, that's when my life turned around!"

"Wow. And you would just admit that to the rest of us?"

"That will get edited out in the final product of this game. Come on!"

"Alright..."

"Seriously, how in the world are you still working here?" asks Fa Zheng.

"Look, in exchange for my dignity, I get the V.I.P treatment. Meaning I am pretty much on his level, but higher."

"That made no sense."

"See? And he still sticks me high up. Not that I mind, of course. I live like a king these days."

"And you would admit that to me?"

"That will get edited out in the final product of this game."

The next scene is just Liu Bei and his army marching up the mountain singing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain". His singing is off-key, causing all of the soldiers and officers to plug their ears.

"She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes... She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes... She'll be kicking Cao Cao's ass when she comes... She'll drench Wei's armies with their commander's blood when she comes... Oh, we'll become heroes in the Romance when she comes."

"That made no sense!" Fa Zheng has a vein pop on his forehead and takes out his magic carpet. He hops onto it and flies all the way to the top of the mountain ahead of Liu Bei.

"Hey! No fair! You didn't even get to hear my cover of 'Camptown Races'!" Zhuge Liang has his eyes open wide in surprise and creates a tornado that sends him flying up to the top of the mountain.

Once the army that couldn't be able to fly up to the top finally got to it, they start to flood the camp, creating panic among the ranks. Cao Cao throws his hands up in surrender.

"Welp, we're done for. I can't believe that stupid leprechaun beat me for the first time in his miserable life." Liu Bei points his sword at him and says,"While we are beating your camp to a pulp, I am finally going to kill you-"

"Too late! Eat it, nerds!" Cao Cao sets the camp on fire and quickly climbs a camp wall to jump off. He pulls a string and a parachute lets him float slowly away from the mountain.

Back inside the camp, Huang Zhong begins to frantically pat himself down even thought no fire had got onto him.

"Oh my god! This is what Hell looks like! I knew I shouldn't have killed that hooker!" Zhang He and Guo Huai see him while having malicious looks in their eyes.

"There's Xiahou Yuan's killer! Haaaa!" They charge towards him, and Huang Zhong ducks without seeing them due to fear from the fire.

"I'm so sorry! Please don't stick a probe up my ass! My anus is always filled with poop! You don't want that!"

They fly over him and find themselves charging towards Fa Zheng, who was speaking to Liu Bei.

"Look, we have to get out. We've already won-GGH!" Zhang He has his claws go through Fa Zheng's chest and Guo Huai has his bayonet in his abdomen.

"Whoops."

"Oh crap..."

"Ggahh... Huu...GAH!" A loud boom creates a crater in his stomach, much to his shock. Guo Huai looks at his gun and winces.

"Damn... My trigger finger acted."

"Huuu... What is this... bulls-s*bleep*...?" Liu Bei gasps and exclaims,"No way! You took those hits for me! That's awesome! Hey! You're gonna make it, alright?"

"...Huuu... I have six blades in my ribcage and a blown open hole in my stomach... What makes you think I'm surviving this...?"

"No! You had a great life ahead of you! I think I loved you better than Zhuge Liang!"

"..."

Fa Zheng stumbles back to remove himself from the two's weapons and aims Guo Huai's cannon to his mouth.

"PULL THE TRIGGER! DO IT! DO IT!"

"What?!"

"PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!"

"I-I... I just want to kill the person who kill my commander."

"Look, that old man was under my command! Kill me!"

"Well, now that you say it that way."

*BOOM*

A gory mess that is censored by mosaics splatters all over the ground. Zhang He groans in disgust and comments,"I think that's the messiest way someone has gone out in this series."

"Noooo! You bastards!" angrily exclaims Liu Bei. "You could have just let him die peacefully and not something out of a Saw movie!"

"You killed one of us, we kill one of yours. An eye for an eye."

"We'll be back! Grr... huh? Where's Zhuge Liang?" He turns to see Zhuge Liang getting punched in the face with his own fists by Sima Yi controlling them through his own powers.

"Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"

"Stop it!"

"Why are you telling me? You should just stop hitting yourself."

"Grr!"

"Now give me your money."

"I don't have any!"

"Okay. I should probably stop. NOT!" Sima Yi has him float up into the air and he throws him off the mountain. He then turns back to see the gory mess on the ground and he claps while chuckling.

"Ooh, a fancy death! This is actually more impressive then that one time my wife murdered our maid. I have to get me one of those guns."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" angrily shouts Liu Bei.

"Nothing. I just love the premise of war. You two, kill him since he's already below health from the fire attack."

"No! The battle is over!"

"Aw... Very well. Later, imbeciles." He climbs up the wall and jumps off to pull out a parachute. Zhang He and Guo Huai follow his lead, leaving Liu Bei to stand there in the gore of his former strategist.

"Oh god... His insides were just as black as his soul... Is this normal...?"


[Fa Zheng will be missed just like Pang Tong was. Just a bit more than him.]


Guan Yu, Guan Ping, Guan Xing, Guan Suo, and Guan Yinping stood outside of a dirt road holding their thumbs out as carriages passed by them.

"Dad, I don't think anyone's coming to get us." said Guan Ping.

"Shut up, you'll jinx it for us."

"We can just walk to another castle in the area. We had one, remember? It's a bit far, but we'll at least have progress."

"Nope. We will wait here until someone will take us five into their cart."

"...Uggh."