A/N: Well, I'm trying to squeeze one more chapter in before I start a-packin! To my dedicated reviewers – I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. You guys are AWESOME!
Totteacher: as always – thanks a million for your wonderful words of encouragement, including the review of the century! Chapter 5 of our story Within These Walls has been posted and it's getting exciting folks! So if you want a good read....please go to the story through one of our profiles. Go on...you know you want to!
Disclaimer:
There was a young girl from Oz,
Who wanted to write Twilight because,
She got hooked on the book,
Then took a good look,
And realised she was not all that soz!
Basically this limerick means that I don't own Twilight or its characters even though I love to write it! Heheheh...
EPOV
As I drove Emmett's Jeep through town, my anticipation palpable, I could do nothing but smile. I was on the precipice of getting more than I could ever want in a hundred lifetimes. Ah, yes, I was truly blessed. All obstacles that had been in the way of Bella and I being together were slowly but surely being circumvented, as if aided by a higher power. This gave me pause to think. Bella was a good person, and though I was not religious by any means and knew that my soul was beyond salvation and, as a matter of fact, long gone, I wondered if somehow being part of her life had allowed me to be privy to something that I otherwise would not have dared dream. I wondered if the right of Bella's existence somehow nullified the wrong of mine. It was certainly something to consider.
As I approached the top of the familiar street, my stomach tightened as I recalled the most recent guests who had visited the Swan household. Recent uninvited guests, more to the point. Suddenly I was on full alert, watching and listening for signs of the Blacks' presence. My body relaxed as I realised they were long gone, and I was thankful that I only heard the combined sounds of voices and thoughts belonging to those who lived in this street. Voices that I had become so familiar with over these past weeks that I felt I personally knew the people behind them. I expertly filtered out the din, and honed in on the sounds that had become most important to me.
"What did you do with yourself today?" Charlie asked. As I heard his question, I decided to pull over to the curb to ensure that Bella had told her father about me and about our proposed date. Arriving prior to her explanation would not do. I listened intently...
"Well, this afternoon I just hung around the house....and this morning I was over at the Cullens'," Bella replied nervously as Charlie dropped a fork onto his dinner plate. I could sense that he was a tightened spring ready to uncoil, the tension in his thoughts though muffled, rang loud and clear to me. I cringed. This was not exactly the reaction I had hoped for, but was not entirely unexpected either.
"Dr Cullen's place?" Charlie asked, his voice surprised and filled with the tension that ran through his mind. I could picture that fork being bent in half if it were still in Charlie's hand.
"Yeah," Bella replied quickly as though she were quickly tearing a bandage off her tender skin.
"What were you doing there?" he asked anxiously, filtering his building anger to a more controlled level for the benefit of his daughter.
"Well I sort of have a date with Edward Cullen tonight and he wanted to introduce me to his parents," she blurted. For a moment, there was no response from him. "Dad?" she said, waiting for his reaction. Still, he did not speak, but I did not need to hear his words to know how truly upset he was. "Dad, are you alright?" Bella said alarmingly.
My hands gripped the steering wheel, and I had to stop myself from breaking it off its mounting as I waited for the oncoming tirade. "You are going out with Edward Cullen?" he screamed angrily. I huffed and clenched the steering wheel tighter in frustration, threatening to crush it in my hands. Of course, how could I think that this man would want to accept me into his daughter's life? As soon as Bella had mentioned my family's name, his thoughts had turned to anger. It appeared as though my dream of becoming close to this man may have been within the realms of fantasy after all. How could I expect otherwise? Any human would react in the same way to the Cullens, even in just meeting us, let alone if a daughter of theirs ever wished to date one of us.
"I thought you liked the Cullens," Bella argued with futility. It mattered not what the local Police Chief thought of the town Doctor, and though I was certain that their working relationship was courteous and professional, Charlie Swan did not want me, Edward Cullen, dating his daughter. That was another prospect entirely. Agonised by his reaction, I dropped my head onto the steering wheel in despair. If I could cry, my tears would be flowing as his words of anger tore into me, leaving an indelible mark in their wake.
"He's too old for you!" he raged, his anger now unhindered. I raised my head in an instant, confused by his response. How much did he know? Outward appearances put me at the same age as Bella - I was forever seventeen to those who remained oblivious to the truth. Perhaps there was more to this, I mused. And then, it hit me. Surely Billy didn't tell him.......
"We're both juniors," Bella corrected.
"Wait," Charlie said, pausing, to my relief.
And just like that, the anger within Charlie seemed to abate, to trickle away ever so slightly. There was a long pause before he spoke further, his muted thoughts changing to confusion as he no doubt tried to grasp what Bella has just told him. Now the tenor of his thoughts returned to the familiar, to the comforting even. Thoughts of a protective father trying to keep his daughter away from a hormonal teenage boy. This brought me some sense of relief, for even if Mike Newton were to come calling on this very day, I had no doubt in my mind that Charlie would react in the exact same manner.
"Which one is Edwin?" he asked finally. I chuckled at his response. That was a normal, fatherly reply if ever I heard one.
"EDWARD is the youngest, the one with the reddish brown hair," she clarified, correcting her father's apparent mistake. My chuckle petered out with each word she spoke, and awe welled within me in its place at the very thought of Bella forever defending my honour. God I loved this woman!
"Oh, well, that's.....better, I guess. I don't like the look of that big one. I'm sure he's a nice boy and all, but he looks too....mature for you. Is this Edwin your boyfriend?" Charlie asked, the anxiety level in his thoughts elevated but normal, under the circumstances. My laughter ramped up in response to his error in saying my name incorrectly yet again, and I became hysterical at the very notion of Bella dating the hulking Emmett as I pictured Rosalie's reaction to THAT very frightening scenario. Yet again, she corrected him.
"It's Edward, Dad."
"Is he?" he asked, completely ignoring Bella's correction again.
"Sort of, I guess," she answered casually, instantaneously stopping my laughter. Sort of indeed. Of course, we had to take things slowly with Charlie, and though I knew what she was trying to do, it still irked me to think that Bella would ever speak of our love so offhandedly. I hoped that this would be a once only statement and as I pondered, her elevated heart rate revealed her true feelings. Her reaction to her embellishment could not be hidden from me, and I sighed, revelling in the truth that her heart spoke in defiance of her words. Of course she cared deeply for me, and did not like lying about this any more than I liked hearing it. I could not believe how much my long forgotten human emotions ruled my every thought.
"You said last night that you weren't interested in any of the boys in town," he argued childishly, his tone much less threatening as his arguments began to sink to a refutable level. To my relief, Charlie's anxiety was also dissipating and his thoughts appeared to be on a more even keel. I exhaled deeply, knowing that the worst was over, and stared out of the window skywards, thanking the rain filled heavens that Bella had gotten through this relatively unscathed.
"Well Edward doesn't live in town, Dad," she replied truthfully on a technicality.
Then I heard the dropped fork scrape against the dinner plate as Charlie relaxed enough to continue eating his meal. That was a good sign.
"And anyways, it's kind of at an early stage you know. Don't embarrass me with all the boyfriend talk, okay?" I could just picture Bella blushing at this very moment, and I growled in response to my wayward thoughts and desires.
"When is he coming over?" Charlie asked, appearing to concede to the inevitable as I returned to focus on what I needed to do next.
"He'll be here in a few moments," Bella replied, relief in her tone.
I was relieved as well. Not only relieved that this conversation had turned from angered to civil, but also relieved that I would be in Bella Swan's company within a matter of moments. I inhaled deeply, steeling myself for what was to come as I pulled out from the curb and drove slowly to my destination, still listening in on their conversation as I drove.
"Where is he taking you?"
Bella groaned loudly, her obvious reluctance to answer apparent. I smiled. She knew how her father would react. So did I. "I hope you're getting the Spanish Inquisition out of your system now. We're going to play baseball with his family."
As expected, Charlie chuckled, causing me to mirror his response. He knew of Bella's dubious sense of balance, resulting in her reluctance to participate in sports of any kind, just as I did.
"Well, I'll probably watch most of the time," she clarified. I laughed loudly once again, remembering that I had suggested she watch ALL of the time. For her own safety, of course.
"You must really like this guy," Charlie said, suspicion and a little annoyance once again prevalent in his thoughts.
Bella sighed loudly in response, Charlie's inquisitive behaviour seemingly irritating her.
I pulled into the driveway and parked behind Bella's truck as I heard her place the dishes in the sink, and a strange sensation suddenly overwhelmed me. I felt as if I was going on a job interview and if my palms could possibly sweat, they would be soaked at this very moment. I checked the rear view mirror briefly and stared at my now strained expression, took a few deep breaths to calm myself and opened the door, stepping with trepidation into the unknown. Right on cue, the rain poured down, soaking my hair and somehow giving me the courage to proceed. The rain and sunless sky always comforted me, and once again it had served its purpose. I was nonetheless pleased that I also brought a jacket and was still going to be relatively presentable for this most important occasion. I was desperate to make a good impression, whatever it took.
"Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much," Charlie offered as I stepped onto the porch and rang the doorbell, trying to fidget and seem human. I did not think that Charlie would respond well to a statue standing on his porch.
Once again I took a few deep breaths as I heard two sets of footsteps approach the door, the closest being of the heaviest and slowest gait. The porch light came on at the same time that Charlie opened the door, and he stared at me challengingly before he said, "Come on in, Edward." Bella sighed as I gasped in surprise at his use of my correct name, while both of their scents overwhelmed me for a brief moment. Of course, Bella's scent overpowered everything else, and was the one that drew me in, as always. Being apart from her for even a few hours seemed to set me back ever so slightly, though on this occasion, the man standing in front of me distracted me so much that it was easily dealt with. For that small mercy, I was strangely grateful.
Charlie's outward appearance was serene, no doubt due to his years of experience as a police officer, but just beneath the surface, his thoughts revealed his protective nature which was on the verge of possessive. I wondered where he kept his gun....
"Thanks, Chief Swan," I said respectfully, masking my overwhelming feelings well, using all of my energies to project my human facade, and to convince Charlie that I was a regular seventeen year old boy here to meet the father of his girlfriend. Just like any other human. I swallowed thickly, knowing that everything I was trying to project was farcical.
"Go ahead and call me Charlie," he replied in a friendly voice, somewhat surprising me. "Here, I'll take your jacket," he offered further. Well, this man WAS good. I had now discovered where Bella got her acting skills from.
"Thanks, sir," I replied, still not comfortable with calling him Charlie, knowing his true feelings, but nonetheless removing my rain soaked jacket for him to hang on the hook in the hallway.
"Have a seat there Edward," he continued, glancing at the single chair in the living room. I did not dare take the couch, as I was more than aware of Charlie's mood and suspected that he wanted me to be as far away from his daughter as was humanly possible. I walked slowly to the chair and sat, and Bella followed closely behind me, taking her seat on the sofa and shooting me a look of annoyance. As Charlie walked past and headed to the couch, I winked at her behind his back as I tried to convey my assurance to her, however I was unable to change the situation I now found myself in.
After taking his seat, he leant forward, his body language and thoughts once again of a protective nature, and I prepared myself for the Spanish Inquisition, as Bella so aptly put it. Bella grimaced, apparently preparing herself for the onslaught as well.
"So, I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball," he stated.
"Yes, sir, that's the plan," I answered immediately, my casual response causing Bella to glance at me quizzically. She knew I'd been listening. She didn't miss a thing.
"Well, more power to you," Charlie replied sarcastically, his thoughts finally beginning to relax to a more humoured tenor. And then, he laughed, causing me to laugh reflexively in response, Bella's endearing clumsiness uniting us for a brief moment. This was the moment I had craved. All of a sudden, Charlie seemed to be accepting of me, and I could not hide my joy.
"Okay," Bella said, annoyed, "Enough humour at my expense. Let's go," she huffed as she walked to the hall and retrieved her jacket. Our laughter had abated, but I still exuded joy, my smile unable to be curbed in light of Charlie's acceptance.
Charlie and I followed closely behind and as I grabbed my jacket and put it on, he said, "Not too late, Bell."
"Don't worry, Charlie," I assured him, smiling wider at the realisation that I had finally called him by his first name. "I'll have her home early," I promised.
He leant towards me and said, "You take care of my girl, all right?" Though Bella was unlike Charlie in so many ways, they certainly had their similarities. I was surprised that Charlie was not one bit repelled by me, and had only reacted in a way that any human father would when his daughter brought a boy home for the first time. From the day we met, Bella had never been repelled by me, and in hindsight I should not have been surprised by Charlie's response. I only hoped that Charlie was not as perceptive as Bella in detecting a vampire....
Bella groaned in protest at her father's archaic comment, but I acquiesced with Charlie. I wanted to take care of Bella. NEEDED to, in point of fact.
"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir," I said sincerely, formally, to accentuate my point.
Bella stalked out, her walk that of a spoiled child that had not gotten her way. Both Charlie and I laughed in unison, united once again by Bella's antics, as I followed her outside. Bella paused on the porch as she took in the sight of the large red Jeep parked in the driveway, and I sensed that she felt overwhelmed by its size, and was probably wondering why I was using it instead of the Volvo.
Charlie let out a low whistle, and choked out, "Wear your seat belts." His concern for his daughter immediately forced me to act to assist her, as the rain beat down heavily upon us.
I immediately followed Bella around to her side of the Jeep and opened the door, trying to keep Bella as dry as possible. She hesitated, her eyes darting between the door and the seat, seemingly preparing herself to jump for it. As the rain continued to soak her beautiful tresses, which were drawn back into a ponytail, I decided to intervene. Not wanting to risk her slipping on the wet ground and injuring herself, and fearing that her sense of balance would fail her yet again, I sighed knowingly and effortlessly lifted Bella into the car. Her eyes darted toward Charlie in alarm, my movements probably bordering on non-human, but I didn't care. I needed to ensure that she was safely in the car.
As I walked around the front of the Jeep, I glanced through the windshield and noticed that Bella was struggling to comply with her father's request.
"What's all this?" she asked as I opened the door and got in.
"It's an off-road harness," I replied, smiling inwardly as I watched her try to figure out which buckle went where.
"Uh-oh," she said, her fruitless efforts to put on the harness unsuccessful as I closed the door. She was so delightful!
Suddenly, the scent of her, mixed in with the rain, bombarded my senses as if I had been run over by a stampeding herd of wild buffalo. I needed her so much, my every desire filled to the brim as my eyes closed for a moment. Trying to regain my self-control, I sighed in frustration and tried with every ounce of strength to assist Bella in putting the harness on without attacking her, but it was just too tempting to hold back completely. After I buckled her in, and without being able to control myself, my hands lingered at Bella's neck and brushed along her collarbone, her scent everywhere all at once! In response, her heart began to race, only increasing my need further. I was pleased that we were under the camouflage of the heavy rain, my actions out of Charlie's view, the rain once again rescuing me but at the same time accentuating my need. My frightening, confounding, frustrating, exciting need. I gulped, every muscle in my body aching for her.
Knowing I could not very well leave Bella sitting in the car, I managed to compose myself enough to start the Jeep, backing out of the driveway and pulling away from the house. We left Charlie standing on the porch alone, his thoughts of loss crossing my mind as we drove to the end of the street. Poor Charlie.
"This is a....um....BIG Jeep you have," Bella said, thankfully speaking about something that would serve to distract me from my lustful thoughts.
"It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way," I said, waiting for her response.
"Where do you keep this thing?" she asked.
"We remodelled one of the outbuildings into a garage," I responded, wondering why Bella had not responded at all to my statement regarding running. How odd.
Then, I felt her eyes stare at me up and down as she said, "Aren't you going to put your seatbelt on?"
I stared at her disbelievingly, wondering if she had forgotten that I was in fact immortal. Then, something in her eyes made her come to a realisation.
"Run the WHOLE way?" she asked finally. Ah, there was the reaction I was expecting.
I grinned and said truthfully, "You're not going to run."
"I'M going to be sick," she stated.
"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine," I answered, once again relieved by this distracting conversation as her scent continued to invade me. I knew how much I loved Bella's scent. I also knew how much I enjoyed the rain. These two forces in combination were incredibly irresistible!
Bella bit her lip enticingly, though I sensed panic just beneath the surface. I leaned over to her and kissed the top of her head, my thoughts and feelings let loose as I groaned, though I was proud of my restraint, all things considered.
Bella looked at me, seemingly puzzled by my reaction.
"You smell so good in the rain," I explained, letting Bella know my feelings and hopeful that telling her would somehow improve my ability to control them.
"In a good way, or in a bad way?" she asked cautiously.
I sighed heavily and continued to be open with my feelings and confessed, "Both, always both." I knew in my heart which emotions were stronger, however, the tug-of-war still raged within.
The road ended and we were finally at the path that led to our destination; the reason why I had Bella wear the harness in the first place. I drove over the uneven path in silence, knowing that conversation would be more difficult as I watched Bella bounce up and down on the seat and hang on for dear life. This only served to send her scent throughout the confines of the enclosed space yet again, but she amused me so much, that all I could do was smile broadly and continue to fight my constant battle in silence. As Alice had predicted, the rain began to slow to a drizzle as we approached the end of the undulating path, the surrounding trees stopping us from progressing further in the Jeep.
"Sorry Bella, we have to go on foot from here," I said apologetically.
"You know what? I'll just wait here," she replied stubbornly.
"What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning," I reminded her, proud of Bella's performance under duress. She had certainly had, I realised, a day filled with firsts. A day that was still far from over. I day that I could only envisage getting better.
I opened the door and blurred to her side of the car in an instant, and before she could argue, I had the door open and was unbuckling the harness that had kept her safe. "I'll get those. You go on ahead," she said in protest, trying to brush my hands away.
It appeared that I was going to have to call her bluff to get her to alight from the car. "Hmmm..." I said thoughtfully. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory," I finished quickly. Before she could react to my theatrics, I had pulled Bella from the Jeep and set her on her feet.
"Tamper with my memory?" she asked nervously. Surely she could not think I had that ability? Then again....
"Something like that," I replied as I stared at Bella intently, faintly amused by her response, but at the same time in such close proximity to her that my desires began to well within me once again. Without a thought, I placed my hands against the Jeep on either side of her beautiful face and leaned in further, her body pressed against the door of the Jeep as my body encircled her, trapped her. Unable to resist, I leaned in closer, the burning within me starting to take control of my heightened senses, and oh how I loved it! "Now," I breathed, "what exactly are you worrying about?" Perhaps she was worried about an out of control vampire ravaging her. One could only hope!
"Well, um, hitting a tree," she said distractedly, seemingly just as affected by our close proximity as I. "And dying. And then getting sick," she breathed, her heart fluttering with every word she spoke.
Yet again, two sides of me warred within. What I truly wanted, needed, ached for in that moment was to have my skin on hers, in any way I possibly could. That desire overshadowed the deeply buried monster, and though I knew I had control of that side of me, I still needed to be wary of its existence. On the other hand, I also needed her to agree to accompany me to the clearing. I wondered that if I distracted her enough, enticed her enough, she would agree to come. And, then, an idea struck. I could kill two birds with one stone, as it were. I fought back a sly smile about my rather manipulative idea, my selfish desires fighting with guilt, and my need for her to be with me overruling all others. I conceded to the need, and bent my head down and touched my lips to the hollow at the base of her throat, her soft skin tempting me like no other, the burning down my throat ever-present as I inhaled her, welcoming the pain with open arms.
"Are you still worried now?" I murmured against her skin.
"Yes," she replied, struggling to speak. "About hitting trees and getting sick."
My nose skimmed up her throat and as I reached the point of her chin I exhaled, washing her with my breath.
"And now?" I whispered against her jaw.
"Trees," she gasped incoherently. "Motion sickness," she added. I sensed that victory was within my sights and pressed on relentlessly.
I lifted my face to kiss Bella's eyelids and purred seductively, "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"
Her voice lacked conviction as she replied, "No, but I might."
Now that I had what I wanted, I wanted to get what I needed. What I most craved. I kissed her slowly down her cheek, stopping at the corner of her beautiful mouth. "Would I let a tree hurt you?" I said softly as my lips brushed against her trembling lower lip. I loved that I could elicit that response from her. Loved it.
"No," she breathed, her sweet breath gushing forth and enveloping me, enhancing the burn to fever pitch.
"You see," I said, my lips moving against the softness of hers. "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"
"No," she sighed, bringing me undone with her breath and scent completely surrounding me, tempting me to kiss her with feeling, with force. I took her glorious face in my hands, a little less carefully than I had before, and kissed Bella, her wet, soft velveteen lips covering mine, and once again, I was swept away. I was lost in her sweetness, her scent, everything about her, and the burning that spread from my stomach all the way out to each limb told me this in no uncertain terms. I was already on the edge of completely losing control, when Bella pushed things beyond my limitations. Suddenly, her arms were wrapped around my neck and her body was pressed against mine. As if the bittersweet burn was not torture enough, she sighed heavily into my mouth, the burning increasing a hundred fold and tempting this vampire beyond rational thought! As much as I wanted to go with the moment more than anything, I could not, would not, risk her very life. I somehow found the fortitude to break free of Bella, staggering back as I tried to regain some semblance of self-control, before I did something I would regret forever.
"Damn it, Bella!" I cursed, gasping. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will!" Of course, I had it all wrong. I would always be the death of her. Always. Then again, because of that, I realised that she would be the death of me, as I would of course follow closely behind her, my argument with myself coming full circle.
Bella leaned over, bracing her hands against her knees. "You're indestructible," she mumbled, agreeing with my thoughts, trying to catch her breath.
"I might have believed that before I met YOU!" I said irrationally. "Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," I growled. I was so angry with myself for allowing this to happen that it took all of my self control to gently lift Bella onto my back. She silently locked her legs around my waist and put her arms around my neck. Once again, I struggled to focus as the warmth of her penetrated me.
"Don't forget to close your eyes," I warned severely, still overwrought with emotion.
Unable to speak, Bella complied and tucked her head beneath my shoulder blade. Then, I felt her thudding heart surround me yet again, and the anger began to ebb away as quickly as it had arrived. Instinctually, I took off and ran. Running always gave me a sense of release, and boy did I need release at this very moment! Every emotion was running amuck within me and I needed to exorcise them. As I flew, I began to feel lighter and more in control with every single stride I took. Finally, we had arrived near the clearing. "It's over Bella," I said as I reached back and touched her damp, sweet smelling hair.
I felt her face move from my shoulder, and her body relax as she disentangled herself from me. Then, she did something that made the pendulum swing yet again on my emotions. She slid to the ground, landing on her glorious backside as she tried to remove herself from her grip on me.
"Oh!" she gasped as she hit the wet ground, her face bewildered as she stared up at me.
That did it. I burst into a roar of laughter, any remaining anger within me disappearing in an instant.
Too busy laughing to offer Bella my hand, she picked herself up and brushed the mud and bracken off her jacket and her jeans. Unable to control myself, that then sent me into hysterics, my booming laughter penetrating the surrounding trees and echoing through the forest.
No doubt annoyed with my laughing at her expense once again, she stomped away from me towards the forest, though in the wrong direction. In reaction, I grabbed her hastily and placed my arm around her waist. "Where are you going?" I asked, trying with all my strength to stop from laughing again.
"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you," she replied with venom in her voice. Averting her eyes, she turned away from me and tried to go in the wrong direction again. I could envision Bella becoming lost in the woods very easily. I caught her in my arms again, her warm body blazing against my skin this time, her temperature seemingly rising in line with her indignation.
"Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face," I said, chuckling uncontrollably.
"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" she challenged, raising her eyebrows.
Silly Bella. "I wasn't mad at you," I explained.
"Bella, you'll be the death of me?" she quoted, her face hard.
"THAT was simply a statement of fact," I assured as I held Bella in my grasp before she could escape.
"You were mad," she insisted.
"Yes," I agreed.
"But you just said....."
"That I wasn't mad at YOU. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?" I asked of her, staring at her intensely, trying to convey what I was feeling. What I knew to be the plain, simple truth.
"See what?" she demanded, confusion crossing her beautiful face.
"I'm never angry with you – how could I be? Brave, trusting....warm as you are," I stated honestly.
"Then why?" she whispered, still seemingly unable to understand that NONE of this was her fault.
I would need to make her see that it was me. All me. I placed my hands on her face with care and said gently, "I infuriate myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to...."
Before I could continue with what I was going to say, Bella saw to it that the words 'walk away' never escaped my lips, instead placing her warm hand over my mouth, interrupting my statement. "Don't," she murmured, causing my heart to burst. I loved her so much. I knew how it would break her heart to hear those words, for mine would too. If Bella was trying to say those words, I would do everything I could to stop her uttering them as well. The thought of parting ways was just too painful...too unbearable to ever contemplate. As I pondered, I realised that no matter how accurately Alice could predict the future, I did not know how many tomorrows I would have with Bella Swan. Not really. Though I knew that this was a cross for all humans to bear, Bella's life was constantly hanging in the balance because of me, which begged me to consider things from her perspective. What had I really given up? Nothing. What had she given up? Everything. Who stood to lose from this relationship? Bella. I only stood to gain from us being together. I was selfish. So very selfish.
In that moment, things became crystal clear, and all of my insignificant fears and insecurities fell away, washing through me as if they were never there to begin with. No matter what uncertainties or doubts I had harboured up until now, she needed to know, needed to be told those three words that had not yet escaped my lips in her presence before it was too late. Before I lost her. Before the sun had set on yet another day.
I took her hand and moved it from my lips, pressing its warmth to my face, her touch giving me the courage I needed to tell her how I felt. How I always felt. How I would feel forevermore. "I love you," I confessed, gazing into the depths of her beautiful brown eyes as I held her. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true." And just like that, I felt lighter than I had ever felt in my entire existence, the unburdening of my feelings giving me the release I had always wanted, but had never experienced until this very moment.
She stared at me silently, her eyes a reflection of my own heart, seemingly taking the time to allow my words of declaration to soak through to her bones. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I said as I bent my face into her and softly brushed my lips against hers, taking in the moment. The moment I had waited for my entire existence. She held still, and then sighed, the burning once again reaching within me, but this time I knew. I knew that even though the battle raged on within me, I was too overjoyed by my declaration to think of anything else in this moment. I was a man in love and Bella finally knew how I felt!
After several moments, Bella broke the spell that surrounded us, and finally said, "You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going."
"Yes, ma'am," I agreed, smiling wistfully as I pulled her hand from my face and led her through the ferns and around the familiar hemlock tree, toward the clearing and yet another chapter in our relationship. We had finally reached our desired destination, in more ways than one, made all the sweeter by our most recent conversation. As my heart sang truly for the first time in my hundred years, my smile would not, could not, be wiped from my face as we walked forth....
A/N: Just got it in under the wire. The hubby is starting to glare at me to leave off with the writing (plus I've GOT to add to Within These Walls), so I have to leave this chapter here and do the next exciting instalment in another chappie. Sorry folks but the baseball game will have to wait!
PS Totteacher and I are writing the 7th chapter and I've got to tell you....it's brilliant! So do yourselves a favour and give it a looksee. PLEASE?
REVIEW FOLKS AND I'LL LOVE YOU 4EVER!
