AN
Someone rightly pointed out how Ellie didn't notice Sarah leather and wig get up and I never did explain what Chuck was wearing. Holes! So let's assume Sarah tore the wig off in the car and that Ellie was too focused on the blood she saw on Chuck to care about the leather.
And before I forget a few chapters back someone mentioned that Casey and Sarah would call the General Sir because of her rank. Perhaps this is correct in other countries but in the USA you call a female officer Ma'am if you know what's good for you. Regardless of rank or branch of service. Of this I am %100 sure.
Thanks to everyone for being so helpful and all the kind words.
We now join our regularly scheduled program already in progress.
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Ellie's mind wouldn't shut down. She was exhausted but sleep was ever elusive. When she closed her eyes she was bombarded with imagines of the man lying in the hospital bed next to her. Little things that she had dismissed kept playing through her head. She was making a list of all the things that she knew to be true and another list of things she thought were true. True, John had saved her and Chuck that night on the beach, he had sat through her stitching his thumb without a twitch, his body was covered in scars, some looked suspiciously like bullet wounds, he had been wearing a bullet proof vest when he was shot, when he kissed her she felt dizzy. Possible truths, He was a Marine, he had seen combat, he had spent the day filling out paperwork for his new job as head of security for an internet company. And how did her brother and his girlfriend fit into this? Something was just out of her reach and her sleep addled brain couldn't put it together. All she knew for sure was she had feelings for John and despite her questions she couldn't leave his side until she knew he was okay.
Exhaustion had finally claimed her somewhere around 1AM after the night nurse had brought her a reclining chair. Ellie's sleep was filled with nightmares. Her whimpering was the first sound John heard when he came awake. He hurt everywhere. What the hell had gone wrong? Last thing he could remember was… Crap, he got shot. Walker and Bartowski had brought him to the hospital. How had he let that happen? Oh man he was going to kill whoever had shot him. If Walker hadn't already done it. That thought brought a slight smile to his face.
"John" There was fear in Ellie's voice but it wasn't from him, it was for him. If his abdomen hadn't already felt like there were a dozen knives in it he was pretty sure that sound would have done it. Hadn't he told her this was a bad idea? People in his line of work didn't retire at 70 and spend their golden years fly-fishing in Montana with the grandkids. He had always assumed it was a foregone conclusion that he would end up in a flag draped box sooner or later. He felt sad for a moment that there was no one to give his flag. His mother was gone and there was no one else. It should have bothered him that he was more upset about no one taking his flag than dieing but he was still groggy from the drugs so he let it slide.
"John please." Her voice pulled him back. There was a tremor that wasn't there before. Whatever was happening in her dream wasn't good. He reached out one hand towards her. The slight jostling sending new needles of pain through his body.
"Ellie? Wake up honey." He squeezed her shoulder gently and her eyes flew open. It only took her a moment to shake off the nightmare.
"Your awake, let me get the nurse." She tried to stand up but he wasn't letting go of her hand.
"Wait, just let me look at you for a minute." She smiled down at him. It was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. He actually felt the pain lessen. She was everything that was good in the world and god help him he would do anything she asked. He was afraid he could love her. Love her and spend the rest of his life making her happy.
"You are beautiful." he smiled a goofy smile at her.
"And you are on some serious pain killers" She started to walk away and he wondered if that was why he suddenly felt such deep feelings for her? Was it the drugs? It was possible. Casey had a pretty high tolerance for pain but not for drugs. Based on his size they were probably loading him up not realizing he didn't need it. But then Ellie came back in with the nurses and he was too busy concentrating on not hitting them as they poked and prodded his nice new bandage. He growled so loud at one of them she rushed out of the room. At least the pain helped clear away the drug haze. His brain was still busy trying to figure out what to do next when the nurses walked out and he was alone with her again.
"Can I get you something to drink John?" He turned his attention back to Ellie.
"Ask me what you want to ask." he paused waiting for her to look at him "My defenses are weak and it's your best chance at getting a straight answer." John wasn't sure when he made the decision but he was going to read her in. If the General freaked well he would just deal with that later. It was a miracle she hadn't been compromised sooner. There had been so many close calls. He could think of a dozen reasons it would just be easier if she knew. Maybe he was biased.
Ellie jerked at his words. His voice was gruff and she knew he had to be in a fair amount of pain.
"I'm afraid." Terrified actually. She wasn't able to come up with a single scenario that made this okay. The more she thought about it the more she worried about what the hell John could be caught up in and was Chuck involved? What about Sarah? Was there some giant conspiracy going on under her own roof and she wasn't even aware of it? Her world was spinning out of control for the second time. This can't be happening again.
"Ok then I'll start. My name is John Casey; I graduated at the top of my class at Annapolis, took my commission in the Marines and went to fight for my country." He waited to see how she took that. There wasn't too much there that she didn't already know. She seemed to hesitate, battling with herself. Making a decision she stepped forward and sat back down. The best way to get back control was to take action.
"And after the Marines?" Her voice was small but her eyes had fire in them. He knew she was strong he just hoped she could handle this.
"There is no after." She looked at him quizzically.
"Yeah once a marine always a marine." She smiled hesitantly.
"Yes but that's not what I meant. I'm a Colonel assigned to the NSA on a deep cover assignment in conjunction with the CIA." Way to break it to her gently marine. He mentally chastised himself.
"Colonel?" She was trying to absorb what he said; her mind was finally connecting dots that had been running around in her head. "And what, Chuck is CIA?" Casey laughed and god it hurt like hell. "Sarah?" John just nodded. "Does Chuck know? Of course he knows. Wait, then what the heck is Chuck? If you tell me he is some kind of super spy I will slap your face. I love my brother but there is no way he could be stealthy or conniving" She was rambling but it was just so much information and she wasn't sure what to do or say or how she felt. It sounded like such craziness but … It was almost like she had the answer on the tip of her tongue but she just couldn't say it
"Chuck has some special talents." The way he said the last words had Ellie looking at him funny. "I'm being honest with you. More honest than I've been in a very long time. Maybe ever. But there are only so many rules I can break"
Ellie sank into the chair. "So you're not a criminal mastermind wanted by the FBI?" John made a face as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "Yeah sorry jarhead NSA agent is so much more plausible"
"Sarcasm doesn't suit you Ellie."
"You just told me that everyone I care about has been lying to me for over a year." she ran her hands through her hair. Ellie could forgive a lot but lying was something she hated. She and Chuck has always tried to be honest with each other. "Ohh Chuck." she thought about how many times he had been vague or flaky and she had let it slide. It made so much sense now.
"He hates lying to you. He struggles with it daily, but his need to keep you safe always wins"
"And you John? Do you hate lying?" She could feel the anger rising and she was struggling to keep in check. Did they think she was an idiot?
"The truth is I have never had a hard time lying. I gave my life over to Uncle Sam and did whatever he asked me. More often than not that included lies but I never lost any sleep over it. You need to understand that I have done things that most people wouldn't understand."
"What does that mean?" She saw the look in his eyes and she knew, how had she not scene it? "How many people have you killed?"
He cast his eyes down. He had never really worried about the lives he had taken so easily. It was what he did. Part of his job. She would never understand that sometimes people needed to die. She had taken an oath to protect human life. "Enough."
"And you want me to trust you now?" Ellie was shaking.
"You didn't let me finish." He was frustrated. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have while he was laying in a hospital bed. "I hate lying to you. I haven't slept since that day on the beach. My conscious constantly bothers me. The nurse could come in here and I could spin a tale like you've never heard and I wouldn't blink but you ask me something as simple as where did I get the cut on my arm and the truth is on my tongue before my training kicks in and the cover story spills out. You are the only person who I've ever wanted to know everything about me. Colonel John Casey, jarhead NSA agent. Not some idiot who works at the Buymore."
"I just don't know what to believe." She sounded lost. John wanted to hold her, pull her close. Let her feel how much he cared but he was trapped in this stupid bed. He tried sitting up and the pain was intense but he fought through it. He needed to at least look her in the eyes. He needed her to see that what he was telling her was the truth.
"Look at me Ellie." She gasped when she lifted her eyes. His face was a grimace of pain and a fine sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead from the exertion but he was sitting up. "I have lied and killed for a lot of reasons, and I will continue to if that is what our country asks me to do but I swear to you I will never lie to you again." he sighed heavily. She couldn't possibly understand what he had just told her. Couldn't possibly know what he was giving her. He hoped she would give him a chance to prove it.
"I don't know John." She had softened at the look in his eyes. She could imagine how much pain he was in and yet when she looked in his eyes all she saw was strength. Seeing him with new eyes she realized why she had been attracted to him. He was an Alpha Male of the highest order. Even sitting in a hospital bed with a silly blue gown on there was no mistaking him for harmless. She wondered how she could have missed it. The power, rippling just below the surface, the deadly strength. In that moment she was just as drawn to him as she had been last night. Physically he was everything she could ever want in a mate and yet she didn't want to trust her heart to someone who could talk about killing so nonchalantly. She was so torn. "I need time."
He sighed. It was better than an out right rejection. "Okay, I think I can give you that. But this isn't just about you and me. I have just shared some highly classified information with you. I need you to go with Walker" he corrected himself
"Sarah. So she can explain some things to you."
"That's why Chuck calls you Casey." He looked up and her and smiled tightly. The pain was getting worse. He looked down and realized he was bleeding through the bandage; a red stain was spreading on the front of the gown.
"Lie down now." She didn't push him back into the bed only because she was afraid he would fight and make it worse but she wasn't gentle either. She ripped back the gown hitting the call button as she gently removed the upper layer of bandage. "Dam it John you pulled half these stitches!"
John just smiled at her because she talked a tough game but the concern on her face was more than just doctor patient. She might not be happy about everything he had revealed but she cared about him and hopefully it was enough. Two nurses came rushing in and started to tend to his wound. Ellie moved up by his face, taking the cool cloth and wiping his brow she hit the button to increase his pain medication, she watched as it eased the lines in his face. She wanted to leave. Hopefully he would sleep for a few hours. Turning she paused, leaning in and placing a chaste kiss against his forehead. Time to have a nice long talk with her baby brother.
