They settled into a routine quickly, too quickly for some. Oh, there was a lot of strife, right off the bat, but they all did what they could to make this new life work. Or rather, they did what they had to.
Daryl spent a lot of the first week lying in bed, or on the sofa in the living room, recovering. Finally, finally, with the medication and the acupressure combined, his condition really started to improve. Regular meals, rest, and sleeping in a proper bed did their bit for his recovery, too. Rick watched over him with eagle eyes for several days, but soon other concerns started to distract him. Daryl didn't mind that the scrutiny lessened, even if Rick's presence still helped him remain calm better than anything.
And Daryl soon realized that remaining calm was key to his new life in Alexandria. As much as the safe zone aided in his recovery, Daryl suspected quickly that this would never be a place for him to really feel at home.
As his strength returned, and the headaches became fewer and manageable Daryl grew increasingly claustrophobic within the confines of the walls. True, he was still too weak to take trips further afield than the house next door, and undue exertion invariably tended to bring on another crisis, anyway. Daryl longed to be outside, more specifically to be out on his own, but fear of more pain, and of worrying Rick, and their family, made him reluctant to even contemplate leaving Alexandria.
But everyone was busy with their new life within a matter of days, and while everyone tried to spend time with Daryl every day those visits grew fewer and shorter quickly. Daryl knew he was partly to blame, too. Never one for conversation, the enforced inactivity was making him impatient as soon as the immediate fatigue had worn off, and while never rude or unpleasant he was not the most interesting company in this new place full of distractions.
Rick quickly grew insanely busy. At first reluctant to accept Deanna's offer of being constable he relented, not least because of Daryl's urging. Daryl was not at all happy for Rick to give in so easily to this new life, but he knew how much this community needed Rick, and how much Rick needed to make this life work.
The result of Daryl practically pushing his lover to accept the assignment was that Daryl soon spent a large chunk of his days on his own. While he craved solitude when out in the woods Daryl quickly found it depressing and boring within the walls.
In his best attempt not to be a hindrance for the others to start their new life he'd also been less than forthright with them. Though pain free for several days in a row, about halfway through the first week the first niggles of pain started to return. On their fifth day in Alexandria, shortly before mid-day Daryl realized that being less than honest about his illness was a dangerous game indeed.
While Rick had mastered the acupressure to a point now where he could make Daryl's headache disappear for days on end within twenty minutes or so Daryl was less successful with the self-administered techniques. He could improve the pain, or be pain-free for a couple of hours, but the headaches always came back. He had been trying to combat a new crisis on his own all morning, with decreasing success.
Near panic now, with the prospect of nausea threatening just off-stage Daryl could think of only one thing to do. He had no idea where Rick was right that moment, and he knew he didn't have any time to waste looking for him. There was just one other person who could help.
Daryl made his way downstairs and left the house as quickly as he could. Squinting into the glare outside even though the sky was overcast, praying that he'd have time to reach his destination before the nausea settled in and fearing that it was already too late he set off.
-.-
"Daryl, what… ah... Come here, careful… I got ya, c'mon… onto the sofa…"
"Feel sick… bathroom…"
"I'll never get you off the floor. Can you hang on one sec? Here, hold on to the doorframe…"
Aaron quickly grabbed a basin from a cupboard under the sink in the kitchen, then held Daryl firmly around the middle and navigated him into the living room. Daryl just about managed to collapse onto the sofa, basin in his lap before his stomach turned over. Aaron sat down next to him and without a word moved close enough for Daryl to lean into him as the familiar weakness gripped him.
One hand soothing on Daryl's back, Aaron pushed the hair off Daryl's sweaty face and made small, reassuring noises just like Rick would. Daryl felt embarrassed, but grateful for the support. He found it almost impossible to deal with these attacks on his own.
When it was clear that the vomiting had stopped for the moment Aaron placed the basin on the coffee table and moved to one end of the sofa.
"Put your head on my lap… that's it. Just tell me if you feel sick again, ok?"
"Mmm…"
Aaron's fingers, now so familiar, alighted on the pressure points on Daryl's head, and Daryl gave a moan, half of relief, half of discomfort. The first few minutes were always difficult.
"Oww…"
"Sorry, Daryl. Try to relax… this has gone a bit far, it'll hurt for a minute…"
Daryl tried to do as Aaron asked, and slowly the pain faded, then the pressure in his head lessened and finally, finally the nausea abated. Aaron's fingers drew soothing circles, sometimes gentle, sometimes harder, and Daryl relaxed into the sensation.
When Aaron's hands finally stopped Daryl opened his eyes with some difficulty. He was very close to dozing off now. Aaron smiled down at him.
"Better?"
"Much…"
"Good. Now, close your eyes again and go to sleep. You really should, even if it's only for a little bit."
Daryl was about to push himself to sitting so that Aaron could get up, but the other man held him down by the shoulders.
"I'm staying right here."
"Ya don't have t'…"
"I know, but I want to."
Aaron's eyes were gentle in his as Daryl looked up. He knew that instant this man was a friend, and he could trust him as implicitly as he trusted his family. As Daryl settled down again Aaron's hands were back in his hair, this time stroking him gently, like Rick would, or sometimes Carol, out on the road. Daryl sighed and closed his eyes. He was asleep in under a minute.
-.-
"I'm not sure that's a good idea yet, Daryl."
"We'll be careful..."
"I know you'll be careful, but don't you think you're too weak still to be out there for any length of time?"
"It'll be a really short scout. I'll go in the car with Aaron, the bike'll wait…"
"I don't know, Daryl…"
"Rick, 'm going mad in here. Everyone's got something to do, 'cept me. Y'said yerself we should try. Right now I can't even…"
Rick looked at him, and Daryl forced himself not to look away. Usually Rick got his way in these arguments, but this time Daryl was determined. And it was the truth, he was going crazy behind the walls. It was also true that he was scared of going out again, even with Aaron, who would keep him safe as expertly as Rick would. But he simply had to try, and soon, or he'd never dare again.
Daryl had been pain-free for three days now, and he did everything he could for it to stay that way. He had second helpings at every meal, took his pills like clockwork, and practiced the acupressure whenever he could. He was still weaker than he would have liked, but it would pass, and faster if he had a reason to move around with a purpose.
Eventually, Rick, who had been pacing the living room, turned back to him. "How about this: Give it two more days, and if you're still pain-free then you go with Aaron for a short run, say, a couple days at most?"
"Alright."
"And you'll take the walkie talkie and come back right away if you feel unwell?"
"Ok."
"Good. Shall we go to bed, then?"
Daryl got up from the sofa where he'd been waiting for Rick and went over to his man. Rick reached out and took Daryl gently by the elbow as soon as he was close enough. Daryl stopped, facing his lover, and Rick looked at him searchingly. His voice was quietly pleading when he spoke.
"I get it, man, how you feel. I really do. I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I wish there was something I could do to make it just go away. But there isn't, and we'll just have to deal, and take it slow…"
Rick looked at the floor, and when his eyes returned to Daryl they were so sad. "I'm terrified, Daryl. If I lost you now…"
In reply, because Daryl had no words when Rick got like this, Daryl leaned close and kissed Rick gently. Rick hesitated for a moment, then leaned into the kiss with a sigh. Daryl could taste the single tear that rolled down his lover's cheek.
He took Rick's hand in his, then, and pulled him toward the stairs. It seemed right, finally, for them to be together again like this. Daryl felt strange about it, almost shy. They'd not been intimate since that awful night before Terminus, which he hardly remembered anything about. Now, though, he was more than keen, and just thinking about Rick's hands on him again, finally, had him hard. It had been way too long.
Rick, as always these days, was careful, oh so careful. His hands so gentle, as if Daryl might break at the first less than cautious touch. And Daryl, though he didn't like it, and could hardly express the conflicting emotions coursing through him, was grateful. He felt fragile, like he really might break if they went too hard, too fast. Like everything could shatter at any moment, like he could lose what he'd regained of himself with such difficulty only recently.
They kissed, and they touched, like it was the first time for them both. Their love for each other, and mutual pleasure, were the focus of that night. There were no records to be broken, nothing to prove. It was gentle and slow, and careful.
Rick was fearful, Daryl could tell. He saw the look on his man's face when they undressed, and he knew that his lover's eyes roaming over his so drastically changed body had as much to do with making sure Daryl wasn't losing any more weight as it had with passion.
Daryl had no illusions, he knew what his recent illness had done to him. He knew what he looked like, bones like a bird's, ribs in stark relief. Rick's touch was so much more intense, so much closer to the core now. He needed Rick to be gentle. He needed Rick, period.
They clung to each other with more intensity, more desperate for contact than ever before. The sex was wonderful, it was cathartic, and Daryl knew, he could feel, that Rick needed him as much as he needed Rick.
Afterwards they lay curled into each other, limbs intertwined, exhausted, spent. Rick held Daryl, watched him breathe, watched him recover, and only when both their bodies had returned more or less to normal did he allow himself to relax.
And then Rick started to cry.
He cried so hard, and for so long, that Daryl was getting worried he might not be able to deal with it on his own. He held Rick tight as his lover sobbed against him, carding one hand through his hair again and again.
And Daryl understood, really got it, for the first time ever, just how much they meant to each other now, and how much each really depended on the other.
-.-
"Daryl, you ok?"
"'m fine, yeah..."
"Daryl..."
"Ok, 'm not so good. It's starting again..."
"You should've said."
"Sorry..."
"Never mind. Hang on, I'll stop the car soon as we're round that bend. How bad is it?"
"'s still ok, just about..."
"Right, here we are. Best if you lie down, so you can relax... Let's go in the back, it's not perfect, but it'll probably do."
"Ok."
"Can you manage on your own?"
"Yeah..."
"Hmm... careful... Hang on, I'm coming round... here, lean on me, right foot out first. Now the other... don't bang your head..."
"Aaron..."
"I got you, it's ok... you feeling sick?"
"No."
"Good. Ok, slowly now. Climb in, careful with the head, last thing you need now... Right, I'm going round the other side again... stretch out as much as you can..."
"Oww...'m so sick of this."
"I know, Daryl. Right, here we are, lie back, close your eyes and try to relax."
"Hurts..."
"Sorry, hang in there just a sec, it'll feel better soon... Here, how's that?"
"Hmm..."
"Good... just breathe, Daryl, relax, I got it. We should probably head back, though..."
"No!"
"Rick will be so mad..."
"Please, Aaron... ugh..."
"Ok, ok, calm down. We won't go back, but you gotta relax or this is all for nothing. And then I will have to take you back... That's better... does it feel better?"
"Mmhmm... yeah, it does..."
"Good... best if you sleep for a bit. It's late anyway, we'll stop here for the night."
"'s not safe..."
"As safe as we'll be out here. Don't worry, I've stayed out here before."
"Yeah...'m sorry. Aaron...'m scared."
"I know. But I won't let anything happen to you. You gotta trust us, for a change. Rick's told me, that's not so easy for you, huh?"
"No... trying tho..."
"I know. It's hard to let people take control."
"I want to, I do... Rick's right..."
"But he doesn't really trust us, either, does he?"
"He will... the things he's been through... he..."
"It's ok, Daryl, don't trouble yourself now. I get it, a little bit anyway. But for now, just relax, and try to sleep."
"Ok. Thanks, man..."
-.-
Daryl was exhausted. He could feel it like physical pain, that tiredness, bone-deep, heavy, all-consuming. But for once, mercifully, there was no actual pain, and no indication that that might change.
He wanted to sleep, badly, but even more he wanted Rick back, safe and sound, first. His lover was still with Morgan, who, for now, was housed in a secured building. Both Rick and Daryl knew this to be unnecessary, but after all that had gone down the Alexandrians had insisted, and Morgan had acquiesced straight away.
They had eaten with Morgan, both Aaron and Rick watching Daryl carefully, making sure he got food into him. Then Rick had gone to clean up. For a while they'd stayed sitting in the kitchen after that, and Daryl had tried to follow the conversation, but his eyes had grown increasingly heavy, and he knew he was drifting. Finally Rick had put an end to his self-imposed misery.
"Why don't you go to bed? I'll be there soon."
"Nah, I'll wait."
Rick had looked at him with that worried frown he had, but had refrained from asking the questions that were now always at the forefront of everyone's mind. Does your head hurt? Are you feeling sick? Daryl had been glad that Rick had bitten them back.
"Then at least stretch out on the sofa. You look like you're about to fall off that chair with exhaustion."
"You don' look so great yourself, man," Daryl had retorted, but he'd followed the suggestion nevertheless. It was bliss, lying on the squishy sofa, just resting, not having to talk, or listen, or do anything for a bit. Rick, Aaron and Morgan had left shortly after that. Daryl dozed lightly, never fully falling asleep, but drifting, warm, comfortable, pain free.
What a day they'd had. Daryl wasn't sorry he'd insisted on going out with Aaron, but if he was being honest with himself it had at times been a bit much. Aaron had managed to head off that one crisis, and the pain had not returned. But even just being in the car all day, and sleeping outdoors, had been a challenge. Daryl had become aware just how weak he still was, compared to his normal self. And relying even on Aaron for his safety hadn't come easy to Daryl.
But he did trust Aaron now, he realized as he lay waiting for Rick, just as much as he trusted their group. Daryl knew Aaron was good people, and very capable of surviving in this world. The main feeling now was gratitude towards the man who'd kept him safe and had been willing to risk his own life protecting Daryl when they got trapped in that car by the walkers. Aaron had given Daryl the first chance to get back to a life he understood, and he'd never forget that.
The front door falling closed woke Daryl fully from his doze and he opened his eyes to the sight of Rick smiling down at him.
"I should let you sleep here, just tuck a blanket round you…"
Daryl pushed himself up, wincing at the tiredness in his muscles. Once upright he rubbed his eyes.
"Nah, 'm good to get up them stairs." He glanced up and returned Rick's smile. "Sides, I really wanna sleep next t'ya, if you don' mind…"
Rick nodded, but then the smile vanished from his face and was replaced by the sadness Daryl had noticed in his eyes earlier. A change had taken place while he and Aaron had been gone, both in Alexandria and within Rick. Daryl didn't fully understand it yet, but he knew Rick would need him now more than ever.
As Daryl got to his feet Rick stepped close and, after a moment's hesitation, put his arm around him. Daryl thought this was as much to support him, as Rick usually did these days, as it was out of a need to feel him close. Daryl leaned into Rick and rested his head against Rick's shoulder. His lover gave a sigh and tightened his arms around Daryl.
"I'm so glad I got you back safe, and mostly in one piece. Don't ever leave me, Daryl…"
"Have I not promised you already that I won'…?
"But you don't know what I've done…"
Daryl pulled back and looked up at Rick. "Whatever I don' know won't make no difference. 'm never leaving, I got your back."
"But you really don't know the half of it yet. Why I killed Pete…"
Daryl put a finger against Rick's lips and fixated him with his eyes. "It can wait. Let's go sleep."
There was fear gathering in Daryl's gut, a suspicion that there was more to whatever had gone down here than a mere power struggle. He'd meant what he'd just said to Rick, he'd always have his lover's back. But right now he was done in, he had no more energy to deal with any problems. He needed rest, and so did Rick.
Daryl knew, to cope with what they would have to face next they both had to gather all the strength they could get.
