Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters.
Chapter 9
Time
Sora's POV
Dear Diary,
Time's such a fickle thing, it runs like water and slows like tar. Endless, beautiful time carried us away from the disasters of our past. And landed us in a comfy new situation. Weeks had gone by since we had first arrived, entered school and met new friends.
Riku and Axel. Two individuals who had somehow managed to worm their way into the fabric of our lives. Helping to set a routine and help heal the damage that had rotted our hearts. Not that we were fixed by any means. No, Roxas and I still had a long journey to make before we became anything resembling normal. But having those two close to us helped.
Not that Roxas would admit that he appreciated their company. Nope, he's still as stoic as ever. Not that I blame him, I just wish he'd let himself relax. Though I know why he can't, I wish he could take comfort in the fact that I'd NEVER let anything like that happen to him. I failed to protect him once, I won't make the same mistake again. But I think these two will be good for him, 'specially Axel. Roxas doesn't realize it but...I think Axel's carrying a torch for him. I'll watch it carefully, and intervene if necessary.
He needs to learn to live again.
But then who's to blame him?
S.S.
"Riiiiiikuuuuuu!" I whined, glaring at him playfully. Three feet above my head was the object of my shrill cries. A cold blue bar wrapped in cellophane dangled tauntingly just out of my reach. He grinned and bobbed it quickly in front of my face before whipping it back up out of reach. Thanks to Roxas, our entire little group was addicted to the salty treat. Behind me Roxas snickered and happily munched on his own icy treat. Axel was lolling on the ground by Roxas's feet jabbering up at him.
"How bad do you want it Sora?" Riku laughed. I screwed up my face as I tried to launch myself at it. Gravity however had other ideas, I overdid the energy necessary to jump and ended up glomping Riku. Not what I had planned but as we toppled to the courtyard's concrete surface I was able to rip the package out of his grip. Claiming my prize I sat on his chest and began to gnaw at it. He merely chuckled, bouncing me up and down.
Axel was laughing at the finale and glanced back at Roxas who was studiously ignoring him. Taking it as a cue to continue, Axel launched back into his monologue. Roxas shot me an annoyed look as he stood and dragged his bag from the bench he'd been plopped on. I rose to my feet and gathered my things as well. He shook his head and stalked off. I huffed and glared at Axel.
"Whaaa?" He groaned putting his chin on his knees. I shook my head and sat next to him.
"What did you do?" I asked, smile pulling at the corners of my lips.
"Nothing, I try so damn hard to make friendly with him and all he does is shut me down. Every time. I think the only reason he even hangs around me is because of you. I want to be his friend, but he doesn't seem to appreciate my efforts!" Axel mumbled into his knees. I tossed my head back as I laughed.
"Oh boy, you've got it bad," Riku grumbled. Axel lifted his head long enough to glare at him.
"What do you mean?" He asked. Riku shot me a look and I tried to stifle my laughter long enough to form an answer.
"Axel, do you...like..Roxas?" I asked hesitantly. Axel's cheeks burned and he lowered his head back to his knees, muttering something. I unwrapped his arms and pulled them away from his knees. "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?" I asked cheerfully. He lifted his head slightly and glared at me.
"I think I do, even though he's really bitchy all the time." He growled. That did it, I exploded in laughter because of the angst that was radiating off of Axel. He huffed and punched my arm. I sat back up warily, smirking at his annoyed expression.
"If you want to get with my brother, you're going about it the wrong way. You're being indecisive, you let him ignore you and you don't bother trying to gain his attention once you've lost it." I stood up and crossed my arms, looking down at him. He started to open his mouth and then snapped it shut. Riku slid over to where Axel was sitting.
"You have to push him. He tends to try and avoid new things. Corner him and press him into a decision." Riku said, eyeing the redhead.
"But be careful," I said grimly." Roxas has had a difficult time with dating this year, if he says no back off. Try again later if you want...but don't..don't sit there and force him." Riku looked at me curiously, Axel nodded and gathered his stuff.
"Thanks," He said before stalking off.
Riku looked at me with that confused look on his face, "What happened to Roxas?"
"If you want to know, you'll have to ask him. I'm not going to talk about it unless he says it's okay." I said in a voice that said the subject was closed. He widened his eyes slightly before pulling me down next to him.
"Well now, do you think Axel's going to make the cut?" Riku chuckled. I shrugged, thinking it over.
"If he doesn't, we'll have to just make it happen then. Axel'll be good for Roxas," I said. Chuckling deviously Riku and I started making contingency plans.
Roxas's POV
Loud steps echoed the hallway as I rushed from the courtyard. I had to get away, I had to leave before it welled up again. That horrible dirty feeling, the one that let me know that I was still tainted. Defiled, disgusting. I slumped against the wall of lockers in the empty hall.
Five weeks had gone by since we had started school again. Three and a half months since we had left L.A. I curled up and dug my head into my knees. Fifteen weeks and one day since it had happened, and I was still fighting the effects. I wasn't stupid, I knew it would probably affect me till the day I died. I just was expecting to be able to move on. To be able to separate it from the present. It was becoming easier to not dwell on it, to not think of it. But I hadn't fully eradicated the feeling of violation. I still had yet to be able to pick up my life and move on.
It made it worse to know that I responded to others that were around me, even though I knew I should shun anything remotely sexual. Axel. Stupid freaking Axel. Groaning into my knees I fought with the feelings that I sought to hold in my chest. Hope, fear, joy, annoyance. It was a swirly muddled mess. Nothing was clean cut anymore, everything just jumbled together and fell where it pleased these days.
Being close to him elicited warring feelings of happiness and fear, made me think of the way it could have been if I hadn't been ruined. If I was still whole. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes causing the hallway to swim in rippled waves. I didn't bother to brush them away, no one was here to see my pity party. I could let loose and let it out if I wanted. Instead I sniffled and wiped away my tears, trying man up and push the past away. In doing so, I was granted a clear view of the corridor. Which was no longer housing just me.
Axel. How long he'd been standing there I didn't know. But it aggravated me that I had been found. His green eyes softened a little and he walked forward. He hesitated a few minutes be for letting himself slide to the ground before me. I sat there, trying to decide between glaring at him or leaving. The choice was taken from me when he opened his mouth.
"I don't know the story, and I'm not going to pretend I do. Nor am I going to say that anyone told me what happened, because that's not true either, Roxas. But hiding it from people who care about you...it's not conducive to getting over something. I'm not saying you have to talk about it, but just know that it's okay to let it all go." He whispered. His words put my back up, not because I thought he was talking down. But because he was right. And I didn't like it.
"You're absolutely right, when you say you don't know the story. So what makes it okay for you to give me advice?" I snapped. He looked at me with open eyes, not angry at my outburst.
"Roxas, when something hurts, it hurts. When something's wrong, it's wrong. It's the same for everyone. No matter what the situation. Yes the harshness of the problem might be different, but the consequences of bottling it up are the same. One day you're going to add so much that it'll explode in on you." Axel said, still holding my eyes. His words struck a chord in my chest, the tears I had take so much effort to hide were flooding my eyes again. He sighed and slide himself to sit next to me. "Go ahead and cry, I'll look away if you want. Just let it out. Rox, what happened to you...It wasn't your fault. You are not to blame." My head shot up, he narrowed his eyes in anger as I realized that I had just told him, without words, what had happened to me. That was the final straw for me. He held out his hand, not demanding anything. Just offering comfort. Him willing to sit there and help me even though I had been so mean to him caused the tears to overflow. That he was willing to touch me even though he now knew what had been done to me.
I slid my hand towards his, hesitant. Giving him ample time to pull his hand away. To reject me before my dirtiness touched him. He sighed again at the slowness of the pace and grabbed my hand and pulled me into his arms. I cringed at the contact and he opened his arms wide, giving me a chance to escape. I deliberated for a long minute before allowing myself to settle more comfortably in his arms before collapsing into wracking sobs. That he'd allowed me to touch him, though he knew my secret, my shame. He sat there and held me, allowing me to stain his shirt with my salt tears, whispering consoling words into my ear as he did.
When I had calmed down enough to talk, he filled the silence with random nonsensical ramblings. He made me laugh at his stories. Just allowing me to settle back into my skin. To let myself go. Course, with his mouth he didn't have a problem with just talking. The more I let myself go, the more I came to realize that he really was okay. He cut off suddenly, and I looked up at him, alarmed.
He looked down at me and grinned shyly before muttering," And to think I came in here, wondering if you wanted to get an ice cream with me after school. What'll we talk about if I don't shut up now?" He chuckled. I started to giggle, his startled expression causing me to crack up even more.
The bell rang seconds later and I stood up and collected my things, waiting for him to do the same. He loomed over me and pulled a quick grin. Holding out his hand he allowed me the decision of whether or not to take it. Smiling I put my small hand into his much larger one and pulled him to class.
Am: Well, I was able to get this one done! Yay, it's been such a hard time for poor Roxas, but hopefully he'll be able to move on enough to give Axel a chance. And as for what's up with Sora and Riku, I don't really know. lol I'm starting chapter 10 right now so look forward to it!!
