They sat in silence. And awkward silence that extended to the whole common room. People would wander in, sit down, and get up and leave only a minute later, obviously ill at ease in the tense atmosphere.
"Sirius?" Peter squeaked at long last.
Sirius turned to look at him, eyes boring holes in Peter's skull. But he didn't say a word.
"Never mind," muttered the young man after a long minute.
"Lily will be waiting," James announced and stood up.
Sirius never moved a muscles, but watched him leave, staring daggers at James' retreating back.
When James returned he found the common room empty save for Remus, who was staring quietly at the dying embers of the fire.
"Hey."
Remus looked up. "Hey."
"Are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"Sirius is. You seem to do whatever he does, so I don't see why you wouldn't be," James returned.
"Don't pick a fight, James," sighed Remus.
Refusing to apologize, James sat heavily down on the sofa.
"Lily was back almost an hour ago. Where were you" Remus questioned.
"Flying."
"Why?"
"No point in coming back here. I don't want to talk to Sirius."
"What don't you understand about Sirius?" Remus asked bluntly.
James was taken aback. "What do you mean?"
"There's obviously something you don't understand about the way Sirius thinks and acts, what is it?"
"Er…." James found himself speechless. It was unlike Remus to cut to the problem so quickly. Usually he was content to sit back quietly and wait out the storm, watching and learning as life unfolded before him.
"You just don't seem to get that Sirius is bitter. He's not like you, James. You're best friends, but that doesn't make you the same. You're hopeful, fun-loving, and happy for the most part. Sirius isn't—he's cynical, dark and dangerous. Fun for Sirius is different than fun is for you. Haven't you realized that?"
James stared at Remus' face, taking in his friend's earnest expression. The distress on Remus' face cut him to the bone.
"Yeah. Yeah, I have," he muttered grudgingly. And he had noticed it. Fun for Sirius was mockery—something cruel—making other people suffer. Sirius didn't want just mischief, he wanted trouble in earnest. Something that caused an uproar, real damage, not just tittering from the girls standing nearby.
"Then what can't you understand about him?"
"Why can't he just let the past go?" spat James. "Why can't he just suck it up and realize that life isn't perfect. My life isn't perfect either!"
"Why not? You've got everything. Loving parents, a good home, money, you're healthy—what is not perfect about your life?"
James shrugged. "It just isn't. I get that it sucks his dad is a son of a bitch, but does it really warrant this—I mean, he's acting like a fricking psychopath. It's scary!"
"Yeah, it is scary." Remus stood up and poked at the embers of the fire. "And Sirius knows it is. He's scared—he knows that this could drive him over the edge. To be sitting on the brink of insanity is the most frightening thing you can ever imagine, James. I know—I go through it every month at the full moon."
"But you don't go off like a madman! What he's doing is just wrong—it's creepy. He's lost his marbles."
"Sirius wants you to be scared. He wants everyone to be scared," Remus said flatly.
"Why?"
"Because if people fear you, they won't hurt you."
"Remus, are you okay?"
James woke in the dark to a voice he hardly recognized. It took him a minute to realize that it was Arthur Weasley, bright red hair shining like a beacon in the dark. He'd almost forgotten that they shared the dormitory with several other boys.
"Leave him alone," a voice snarled in the darkness.
Arthur started and turned toward Sirius' bed. A figure sat hunched over, brooding in the darkness.
"He's ill."
"I know," the voice growled. "Let him be."
"You should take him to the hospital wing!" argued poor Arthur.
"Get back in your bed!" Sirius stood, quiet and threatening. Arthur retreated to his bed, frightened by the sudden change that had overcome his schoolmate.
Sirius walked over to Remus' bed and sat on the side while Remus shivered, tossing and turning restlessly, a silent guardian in the hours of darkness that served as hell.
