Living Life So Carelessly
All you cared about was yourself,
How could you be so selfish?
I cared about you and you stomped all over my heart, and just left.
I felt so numb, so cold, colder than before, and I could have sworn I went deaf.
You lived so carelessly, you had no concern about your well being or others,
Especially your friend who has been with you for years like a brother.
You cared only about this stupid, one sided race,
The race where victory was all you craved.
You never loved me,
Outside our shared bedroom, you always said you hated me.
You lied to me and said you wanted to be with me,
You said you would set me free.
You would free me from the pressures of the orphanage we were forced to call home,
Free me from the mask that marred my face like cold hard stone.
I knew nothing of emotions, but you showed me everything from love, to hate, to jealousy, to happiness.
When you left me, my heart was in a tattered mess.
Flashbacks haunt my mind,
Memories from when we kissed, when we hugged and held each other, and when you claimed my body and soul as well as you became mine.
You ran from me, you ignored me,
You promised to set me free.
You lived life so carelessly,
You showed what I really meant to you from you leaving.
The race was all I had; I searched for you constantly,
My heart wept ever so silently.
When I heard that you were friends with Lidner, I hated and despised her,
How can you even stand her?
Jealousy consumed me and as well as hatred,
I was absolutely livid.
Takada killed you, she killed you and I'm glad she died by Kira's hands,
She deserved to die because she was stupid and pathetic.
Kira… Light Yagami ripped us apart,
He caused us so much pain; he was the reason why you ripped out my heart.
He killed our mentor, our role model and our big brother like figure.
Light caused you to scar your face, making you think you were disfigured.
Hatred consumed me when I thought of the people who tore us away from each other,
Who tore us apart and turned us against the other.
I visited your grave,
The plans were already made.
Tomorrow was Kira's last day to live,
Our revenge will be quenched and he will pay for the rest of his life.
A flashback haunted my mind as I visited, one that stood out more than others:
I tried to calm my heart as it flutters,
You lay beside me, breathing softly as you calm from our intense kiss,
Something that I would always crave and miss.
"Mello, why are you so cruel to me?" I said, heartbroken and seeking answers,
It was about time I get answered.
You paused and refused to look at me,
And after a while, you looked into my eyes and I almost forgot to breath.
"I can't control my emotions around you," you said softly,
Those words nearly drove me crazy,
I didn't like that answer but I knew that if I pushed him, he wouldn't talk to me.
I nodded and turned away.
You noticed this and hugged me so tight to your chest,
Then you kissed my neck and I didn't protest.
Sadness ebbed at my heart and I heard a lie, a lie that always hurt me and always haunted me in my dreams,
I heard you say that you loved me…
I stand at your grave, those words echoed as I clutched your letter in my tight grip,
I finally let my tears slip.
You lived life so carelessly,
In order to set me free…
The letter contained you neat scrawl, explaining everything,
Even with your appropriate ending,
That even melted my heart of cold steel,
"With love, Mihael Keehl…."
AN: anyways, I'm sorry if it sucks :( I wasn't really thinking. Anyways flame me or review me and tell me what you think. I DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE. IF I DID, I WOULD HAVE YAOI IN IT AND OTHER THINGS. Sorry if you're a Lidner fan, I have nothing against her, I was just trying to give Near a jealous personality.
